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Guy Issues (Super long)
Mim
dead.Registered User regular
dead.Registered User regular
I was in a two and a half year relationship with a guy I'll call Peter. Peter and I were serious about our future together; we were off and on (mostly my fault), but despite all of it, the good times outweighed the bad and we were really in love. We were long distance, but faithful and honest with each other. Then, July 2007 came around, and shit really started to hit the fan.
I met a guy, we'll call John, online, and we started talking. I'm a person you can talk to about anything - sex included as I talk about it with my guy friends and girl friends. Peter knows this about me, and so he was fine with me talking to John about sex. Then it got to showing of pictures. I asked Peter if it was ok to send a photo of myself naked to John, and Peter seemed ok with it. Yes, big fuck up on my part and I'm sure many of you are shaking your heads at this very post.
Then Peter decided to say "Let's break up" and I thought he was being serious. Normally we can joke about breaking up and then be like "Just kidding!" and laugh about it, but when I asked him if he was serious like three times, and he said yes. So I thought we were over and I was hurt. Then he came back the next day and he said he was joking and I was mad so I decided to punish him. He tried to get back with me for two weeks each time with me saying "No."
Then the third week came.
I was close to telling Peter that I loved him and wanted to be with him again but I was afraid he'd reject me. So I kept it to myself and just wanted to wait till the moment was right. Unfortunately I waited too long and Peter got with some girl named Molly. Peter was a virgin when he and I were dating, but then he met this Molly chick one day and things suddenly changed. Peter drove five hours to go see Molly (he met her via myspace) and hung out with her. Her friend called and asked "Oh, so are you going to fuck him?" and her friend didn't know she was on speaker phone. This already sounds like the girl is slutty. They go back to Molly's house, she kisses Peter, and then she whips out a condom out of no where and he has sex with her. He said "It just happened" but of course I'm having a hard time believing that.
So we're broken up, and he does a complete 180 (he had been saving himself and didn't want to lose it to just anyone randomly, and we were waiting till I could afford birth control) on his character. He begins to smoke again, when he had quit when he had originally started dating me, and he makes a relationship with Molly. I'm confused because he's been in love with me for a really long time (he loved me before we even got together), and now his feelings were instantly dead.
We have mutual friends, and they tried talking to him and he called me and he was wondering what was wrong with him. He said he knew I made him happy, but he didn't know why he couldn't just come back to me. I told him everything I felt about him, and then he said he had to go decide. When he called back he said "No." So I was devastated. He had talked to our mutual friend Danny and he told Danny I needed to grow up and not be so emotionally cold and he needed to grow up and become financially stable for me and that he wasn't ruling out us getting back together in the future. Keep in mind he's still dating Molly while saying all of this, and the only things he can say about her is "She understands me, we have fun, and the sex is great."
Then he has another conversation with Danny and tells Danny to lie to me and tell me there is no chance of us getting back together, but that he wasn't ruling out us getting back together. He figured if I believed there was no chance, then I could move on. He said his relationship with Molly was healthy and he didn't have to work hard on understanding her. By this time I find Molly's livejournal, and the girl is insane. Before dating Peter, she was in love and engaged to some guy named Max she met online. Molly only just turned 18 last week. Before that she was having sex with a guy named Ted and she couldn't figure out why she didn't mean anything to him. And this was within like, weeks of just dating Peter.
So no one talked to Peter in awhile; we figured if he's happy, he's happy just leave it alone. We were also noticing how he never really seemed excited about her, unless it was sex.
Then, on September 11th, last Tuesday, he called Danny. The conversation was normal, until Danny asked Peter how he was. Peter responded "Not well" and sounded on the verge of tears. What Danny could gather from the conversation, Peter missed me, and he did not have the same feelings for Molly that she had for him. Danny offered Peter my new cell number, which he took, and later on that night Peter got cold feet about calling me. He didn't want to move too fast, and he didn't want to play with my emotions. He said he'd call when he was ready.
