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Is it "Wrong" to Like Big Girls?
Windbit
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
I've decided to stop hijacking the thread over at Debate and Discourse and start my own.
I'm a few months short of 19, and for as long as I can remember I've had a preference for heavier girls. I wanna clarify that I don't have a "fat fetish", I just like women who are heavier than what most people prefer. For a near perfect example of my ideal, just look at Nikki Blonsky, the lead actress in Hairspray.
Anyway, I've struggled with accepting my preference for a while now. I used to think I was a freak for finding fat girls attractive when the vast majority don't. Though I'm beginning to accept my preference, I still have trouble with with an important issue.
I feel guilty that I find the body shape of overweight women attractive because medical research shows that excess body fat can cause serious health problems. If I really cared about someone, I would suggest that they live a healthy lifestyle. But, if living a healthy lifestyle results in weight loss, then the excess body fat that gave her such an appealing shape to me would be lost.
I'm really at a loss for what to do. Am I being too hard on myself for something that may be beyond my control?
I'm a few months short of 19, and for as long as I can remember I've had a preference for heavier girls. I wanna clarify that I don't have a "fat fetish", I just like women who are heavier than what most people prefer. For a near perfect example of my ideal, just look at Nikki Blonsky, the lead actress in Hairspray.
Anyway, I've struggled with accepting my preference for a while now. I used to think I was a freak for finding fat girls attractive when the vast majority don't. Though I'm beginning to accept my preference, I still have trouble with with an important issue.
I feel guilty that I find the body shape of overweight women attractive because medical research shows that excess body fat can cause serious health problems. If I really cared about someone, I would suggest that they live a healthy lifestyle. But, if living a healthy lifestyle results in weight loss, then the excess body fat that gave her such an appealing shape to me would be lost.
I'm really at a loss for what to do. Am I being too hard on myself for something that may be beyond my control?
Windbit on
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everyone has their stuff, dude, don;t sweat it
body fat is natural and healthy (to an extent)
To what extent, though? From what I've read, it seems like anything above "normal" is potentially very harmful.
Opinion
If you can run to save your life or catch a bus, if you are not addicted to food, if you feel good to ok about your body, if you do not loathe and despise skinny people for being skinny, if your blood pressure is good then you are ok.
You'll probably be happiest if you learn to accept and embrace who you are and be happy with whoever makes you happy.
If that sounds far too hellish to even consider, a professional psychiatrist might be able to "help" you. Most fetishes (and not all) are the result of simple Pavlovian conditioning, the same as most phobias are. Which means that they can generally be trained out of you, but honestly, you're not obsessed with anything dangerous or unhealthy. And there's really no guarantee without you undergoing professional assessment that you could even be a candidate for that anyhow, and I'm not really sure a reputable psychiatrist would even handle this.
So stop being so damned hard on yourself. Besides, the health issues of the women you're attracted to are not your issue, you didn't force anyone to become that size and unless you start dating thin women and trying to convince them to pack on the pounds, it won't be something for you to feel guilt over.
Also, it's not up to you to change the people you date for the better either. Other people will live the way they want to, and you'll find life is easier if you learn to accept them for who they are.
CUZ THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE MIDDLE AND IT'S GIVING ME A RASH
Now, if you're only into heavier girls, that may be an issue.
Are you yourself a larger person?
It would be pretty messed up if you encouraged her to eat alot or told her she couldn't lose weight, though.
Plus Queen made a song about loving the big ladies, so go listen to "Fat Bottom Girls" and stop worrying bout something so silly, unless you purposely are going out with some girl and kept feeding her fatty foods and somehow made her avoid exercising.
There's nothing wrong with liking extra flesh. There IS something wrong with wanting them to damage their health for you.
Bigger girls are pretty awesome dude. Keep it real.
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And in my limited experience, larger girls tend to be more fun to hang around with. That's a massive generalisation, but there you go.
1) Not really. In movies and on TV maybe, but not in real life.
2) Again, not really. I've dated exclusively heavier girls, because I feel the same way as the OP. I like nice, big tits and full, round asses. A nice, pronounced hourglass shape is the hottest fucking thing on the planet for me. Nobody has EVER given me shit for it (although I admit I'm only friends with intelligent, decent people who actually care about and respect me). If any of my friends ever said anything about it, that is the point they get told off and, if it persists, stop being friends (and possibly punched).
3) So, so off base. Whatever you like is what you like. You can't help it, and you shouldn't change it. If you're attracted to someone who doesn't fit what you're usually into, and you like them because of their personality, or whatever reasons, that's cool, too, but everyone has their own thing.
