I'm a teenager! Hey! (Girl Advice, sort of)
MC Mystery
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
I'm 17 (Be 18 in September) and I'll be a senior in high school once school starts again. As you can imagine by my posting on this forum, I'm kind of a huge nerd. I play video games, read comic books, watch nothing but fantasy and sci-fi television, and listen to mostly nerdy music (I'm an Aquabats! Cadet, to give an example). However I'm also really into history and politics (I'm the most cartoonishly liberal person I know).
Well, let's look at my (ex)girlfriend, shes 16 (be 17 in September) and will be going into her junior year at our highschool as well. Shes very very good looking, in the "popular" crowd at school, and actually very intelligent. Shes not really very nerdy though. She has a nerd's sense of humor, so she quickly was accepted into my social circle.
I must also mention that this girl is probably the all around sexiest girl ever. Both on a real level and on a Penthouse form level. First off, shes the daughter of the head principal of my high school. Instant dirty points there. Theres also the fact that she comes from a different social group, one thats usually quite unfriendly to nerds like myself. Then theres the legitimately attractive points like, she has a very near perfect body, the prettiest face I have ever seen, ect ect. Despite all of this, her most endearing quality is her personality. Shes hilariously witty and charming and insanely fun to be around.
We dated for 8 months. Which isn't that long for me (my last relationship before this lasted 3 years, and was hell for 2 of them), but is incredibly long for her (her longest relationship before this was around 3
months). The last month of our relationship was pretty fucking rocky. To say the least.
On July 4th, we broke up at a friend of mine (ours?) girlfriend's party. Lets call her Amanda. My ex's mom picked me up and took me to the party. The whole car ride the ex was completely silent and looked miserable. We get to Amanda's house, and for a while she stays that way, then some of my other friends start showing up, and she progressively gets more talkative and starts having a better time. I get irritated by her ignoring me, so I head upstairs with my friend (lets call him) Tony. Tony and I take my Sega Saturn and go play Guardian Heroes. During this time the ex and the group of friends she was talking with, head to a convenience store. They come back and my ex is smoking a cigar. This wouldn't have been a big deal if she hadn't just gone on a huge rant a few weeks before stating she'd never smoke again. I was now pretty irritated, she still seemed to be unhappy with me anyway, and I felt like the cigar thing was a "fuck you!" to me. So I start telling a story about a girl who hit on me once at a party (a fairly hilarious story involving lots of shots and a breakdancing contest) when she storms off during my description of the girl. I decide to continue my story, Amanda interrupts and insists that I should following my ex who had stormed off.
I follow her. We talk, she starts to cry. We are cuddling, and shes crying into my shoulder. She tells me she doesn't know if she wants to be with me anymore and shes terrified at what things would be like without me ect ect. I hold her, I tell her I love her, she says she loves me too. I say I don't think she does, otherwise why all the wanting to leave? She says she doesn't know if she wants to leave. Blah Blah we talk about this for a while, she asks me what I think, and I kiss her. She then says, "Well that was nice, but what do you think." I tell her I'm still in love with her but if she needs to figure herself out, then I'd understand. We decide to go on a break. Then my friends come back with a bunch of pot. I'm in no mood to do anything of the sort so I'm like, "I'll get a ride home. Peace." Then I try calling and that doesn't work out so after about 20 minutes of debating walking home, I go back up and I sit with them while they smoke. My ex is fairly blazed at this point, and she demands I cuddle with her, I initially refuse, but after smoking a little decide the hell with it, and we kiss and cuddle and almost have sex in front of everyone. We decide to leave for the bathroom.
In the bathroom, we have the most awkward and horrible sex we've ever had. (We normally mesh quite well), but with her being as stoned as she was, and me being as stoned as I was, and all of our friends talking loudly and making jokes constantly neither one of us could concentrate. We both end up getting off, but through very awkward and overall unsatisfying means. She then cried a bunch more. I held her. We talked again, and once again decided a break was in order, she said she'd call me in 7 days, I told her to take as long as she needed, and do whatever she needed to do. As I've been in her situation before, and your first "serious" relationship is always pretty fucking intimidating.
