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Girlfriend might have herpes
anonywho
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
So I woke up to a text this morning from my girlfriend saying she might have herpes and it would mean me too. She was in the ER cause she couldn't take the pain from it, but they said it might be a reaction to something. Now I don't know how this might have happened since we're each other's first, and we just did oral and nothing else. How would I go about getting tested without my parents knowing since they would kill me if I tell them.
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edit: http://www.herpes-coldsores.com/support/std_clinics.htm what the hell, there's a worldwide list here to start with.
Where are you located? If you're in the UK then just call in to any number of walk in centres, explain the situation and ask to be tested. They'll do it and phone you back (just pass them your mobile number), they're very discreet and won't mention a thing to your parents.
And herpes can be transferred orally and can even be caught (albeit rarely) when using contraception. It's an STD that whilst treatable doesn't ever actually leave the body. Some people never ever feel the affects of it (so potentially you could actually have given it to your gf) whereas some people suffer quite badly. It can re-occur after you've caught it, but re-occurances normally become less frequent with time and are usually less painful each time (if painful at all).
If you do have herpes, don't freak out about it. In future (for example with future partners, if any) just use a condom. You can still have unprotected sex but you shouldn't if you feel ANY of the symptoms at all. Even if you're not suffering the symptoms it's still slightly possible to pass it on due to flaking (I think it's called).
As I said though, don't freak out. A good proportion of people actually have herpes and don't realise, being that herpes is just a coldsore. There are two types, one is more prevelant in the downstairs area, whereas the other is more often found around the mouth. It is possible to pass either version on via unprotected oral sex, so potentially if you've had a coldsore on your mouth, this may have been what has happened.
The most important thing is just to calm down, get tested and find out if you do or don't have it.
::edit:: Sorry, wrote all that before I found out you were in the USA
Oh and another thing, just because she has it, doesn't mean you have it. As I mentioned it could have been passed on from your mouth (Big wow, you have oral herpes, or coldsores, so do thousands of others so don't worry) OR sometimes herpes can incubate for an awfully long time. Married men who have been 100% faithful can come down with it despite their wife not having it. It can have been there for years and only shown it's face now.
PSN: SirGrinchX
Oculus Rift: Sir_Grinch
I've just re-read your first post a bit better as I'm an idiot and missed out an important bit, you're each other's firsts. I would hedge my bets if she does have herpes, you have it orally and have accidentally passed it on. The chance of you actually having genital herpes, to be honest, is pretty slim.
I'm no expert on this but I went through something almost exactly the same as you nearly two years back!
If you don't have it, and your girlfriend does, it's very important you help her through it. Whilst it's not that serious a thing, it can play heavily on someone's mind.
PSN: SirGrinchX
Oculus Rift: Sir_Grinch
All you ever need to know it seems.
Good to see my NI tax money is being spent well for once.
(also, asking medical advice on a forum? bad idea)
The thing is, hers was "down there" so that's what's really worrying me, I've never had a cold sore in my life. I've never seen any sign of it. Is it really possible for it to be that hidden for 18 years that we both did not see ANY signs?
And this is kind of off topic but she asked me today what I would do if she had it and I didn't. I really didn't have an answer, I don't think I could deal with that. Anyone have experience with that?
At least thats what I got told at the clinic I went to.
Edit: and according to all those valtrex commericials you can have a perfectly fine sexual relationship with someone who has herpes while you dont have it.
Yes, you need a sore. If you don't have one, they can't take anything from it. If you see anything on your cock, go to the doctor straight away so they can get a bit and send it off, before the flare-up disappears again.
Secondly. I think that the most important thing to remember at this point is DO NOT freak out. Everything that is done is done, and freaking about isn't going to make it any better/worse. Pretty much any male past the ago of 20 has had the joy of this experience (that or the "am I pregnant" ride) and I personally feel that I never made it better by freaking out. I think that the best thing you can do is take a minute, take a breather, and start to get a plan together. Step 1 on this plan should be do not do shit before you actually know if you have got something to worry about or not. Imagine how much of a jackass you'll feel like if you blow up on her and say hurtful things just to later learn that it was a mixup.
You've got plenty of good advice from the people her in the forum, but like I said, priority 1 should be figuring out if you even have something to worry about.
After you get past that, and if you need to, then talk to the people where you get tested. This is nothing new to them, and they can probably recommend some really good resources for you and your sig other.
Either way, keep a cool head about it, realize that this isn't a death sentance, and try not to make any choices that you'll regret later.
One other thing. Remember that as much as this feels like god is taking a shit on you, she has got to feel the same way. Try and be considerate about her feelings and make sure that at the end of all this you haven't done anything that added to her feeling of hurt.
Good luck.
I've had both in the last two months. GO ME.
And those things ain't cheap. I hate those phone calls.
Me: Hello?
Her: Hey, I think I might be pregnant.
Me: ...............
Her: You there?
Me: ....... Shit.
I just came back from seeing her, she got the prescriptions and started taking them.
okay so I CANT get tested for herpes? so how would I know? what about oral herpes?
