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my parents are considering a divorce
FarseerBaradas
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Well, the title just about sums it up.
Is there anything I can do? Anything I should avoid doing?
I'm in a rather bad state at the moment, so this may not be the clearest thing ever.
Is there anything I can do? Anything I should avoid doing?
I'm in a rather bad state at the moment, so this may not be the clearest thing ever.
FarseerBaradas on
0
Posts
Avoid feeling responsible. Don't pick sides. Talk to them as much as you can bear to, or as much as they will let you.
A divorce will affect you hugely if you're still a minor, but if you're 18/adult age where you live then it will probably be very emotional and you'll be upset for a while, but it probably won't impact on the actual way you live your life very much.
I'm 18, just left for college a couple of months ago.
Not to mention, you not living at home means that its far less likely to be a messy divorce. Most problems in divorce are fought over custody of the children, and with none there (I'm assuming you're an only child, or the youngest), that problem won't happen.
Obviously it'd be better if a divorce never happened, but better by far for it to happen now than say, two or three years ago.
Best of luck with everything, and try not to let it distract you from your education too much.
It's not exactly your marriage. And you're unlikely to have anything to do with their marriage not working out. Also don't let them try to get you involved in their shit, my mom and dad both tried the whole "well tell your dad this" and "just tell your mom that" bullshit and that's, well, bullshit. If they want something from eachother they can ask like grown-ups.
That's what happened to me and I basically told my Dad if he wants to tell my Mam something he can do it himself instead of making a bad situation worse by getting the kids to tell her stuff!
It sucks.... been there.... more than once....
Not to sound like a dick, but... yeah, just suck it up and deal. You're going to have someone on one side of the family or another, or a close friend, that you can talk to when shit gets on your nerves. You've got it better than most divorce kids because you're already eighteen and you can do what the fuck you want.
Some advice.
Don't pick sides, and don't bite the hand that feeds you. You might have a natural response to go with one side or another, but the other side probably screwed up just as much, and you need to remember that. Picking sides just means that the side you piss off might end up not helping with that car, or college, or rent, and since it would be a dick move to ask the other side to cover all the costs you'll end up buried in student loans. It happened to me. I sided with my dad, my folks were under contract in the divorce to each help equally pay for school. My mother had gotten me a car when I was seventeen. I drove it for two years and then she had it taken back since it was under her name. I was already working 25 hours a week anyway since I paid my own rent and such, but now I was having to pay rent, her half of tuition, and get a new car.
So dont pick sides! no matter how pissed you are, or be prepared to pay for shit on your own at eighteen.
If your folks are still going to split the cost for your stuff, great. If not, part time (25 hours a week at 6.25-8.00 an hour) plus student loans (you will get them, don't worry about getting approved) will cover tuition, books, and a cheap apartment, but you're not going to have much else to work with.
Scholarships were not kind to me as a middle class white male.
Alright, first off, don't play the race card. If you're left handed, have 1/16th native american blood, gay, any nationality, smart, short, tall, wide, into writing science fiction, into sports, into video games (thanks to PA), or one of a million other things you're eligible for scholarships. : ) Not bitching, just saying.
Sallie Mae dude. They're a tyranical corporation, and they'll be all over your ass when you graduate, but they have private loans at 6.5 % (max) and under, and you don't start paying them until six months after you graduate. Stafford loans are available too, and those are great, since they're federal loans, they can be taken out of your paycheck, or if you're broke, they can be refinanced forever and passed on to your kids : ) (kidding)
So don't worry about college itself. You're elligible for your tuition plus books every semester in private and federal loans. You could get both and you wouldn't have to have a job, but I recommend getting one if you don't have one already.
You're going to be alright. Your dad's probably going to hit a small mid life crisis. My advice...take advantage. He's going to be happy, and when he gets tired of the convertible you can buy it for cheap. I turned 15 when my folk's divorced and my dad went out and bought a Eagle Talon Turbo tSI AWD. Basically like a subaru WRX. I got to learn to drive on this car, and eventually I got this car when I went to college because he grew out of his phase.
As for your mom. She's going to start dating again eventually, and since you're eighteen, you're under no obligation to like some douche she brings home. I'm not saying you should act like an asshole or anything, just make it clear you're an adult, you don't need a daddy, and that the guy better take care of your mom or you're going to kick his ass.. Seriosuly, take care of your mom man, even if you think it was all her fault (not saying you do or anything)
And that's that. The worst part of a divorce is the parent's families. All the talking and gossiping they like to do for the first year or so about the other side. It's really fucking aggrivating. Don't put up with it.
Keep positive even in the darkest moments.
― Dr. Seuss, Oh, the Places You'll Go!