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Broke up with a girl etc. how do I never think of her again

contrabandcontraband Registered User regular
edited September 2007 in Help / Advice Forum
I just finished throwing away all the stuff I still had that she had given me, save for books that were on indefinite loan. I put them in a closet so I didn't have to look at them, and told her she can pick them up at her earliest convenience. I asked for my video games back that she has at her house. How do I never think of her again? I don't want to. She had been a part of my life for a year.

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contraband on

Posts

  • SNESSNES Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    That's, um, a little excessive.

    It's impossible to forget completely, but if you'd like you can drown yourself in various activities until it matters less to you. Pain dulls, etc etc.

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  • supabeastsupabeast Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Go to the gym. Go to work. Go to the gym. Booze. Sleep. Repeat until you’re over her.

    supabeast on
  • contrabandcontraband Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    I forgot to say--I'm 18, so no booze for me. Heading to uni next week as a freshman, I know that will help more than anything.

    contraband on
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  • cooljammer00cooljammer00 Hey Small Christmas-Man!Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    contraband wrote: »
    I forgot to say--I'm 18, so no booze for me. Heading to uni next week as a freshman, I know that will help more than anything.

    im here already.

    women. drunky women. parties. fun

    you'll be fine. just make sure when your roommates ask if you wanna go with them to do something that seems fun, say yeah. they want to go to a party, and it's at that point where you are invited? go.

    cooljammer00 on
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  • contrabandcontraband Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    I'm full well planning to go to all the social events i can scrounge up. being a shut-in is no good. i know that'll help tremendously, it's just that particular solution is totally seven days away.

    contraband on
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  • cooljammer00cooljammer00 Hey Small Christmas-Man!Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    contraband wrote: »
    I'm full well planning to go to all the social events i can scrounge up. being a shut-in is no good.

    then you're halfway there.

    good luck, mate.

    cooljammer00 on
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  • A-RodA-Rod Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Learn from your failed relationship, and just stay busy if you dont want to mope around thinking about her.

    A-Rod on
  • contrabandcontraband Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Eh, I'm pretty fucking done moping. Onto the bitter and resentful and pointing out what was wrong with her stage.

    contraband on
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  • DhalphirDhalphir don't you open that trapdoor you're a fool if you dareRegistered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Don't do that either.

    Remember your time with her fondly, be glad that the two of you had the time together that you did, and move on.

    It also depends on the circumstances of the breakup.
    I'm biased here, because I've never had a messy breakup in my life. We always parted on good terms, and after a few months where we just didn't speak much, we became good friends.

    Dhalphir on
  • variantvariant Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    It's gonna be hard the first couple of weeks dude, good luck.

    variant on
  • Sharp10rSharp10r Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Don't talk about her too much when you get to school. Confide in maybe one guy about it, but just work on getting over the relationship while not ruining the potential for future ones. There's something to be said about ceremony too. When I needed to forget a girl, and needed to declare my independance from her, I burned onto a CD-R every song that reminded me of her, every IM conversation in the log, all the pictures I couldn't look at anymore, and I purged my PC of her. I took that CD and I put it deep in a drawer with forgotten wires, cables, and dreams. Did it help? Maybe. YMMV.

    Sharp10r on
  • contrabandcontraband Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Sharp10r wrote: »
    Don't talk about her too much when you get to school. Confide in maybe one guy about it, but just work on getting over the relationship while not ruining the potential for future ones. There's something to be said about ceremony too. When I needed to forget a girl, and needed to declare my independance from her, I burned onto a CD-R every song that reminded me of her, every IM conversation in the log, all the pictures I couldn't look at anymore, and I purged my PC of her. I took that CD and I put it deep in a drawer with forgotten wires, cables, and dreams. Did it help? Maybe. YMMV.

    I did a search on my computer for her name and deleted everything that came up. I'm going to keep the music, though. It doesn't come up too often, and it's good music.

    It's hard to go on facebook now without checking her profile, even though I just checked it twenty minutes ago. It's even harder to see her zipped up in some other guy's jacket with him.

    :(

    contraband on
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  • DhalphirDhalphir don't you open that trapdoor you're a fool if you dareRegistered User regular
    edited September 2007
    now THAT is something you should avoid.

    I used to do that a lot, I'd check up on my ex, follow her Myspace comment trails of other guys.
    That lasted until I met a few girls at a party I went to.
    I was too busy talking to them on the phone and online and hanging out with them to check her myspace account, and by the time I actually got time to check it, it just didn't occur to me.

    Dhalphir on
  • noobertnoobert Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    contraband wrote: »
    It's hard to go on facebook now without checking her profile, even though I just checked it twenty minutes ago. It's even harder to see her zipped up in some other guy's jacket with him.

    :(

    Yeah, stay the fuck away from myspace/facebook etc, it takes MASSIVE self control to not check her page.

    Hit up everyone you know, especially people who aren't involved with her in any way at all. Get out there and party, work out, socialise and work. Start projects, do things that are hard and new to you. Just stay busy.

    But remember there are going to be times when you feel like total shit, these will pass. If you are anything like me, you will go from being the master of the fucking world to wanting nothing more than to cuddle up with her, all in a single day. Hell after a month it still happens to me at some point every few days. But just remember all this is temporary, and nothing needs to change rite now.

