Penny Arcade Forums› Social Entropy++
As was foretold, we've added advertisements to the forums! If you have questions, or if you encounter any bugs, please visit this thread: https://forums.penny-arcade.com/discussion/240191/forum-advertisement-faq-and-reports-thread/
Options

SE++ I need your help

GABBO GABBO GABBOGABBO GABBO GABBO Registered User regular
edited September 2007 in Social Entropy++
My brother is getting married this weekend, and I'm his best man.
Being in said position means I have to give a wedding toast.
Unfortunately he and his fiancee invited five hundred people.

Now I have to give a speech in front of a largely Catholic crowd of hundreds this Saturday and I haven't even started it.
I want to open with a joke (break the tension and all that), but with this crowd I don't think pope or 9-11 jokes will go over very well.
So SE++, give me your classiest jokes, and I will work one into my speech.

GABBO GABBO GABBO on
«13

Posts

  • Options
    ChicoBlueChicoBlue Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Stand up

    Fart

    Sit down

    ChicoBlue on
  • Options
    RankenphileRankenphile Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood.Registered User, Moderator mod
    edited September 2007
    knock knock

    Rankenphile on
    8406wWN.png
  • Options
    Wise_aWise_a Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    tell them about how you're really ketchum_ash

    that'll knock em dead

    Wise_a on
  • Options
    GrinninBarrettGrinninBarrett Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Rankenphile wrote: »
    knock knock

    Who's there?

    GrinninBarrett on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • Options
    RankenphileRankenphile Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood.Registered User, Moderator mod
    edited September 2007
    Just keep mentioning how your brother is a lucky man, because god damn you'd love to just reach over there and motorboat those motherfuckers, I mean god damn, am I right folks? Let's give my brother a hand, huh? Those are some goddamn epic tits, huh? Yeah, Uncle Johnny knows what I mean, right?

    Rankenphile on
    8406wWN.png
  • Options
    RankenphileRankenphile Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood.Registered User, Moderator mod
    edited September 2007
    GrinninBarrett wrote: »
    Rankenphile wrote: »
    knock knock

    Who's there?

    9/11

    Rankenphile on
    8406wWN.png
  • Options
    GABBO GABBO GABBOGABBO GABBO GABBO Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Wise_a wrote: »
    tell them about how you're really ketchum_ash

    that'll knock em dead

    Your stupid obsession is increasingly retarded now that he's met another forumer.

    Rankenphile wrote: »
    knock knock

    I was thinking more along the lines of the aristocrats.

    GABBO GABBO GABBO on
  • Options
    MonkeybombMonkeybomb Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    What I would seriously do is just keep it short. Say thanks for coming, your brother is marrying a great woman and he is himself a great guy. Cheers.

    Monkeybomb on
    Xbox Live Gamertag: Triplemonkeybom
    monkeysig-1.jpg
  • Options
    Kuribo's ShoeKuribo's Shoe Kuribo's Stocking North PoleRegistered User regular
    edited September 2007
    nevar forget

    Kuribo's Shoe on
    xmassig2.gif
  • Options
    CG FaggotryCG Faggotry BristolRegistered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Rankenphile wrote: »
    GrinninBarrett wrote: »
    Rankenphile wrote: »
    knock knock

    Who's there?

    9/11

    9/11 who?

    CG Faggotry on
    bulbesssigfinal.jpg
  • Options
    RankenphileRankenphile Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood.Registered User, Moderator mod
    edited September 2007
    Monkeybomb wrote: »
    What I would seriously do is just keep it short. Say thanks for coming, your brother is marrying a great woman and he is himself a great guy. Cheers.

    and the motorboat thing.

    Rankenphile on
    8406wWN.png
  • Options
    Kuribo's ShoeKuribo's Shoe Kuribo's Stocking North PoleRegistered User regular
    edited September 2007
    whatever you do, don't start with "This motherfucker right here..."

    Kuribo's Shoe on
    xmassig2.gif
  • Options
    RankenphileRankenphile Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood.Registered User, Moderator mod
    edited September 2007
    Computer Generated Faggotry wrote: »
    Rankenphile wrote: »
    GrinninBarrett wrote: »
    Rankenphile wrote: »
    knock knock

    Who's there?

    9/11

    9/11 who?

    I thought you said you'd never forget!