A week went by and then he called me this past Monday. He told me how Molly was moving WAY (i.e. they've been together for a month and a half and she's already talking marriage) too fast, and he didn't share her feelings. He was at the point where he wanted out. He also missed me and he felt he ruined things beyond repair but I told him he hadn't, and that I too had screwed up (which I had). We were interested in working things out. He said she understood him and he her; "We finish each other's sentences, know what's on each other's minds, and I don't have to figure her out; she wasn't complicated." But he still wanted out because the feelings weren't there. We were trying to figure out ways for him to break up with Molly, and I gave him the excuse that he's moving soon (which he is) and so it wouldn't work. I said I didn't want to say anything that would persuade him to dump her and he said "In order to persuade me, would mean that I didn't want to do this on my own in the first place." He said the reason why he didn't come back to me the night I told him how I really felt was because he wanted to make everyone happy even if he himself was not. He figured I wanted to go out and date other people, and Molly was in love with him, so he should give me my space and date Molly even though he knew at that moment he wanted me.
Then he called on Tuesday, he broke up with Molly and he expected her to be emotional, which she was. But he said she tried to become sensible when he told her why he was ending the relationship. She said she could move with him or he could move in with her (in her parent's house). He told her it wouldn't work. He said that he was feeling guilty and he was wondering if he did the wrong thing. He was wondering if he could grow feelings for her and I said "Yeah, but you've tried breaking up with her on your own, twice, and you don't have feelings for her..." and he said "I'm leaving a good thing because I believe you changed," which kind of just punched me right in the chest like he was trying to shift the blame when he seemed so certain before. He said he was just going to have to keep reminding himself why he broke up with her and that the guilt would pass. He's also been talking about her in a negative light, and he said he brought me up to her a lot. He also kept calling her "big" as in "fat". The only positive things he could say about her was she understood him and was affectionate (which made him miss how I wasn't so affectionate). He also said the sex wasn't that great and that he had, had better make out sessions with me than sex with her. Again, it sounded like he was really not into this girl and him reiterating these statements (he said them on Monday and Tuesday night) was just him trying to remind himself, serious and superficial reasons all had to be accounted for.
Now, I haven't heard from him in two days. His cell phone says it's temporarily out of service, he hasn't been online expect for a brief stint on AIM, but he didn't respond to me or anything. I'm wondering if I'm being ditched. I'm wondering why the hell he would call me sounding so certain one day, and not so certain the other. How do I best handle this situation? I'm willing to work things out, and it seemed he was willing to work things out with me. What should I do?
Summary: I screwed up, he screwed up, we're seemingly trying to get back on the right path to working things out, but now he's gone MIA. Wondering if he does have feelings for this girl, or was it just guilt. How do I best handle this situation so that I don't get hurt, but can prepare to work things out when he shows back up again? If he does.
I met a guy, we'll call John, online, and we started talking. I'm a person you can talk to about anything - sex included as I talk about it with my guy friends and girl friends. Peter knows this about me, and so he was fine with me talking to John about sex. Then it got to showing of pictures. I asked Peter if it was ok to send a photo of myself naked to John, and Peter seemed ok with it. Yes, big fuck up on my part and I'm sure many of you are shaking your heads at this very post.
Then Peter decided to say "Let's break up" and I thought he was being serious. Normally we can joke about breaking up and then be like "Just kidding!" and laugh about it, but when I asked him if he was serious like three times, and he said yes. So I thought we were over and I was hurt. Then he came back the next day and he said he was joking and I was mad so I decided to punish him. He tried to get back with me for two weeks each time with me saying "No."
Then the third week came.
I was close to telling Peter that I loved him and wanted to be with him again but I was afraid he'd reject me. So I kept it to myself and just wanted to wait till the moment was right. Unfortunately I waited too long and Peter got with some girl named Molly. Peter was a virgin when he and I were dating, but then he met this Molly chick one day and things suddenly changed. Peter drove five hours to go see Molly (he met her via myspace) and hung out with her. Her friend called and asked "Oh, so are you going to fuck him?" and her friend didn't know she was on speaker phone. This already sounds like the girl is slutty. They go back to Molly's house, she kisses Peter, and then she whips out a condom out of no where and he has sex with her. He said "It just happened" but of course I'm having a hard time believing that.
So we're broken up, and he does a complete 180 (he had been saving himself and didn't want to lose it to just anyone randomly, and we were waiting till I could afford birth control) on his character. He begins to smoke again, when he had quit when he had originally started dating me, and he makes a relationship with Molly. I'm confused because he's been in love with me for a really long time (he loved me before we even got together), and now his feelings were instantly dead.