She calls me a day later and suggests we get back together. We do. A week or so later she breaks up with me again. This time "ferreals" and we don't talk for a day or two. Then she calls, we get to talking, I suggest we be friends with benefits as neither of us was capable of not talking to the other for long periods of time, and the sex was fairly fantastic. We do this for about a week, with neither of us looking for anyone else. A friend of mine and former friends with benefits stays the night at my house for a movie party I was throwing. During this time she puts the moves on me. I feel guilty the next day and tell the ex. She becomes livid and yells at me, yells at Amanda, and just does a lot of yelling. A few days later she suggests that she wants to see me. Her logic is, if she sees me and doesn't feel love, it's over, but if she sees me she'll know what she feels. We go to one of my friends (lets call him JJ)'s birthday party. I pick her up, we arrive. The minute we get in, she tells me how attractive she finds me, and we spend the rest of the day making out.
As the party starts to die down and nightfall arrives we are sitting on JJ's trampoline with me, Amanda, the ex, and two other friends of ours. Amanda and the ex are both bi, and both had voiced to me really finding the other attractive so I encouraged them to experiment with eachother. This was mainly a defense mechanism as Amanda being my friend would stop anything that came of it at a certain point so I felt like I had some kind of hand in it. You know? They went at it for a while, and then eventually got bored, and the ex came back to making out with me for the night. Then we headed home, Amanda dropped us off, and before we got out of the car, the ex gave Amanda a kiss on the lips goodbye. Made me feel a little awkward. The ex and I retreated to my house and had a bunch of sex. Then Amanda came back to take my ex home. The ex told me she kissed her goodbye again after this ride.
Fast forward a few weeks, The ex and I are hanging with a large group of friends at my house, Amanda and the ex disappear into my bedroom. This makes me fairly uncomfortable so I hand my controller (we were playing Halo) to someone else and follow. I get there, they are kissing. The ex pulls me in, and just kind of has me spoon her while she makes out with Amanda. I feel awkward so I try kissing the ex and pulling her out of the crazy lesbian lust bubble. I succeed in doing so only briefly before being pulled into a threeway kiss ect ect. Luckily things stopped at kissing. My ex didn't want them to stop, but Amanda and I insisted. Mind you, Amanda is dating one of my best friends. Fast forward two days, that friend, lets call him Joe, decides hes not talking to me again.
The ex and I go on for another week, we go on a date. It was a very nice date. A week later, we got into a GIANT argument over progressive tax and fair tax. It exploded into a breakup, and we've been broken up the last two weeks or so.
Shes said over and over again that she'll never want to be with me again, and that we are over for good. We are talking on AIM right now and shes telling me off and that she is happy I've been dating other people recently. She has a crush on another guy already. Meh.
Well, let's look at my (ex)girlfriend, shes 16 (be 17 in September) and will be going into her junior year at our highschool as well. Shes very very good looking, in the "popular" crowd at school, and actually very intelligent. Shes not really very nerdy though. She has a nerd's sense of humor, so she quickly was accepted into my social circle.
I must also mention that this girl is probably the all around sexiest girl ever. Both on a real level and on a Penthouse form level. First off, shes the daughter of the head principal of my high school. Instant dirty points there. Theres also the fact that she comes from a different social group, one thats usually quite unfriendly to nerds like myself. Then theres the legitimately attractive points like, she has a very near perfect body, the prettiest face I have ever seen, ect ect. Despite all of this, her most endearing quality is her personality. Shes hilariously witty and charming and insanely fun to be around.
We dated for 8 months. Which isn't that long for me (my last relationship before this lasted 3 years, and was hell for 2 of them), but is incredibly long for her (her longest relationship before this was around 3
months). The last month of our relationship was pretty fucking rocky. To say the least.
