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First time advice *Update post #86*
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Stick around.I'm full of bad ideas.Registered User regular
Stick around.I'm full of bad ideas.Registered User regular
Okay, backstory. There's this girl I went to High School with and I absolutely fell in love with her. Unfortunately, I found out she had a year+ relationship going on at the time. I don't want to be "that guy" and guilt her into breaking up with him, so I keep quiet about it. We're still good friends, though. We hang out, we go to movies, we have lunch together. We even work at the same place for a year--during which I finally got enough balls to tell her how I really felt. It turns out she feels the same way about me, but (surprise!) can't do anything about it due to her boyfriend. We remain friends, and a few months pass until we come to the present day.
She's recently told me that she broke up with Mr. Boyfriend about a month ago. What's more, she's coming home from college (I go to local, she lives in a dorm) in a week and has made it abundantly clear that she wants the two of us to spend some "time" together. (Since both of our families are going to be home, I half-jokingly suggested we rent a room and she went with it)
Now when I say this is going to be my first time, I mean for fucking everything. I have never so much as kissed a girl before. Naturally I am equal parts excited and nervous out of my fucking mind. I really want this to go as smoothly as possible, and to that end I'm about two steps away from actually making a checklist of everything I need to do. I've bought condoms and reserved a room, I've even cut back on eating and started exercising more in a last-second attempt to get into better shape. I've already gotten a lot of good advice from some close friends, but I really want to make sure there's absolutely nothing I miss.
tl;dr - I am the luckiest motherfucker in the world, help me lose my virginity
She's recently told me that she broke up with Mr. Boyfriend about a month ago. What's more, she's coming home from college (I go to local, she lives in a dorm) in a week and has made it abundantly clear that she wants the two of us to spend some "time" together. (Since both of our families are going to be home, I half-jokingly suggested we rent a room and she went with it)
Now when I say this is going to be my first time, I mean for fucking everything. I have never so much as kissed a girl before. Naturally I am equal parts excited and nervous out of my fucking mind. I really want this to go as smoothly as possible, and to that end I'm about two steps away from actually making a checklist of everything I need to do. I've bought condoms and reserved a room, I've even cut back on eating and started exercising more in a last-second attempt to get into better shape. I've already gotten a lot of good advice from some close friends, but I really want to make sure there's absolutely nothing I miss.
tl;dr - I am the luckiest motherfucker in the world, help me lose my virginity
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Also relax, take it easy. It'll be fun. My first time was a little nerve wracking in my mind, but that's all it really is. A whole mindfuck that you just gotta get over. Once your nerves are settled, it's easy riding.
Remember: you're getting laid. Have fun.
Oh, almost forgot. If she does not want it, don't force it. She is getting over someone, after all. Might turn out to be chit-chat time for you two. Who knows. Just let things flow.
Rent a movie or make plans to hang out in some way, don't just plan to have sex for # days straight.
PSN/XBL: dragoniemx
I don't like doing the whole personal story thing much, but my first time i bluffed my way though it. Foreplay is pretty hard when you don't have a real good idea of how exactly things work down there, so stick to the upper areas. As for the sex, if you get that far, i just asked her to "guide me in" then went to town missionary. Finished in like <5 mins and and was totally embarrassed, but hey, if you are starting a relationship with this girl, you're going to have many more chances so just relax.
Good luck man!
Oh no, we're still going to be hanging out. Even if nothing else happens, it'll be good just seeing her again after these last few months. We've talked about catching a movie, going out to eat, maybe just playing Wii for a while.
Yeah, she knows. The <5 minute thing is actually one of my biggest fears right now though, so any tips on how to avoid that would be greatly appreciated.
:^: Sounds awesome dude, I hope you guys have fun either way.
About the other thing, I wouldn't worry about it too much, especially during your first time. You already seem to care about her also enjoying it, which is what really matters. If you are really nervous, ejaculating like the day before or something will mean that you are less likely to finish that fast. Also everyone is different in terms of sensitivity. Just slow down if you feel like you're getting too close and would like to keep going.
PSN/XBL: dragoniemx
Drink.... That's how i did managed to last longer the 2nd time. But i don't really recommend it.
Having a fap beforehand helps. But nothing as much as just having sex.
Practice makes perfect etc.
The advice given so far has been good but I think ultimately the best advice you can get is from the girl herself. Talk to her; she'll be able to tell you what she likes, what works and what doesn't, and vice versa.
Also I want to echo "relax, take it easy".
Take your time, start off with the makeouts, and you'll move on to hotter and heavier things naturally as you go.