We have mutual friends, and they tried talking to him and he called me and he was wondering what was wrong with him. He said he knew I made him happy, but he didn't know why he couldn't just come back to me. I told him everything I felt about him, and then he said he had to go decide. When he called back he said "No." So I was devastated. He had talked to our mutual friend Danny and he told Danny I needed to grow up and not be so emotionally cold and he needed to grow up and become financially stable for me and that he wasn't ruling out us getting back together in the future. Keep in mind he's still dating Molly while saying all of this, and the only things he can say about her is "She understands me, we have fun, and the sex is great."
Then he has another conversation with Danny and tells Danny to lie to me and tell me there is no chance of us getting back together, but that he wasn't ruling out us getting back together. He figured if I believed there was no chance, then I could move on. He said his relationship with Molly was healthy and he didn't have to work hard on understanding her. By this time I find Molly's livejournal, and the girl is insane. Before dating Peter, she was in love and engaged to some guy named Max she met online. Molly only just turned 18 last week. Before that she was having sex with a guy named Ted and she couldn't figure out why she didn't mean anything to him. And this was within like, weeks of just dating Peter.
So no one talked to Peter in awhile; we figured if he's happy, he's happy just leave it alone. We were also noticing how he never really seemed excited about her, unless it was sex.
Then, on September 11th, last Tuesday, he called Danny. The conversation was normal, until Danny asked Peter how he was. Peter responded "Not well" and sounded on the verge of tears. What Danny could gather from the conversation, Peter missed me, and he did not have the same feelings for Molly that she had for him. Danny offered Peter my new cell number, which he took, and later on that night Peter got cold feet about calling me. He didn't want to move too fast, and he didn't want to play with my emotions. He said he'd call when he was ready.
A week went by and then he called me this past Monday. He told me how Molly was moving WAY (i.e. they've been together for a month and a half and she's already talking marriage) too fast, and he didn't share her feelings. He was at the point where he wanted out. He also missed me and he felt he ruined things beyond repair but I told him he hadn't, and that I too had screwed up (which I had). We were interested in working things out. He said she understood him and he her; "We finish each other's sentences, know what's on each other's minds, and I don't have to figure her out; she wasn't complicated." But he still wanted out because the feelings weren't there. We were trying to figure out ways for him to break up with Molly, and I gave him the excuse that he's moving soon (which he is) and so it wouldn't work. I said I didn't want to say anything that would persuade him to dump her and he said "In order to persuade me, would mean that I didn't want to do this on my own in the first place." He said the reason why he didn't come back to me the night I told him how I really felt was because he wanted to make everyone happy even if he himself was not. He figured I wanted to go out and date other people, and Molly was in love with him, so he should give me my space and date Molly even though he knew at that moment he wanted me.
Then he called on Tuesday, he broke up with Molly and he expected her to be emotional, which she was. But he said she tried to become sensible when he told her why he was ending the relationship. She said she could move with him or he could move in with her (in her parent's house). He told her it wouldn't work. He said that he was feeling guilty and he was wondering if he did the wrong thing. He was wondering if he could grow feelings for her and I said "Yeah, but you've tried breaking up with her on your own, twice, and you don't have feelings for her..." and he said "I'm leaving a good thing because I believe you changed," which kind of just punched me right in the chest like he was trying to shift the blame when he seemed so certain before. He said he was just going to have to keep reminding himself why he broke up with her and that the guilt would pass. He's also been talking about her in a negative light, and he said he brought me up to her a lot. He also kept calling her "big" as in "fat". The only positive things he could say about her was she understood him and was affectionate (which made him miss how I wasn't so affectionate). He also said the sex wasn't that great and that he had, had better make out sessions with me than sex with her. Again, it sounded like he was really not into this girl and him reiterating these statements (he said them on Monday and Tuesday night) was just him trying to remind himself, serious and superficial reasons all had to be accounted for.
Now, I haven't heard from him in two days. His cell phone says it's temporarily out of service, he hasn't been online expect for a brief stint on AIM, but he didn't respond to me or anything. I'm wondering if I'm being ditched. I'm wondering why the hell he would call me sounding so certain one day, and not so certain the other. How do I best handle this situation? I'm willing to work things out, and it seemed he was willing to work things out with me. What should I do?
