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I'm depressed but have no health care, what should I do?
No-Quarter
Nothing To FearBut Fear ItselfRegistered User regular
Nothing To FearBut Fear ItselfRegistered User regular
I'm not suicidal, let's get that out right here and now. But I'm pretty fucking blue I won't lie.
I just...feel blah. I'm disinterested in things I SHOULD find fun such as WH 40k- I've got my Thousand Sons but I'm too lazy (or whatever) to set up a space to paint at. I'm LONELY and have never been in love and my last 2 (only) serious relationships ended disastrously. I think finding a girl would go a long way to perking me up but it's hard to be confident when you well....aren't.
I've taken anti-depressants before, but never for the 3 month non-stop time period when it's supposed to really "kick in."
I have a therapist whom I don't see nearly enough, and costs like 150 bucks to go see.
I don't have health insurance which was fine because I was working at a lil publishing gig (and actually liked it) and working my way to full time and benefits.
.......Until today when I lost that job because long-story-short I could handle doing the assistant work (prepare contract, send letters, etc) but couldn't keep up with the permission requests that were constantly flooding in. No warning whatsoever- the fucking girl who had the gig before me at least received a warning she might be terminated considering she was showing up you know 2 hours late for work every day. Now I'm not sure if it was all just me because apparently they aren't hiring someone new so much as splitting the work between the different people left in the office.
Moreover, my boss said he would be happy to write a favorable recommendation for me (which would be an illogical thing to do if I was a shit worker) and to come in and speak to the gentleman who hires folks because they might be able to stick me into a different department which also suggests it's not asm uch my fault as my low self esteem might lead me to believe.
What's more I haven't told my parents yet and that's gonna be a cluster fuck in-and-of-itself given their propensities to be utterly retarded at heart to hearts. I feel like I'm going to get the third degree for this (and unfortunately probably will,) seeing as my mother is a champion at jumping to paranoid conclusions "It's because you did/didn't X Y Z!" and Dad is about as intuitive and tactful with dealing with others' feelings as a block of wood "you had a good job and you screwed it up!" Which is frankly why I didn't tell him when I came home from first job on the way to the second (I work part time as a janitor) because given the mood I was in then (I was a mess) and I didn't feel like running even the slightest risk of a lecture from Sgt. Iknoweverything.
I spoke to my brother and he was actually pretty cool about it (he lost his when he was my age) but since a Double Standard Rule applies in my household that probably won't matter and frankly if they push certain buttons the whole thing is liable to turn into a giant shit show no I'm not going to burn the house down. I might just be overreacting and they could be entirely understanding but frankly it'll be a bigger surprise than if they bug out on me.
Slainte...
PS...and my birthday is Saturday, some present huh?
I just...feel blah. I'm disinterested in things I SHOULD find fun such as WH 40k- I've got my Thousand Sons but I'm too lazy (or whatever) to set up a space to paint at. I'm LONELY and have never been in love and my last 2 (only) serious relationships ended disastrously. I think finding a girl would go a long way to perking me up but it's hard to be confident when you well....aren't.
I've taken anti-depressants before, but never for the 3 month non-stop time period when it's supposed to really "kick in."
I have a therapist whom I don't see nearly enough, and costs like 150 bucks to go see.
I don't have health insurance which was fine because I was working at a lil publishing gig (and actually liked it) and working my way to full time and benefits.
.......Until today when I lost that job because long-story-short I could handle doing the assistant work (prepare contract, send letters, etc) but couldn't keep up with the permission requests that were constantly flooding in. No warning whatsoever- the fucking girl who had the gig before me at least received a warning she might be terminated considering she was showing up you know 2 hours late for work every day. Now I'm not sure if it was all just me because apparently they aren't hiring someone new so much as splitting the work between the different people left in the office.
Moreover, my boss said he would be happy to write a favorable recommendation for me (which would be an illogical thing to do if I was a shit worker) and to come in and speak to the gentleman who hires folks because they might be able to stick me into a different department which also suggests it's not asm uch my fault as my low self esteem might lead me to believe.