Oh, and if you find you don't have legendary sexual stamina? Just go again!
It takes a lot of time and practice, and maybe some kegel exercises. But don't worry about it.
When you pop the first time, focus on pleasuring her for a while, and recover for a second round. You'll probably last a *lot* longer the second time. Slightly less sensation, certainly less anxiety.
If you don't know what she likes, ask her. Don't avoid "down there" just because you're inexperienced.
And don't drink beforehand. Shakespeare knew what the hell he was talking about when he wrote, "It increaseth the desire, but taketh away the performance."
Word. You've gotta learn sometime! Now's as good a time as any.
Heh, I've found i did much better when i was first starting out with a few drinks under my belt. Each to his own i guess.
"Oh what a day, what a LOVELY DAY!"
Also, while communicating is great, sometimes asking questions outright can "spoil the moment". Hopefully the girl is comfortable enough with you that she won't feel too self conscious to say things like "more" when you're doing things that she likes. Go slow, try different things, and pay attention to how she reacts.
Also also, when you're in her, don't be afraid to "give her a hand" so to speak. Chances are she won't get off without it. And, if you're concentrating more on that, then you may not finish too quickly.
Did she say you did better or did you decide you did better?
I hadn't even thought of this. I'm guessing the standard KY is the way to go?
you don't need lube
The <5 thing happened to me. Don't worry about it, odds are that you will be so aroused that you will be able to go a second time shortly after. Theres really no trick to lasting longer. One more helpful hint I'll throw out there is don't be nervous. My first time I was so nervous I had a hard time getting it up. Trick is to just relax and don't think of this person as your sexual partner but as your friend who going to be something more that and who you are going to share something beautiful with. I have a hard time envisioning someone pulling out a scorecard after your first time and giving you an overall rating.
Don't listen to this guy. At all.
You very well may need lube, MOST people use lube. Even if you don't absolutely need it, it'll make things a lot more pleasurable for the both of you. As far as what kind to use, everyone is different, I've never personally used KY. I use Eros Bodyglide. Whatever you do, make sure you get lube that's not oil based and doesn't have glycerin in it, as glycerin can encourage yeast infections in women. You can look around at different types of lube at condomdepot.com or other sites like that, they even have reviews.
Yeah, this. If you don't know how to make a woman come, you have no business having sex.
The hell? I've never used it, and I've had no problems. Bringing lube and condoms seems really creepy
Not trying to be hilarious, but it depends how the two of you are both built. If you have a big penis and she has a small vagina, and especially if you're using condoms, lube will make everything better.
And are you really suggesting he turn up without a condom? That's retarded.
Not at all, though it sounds that way. What I was actually suggesting is the situation of random awkward guy who has no experience with girls bringing a girl to a hotel room armed with lube and condoms is going to be a bad situation, like something out of 40 year old virgin.
Magenta'd for wtf? I'd love to see where you're pulling that from =P
That said I'd echo previous posters and say that you probably should get more experience just being physically intimate with women before you even consider sex. The first time can be nerve racking enough, especially with a girl you actually like. Adding in all the other stuff (like your first kiss, which has potential to be extremely awkward in and of itself) just seems like a recipe for disaster.
You like this girl? She likes you? Slow it down a bit.
That's a good point, I hadn't considered that.
Just plan on it, and then it won't be such a worrysome event.
It won't take you long to reload, and the 2nd time you'll last much longer.
Another way to last longer is to change speed/position!
Surely you've masturbated enough to know when you're approaching that 'point of no return', where the involuntary contractions start - so when you even THINK you're getting near this point, simply slow way down, change position, change action, anything.
This is easier said than done of course, since your natural instinct will be to keep going!
Also, your gf might tell you 'don't stop, keep going!', which makes things even harder.
Just tell her that if things keep going like they are, you'll hit orgasm fast.
She might tell you to keep going anyway, or she'll get the hint and opt for a change as well.
Remember, have fun and communicate.
This is a fun event, not a job interview.
Having said that, let's move on to some more fun advice. Don't worry about not lasting very long. First of all, it doesn't matter how long it takes for you to come as long as you make sure she comes at least once. There are infinite ways to pleasure a woman that doesn't require a hard-on, I suggest you learn a few and try them out. Also, since it's your first time, I think it's safe to assume that you don't have a whole lot of experience in maneuvering your penis with your hips, so don't assume that vaginal intercourse is going to be the best part of your encounter. You might actually have a better shot at pleasuring her with your mouth or your hands or whatever, since, well, they're more maneuverable. Do not, for the love of god, get single-minded about penis-in-hole. The general attitude about sex is "It's over when the man comes," which I believe is why "lasting longer" is such a big deal, and that is just incredibly false. So you don't have a boner anymore, you still have other perfectly serviceable appendages, use them creatively!