    Take your time and get on with your life. Good luck man.

    noobert on
  • SoonerManSoonerMan Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Noobert that hit the nail on the head for me. I as well am trying to get over a girl from a year and + months relationship. Its hard. She called me and complained that I didn't go to Homecoming. When I explained to her I wanted to get some job training with my internship she started pissing and moaning more. My remedy to this? I let into her. In the end I was sobbing in the middle of nowhere on campus, but then I realized I have to quit talking to her.

    I want to be with her at some point, but then I remember why we broke up and so on and so forth. Its ridiculously hard at this point. There are still so many good things about her, and going on doesn't do much for me. A lot of stuff reminds me of something that happened with us.

    SoonerMan on
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  • TheAxeMasterTheAxeMaster Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    I just recently did this and I would highly recommend avoiding social networking sites, period. If you honestly want to keep her as a friend, just don't go there. If you don't (take some time to decide this) then remove her association with you on them. I did myself a favor by doing this, though I feel she is a shitty person for what she did, so it was easy for me to decide that. YMMV there.

    For the rest, do your best to find someone else who appreciates you.

    TheAxeMaster on
  • InzignaInzigna Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    supabeast wrote: »
    Go to the gym. Go to work. Go to the gym. Booze. Sleep. Repeat until you’re over her.
    Aside from the booze thing, I think its a great suggestion.

    Using your angst to helping you stay healthy keeps your mind active and not stagnant, which would then increase confidence in social situations that would help you move on. On top of that, you get to stay in shape and look good too, an additional advantage.

    Inzigna on
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  • jotatejotate Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Join a fraternity. They'll make it so you have no choice but to be too drunk to remember her.

    Or give you a shoulder to get over her in a healthy manner.

    Depends which one you join.

    jotate on
  • gneGnegneGne Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    It heals with time... You're young, you got a whole life in front of ya! :D (Im only 19 but ok... this is what they say):P.

    gneGne on
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  • RainOPainRainOPain Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    You should watch Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and be enlightened

    RainOPain on
  • SithDrummerSithDrummer Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Drown yourself in various activities until it matters less to you. Pain dulls, etc etc.
    This is what I would suggest. If your mind keeps wandering back to her, use activities to distract it. After awhile, the ache won't be so fresh and in the meantime, you'll have been having fun instead of moping.

    SithDrummer on
  • jotatejotate Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    RainOPain wrote: »
    You should watch Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and be enlightened

    This, by what I recall of the movie, is terrible advice.

    jotate on
  • LondonBridgeLondonBridge __BANNED USERS regular
    edited September 2007
    Dating after a failed relationship is very therapeutic.

    LondonBridge on
  • contrabandcontraband Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Dating after a failed relationship is very therapeutic.

    I'm looking forward to it, but I keep getting hit with the lurking feeling that "oh, I'll never find anyone as good as her!", and it's really discouraging.

    contraband on
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  • LondonBridgeLondonBridge __BANNED USERS regular
    edited September 2007
    contraband wrote: »
    Dating after a failed relationship is very therapeutic.

    I'm looking forward to it, but I keep getting hit with the lurking feeling that "oh, I'll never find anyone as good as her!", and it's really discouraging.

    Those feelings are there and a big word of advice is do not bring her up on the first few dates with a girl. Or any other past relationships for that matter. The fact you're going to start dating is very good and I bet you're gonna do just fine.

    LondonBridge on
  • contrabandcontraband Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    I thought you're more or less supposed to keep talk of exes to a minimal..? I don't really see any reason to bring them up, unless it's something terribly specific.

    contraband on
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  • LondonBridgeLondonBridge __BANNED USERS regular
    edited September 2007
    contraband wrote: »
    I thought you're more or less supposed to keep talk of exes to a minimal..? I don't really see any reason to bring them up, unless it's something terribly specific.

    No, don't bring exes up as it can open some old wounds in you or your date. Try to avoid it if at all possible as you don't want any negativity, right?

    LondonBridge on
  • vrempirevrempire Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Hi contraband,
    Usually what I will do in your situation is to start being an animal part or socializer again.
    Get a new perspective in the world and see that they are a still lot of great girl out there.
    remember that no one is perfect. If it fail in the early stage, it is a lot better than fail in the later stage where the issues might be really really complicated (divorce, children, court, custody..bla..bla..bla...)

    vrempire on
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  • noobertnoobert Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    contraband wrote: »
    I'm looking forward to it, but I keep getting hit with the lurking feeling that "oh, I'll never find anyone as good as her!", and it's really discouraging.

    Remember you don't need to find someone that will beat the idealized image of her that you hold in your mind, you want to find someone fun. Someone who will take your mind of things and will help you "forget" and another female who is willing to give you all the attention you could want. Rebound if you will.

    SoonerMan Anger only ever leads to regret. take this time to think about what you really want. I'm sure the answer will be her, but as the current situation stands, you can't have that. If you really truly feel that is what you want, then do everything you can to become the best guy ever ;) You will find that by the time you are well on your way to that goal, other girls, MANY other girls will come to you.

    noobert on
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