Summary: I screwed up, he screwed up, we're seemingly trying to get back on the right path to working things out, but now he's gone MIA. Wondering if he does have feelings for this girl, or was it just guilt. How do I best handle this situation so that I don't get hurt, but can prepare to work things out when he shows back up again? If he does.
BlueSky: thequeenofchaos Steam: mimspanks (add me then tell me who you are! Ask for my IG)
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The thing is, he isn't with her. Right now he is single...and M.I.A. But I agree with the first part of your response.
B.net: Kusanku
PSN/XBL: dragoniemx
Have tried calling him, emailed him...haven't gotten a letter from him or heard from him via phone.
I want to continue the relationship because we are good together. We make each other better when we're not having a serious issue (this being our second major fight). What I expect is for us to not just be content with each other like just being mellow, I want to continue to do more exciting things with him and to always keep it interesting, which we have been able to do thus far. I do not expect the relationship to be perfect and neither does he. When we were discussing it, he seemed really interested in doing these things.
I think both of them sound a little unstable to tell the truth. Sending naked pictures to someone you met online? I mean, even if you supposedly get the okay from your significant other, that doesn't sound like the smartest thing to do. In fact, I think we had a thread here just the other day where a guy discovered his girl was doing the exact same thing(wouldn't it be eery if this is his girlfriend?) The general consensus in that thread was that the girl did that because she wanted to end the relationship. So OP, you really gotta ask yourself why you did what you did.
As for what to do, is pretty much what everyone says in this kind of thread. Spend some time away from each other. You're still young. You might think you love him, and you actually might. Then again you might not. A month or two without seeing each other won't change your feelings if you really feel strongly about him. In the meantime enjoy life.
As you assumed, sex is never "well she pulled out a condom and suddenly my penis was inside her." There'd be a lot of happy geeks if that were the case.
I don't know either of you, and your post is more of a play by play of two/three confused teenagers more than what's really going on in your heads. You're dating a guy you haven't had sex with, who was "saving himself for you." Why did you think it was cool to send naked pictures of yourself to another guy? And more importantly, in a healthy relationship people don't joke about breaking up. Pulling that out as a joke almost always means "I actually want to break up with you, but I'm afraid to follow through on it."
So you were talking to other guys and sending boyfriend-exclusive pictures to him. Your boyfriend dumped you for a local girl and had lots of sex. Now he wants to dump her and comes back to you. You conspire to help him dump her for... what? What's the end result here?
You didn't say anything about real plans other than "plans," no mention of moving closer together or going to school together. You're not even 20 yet, don't have a real job or career path. Where is your future going? And what makes you think that "Peter" is the single most perfect guy out there? And you do realize that if he comes back, he's going to want sex, AND he also knows that if he fucks up and sleeps with another girl, you'll let him come back.
It sounds like you've got issues of your own to work through, and I doubt he's going to be helpful on that front.
Avoid him, even if he calls, ignore his calls. You should not have to tolerate that dumb shits little games. Of the two of you, you sound more mature than him, and he seems a bit too obsessed with what he can stick his penis in.
Seriously, shut him out of your life. It will be better for you and him.
A word of advice, don't hand out nudie pics of yourself to your guy friends, I could be incredibly wrong here, But it sounds like he was just telling you what you wanted to hear, and in reality, you posing nude for someone other than him probably cut him deep.
It does sound like his head isn't screwed totally on correctly right now. Take it easy in whichever way you go with it, pursuring him or not.
Which couldn't possibly be any kind of writers' bias :roll:
Sounds like the best part of your relationship is being good friends with each other. Considering things you have done (Is there a non-sexual reason for sending naked photos to an online friend?) and things he has done (Joke about breaking up, break up, immediately find someone else to fuck, regret it when it results in commitment), I would keep it at the friend level, because clearly both of you have enormous problems in dealing with relationships, which are definitely worse combined, and it doesn't seem like either of you actually want to date exclusively, consciously or not.
Also, print out EggyToast's post, and put it on your wall.
PSN/XBL: dragoniemx
This is true. He was concerned about sounding jealous and he doesn't like being perceived as the jealous type of boyfriend who doesn't want me to have fun or friends. He was attempting to be cool about the situation, and it did end up cutting him pretty deep, which he admitted on Monday.