On July 4th, we broke up at a friend of mine (ours?) girlfriend's party. Lets call her Amanda. My ex's mom picked me up and took me to the party. The whole car ride the ex was completely silent and looked miserable. We get to Amanda's house, and for a while she stays that way, then some of my other friends start showing up, and she progressively gets more talkative and starts having a better time. I get irritated by her ignoring me, so I head upstairs with my friend (lets call him) Tony. Tony and I take my Sega Saturn and go play Guardian Heroes. During this time the ex and the group of friends she was talking with, head to a convenience store. They come back and my ex is smoking a cigar. This wouldn't have been a big deal if she hadn't just gone on a huge rant a few weeks before stating she'd never smoke again. I was now pretty irritated, she still seemed to be unhappy with me anyway, and I felt like the cigar thing was a "fuck you!" to me. So I start telling a story about a girl who hit on me once at a party (a fairly hilarious story involving lots of shots and a breakdancing contest) when she storms off during my description of the girl. I decide to continue my story, Amanda interrupts and insists that I should following my ex who had stormed off.
I follow her. We talk, she starts to cry. We are cuddling, and shes crying into my shoulder. She tells me she doesn't know if she wants to be with me anymore and shes terrified at what things would be like without me ect ect. I hold her, I tell her I love her, she says she loves me too. I say I don't think she does, otherwise why all the wanting to leave? She says she doesn't know if she wants to leave. Blah Blah we talk about this for a while, she asks me what I think, and I kiss her. She then says, "Well that was nice, but what do you think." I tell her I'm still in love with her but if she needs to figure herself out, then I'd understand. We decide to go on a break. Then my friends come back with a bunch of pot. I'm in no mood to do anything of the sort so I'm like, "I'll get a ride home. Peace." Then I try calling and that doesn't work out so after about 20 minutes of debating walking home, I go back up and I sit with them while they smoke. My ex is fairly blazed at this point, and she demands I cuddle with her, I initially refuse, but after smoking a little decide the hell with it, and we kiss and cuddle and almost have sex in front of everyone. We decide to leave for the bathroom.
In the bathroom, we have the most awkward and horrible sex we've ever had. (We normally mesh quite well), but with her being as stoned as she was, and me being as stoned as I was, and all of our friends talking loudly and making jokes constantly neither one of us could concentrate. We both end up getting off, but through very awkward and overall unsatisfying means. She then cried a bunch more. I held her. We talked again, and once again decided a break was in order, she said she'd call me in 7 days, I told her to take as long as she needed, and do whatever she needed to do. As I've been in her situation before, and your first "serious" relationship is always pretty fucking intimidating.
She calls me a day later and suggests we get back together. We do. A week or so later she breaks up with me again. This time "ferreals" and we don't talk for a day or two. Then she calls, we get to talking, I suggest we be friends with benefits as neither of us was capable of not talking to the other for long periods of time, and the sex was fairly fantastic. We do this for about a week, with neither of us looking for anyone else. A friend of mine and former friends with benefits stays the night at my house for a movie party I was throwing. During this time she puts the moves on me. I feel guilty the next day and tell the ex. She becomes livid and yells at me, yells at Amanda, and just does a lot of yelling. A few days later she suggests that she wants to see me. Her logic is, if she sees me and doesn't feel love, it's over, but if she sees me she'll know what she feels. We go to one of my friends (lets call him JJ)'s birthday party. I pick her up, we arrive. The minute we get in, she tells me how attractive she finds me, and we spend the rest of the day making out.
As the party starts to die down and nightfall arrives we are sitting on JJ's trampoline with me, Amanda, the ex, and two other friends of ours. Amanda and the ex are both bi, and both had voiced to me really finding the other attractive so I encouraged them to experiment with eachother. This was mainly a defense mechanism as Amanda being my friend would stop anything that came of it at a certain point so I felt like I had some kind of hand in it. You know? They went at it for a while, and then eventually got bored, and the ex came back to making out with me for the night. Then we headed home, Amanda dropped us off, and before we got out of the car, the ex gave Amanda a kiss on the lips goodbye. Made me feel a little awkward. The ex and I retreated to my house and had a bunch of sex. Then Amanda came back to take my ex home. The ex told me she kissed her goodbye again after this ride.