    Rankenphile on
    8406wWN.png
  • Options
    AirAir Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    "dont you hate when youre in bed with three women and the least attractive one whispers 'save it for me'

    man thats a drag"

    Air on
    darjeelingshortsig95.jpg
  • Options
    MonkeybombMonkeybomb Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    as long as you mention the chick first cause that is how classy people do it

    Monkeybomb on
    Xbox Live Gamertag: Triplemonkeybom
    monkeysig-1.jpg
  • Options
    SkankPlayaSkankPlaya Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    hey, I'm going to a wedding this weekend too. Maybe it's the same one! Is your brother a Japanese dude from Half Moon Bay? Is he marrying my friend Nicole?

    SkankPlaya on
  • Options
    RankenphileRankenphile Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood.Registered User, Moderator mod
    edited September 2007
    Make sure to mention the time you walked in on him jerkin' it, and that time he thought he got the clap from some chick in high school.

    Rankenphile on
    8406wWN.png
  • Options
    Frosted ButtsFrosted Butts Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Make sure to mention the Pope shitting in the woods

    Frosted Butts on
    lion1si5.jpg
  • Options
    Dely AppleDely Apple Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Clearly you must drink the blood of the couple's enemies from a goblet made from a skull, toasting the Blood God. Then put an axe into someone, anyone; Khorne isn't picky.

    Dely Apple on
    feets.jpg
  • Options
    lostwordslostwords Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Tell a rambling story involving your brother, a kilo of blow, three toothless hookers, and a donkey.

    lostwords on
    rat.jpg tumbler? steam/ps3 thingie: lostwords Amazon Wishlist!
  • Options
    GrinninBarrettGrinninBarrett Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Rankenphile wrote: »
    Computer Generated Faggotry wrote: »
    Rankenphile wrote: »
    GrinninBarrett wrote: »
    Rankenphile wrote: »
    knock knock

    Who's there?

    9/11

    9/11 who?

    I thought you said you'd never forget!

    Drunk driving is AWESOME!

    GrinninBarrett on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • Options
    MonkeybombMonkeybomb Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Or you could talk about how great it is that he found a woman who has herpes so he doesn't have to worry about giving her herpes because he has pretty bad herpes.

    Monkeybomb on
    Xbox Live Gamertag: Triplemonkeybom
    monkeysig-1.jpg
  • Options
    HunterHunter Chemist with a heart of Au Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Classic for a catholic wedding:

    Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about how well his mother cooked.

    Hunter on
    Sammy_11Feb2012-2.jpgSammy_bath2_Feb2012-1.jpg
    Secret Satan 2013 Wishlist
  • Options
    HunterHunter Chemist with a heart of Au Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Monkeybomb wrote: »
    Or you could talk about how great it is that he found a woman who has herpes so he doesn't have to worry about giving her herpes because he has pretty bad herpes.

    Then apologize for giving both of them herpes.

    Hunter on
    Sammy_11Feb2012-2.jpgSammy_bath2_Feb2012-1.jpg
    Secret Satan 2013 Wishlist
  • Options
    AslanAslan Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    I second the motorboat idea. I also recommend calling your brother a motorboating son of a bitch sometime during your tirade.

    Aslan on
    Captain_Renault.gif I'm shocked...shocked, to find faggotry in this thread.
  • Options
    STATE OF THE ART ROBOTSTATE OF THE ART ROBOT Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Do it like a roast. Just tear into him and point out his every flaw.

    STATE OF THE ART ROBOT on
  • Options
    Dely AppleDely Apple Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Hey Wedding Crashers was a movie

    Dely Apple on
    feets.jpg
  • Options
    Frosted ButtsFrosted Butts Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Hunter wrote: »
    Classic for a catholic wedding:

    Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about how well his mother cooked.

    Hah!

    This is the joke to use.

    Frosted Butts on
    lion1si5.jpg
  • Options
    AirAir Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    get up there and try to sell an old stereo for a high price
    captive audience
    easy business
    sales tactics 101

    Air on
    darjeelingshortsig95.jpg
  • Options
    MonkeybombMonkeybomb Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    STATE OF THE ART ROBOT wrote: »
    Do it like a roast. Just tear into him and point out his every flaw.

    Well a roast just isn't a roast without Andy Dick. I hope he's invited to the wedding so he can do some blow off of a naked midget before throwing up on the cake and calling the bride's mother a faggot.

