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Your sentence structure and dialog is weird...I don't know how to describe how it is, but it is. Those random dashes don't help either.
As for the actual comic, the entire thing could occur in four panels, yet you've made the characters say the same thing over and over, filling 16 panels. I noticed you did the same thing in the comic in your last thread. Each new panel should be saying something new, not just repeating what's already come across. This many panels should be used to show an entire conversation which multiple responses and subjects, but what you have here is just him saying the same thing in 16 different ways. Just like this paragraph I'm writing right now, I've lengthened it with sentences that are all basically saying the same thing, but I'm only doing it to make sure you understand what I'm saying, while in your comic this isn't necessary because I understand the whole thing by the fourth panel.
srsizzy on
BRO LET ME GET REAL WITH YOU AND SAY THAT MY FINGERS ARE PREPPED AND HOT LIKE THE SURFACE OF THE SUN TO BRING RADICAL BEATS SO SMOOTH THE SHIT WILL BE MEDICINAL-GRADE TRIPNASTY MAKING ALL BRAINWAVES ROLL ON THE SURFACE OF A BALLS-FEISTY NEURAL RAINBOW CRACKA-LACKIN' YOUR PERCEPTION OF THE HERE-NOW SPACE-TIME SITUATION THAT ALL OF LIFE BE JAMMED UP IN THROUGH THE UNIVERSAL FLOW BEATS
Your drawing style is a bit different from the usual fare, which is nice.
However you should consider making some changes with your choice and organization of type.
1. Typing in mostly caps with random non caps letters is really hard to understand. Pick a single font for convos to start with and see where that goes.
2. Em Dashes are usually used to show a longish pause in speech in between phrases/sentences. You do not need them in the front of a sentence.
3.I find the red "action" text really distracting, maybe you should change the color to a less bright or grayscale color? (Your choice of color is also dependent on resolution, which is why I can't give you a definite answer.)
Your sentence structure and dialog is weird...I don't know how to describe how it is, but it is. Those random dashes don't help either.
As for the actual comic, the entire thing could occur in four panels, yet you've made the characters say the same thing over and over, filling 16 panels. I noticed you did the same thing in the comic in your last thread. Each new panel should be saying something new, not just repeating what's already come across. This many panels should be used to show an entire conversation which multiple responses and subjects, but what you have here is just him saying the same thing in 16 different ways. Just like this paragraph I'm writing right now, I've lengthened it with sentences that are all basically saying the same thing, but I'm only doing it to make sure you understand what I'm saying, while in your comic this isn't necessary because I understand the whole thing by the fourth panel.
I posted the page up because I replaced swear stars with swear words and I wanted to see how it played. It's page 2 of a 74 page adventure which is a film type story of which this is one scene, where as in real life, people, especially when arguing repeat themselves. Sometimes endlessly.
I disagree with the notion of always saying something new in each pannel, or changing angles. I want something different and that feels like real life, and to me at least this does.;-)
I hear you. I've cut it down on the later stuff, but this is page 2 and needs work and I'll give it attention. Promise.O_o
Hehe I was gonna say something about them too. Besides that though I really like it man. At first I thought it was a little much on the text side but after I started going with it I didn't really mind. Actually added it to my weekly comics to checkup on
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As for the actual comic, the entire thing could occur in four panels, yet you've made the characters say the same thing over and over, filling 16 panels. I noticed you did the same thing in the comic in your last thread. Each new panel should be saying something new, not just repeating what's already come across. This many panels should be used to show an entire conversation which multiple responses and subjects, but what you have here is just him saying the same thing in 16 different ways. Just like this paragraph I'm writing right now, I've lengthened it with sentences that are all basically saying the same thing, but I'm only doing it to make sure you understand what I'm saying, while in your comic this isn't necessary because I understand the whole thing by the fourth panel.
Your drawing style is a bit different from the usual fare, which is nice.
However you should consider making some changes with your choice and organization of type.
1. Typing in mostly caps with random non caps letters is really hard to understand. Pick a single font for convos to start with and see where that goes.
2. Em Dashes are usually used to show a longish pause in speech in between phrases/sentences. You do not need them in the front of a sentence.
3.I find the red "action" text really distracting, maybe you should change the color to a less bright or grayscale color? (Your choice of color is also dependent on resolution, which is why I can't give you a definite answer.)
I posted the page up because I replaced swear stars with swear words and I wanted to see how it played. It's page 2 of a 74 page adventure which is a film type story of which this is one scene, where as in real life, people, especially when arguing repeat themselves. Sometimes endlessly.
I disagree with the notion of always saying something new in each pannel, or changing angles. I want something different and that feels like real life, and to me at least this does.;-)
(If you want to see some more it's up at www.smugglingvacation.co.uk ).
I hear you. I've cut it down on the later stuff, but this is page 2 and needs work and I'll give it attention. Promise.O_o
Hehe I was gonna say something about them too. Besides that though I really like it man. At first I thought it was a little much on the text side but after I started going with it I didn't really mind. Actually added it to my weekly comics to checkup on
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