Fast forward a few weeks, The ex and I are hanging with a large group of friends at my house, Amanda and the ex disappear into my bedroom. This makes me fairly uncomfortable so I hand my controller (we were playing Halo) to someone else and follow. I get there, they are kissing. The ex pulls me in, and just kind of has me spoon her while she makes out with Amanda. I feel awkward so I try kissing the ex and pulling her out of the crazy lesbian lust bubble. I succeed in doing so only briefly before being pulled into a threeway kiss ect ect. Luckily things stopped at kissing. My ex didn't want them to stop, but Amanda and I insisted. Mind you, Amanda is dating one of my best friends. Fast forward two days, that friend, lets call him Joe, decides hes not talking to me again.
The ex and I go on for another week, we go on a date. It was a very nice date. A week later, we got into a GIANT argument over progressive tax and fair tax. It exploded into a breakup, and we've been broken up the last two weeks or so.
Shes said over and over again that she'll never want to be with me again, and that we are over for good. We are talking on AIM right now and shes telling me off and that she is happy I've been dating other people recently. She has a crush on another guy already. Meh.
Your sig is too tall. -Thanatos
MC Mystery on
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This the Help / Advice forums son, not the "brag about scoring a hot girl then losing her" forums...
Then again, I broke up with a girl once for making me see 2 Fast 2 Furious in theaters.
Honestly though, nerd scored hot popular girl than continues to lose her over and over again? This is your thread?
Most of my relationships end after a fight about progressive and fair taxes too. Very odd. I thought I was the only one.
Anyways, do you have a question?
Taxes is serious business!
I'm gonna take a wild shot in the dark and guess he's probably looking for advice on what he should do in reference to this rather... odd... romantic interest/situation, and he just got lost in the story without actually arriving at a point. Kind of like getting in the car to go get gas then forgetting why you were driving.
Or I could be totally wrong.
As for the advice umm move on with your life, and don't act like high school social groups are existent in real society?
pleasepaypreacher.net
Yeah, his friend probably stopped talking to him BECAUSE he didn't go for the threesome.
The GF told him what almost went down and he was all like, "Wait, he AGREED to stop it? F this shit... he's dead to me"
lol...
And in regards to this sounding like a teenage drama... It does sound a lot like the old 80's romance flicks doesn't it? Something like Can't Buy Me love or similar.
:^::^::^:
That's the most sensible thing I've heard this month!
Anyway, you obviously don't know what you want, and everyone in this story of yours (yourself included) is a stupid teenager tripping on hormones. The only aspect of your relationship you've mentioned is the sex, therefor I deduce you have no profound emotional attachment to this girl. You don't need relationship advice until your repetoire of emotional expression extends beyond "in and out."
Seriously, the second the credits rolled I told her it was over.
Why did you wait that long?
Seriously...
The moment I found out she was serious when saying she was going to make me go to a movie like that... I'd have to have a talk.
I have no idea.
Thread over.
I liked getting hit by a van better than having hot oil poured on my face but I wouldn't willingly choose either.
Oh shit. I seriously did forget to ask a question. I'll ask it here then go add it the OP.
Basically I want to know, does it sound like theres any sort of hope? Am I screwed? Generally just some regular breakup advice. The only reason I'm posting this on the internet in addition to talking about it to people I actually know, is that everyone I know whos one of my friends was really close with this girl as well so they keep assuming that she'll turn around and be like, "No. I want him back." and I guess I'm sick of hearing that cause I really don't think it's going to happen, so I just want an objective opinion. Something along those lines. I don't know. Really I'm pretty grief stricken and want some sort of attention and I figured exposing myself to strangers would be the best solution.
Well. True. A pretty big part of our relationship was the in and out, we actually spent the majority of our relationship talking and having debates and going to concerts and things, we did lots of stuff, in fact however much I'll miss the sex, I actually miss the conversations more, I miss the cuddling, I miss the fun times. I'd have been able to handle things if she had wanted to drop fucking from our relationship. I actually suggested it a few times, but she wouldn't have it.