This Savage Love column discusses exactly what the OP is having problems with. Read that article and take the advice to heart. Essentially, if you're having problems with admitting you're attracted to heavier girls, you should stop being a douche yourself and get over it.
At any rate, being attracted to big girls is no different really than digging redheads or Asians or whatever. As long as you're not being a dope about it...say, staying in a bad relationship just because the girl has that trait...go for it.
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edit: To clarify, let's say one of her goals is to lose some weight and she accomplishes it. It would suck for her and you if you found her unattractive once she reached it.
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go make many big women happy.
Like blondes, so make your girlfriends all dye their hair? --> Too far.
Like slim women, so guilt the ladies into losing weight? --> Too far.
Like big boobs so make alady get implants just for you? --> Too far.
If you're not being creepy... Power to you.
Preference as to women is the same as preference as to anything else. It's your business, your mind, your body, and whatever turns you on turns you on. As long as you are not hurting anyone (including yourself) it is ok. Don't feel ashamed about it. I could insert some excellent lyrics from Freddy Mercury or Sir-Mix-A-Lot, but I'll refrain for now.
I could go on (including some very naughty tales), but I think the OP gets the point from all the other posts that his penchant for different-shaped girls is normal.
Body shape is pretty much a sexual stimulus for everyone, you just like something that some odd culture has convinced you is unacceptable.
A girl can be heavy but tall enough that her weight distributes evenly all over her body, allowing her to carry herself like a normal human being. Probably tall too, like, 6'3. Nothing really unusual about liking girls built like this, especially if you are big yourself.
A fat girl is just a girl who has too much weight for her current height and ends up all wobbly and deforms much more easily than a big girl. More unusual to prefer this build in this era, but to each his own.
I think a lot of fat girls like to class themselves as "big" girls, because it helps their self-esteem and not to have the label "fat", which I see a just reason. Who the hell wants to be called fat? I know I sure wouldn't.
OP, there's nothing wrong with liking bigger girls. I'll just echo the chorus.
My problem is when I date a curvy girl they see me and think I'm a chubby chaser because they think my type is a twiggy.
Now I think some guys prefer bigger because they think they're easier since they may be more approachable than a skinny type. Well, thats my theory.
Yep.
Most people colloquially use the term "fetish" to mean "an unusual preference," but when psychologists/psychiatrists use it they are referring to the obsessive attraction towards inanimate objects (for example, food) or specific body parts (for example, large stomach) to the exclusion of all other forms of sexuality.
In any case, Windbit, I hope that you are attracted to women primarily based on who they are inside, not on what they look like. If personality takes precedence over physical appearance, it doesn't really matter much what body shape you prefer.
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
What's "wrong" in normal girl and skinny girl, and a whole lot of person in general, is that they don't value exercice and having a healthy body.
Not everyone care about healthy body or exercising. Caring about that don't even make you healthy. So you bar every thick girl from your life but you give thinner one a chance? thinner =/= more healthy, especially if you value mental health in any way
anecdotal evidence:
Me, a couple of years ago, not even close to overweight but thinking I am. Start going on a diet, reading about healthy food, exercice, etc, starting obsessing over that. Anorexia, Bulimia, Shitty relation with food, depression, anxiety, etc. Not healthy
Me, Now. Clearly overweight. Not obsessing over food (ZOMG FAT), overcoming huge anxiety problem. Not healthy yet, but way way more healthy.
to the OP: You are perfectly normal, and are not alone in that "situation". Don't be ashamed!
Actually it's been a while but I'm fairly certain that the definition the DMS gives is that someone with a fetish can't achieve orgasm during sexual intercourse without catering to the needs of his or her given fetish. It might be slightly less strict than that about the definition, but it's certainly not defined by a constant need for fetishistic sex, it's defined by the inability to enjoy non-fetishistic sex.
Not finding women attractive unless they're larger is like not finding women attractive unless they have red hair. It's different than simply preferring redheads. If I had to guess based on the brief description, I'd wager the OP here at least toes the line of a legitimate fetish for larger women. That doesn't mean there's anything wrong with it though, or wrong with him.
In fact, it's far from the rarest or most outlandish fetishes/preferences.
CUZ THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE MIDDLE AND IT'S GIVING ME A RASH
CUZ THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE MIDDLE AND IT'S GIVING ME A RASH
Some dudes like porno. You don't.
Some dudes want to fuck skeletal waifs. You don't
Consider that these could be matters of taste and right and wrong are not part of the equation.
You're normal. Just do your thing and stop worrying about it.
Someday you may be surprised to discover that women really like a guy with your tastes.