I say its M.I.A. because he normally has some way of contacting him. He would reply to an email or an instant message. It is unusual for him to not be in contact. Our friend has tried calling him, and he still got the "sprint service temporarily unavailable" machine message.
The first part of your post is possible. He said that he only had sex with her when she said "Let's have sex." But that he only just had sex, it was never love. He would tell her he loved her only because if he didn't she'd begin to wonder why he wasn't saying it back. He only got to see her on the weekends, but she was closer than I am and yes, constantly available.
The sending of the photo thing, I agree it was a something I should not have done. I figured if Peter was cool about it, then it was ok, it was just a bit of harmless fun (my face was not in the photos). Now I realize it wasn't the smartest thing to do, and all I can do now is take responsibility for my actions, and learn from my foolish mistake. I fucked up, and now I must live with that.
We joked around a lot about a lot of different things. Its hard to explain, but that was the goofy relationship we just had. If I was doing something that was really bothering him and vice versa then we could say it to each other. Before a serious "Should we break up" talk we'd at least try to work it out before making a mistake that was drastic. This is the second time we've broken up over something, and the break up itself is not clear. He says I broke up with him, I say he broke up with me. Towards the end of our relationship, communication was really getting fucked up.
We did have plans. He was going to get a job, take some community college courses and then move up where I am and we were going to live together. Get jobs, and after college, get married. He knows what he wants to study, and I know what I wanted to study. This was a conversation we had tons of times.
The end result of them breaking up, we so that we could work things out with our relationship. He wanted to work things out with me, which is why he called, it seems. He knows that he's fucked up, he admitted it, and he is scared he can't fix us because he feels he screwed up completely. So he isn't expecting me to exactly take him back.
I'm not trying to make excuses, so if that is what it sounds like I'm doing, I apologize. I'm simply trying to explain. We were good friends before we dated, and it just happened to make a really good relationship. Things were not always like this, we were serious about one another and now that we've hit this really rough patch, I'm trying to figure out where to go from here.
I will spend some time away from him. I, before this, had not talked to him for a good month. He was dating Molly the entire time and he realized he didn't like her all that much and wanted out, and he still missed me and wanted to work things out (not jump into a relationship so fast, but begin to repair damages done). But, the spending some time away from him and focusing on myself, and letting him do his own thing, and if he comes back then see where we stand all sounds like good advice.
Cutting him out of my life entirely when I've known him for about five years and know that things were not always like this, is much harder and I would like to seek that as a last option. Distance is good, but destroying an entire connection just seems wrong at this moment. But if things get worse from here, I will consider it.
If you end up deciding you don't want to be together, it's going to be easier in the long run for you to simply cut the connection. It'll suck at first, but talking to someone you care about has a tendency to remind you of what you like about them, and make you forget about the reasons you're not together in the first place. Staying in contact puts you at risk of being the safety net. It's not fair to you for him to have his flings with other girls, only to come back sobbing to you after each, telling you how it just wasn't the same as what you two had, and how he misses you so much.
Again, this only applies if you decide that you don't want to be involved anymore. But if you do, I strongly suggest cutting all contact, or at least putting as much distance between the two of you as possible.
Let's start at the beginning.
Why would you send naked pictures of yourself to another guy unless you're in a polyamorous relationship or something along those lines? I'm aware you asked your boyfriend and all, but you say you've known him for five years -- you can't possibly tell me that you didn't get any kind of idea that he wouldn't really be okay with that?
Also: What exactly were your feelings in doing this -- why did you do it? This seems to be where things began, so I think it's kind of an important issue. I know if my girlfriend asked me something like this, I would feel like she was no longer interested (whether or not that's the case). I would feel hurt and a little betrayed. Especially for a guy that you said was saving himself for something more important than just sex -- it kind of sounds like that would have been a very big deal to a guy who doesn't want to have sex without love, and then his girlfriend goes and does that.
Now, onto him. He doesn't exactly seem like the most mature guy around either. I'm guessing based on everything you've said that he has a LOT of trouble expressing himself. He didn't tell you about the picture bothering him. The fact that he was "joking" about breaking up with you? It was probably a result of this and he didn't know how to bring up how he was hurt. He was probably hoping by joking about this you would bring up the subject and you two could talk about it without him feeling pressured to just say "Hey, you know what you did, it kind of hurt after all."