Also, I didn't break up with her over the tax argument, she broke up with me. I'm painfully liberal and shes rather moderate so when I said I supported progressive tax and a more socialist regime for the US she told me that she was far too much of capitalist to be with a liberal hippie like me, because she feels "guilty" for "only caring about [herself]" and that people like me, people who care more about the progression of people as a whole than their own personal gain are doomed to failure and will be meaningless in this world.
There's no hope for you. None at all. Zero. Absolute Zero.
Happy now?
(God, I am in such a bad mood today...)
Let me put it this way.
The more you hope for it, the less likely it is for it to happen.
The less you care about it, and the more congruent you are to that mindset (e.g. by dating other girls, having a good time), the more likely it is for her to come back to you. This is not to say she certainly will, but it won't matter since you don't care anymore, right?
But it sounds like you want an actual relationship. Currently, you just do whatever she says. if you want to change that, you need to tell her, and then if you break up, you stay broken up.
Hope of what? That someday you'll look back on this situation and realize how meaningless it is?
Yes, I'd say there's definitely hope of that.
See this is true, but my problem here is that the relationship IS over and I want it to continue.
See this is what I wanted to happen. I fucked a lot and started when I was pretty young because my sexual attitudes closely match a chubby goth girl with father detachment issues. As in I'd sleep with anyone if it made me feel loved briefly. I grew out of it and widely figured who I am and what I want. The problem here is that I'm the first person shes ever had sex with (which is odd considering how mind blowing she manages to be) and I'm also the first person shes ever "loved" (yet with this recent breakup and her attitudes within it I'm starting to doubt that that was ever really a factor) and I wanted to be in a widely unofficial relationship so I could still spend time with her and talk to her, and would occasionally get some of that awesome sex. It would let her figure herself out, and let me still get ass while she does so without having to resort to girls I'm less interested in.
Eh, I wouldn't say dating other women would be the best way to try and get this girl back.. but the rest is dead on.
She broke up with you (and not in a "I'm just going to my friends for the weekend to cool off" kinda way). Waiting around for her and acting like a lovesick puppy won't do you any good, and probably won't make you look better to her (probably the opposite).
So you don't have to date other girls, or even WANT to date other girls at this point.... the thing is to NOT be hung up on this one person and pining for what was. Have some fun, relax, IF she gets in touch with you don't be all "OMG I am sooo in love with you and my life is over without you" but have a good, clear, and honest talk. If she wants you back, cool... then get back together if that's what you want, but be careful as very few "revolving door" relationships tend to work out so well, especially when you're young.
I have a "date" with a girl tonight. Shes a cute goth girl my ex and I got in contact with about a threesome (We had been looking into it pretty hard, oddly enough not really for me.) and she voiced being almost entirely gay, but she wanted to hang out tonight, and she was kind of flirty about it.
EDIT: Wanted to specify that second date was with a different girl.
yes
Somewhat. Though I also think that's what this Amanda chick and the ex actually desire. May I suggest beads?
Take things slow with a girl you share things in common with and then it can develop into sex with meaning behind it.
Truth.
Seriously, the fact that you can say this:
tells me that you two are just two kids. To put it nicely, you two are under the influence of the idealism and romance of youth, with a heavy seasoning of lust. You mentioned somethings other than sex that you two do together, but that sounds more like a casual, intellectual friendship. I re-iterate, it doesn't sound like you have a fully-developed emotional relationship.
I can understand where you are coming from. I used to keep a diary back when I was in highschool, where I wrote about all the stuff that I felt was really important to me. Now when I go back to read it, I can't help but facepalm myself every couple pages, because I sound like a vacuous idiot.
Anyway, it's not worth putting any more thought into this, but you're young and all wrapped up in your hormones and developing intellect, so you're going to do it anyway. Rest assured this is just some stupid teen drama, and it really doesn't matter what you do. She's probably not the love of your life, and most likely nothing you do will have any long-reaching consequences.
