The new forums will be named Coin Return (based on the most recent vote)! You can check on the status and timeline of the transition to the new forums here.
The Guiding Principles and New Rules document is now in effect.
Heartless or am I a little bitch? (Girl)
SoonerMan
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
I feel like a little bitch, at least. I don't know. I really, really hurt right now. Usually I can keep my shit together, but I am in shambles. I know a majority of the suggestions will be, "Pack it up and move on" and stuff like that. I accept that and realize that is what I need to do. But how?
So my ex and I were keeping in touch. We were just talking as friends, and of course we kind of missed each other. We had been together a year, broke it off for a few reasons: 1) I felt under appreciated by her, 2) I was going off to college. Well I gave it some time in college (not enough I know people will say) but I eventually decided, "You know... she can change. I know we both want this to work." So we start talking again, we tell each other to take it slow. We can do this if we listen to each other
She stopped listening pretty quick. Wouldn't give anything up or even put any effort into it. That was ok, I was going to stick it out. I felt something good was to come of this. Maybe in the end something still will, but it might not necessarily be with her.
Anyway... this past weekend I got fed up with her always making excuses. I told her to talk to me when she was willing to make a compromise at some point, so while I'm in Dallas enjoying OU-Texas weekend I get a text from her. "I'm sorry, I still love you." I kind of melt, this is one of the few sweet things she's done. Sad, right? But I fell for it. So we talk again, I'm ok with her. I feel she's going to change. Last night for Christ's sake she tells me the same things, we can make it work... so on... so forth.
Today? I get upset again. I tell her this won't work, she's so stubborn and almost hateful at times. Before I get a chance to hang up she says, "There's someone else." Wtf? She's been telling me this whole time, because I've asked, that there hasn't been anyone else. She tells me who it is, they were flirting the night before she calls me.
I don't own her or any of that shit, I understand. It just hurts so much because she let my spirits fucking soar... and now I'm here. In the fucking pits. This hurts so bad. She was my first love.
So my ex and I were keeping in touch. We were just talking as friends, and of course we kind of missed each other. We had been together a year, broke it off for a few reasons: 1) I felt under appreciated by her, 2) I was going off to college. Well I gave it some time in college (not enough I know people will say) but I eventually decided, "You know... she can change. I know we both want this to work." So we start talking again, we tell each other to take it slow. We can do this if we listen to each other
She stopped listening pretty quick. Wouldn't give anything up or even put any effort into it. That was ok, I was going to stick it out. I felt something good was to come of this. Maybe in the end something still will, but it might not necessarily be with her.
Anyway... this past weekend I got fed up with her always making excuses. I told her to talk to me when she was willing to make a compromise at some point, so while I'm in Dallas enjoying OU-Texas weekend I get a text from her. "I'm sorry, I still love you." I kind of melt, this is one of the few sweet things she's done. Sad, right? But I fell for it. So we talk again, I'm ok with her. I feel she's going to change. Last night for Christ's sake she tells me the same things, we can make it work... so on... so forth.
Today? I get upset again. I tell her this won't work, she's so stubborn and almost hateful at times. Before I get a chance to hang up she says, "There's someone else." Wtf? She's been telling me this whole time, because I've asked, that there hasn't been anyone else. She tells me who it is, they were flirting the night before she calls me.
I don't own her or any of that shit, I understand. It just hurts so much because she let my spirits fucking soar... and now I'm here. In the fucking pits. This hurts so bad. She was my first love.
Rah, Oklahoma! Rah, Oklahoma! Rah, Oklahoma~! O-K-U!
SoonerMan on
0
Posts
She's not going to change, man. The writing was on the wall then. Best course of action is to cut off all contact, and take the time to enjoy being single and get yourself together. Eventually you will find someone far more suitable for you, and you will look back on this and wish you had ended it much, much earlier.
It will not work and you wasted so many months on the idea that it may work.
Let the other man now enjoy the misery that this woman appears to bring.
Please note the first line again. Leave her alone.
Satans..... hints.....
Glancing over the last thread, I see people have already told you pretty much everything I normally say to someone in your position. Go ahead and get the heartache over with and enjoy yourself at your new school. If you're fine making new friends and reasonably outgoing (and if you aren't, try hard to get there), college is going to provide loads of opportunities to get over this.
The advice to "just move on" does not mean you should feel perfectly fine tomorrow morning. It means you should feel like shit for whatever amount of time is appropriate for your personality and you should, both now and later when you have fully recovered, move forward with your life.
You SHOULD be angry at her, not depressed. She's let this drag out and there's been someone else all along. She never had an interest in anything real with you, after you took your break. She simply told you what you thought you wanted to hear. You were trying to be the good guy, talking things through, and she made sure it wouldn't work. In fact, she was pretty selfish about it -- keeping you around while seeing the other guy. Even if you could get together again in the future, do you want to validate her actions? Show her that cheating on you and not even attempting to communicate is good behavior? That there's no consequences?
Delete her contacts and realize that you're a better person than her, that you don't treat people like crap and that you respect people you have a relationship with. Then vow to be with someone who respects you as well.
infracted for this? dang. can't a guy make a joke? sigh.
Even if you're not in the mood for that, the answer still is to go hang out with friends, especially any time you feel bad about her. And don't make her a topic. Hells, man, teh halos and Team Fortress 2 just came out. Lan party!
It's fucked up what she did, but ultimately it's her life. And what you need to realize is that it's your life, so don't let her fuck it up.
You me bricktown?
Your current girl sounds like the girl whom I recently was dumped by. All through our relationship she was super selfish and always took, very rarely gave, however she always gave just enough to keep me around. She's recently been doing the same things, man. Don't go for that. It'll just end in tears.
Either way though, she said it and you have to take her word for it. Its tough, but if love was really easy they wouldn't write so many songs about heartache, right? This is most likely gonna be one of the most painful experiences of your life when dealing with relationships. When you make it through this your gonna know that you can weather a lot more than what you thought you could.
Another tough part is what to do with your newfound time. I assume that you live on campus? You stated earlier that you went away for school. Well there are a ton of things that you can do associated with school or with the people you meet there. I can sit here and tell you that "theres other fish in the-blah blah blah." Thats the truth but you are in no condition to realize it especially since this your first love you have no other experiences to base it on. This pain is gonna run its course and you can't escape it, but at least its fleeting. I think that even you in your miserable state know that this can't last forever. Could you imagine on your deathbed like 60yrs later: "Damn...I'm still really depressed that {insert name here} was seeing that other guy...I guess I never moved on..."
Lastly, even if she says that she made the part up about seeing someone else, stay strong. There was a reason that you said "This isn't going to work out". You gotta stay strong. I'm sorry for the upcoming insult but if you take her back you are just gonna prove that you are just the bitch you were scared of being when you made this thread. Furthermore she is basically going to have you permission to treat you like a doormat. Bear that in mind if the situation of getting back together ever rears its ugly head again.
I hope this makes sense...
You have to cut her out of your life, that's pretty much the only remedy. I deleted her number from my phone and blocked her on aim and myspace. It's gonna suck. There's pretty much no way around it. Find things to keep yourself occupied. I drank. I don't recommend it.
You'll be sad and you'll be angry, but as time goes on it will gradually fade.
Anyway, you're in college right? You'll be fine. There's plenty going on to take your mind off it. Hang out with your friends. Make new ones. Go to parties. Make a few bad decisions.
Things have a way of working out if you let them. You'll be ok, just give it time.
As for what to do about your situation... not much you can do aside from cutting her off. Worrying about it won't change anything.