Also, someone else mentioned going slow and paying attention to how she reacts. That guy knows what he's talking about. Of course, you're probably going to get over-excited and carried away, this being your first time and all, but it's a good rule of thumb for future encounters. Just remember, sex is about expressing your love for your partner by giving them pleasure, not about the in-and-out.
I've left out some of the more personal details for obvious reasons, but she's looking forward to this as much as I am.
Honestly, I'm not sure if it'll come down to vaginal sex. She says she never went that far with the previous boyfriend, but then again she also says she regrets not meeting me first.
This seems like a great way to uncontrollably have a three step drop, if you get my meaning.
At the risk of someone I know seeing this post, your first time can't possibly go any worse than mine in terms of performance unless you're that guy from American Pie. We had 3 years of dating before we decided to go there. Talk about anticipation. I...ugh, what a mess that was. I don't have the will, even years after the fact, to describe what went wrong. I was in and done, let's just say that. There was no technique because it was a 5 second ride. Stupid penis.
Anyway, going with much of the advice that's been given on alternatives, you should familiarize yourself with the clitoris. You've never seen or touched one before. Know where it is. If you do get around to doing stuff with this girl, be gentle but aim for the clitoris. It's god's gift to men that fucked up and came too soon.
You should be doing this anyway. Foreplay helps relieve the pressure of the "main event." Spend as much time as you can "downtown" before moving on to bigger and better things.
On the plus side, in a 3 year relationship the girl is less likely to laugh and then never call you again.
Not that this is going to happen to the OP because it's an entirely different situation, I'm just saying
Alright dude- first of all, unless she has said point-blank "I want to have sex with you when we see each other" - you should not immediately assume that sex is the first thing on her mind. Assumption is the mother of all fuck-ups, and if you really care about this girl, you don't want to fuck anything up right at the start. As the Jedi say, "clear your mind"- if you stress out or overthink, you'll make things uncomfortable for her. Just enjoy your time with her, and show her that you don't care what the two of you do, as long as you're with her.
From the sound of it, I'd say it's safe to bet you're getting your first kiss. (Let me pause and say Congrats
Lastly- if things do result in the horizontal disco (again, Congrats in advance) - don't panic or worry about your performance. Foreplay, foreplay, foreplay is the key to success. Watch some porn, talk to friends about their techniques, etc. If you go "downtown", don't make it a 5-minute trip to the store- stay down there for a while- it'll show her you're making sure she's enjoying herself (and if you make her pop once or twice down there, bonus points!).
One of the posters said 'Communicate' - this is great advice. Don't be afraid to ask her what she likes, what feels good, etc. You should also be able to tell what she likes by her reactions.
When it comes to the sex itself- again, communicate. Don't freak out because it's your first time- just ask her what she wants and what feels good. I'm going to assume you want a relationship to come out of this whole thing, so I wouldn't recommend balls-to-the-wall animal sex (at least.. not yet
Good luck, dude. I hope everything goes well for you- it sounds like you have a possibility for a great relationship and I hope it works out for you.
**Go slow, but if she picks up the tempo, don't be afraid to respond in kind. Remember- the key to everything is what SHE wants.
Oh, she laughed. She laughed a lot.
honestly, you will probably be so nervous your first time that you will last a hella long time.
but just in case, stop masturbating. It trains you to bust a nut as quickly as possible, which is not what you are wanting to do. So just stop, and *maybe* pull one off right before you guys go out.
Also, do math multiplication, or some such shit. I personally don't like doing this, as it takes you away from the moment. But if it must be done, then it must be done.
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As far as the OP, just have fun with your friend, if it leads to sex great for you. If it doesn't then don't think you did anything wrong, or she's cold, or blah blah. She's just your friend right now, not your girlfriend.
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If lips-on-lips gets her turned on, you can sneak a little tongue in there, but again, go slow. First poke it out just a little and stroke her lips lightly with the tip, then if she opens her mouth, go in and do some tongue-tanglin'. Or maybe she'll have already stuck her tongue down your throat by this point.
Kissing really promotes that warm-and-fuzzy feeling, and I think it's important to enjoy your first kiss
That's about all I can think of right now. Good luck with everything
A tip about breasts, if the girl is well endowed you might want to avoid going directly for them as she could see that as a turn off, similarly if she isn't very well endowed she could be shy about her smaller breasts.
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