What's more I haven't told my parents yet and that's gonna be a cluster fuck in-and-of-itself given their propensities to be utterly retarded at heart to hearts. I feel like I'm going to get the third degree for this (and unfortunately probably will,) seeing as my mother is a champion at jumping to paranoid conclusions "It's because you did/didn't X Y Z!" and Dad is about as intuitive and tactful with dealing with others' feelings as a block of wood "you had a good job and you screwed it up!" Which is frankly why I didn't tell him when I came home from first job on the way to the second (I work part time as a janitor) because given the mood I was in then (I was a mess) and I didn't feel like running even the slightest risk of a lecture from Sgt. Iknoweverything.
I spoke to my brother and he was actually pretty cool about it (he lost his when he was my age) but since a Double Standard Rule applies in my household that probably won't matter and frankly if they push certain buttons the whole thing is liable to turn into a giant shit show no I'm not going to burn the house down. I might just be overreacting and they could be entirely understanding but frankly it'll be a bigger surprise than if they bug out on me.
Slainte...
PS...and my birthday is Saturday, some present huh?
No-Quarter on
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First off, wait until Monday to tell your parents. When you tell them, lie. Tell them you were laid off, and that they aren't replacing you (given what you said above, odds are, there's a good chance this isn't even a lie). Tell them they offered to give you a good recommendation.
If you've already been seeing a therapist and such, there isn't much to recommend that doesn't more or less boil down to "get over it." Which is what a therapist helps you do. While it's not a cure-all, start exercising (at least doing cardio for 1/2 an hour a day plus body-weight exercises such as pushups and crunches; do weightlifting if you have access to appropriate facilities). This gets your endorphins going, and helps you to feel a bit better. Again, it's not a cure-all, but it is a good start.
No I dont think that will be necessary. Part of the problem is that they're both highly irrational. I could tell them 5 different stories about why I got laid off including the fact that my boss was a vampire and I tried to stake him, and their responses would likely not change.
The exercise is a good idea but its one of those things I've bee planning on doing for years (like painting my Thousand Sons). I need motivation, when someone is with me I CAN do those things but left to my own devices....
Slainte'
The fact that you can make me laugh is still a good sign.
work with that.
Though the one I called just told me I was calling for the wrong county. ...
Blasting Dethklok is helping too. BLOODROCUTED!!!
Here is a quote which I believe wraps up my situation pretty damn well and from a very unlikely source too:
"Very often, if one is lacking in hope or confidence, it is easier to imagine failure as the end result of an endeavor that might bring us improvement, than it is to imagine success. This fear is perhaps caused by the notion that if we avoid taking the risk of trying to improve ourselves, we will never run the risk of failing even more. Our inaction is a kind of damaging emotional crutch whereby we can convince ourselves that we are causing less pain by staying stuck in our rut than we would if we tried to climb out of it. At least when up to our waists in misery we know just where we stand. How many of us at some point in our lives preferred the misery of known insecurities to the insecurity of unknown miseries?"
-The Book of Nurgle, Liber Chaotica
When I happened upon that I was shocked (which is hard to do) at how well that seem to describe me. Despite having read that years ago I find myself stuck in the same place for the same reasons. Damn it all.
Slainte'
Here are the steps I took to get back on track, finish school, and continue my life.
1: Got away from a number of friends/a girlfriend who were not in any way supportive or helpful. They accounted for a large part of my situational depression, which is just a whole other layer on top of clinical, and is something you can get over, very much so.
2: Found the local community care center, where I now get my medication for virtually free through one of the many drug company charity programs. You can find out information about your own meds at www.needymeds.com, along with ways to apply.
3: Began exercising and lost a lot of weight with proper diet. Again weight and bodily health can add to any existing depression, and eliminating these issues can be a huge relief.
4: Enrolled in college, made sure I had oversight and finished, and moved on with my life. This was a huge roadblock for me and getting past it cut out 90% of the stress in my life.