    Monkeybomb on
    Xbox Live Gamertag: Triplemonkeybom
    monkeysig-1.jpg
  • Options
    Kuribo's ShoeKuribo's Shoe Kuribo's Stocking North PoleRegistered User regular
    edited September 2007
    man they'll roast anybody these days

    I mean, Flava Flav?

    Kuribo's Shoe on
    xmassig2.gif
  • Options
    MonkeybombMonkeybomb Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    I just cracked myself up at the thought of the mother being called a faggot and being first outraged then confused.

    Monkeybomb on
    Xbox Live Gamertag: Triplemonkeybom
    monkeysig-1.jpg
  • Options
    AirAir Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    tell them about the time you got into a fight over a videogame and how its a shitty thing to start a new life with someone when he still hasnt replaced your copy of street fighter 2 for snes that he broke

    Air on
    darjeelingshortsig95.jpg
  • Options
    GABBO GABBO GABBOGABBO GABBO GABBO Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Hunter wrote: »
    Classic for a catholic wedding:

    Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about how well his mother cooked.

    This is a good one.
    I can always talk about motorboating stripper tits at the bachelor party.

    GABBO GABBO GABBO on
  • Options
    GABBO GABBO GABBOGABBO GABBO GABBO Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Air wrote: »
    tell them about the time you got into a fight over a videogame and how its a shitty thing to start a new life with someone when he still hasnt replaced your copy of street fighter 2 for snes that he broke

    It was actually UN Squadron.

    GABBO GABBO GABBO on
  • Options
    AirAir Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    '-and we all thought he was only into asian chicks'

    Air on
    darjeelingshortsig95.jpg
  • Options
    RankenphileRankenphile Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood.Registered User, Moderator mod
    edited September 2007
    "As a recently married man, I really just have to congratulate my brother, and welcome my new sister into the family."

    (wait for applause)

    "She's a terrific person, and I couldn't be happier to call her my sister. And (insert brother's name), again, congratulations. She's beautiful, she has a great personality, and I can tell you two are truly in love. I'm sure she'll make a great piece of ass to settle for for the rest of your life.

    Think about that, (insert bride's name). He gave up an entire planet of world-class cooze just to settle for your muff as a sure thing. That's gotta be one hell of a compliment, right? I mean, jesus. This guy here, in high school? He used to tear through pussy like someone hid the antidote in one. So for him to just give up on all that, to say FUCK ALL to all the trim in the world just for yours, shit, I'll bet yours must taste like french vanilla ice cream.

    See you at Thanksgiving."

    Rankenphile on
    8406wWN.png
  • Options
    STATE OF THE ART ROBOTSTATE OF THE ART ROBOT Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    GABBO GABBO GABBO wrote: »
    Air wrote: »
    tell them about the time you got into a fight over a videogame and how its a shitty thing to start a new life with someone when he still hasnt replaced your copy of street fighter 2 for snes that he broke

    It was actually UN Squadron.

    That game is awesome, but fuck is it hard.

    STATE OF THE ART ROBOT on
  • Options
    RuckusRuckus Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Monkeybomb wrote: »
    STATE OF THE ART ROBOT wrote: »
    Do it like a roast. Just tear into him and point out his every flaw.

    Well a roast just isn't a roast without Andy Dick. I hope he's invited to the wedding so he can do some blow off of a naked midget before throwing up on the cake and calling the bride's mother a faggot.

    (But he's not gay, really.)

    Ruckus on
  • Options
    misbehavinmisbehavin Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Rankenphile wrote: »
    "As a recently married man, I really just have to congratulate my brother, and welcome my new sister into the family."

    (wait for applause)

    "She's a terrific person, and I couldn't be happier to call her my sister. And (insert brother's name), again, congratulations. She's beautiful, she has a great personality, and I can tell you two are truly in love. I'm sure she'll make a great piece of ass to settle for for the rest of your life.

    Think about that, (insert bride's name). He gave up an entire planet of world-class cooze just to settle for your muff as a sure thing. That's gotta be one hell of a compliment, right? I mean, jesus. This guy here, in high school? He used to tear through pussy like someone hid the antidote in one. So for him to just give up on all that, to say FUCK ALL to all the trim in the world just for yours, shit, I'll bet yours must taste like french vanilla ice cream.

    See you at Thanksgiving."

    The second to last line seals the deal.

    "...your must taste like french vanilla ice cream."

    Brilliant!

    misbehavin on
Sign In or Register to comment.
Penny Arcade Forums› Social Entropy++