There absolutely can NOT be a healthy relationship where there's not communication, and honestly, it sounds like you two just aren't communicating at all. The whole joke break up leading to a real break up? That situation is completely out of whack and should have never happened if you two had just been able to communicate.
I have to say that going about "getting revenge" by withholding your feelings from him was way out of line. You can't possibly upset about anything he does after that if you pull a stunt like that. Of course he went out and got with another girl. What do most people want to do as soon as they break up with someone important to them? I know the first thing most people I know would think is that they want to get in another relationship to bury the hurt. He probably had sex because he was weak (and horny) and just needed someone he could be with who could communicate openly and straight forward, because he seems to be unable to.
All I see in this whole post is bad communication. I'd say stop trying to contact him, stop calling, stop emailing. He has your number, he has ways to get a hold of you if he wants to, and then you can decide if you want to reply. You guys really need to start again from the ground up if you want to get back together, I think. Take baby steps, let him have his time, and PLEASE take this time to yourself and think about everything and think about all the things that you and him both probably need to change. Take some kind of lesson out of this messy situation.
Yes.
Answer this question for yourself: distance yourself for a second, and reread your OP. Observe those actions of his that you're describing. Do they honestly sound stable to you? Are they actions and attitudes that are in line with your expectation of a real, lasting partner?
All i can really see here is that he joked about breaking up when he didnt mean it, but even that apparently is just something both of them joke about occasionally. Sounds like this time it just went a bit too far. Even then, its likely that he was at least partially serious due to the whole photo thing. If my girlfriend ever sent naked photos of herself to straight guy friends i would be furious, and i would think about ending it as well.
And when he made it clear that he wasnt serious about wanting to break up (or changed his mind and forgave her, pick whichever you choose) the OP decided to 'punish' him by saying she didnt want to get back together. So now he think he's been dumped. Three weeks pass, he meets another girl, they hit it off, and he sleeps with her. Am i the only one here who doesnt think he is out of line here??? He thinks he is single, meets someone and chooses to sleep with her. Is it the sex that hurts you? Well, sex is something a lot of people do, and not always with someone they feel strongly about. You cant project your values onto him in this regard.
Then he finds that Molly isnt everything he wants, and that he wants to get back together with you. So he leaves her. Now he hasnt contacted you for a couple of days. Even if YOU think this Molly was nothing, i doubt that he feels like that, i'm sure she was at least something (reinforced by him saying they understood each other easily). He's probably miserable and confused, and needs some time for head space. He's just left a relationship where the girl was keen but he wasnt. He's thinking of getting back into a relationship where he feels that HE was keen and you werent. (the photo thing, you also said you were off and on mostly your fault) I could understand him being very confused.
I think you need to give him the space to make the decision on his own. And again, i'm surprised nobody else seems to think the guy hasnt done much wrong here.
While I understand the gist of what you're saying, I'm thinking more about the whole (and I'm not sure how to say it without sounding rude) sophomoric quality to the situation.
... on top of the general situation and all. I dunno, maybe this is cool with her. But this just strikes me as some really faux attempt at nobility and mystery that is really symptomatic of a 'typical' young relationship that will end painfully.
But the OP knows the guy better than I do, so I can't say authoritatively. The guy just sounds like he's not really, intimately close to this girl- which doesn't make sense after a 2.5 year romantic relationship.
I think one thing everyone can agree on though is that if they do get back together its going to take time for them to build back the trust they once had.
I do agree with you on several points. I know, KNOW this is not Peter. I KNOW I fucked up completely. Peter said he was happy with me when we were in a relationship. He said he didn't share Molly's feelings and tried to get out of ways of saying he loved her, and this wasn't because of me, this was all his thinking and feeling.
I screwed up, I feel horrible about it. Cryogen has a good point, several, in fact all of you have made really good points.
I also whole heartedly agree with this as well.
I'm trying to be realistic about the situation, but also maintaining faith. I'm trying hard to not feel ditched at the moment when I haven't seen or heard from him in awhile and he came to me and said he didn't want to play around with my emotions. I guess he is just thinking, but I will have to just..see what happens.
I want to chalk it up to the fact that I fucked up and ruined trust that we had built over some time, but this is also something I will keep in mind. He was serious about me, even going as far as to tell his mother I was the one.