I dunno, I've known a few people from PGH, and this isn't exactly out of line for them.... I think it's something in the water there *shrug*
Yeah I'm well aware, trust me I have some diaries with some embarrassing shit even as not long ago as 2005. I'm currently going through my livejournal and privatizing all of my entries due to the high volumes of embarrassing shit. I'm sure that in a year or two I'll look back on my relationship with this girl, and be like, "why was that so important?" But as of right now it hurts like hell.
Yeah. Shit like this is fairly common at least for me. My life is like Degrassi only not in Canada. Oddly enough though, I really hate how much drama I manage to bring upon myself, and I don't understand why nearly every relationship I have ends in big drama explosions.
accept the bolded fact and move on
She didn't break up with you because of your differing views on tax laws.
In any case, your main problem seems to be that you think way too much about sex and, whether you realize it or not, you are making it the basis of your relationships with girls. I mean look at this post:
This is ridiculous.
I wrote a GIANT ASS reply to this, but Firefox erased it. FUUUCK. I guess basically what I did was explain that yes, I use sex as a tool to get girls to like me. It's stupid. Yes sex is fairly important to me, which at times seems to stupid, but in my last relationship validated itself pretty well.
There are a few things with this girl and why I'm so broken up about this breakup that do seem really really stupid to me. For instance;
Honestly part of what I liked about this girl (it occured to me I haven't given her a name. Let's call her Anna) is the fact that she represents every girl I've ever wanted but couldn't have.
Anna also being the principle's daughter at my school gives me that air about me to some of the guys at school who before I had their respect never realized I wanted it that I'm a cool dude. Even when I'm getting into arguments about Star Wars with random kids I'm still that guy who's banging the principle's hot daughter. Y'know?
So yeah, I'll admit I'm totally immature and stuff.
But then theres the fact that this girl can make a story that from anyone else would be retarded totally interesting, not through her appearance or any stigma floating about but just in her way with her words. Her sense of humor is insanely developed and shes constantly making me laugh. Our senses of humor are nearly identical.
The fact that I get into political debates with her is amazing to me. I've never met a girl who wasn't a bitter lesbian or creepily overly christian who I've managed to have such interesting debates with. I've also never met a girl whos reasoning for being so supportive of homosexuals isn't because, "OMG I WANT TO SEE SCENE GUYS KISS!" but because she honestly cares about our freedoms in this country being oppressed.
I love her because she manages to be a teenage girl so well, but also I relate to her. She stated during one of our post breakup conversations that she felt the opposite towards me, that I was this great guy to talk to and joke with, but didn't have any of that teenage shit going on for her to relate to. I don't hate my parent (Single mother household, never met my dad), I don't try in school cause I'll get grounded, I try in school because I care about my shit enough to not be poor as an adult. I'm the only force in my life pushing me to do anything, I'm fairly self sufficient. She said she both envies that and resents the hell out of it.
I like that when I talk to adults, they're like, "Dude. Why are you so 17?" but whenever I talk to people my age they are like, "Dude. Are you like 30?" ARGH.
This rant was much less well composed than my original.
Also, the lesbian girl stood me up tonight.
. . .
Well, at least you're honest about the stupidity of your attitude towards sex.
It also hints at a deep insecurity on your part. Perhaps the reason you use sex as a tool to get girls to like you is because you don't believe that they would like your other traits, such as your personality, your confidence, your sense of humor, etc. basically your character.
So what ends up happening is that you have sex with these girls and start a relationship with them, but eventually they realize that the relationship is mainly centered on sex, and they have no way of relating to you emotionally, on deeper levels. So they get dissatisfied and want to leave you, and you get crushed because you are not internally validated.
It's not only immature, it's also quite despicable. So you basically used this girl because she boosts your ego, i.e. your sense of self-worth in terms of what other people think of you.
You haven't met enough girls. Which is precisely why I told you to go date other girls.
Sounds like she has self-esteem issues.
But what 17-year-old girl doesn't?
In any case, my advice stands: just let it go. In 5 years you're gonna look back at this moment and realize how stupid it is to get hung up on one girl.