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Love vs Rationality (Grrrrls)
Nexus Zero
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
I've almost decided to move back to the city I went to University in, because a lot of friends still live there, both at Uni and not, and if I stay in this town any longer after all my friends have left I will definitely go insane. The problem is, there's this girl there who I will see who I have strong feelings for.
A small preface: I over-analyse situations and my own actions, I'm getting loads better but in this particular instance I can't seem to help myself. I used to have huge self-esteem issues, but again I'm feeling pretty good about myself at the moment and that's the problem; I don't want to keep throwing down with girls I feel absolutely nothing for because it's completely unfulfilling in the long term and I'm starting to want something meaningful. And that in itself is a problem because I've had non-teenage angst feelings for about two girls in my life and one of them happens to be this one. So, I feel like if I miss this boat, I'll be lonely for a fair while longer and that's pretty depressing because I'm not a particularly touchy-feely person so I often feel like an island.
So this girl, she's amazing. She seems really quiet, but she's intelligent and funny and I feel more comfortable with her than any girl I've met. There's nothing about her personality I don't like and that's quite rare, not just for me but think about your friends and how many have just a single trait you love them despite of. I feel like we have a really good connection, but although she's quiet she's also really personable, and I've had this realisation that this thing is probably just in my head and for her it's a normal part of friendship. Sometimes I see her looking at me and she has this smile that I've only seen in girls that fancy me, or in myself when I fancy them.
Before I left Uni I was still drunk after we spent a great night together, it was meant to be a social but we normally end up spending all night together, so pissed and confused I sent her a text asking how she felt about me (goddammit!) The response was basically "you're leaving soon so nothing will happen because I wouldn't want to lead you on". After years of treating girls like I shouldn't have, I knew the second part of this line well and it was code for "thanks for the sex but nooooo", though here obviously without the sex part. But it actually felt a bit weird to hear it used on me, she knows I'm a bit cold so it seems strange to hear about leading people on from her. I feel like this would have been prefaced with a "I like you too but" if the feelings were reciprocated. I'm trying to be rational about the situation but when I'm sober I'm too hopeful and when I'm stoned I'm happily nihilistic.
So, I don't know where I'd stand if I went back. It'd be weird of me to ask. But, seeing more than half of my friends would involve seeing her and I saw her just once a few weeks ago and all my feelings came back and I'd forgotten how shit it was to really like someone without being with them. After leaving Uni I'd stopped missing her after a few weeks and if I never go back things would be a lot easier. I'm asking, then, what you make of this whole situation and whether you think it's wise for me to go back considering I estimate my chances with her as low.
tl;dr: About to move back to a city where a girl who I really like lives, debating whether it is a good idea because I doubt I will be able to get over her if I'm always in contact with her.
A small preface: I over-analyse situations and my own actions, I'm getting loads better but in this particular instance I can't seem to help myself. I used to have huge self-esteem issues, but again I'm feeling pretty good about myself at the moment and that's the problem; I don't want to keep throwing down with girls I feel absolutely nothing for because it's completely unfulfilling in the long term and I'm starting to want something meaningful. And that in itself is a problem because I've had non-teenage angst feelings for about two girls in my life and one of them happens to be this one. So, I feel like if I miss this boat, I'll be lonely for a fair while longer and that's pretty depressing because I'm not a particularly touchy-feely person so I often feel like an island.
So this girl, she's amazing. She seems really quiet, but she's intelligent and funny and I feel more comfortable with her than any girl I've met. There's nothing about her personality I don't like and that's quite rare, not just for me but think about your friends and how many have just a single trait you love them despite of. I feel like we have a really good connection, but although she's quiet she's also really personable, and I've had this realisation that this thing is probably just in my head and for her it's a normal part of friendship. Sometimes I see her looking at me and she has this smile that I've only seen in girls that fancy me, or in myself when I fancy them.
Before I left Uni I was still drunk after we spent a great night together, it was meant to be a social but we normally end up spending all night together, so pissed and confused I sent her a text asking how she felt about me (goddammit!) The response was basically "you're leaving soon so nothing will happen because I wouldn't want to lead you on". After years of treating girls like I shouldn't have, I knew the second part of this line well and it was code for "thanks for the sex but nooooo", though here obviously without the sex part. But it actually felt a bit weird to hear it used on me, she knows I'm a bit cold so it seems strange to hear about leading people on from her. I feel like this would have been prefaced with a "I like you too but" if the feelings were reciprocated. I'm trying to be rational about the situation but when I'm sober I'm too hopeful and when I'm stoned I'm happily nihilistic.
So, I don't know where I'd stand if I went back. It'd be weird of me to ask. But, seeing more than half of my friends would involve seeing her and I saw her just once a few weeks ago and all my feelings came back and I'd forgotten how shit it was to really like someone without being with them. After leaving Uni I'd stopped missing her after a few weeks and if I never go back things would be a lot easier. I'm asking, then, what you make of this whole situation and whether you think it's wise for me to go back considering I estimate my chances with her as low.
tl;dr: About to move back to a city where a girl who I really like lives, debating whether it is a good idea because I doubt I will be able to get over her if I'm always in contact with her.
Nexus Zero on
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