He has had and admitted to, having an issue where he tries to make everyone happy and not himself. He hates to be hated, so him breaking up with Molly also I guess makes him second guess himself. He said he wasn't happy with her, but just the aspect of hurting someone doesn't bode well with him I suppose. He's trying hard not to do right by others, but by himself, and its hard for him because he's just starting to do this.
He admitted to leading her on, and he was feeling great about her at the beginning but during the month he just lost feelings for her. The type of understand he named just seemed like something friends would do, and he said he wouldn't mind just being friends with her as opposed to being in a relationship with her.
I'm trying not to repeat myself and to give more information. So if I sound confusing I apologize.
I think it might be helpful to stop overanalysing past events, as you both seem to regret things there. Concentrating on things going forward might be more helpful. I still believe he's likely very confused by everything so i wouldnt read too much into not hearing from him, even if it is out of character for him. Try to keep in touch once a day but dont flood him. Do you have a mutual friend who lives near him? It might be worth asking such a friend to see if they can drop by his place to see how he is, how he's dealing with everything. It sounds like you're ready to try and work this out, so i'd just let him come to the same conclusion. Its only been a couple of days, and i know it hurts not knowing whats going on but just be patient. Let him know you're there but dont push too hard, i think he's going to need to feel like he's the one making the decision for himself rather than being placed into a situation.
Why were you waiting to have sex until you could afford birth control? Have you never heard of condoms? Sure, you still have to pay for them, but it's not the extensive long running investment that is the pill. This alone indicates pretty intense neurosis on both your behalfs.
Our mutual friend Danny lives two hours from him, and even Danny has tried calling him, still getting the same message as I did about the service being temp. unavailable. Danny is with me right now (Danny is gay, and he has been having boyfriend issues himself hence why he's here with me) so he can't exactly visit him.
I will try to calm down, its just my first time going through all of this. I do not want him to run back to Molly when he has been certain about leaving her for awhile only to make her happy and not himself. I do not want her to get dragged around (which she was being dragged around for a good month and a half as he made it seem) and him trapped in a relationship where he doesn't have feelings for her. He thought he could build feelings for her but I see that as like if your interest in the person only decreases as time wears on it didn't seem like you could make them go higher and should cut away, especially when he's tried dumping her already...-sigh-. I will try to calm down. Its just hard if someone contacts you and then kind of just..goes *poof* when you thought things were going well.
I should get a self help book, I don't have the money for therapy at this moment. If we do get back together, then I will look into the relationship therapy option.
We just wanted to take a lot of precaution because we didn't want to have children too soon. We also wanted to live closer to each other for a more sexual relationship. It seemed to make sense and we were both comfortable with the idea.
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I was always told birth control was expensive. I probably did improper research so that's a goof on my side.
That site will give you plenty of information about birth control, including options other than the pill. But no, the pill is very inexpensive, especially when you get it through Planned Parenthood.
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I'd really like to know the answers to this, too...I don't understand why you'd send a naked pic to another guy. I don't get how that was "fun". And I don't know why you'd do that to someone if you truly loved him.
I simply meant to say that it is an affordable option.
It sounds like expense was only one of several reasons they were waiting, though.
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Speaking as a rather insecure guy with commitment issues (whether or not that should factor in here), I'd consider the pic thing a form of cheating. And if my girlfriend told me, "Hey, I'm gonna go cheat on you with some Internet guy", I'd just kinda go "pfft, fine" and consider the ship sailed. And then find a willing pair of legs to park myself in, if not for some childish revenge, but for some sense of "you're not that special to me" independence.
your relationship sounds like a disaster, and a second one waiting to happen
however it only seems right that he would go sleep with her after you sent naked pics of yourself to a near-stranger
i mean, you made him jealous by sending the pics. so he made you jealous by having sex with a random girl
seriously though
this relationship will end bad either way
I'd say best to end it on your terms and not when you think you're getting serious again
it's going to happen eventually
I'd also like to point out that my level of pessimism (sp?) is almost depressing
but i am almost always right when it comes to relationships (not of my own sadly)
this is bad news waiting to happen
find someone else for a bit. you might find you never really loved him like you thought you did
I'm so fucking mad right now. Why did he call me? Why did he say all those things about her and all those things about me, and then go back to her?