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Rebuilding self-esteem [Boy thread]
Nataneko
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
yeah... not really a boy thread but I had to balance for all the [girl thread] around.
So after a relationship of 2 years, I finally decided to left my boyfriend because he made me feel like I was asking for too much when in fact he just didn't really want to be in a relationship. I'm taking it pretty well, I only had a couple day of self-loathing and crying.
but. right now, I know my self-esteem is pretty much dead. I know I really have to work on that if I want a relationship again at some point in my life. and really more important, I'd really like to love myself, because that is giving me trouble in pretty much every aspect of my life. So, H/A how do I self-esteem?
So after a relationship of 2 years, I finally decided to left my boyfriend because he made me feel like I was asking for too much when in fact he just didn't really want to be in a relationship. I'm taking it pretty well, I only had a couple day of self-loathing and crying.
but. right now, I know my self-esteem is pretty much dead. I know I really have to work on that if I want a relationship again at some point in my life. and really more important, I'd really like to love myself, because that is giving me trouble in pretty much every aspect of my life. So, H/A how do I self-esteem?
Nataneko on
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It's not really about getting over him (cause I am) but only managing to be able to feel like I'm great without relying on someone
You can take some good out of this break up. You were using your bf a self esteem crutch, if this had gone on longer you would probley be in worse shape. Now you can learn to stand on your own 2 feet and develop your own self worth which will be a lesson you can take with you for the rest of your life.
Yeah, it seem obvious the way you said it. That is exactly what I want to be able to do. I'm trying to see my friend, I have a lots of interest so that's keeping me out of depression for now. But as soon as there is someone that seems interested in me, I just fall back to making that person responsible of my esteem.
dream a little dream or you could live a little dream
sleep forever if you wish to be a dreamer
If its the first my advice is this: Put yourself in a mildly awkward situation, like talking to one of the workers at the local video game store. Incite conversation, staying in your comfort zone all the time will do nothing but hinder you as person.
If its the second then I say this: You can't hang around someone fishing for compliments and regurgitating them to make yourself feel better. Find out what you are good at and try doing a task revolving around it. For example, If you are good at running train for/compete in a triathlon, If you are good at writing, write a short story. After you are finished look at your work and most likely you will feel proud. I think that is a way more constructive means to build self esteem as opposed to depending on other people.
If neither of these apply, then the aforementioned tid bids are still good advice imo.
Its a fine goal to have. I've kind of been plugging this thing to death in H/A, but I found MoodGYM really helpful, in that it got me spotting bad patterns in the way I responded to situations emotionally, which gave me the ability to counter what I was doing to myself. Its still a fight not to self-sabotage, but I handle things better than I used to. Maybe it will give you a boost too?
It might help to do this as a list? Maybe I just like lists. For example:
Things I like about myself now:
blah blah blah
Things I would like to be in the future:
(for example) More confident in talking to people.
Things I can do to achieve this:
(also for example) Start a casual conversation with 1 new person every day.
The best self-esteem comes from genuinely liking yourself, even if it's a lot of work.
My suggestion then? Stop worrying about your next relationship. That will happen with the fullness of time, as they always do. Go out with your friends. Spend time on your hobbies. Pick up new hobbies. Take this time as a single person to do something you never allowed yourself while you were in a relationship. When I went through this, I took an acting class; something that terrified me and intrigued me in equal measure, and I came out the other side a completely new person with a new perspective on myself.
Good luck.
General rule for me was be single until you enjoy it more than being in a relationship. That's usually a good indicator that you're happy with yourself and you don't need someone else to feel important or special.
QFT
And, bear in mind, that's your FRIENDS he's talking about.
Strangers likely wont be thinking about you at all.
At most, other people will be wondering what the others in the room think of them. We're a pretty self obsessed bunch of apes in general.
Right now I'm trying to convince myself that I don't need to be with someone. Problem is I met this guy (a bit before leaving my boyfriend) and I really like him and would basically like to get in his pants. And I'm trying to rationalise thing, that I don't like him, that I just think that because he pays attention to me. But then, I met new people since then that also paid attention to me and I don't feel like I like them in that way. I need to learn basic relationship (friendship included) from the start.