Basically, if you are clinically depressed, you are always going to be clinically depressed. It's a chemical malfunction and there's nothing you can do but treat it, hopefully with help. But what you can change is anything else in your life that is adding or enhancing the existing depression. When you've got it to the point that your life is smooth and stress free, then you can look at whatever depression is still extant and attempt to treat that through meds/therapy. You'll probably be surprised by how easy that is.
Thank you SO much for that link. I'll look into seeing if I can get a plan to get back on these. You're right, a lot of my current state is situational but I've got a layer of clinical down there too.
This is a really great community, I like it here.
Slainte'
https://medium.com/@alascii
Think of your actions as if they were a good friend's actions. Say your friend was painting miniatures for you, and you gave them to him a month ago. You call him up, say "hey what's going on with those, you find time for that yet" and he's like "ah right, I totally forgot, I've been playing WoW for like every waking hour." The first time, maybe 2 times, you're OK with that even if it kind of pisses you off. Maybe the 3rd time you finally get angry with the guy for just blowing shit off that he said he would do. You get pissed off because the least he could do is say "I won't have time for that, I'll bring them back over to your house so I'm not just sitting on them doing nothing." You get pissed off and you tell him off, and you go over there and get your shit back.
Now think of the friend as you. You've got shit to do; get angry at yourself. Say, "dammit me, why the hell aren't I doing that! I'm just watching this stupid TV show!" Only you're different from your friend -- your resolution to your anger is to just do the thing you're avoiding.
I used to do this with dishes, cleaning, other crap. I'd come home and just be fed up with, say, a growing pile of dishes, papers on the floor, clothes in a pile. I'd be like "dammit me, what a shithole this is! I can't believe I let it get this bad! I'm gonna clean this shithole up!" And for like 3-4 hours I'd just clean and sort and whatever. Now I'm pretty motivated to keep things clean as I go, but that's just an example.
I don't see it as, say, pure rage or anything, just anger at procrastinating so badly and avoiding things that, deep down, I know I could've finished and been done with in almost no time, but blew it off for whatever dumb reason I had at the time.
As for the job stuff, don't sweat it. Everyone loses jobs, changes careers, whatever. If your parents truly are as irrational as you say they are, why are you telling them? Do you need financial support? Do they drive you to the job? If they're not involved in the job or your life in a way that losing the job directly affects them, don't tell them. Tell them when you have a new job. Tell them the positive things, and don't tell them the negative things. If they dwell so much on the negative, skip the negative. Bring it up if you're in dire straits or need help from them, but otherwise it's none of their business if they're going to overreact so badly.
On the other hand, remember that parents typically become softer about their kid's choices and lifestyle as the kids age. If I had lost a job in highschool, my parents would've been pretty pissed off. If I were to lose my job now, it would be an entirely different conversation with them (mostly as I'm married, own a house, etc.).
You need to make two phone calls to your county health and human services department.
The first phone call is to ask for referrals to low-cost and sliding-scale therapists. There is no reason you should have to pay $150 per visit to a therapist. I know one person who gets therapy at $15 a visit and another who gets it at $35 a visit.
The second phone call is to see if they can provide you with low-cost health insurance. Many county governments can.
Other than that, do like Thanatos says and exercise. 30 minutes of intense cardio exercise three times a week has been shown to be as effective as antidepressants in relieving the symptoms of mild to moderate depression. I know how hard it can be to motivate yourself to get up and out of bed when you're depressed, but getting over depression requires you to push yourself out of your comfort zone, at least for the first few weeks. Getting on antidepressants will help give you motivation and improve your energy if you can get them, but it sounds like that may not be an option for you, so you might just have to cowboy up and get moving without them. Don't worry, though, it eventually starts getting easier.
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
I am also going to pm you a link to a forum for depressed people where you can talk to people who may being going through similar things.
The other recommendation I would make is be sure you are getting the right kind of therapy. Psychotherapy is very much a buyer beware business. If you can 'cognitive behavioral therapy' that would be the way to go. Sometimes people refer to it as CBT.
Half an hour of exercise three times a week or more is an excellent way to go.
Exercise has been proven to work well against depression. The only problem is doing it.
Slainte'