I wish they taught us this in sex ed.
Without an actual legion, a test can't be run.
It sounds a little fishy--Herpes are not painful enough by themselves to warrant a trip to the ER, and there's flu-like symptoms involved as well. But if that's what the doctor says, then so be it.
And as far as you catching it, well... if she is having an outbreak, she is most definetly contagious, and condoms might not be effective in that case. If she's not having an outbreak, she could still transmit the virus through bodily fluids. It varies from case to case, and unless she wants to do some extensive tests, you'll never know for certain is she's contagious between outbreaks or not.
As far as how you could have gotten this, Herpes (technically known as Herpes Simplex Virus 2, or Genital Herpes) is essentially the same virus as a Cold Sore (technically known as Herpes Simplex Virus 1). HSV1 and HSV2 affect different areas of the body, though--while most people have HSV1 and break out in cold sores every once in a while, it will never manifest itself on one's genitalia. However, HSV1 can be transmitted to the genitals via oral sex, and when that happens it becomes HSV2.
Basically, when you go down on your girlfriend/boyfriend while you have a cold sore, you run the (very high in girls, somewhat less so but still high in boys) risk of giving them Herpes. This is how two people who have never had sex with anyone else can get Herpes, unfortunately.
All you can do at this point, anonywho, is cut out the speculation and get a blood test. Chances are you have it, too, and then it's not a big deal for either of you. In fact, Herpes is embarrassing and can complicate pregnancies, but in everyday life it's little more than a minor annoyance four times a year. It's not the end of the world.
"lesion". they're lesions. A legion is a big-ass bunch of soldiers. If one of them appears on your face, you've bigger problems than coldsore cream can handle
Ooo. I didn't know that. Yay English language! 8-)
Oh shit, you'd think I'd remember that when I've had that test too (I like to be safe).
I'm staying well away from medical threads from now on
I guess it's a prescription to supress/lessen outbreaks, Acyclovir probably.
As I said, a husband can have herpes before meeting his wife and not realise it. He and his wife can have unprotected sex every single day and she can still not catch it. Then one day it can sneak up on him and he'll get his first (and maybe only) attack. It can happen, I believe, when the body is particularily down or anything like that. Much like a cold. It actually manifests itself (again, going from memory) at the base of your spine/back.
They can be incredibly painful depending on where they are. My gf of the time was in agony everytime she peed.
I know from where I speak, I was in exactly the same situation as you going on two years back. The relationship has ended now, but it wasn't anything to do with her having herpes, and the ex is now with another guy and they have a perfectly healthy relationship (we're still actually good friends).
Despite being the butt of a lot of comedians jokes, herpes is not a big deal. If you and your gf got VERY serious down the line and were planning to have kids, you'd be best to mention the herpes thing to a doctor. If she's having an "outbreak" at the time of pregnancy it can cause issues. That said, this may be the one and only time she ever suffers the symptoms.
PSN: SirGrinchX
Oculus Rift: Sir_Grinch
I really, really don't want to put paranoia in your head or be the asshole, but you need to consider something.
So hopefully your girl doesn't have the herpes, and if she does, sorry to hear it, and like everyone else has said, there's a lot of ways to deal with it and still live the same lifestyle.
But if she does, and you don't...
Is she faithful?
I know that you've said you were each other's first and it's just oral, etc. , but it's just not something that you really have THAT big of a chance of catching off a toilet seat. It happens, and I won't deny that, but it's really, really rare.
So if she's got herpes, and you know for sure that you don't, you two should have a long talk about a few things. You're both young, it would be understandable.
OP: I'm not suggesting that the second she gets back home from the doc you ask who she's been fucking behind your back. But once she's had a little time to adjust you need to talk to her about it, period.
Heres my story to make you feel a little relieved:
I woke up one day and put on my boxers, when the fabric touched my penis it was like fire. I looked down to see what the hell was going on and there were two tiny red marks that were super sensitive to the touch. I went to campus health that day and when they took my blood pressure it was something fucking ridiculous like 270/80. The doctor looks at the marks and I tell her how they feel and she says "It sounds like herpes, they're too small to get a swab from so we'll have to do an antibody test." She immediately starts me on acyclovir.
The marks remain for about two more days, super sensitive and then go away. Thank god that when I told my gf she was supportive and never once questioned me about sleeping around, I was enough of a nervous wreck. I got the results that Friday, I'm negative. the doctor says she doesn't know what it is but that based on the antibody test and how brief/small the marks were she doesn't think I should be worried.
The moral of the story is that weird shit happens with your body. No one can know for certain until an MD confirms. Get tested but don't be too concerned, you both sound like low-risk behavior people.
I think everyone in the forum has given good advice so far, but I'm also pretty sure that a large number of us wondered the same question. Maybe it's viable to have the conversation, maybe it's not. But like he said, just playing DA.
It's a legitimate concern, and you're right, it's one that needs to be addressed. But the situation calls for tact. Like Violent Chemistry said, the discussion needs to proceed along the lines of where the disease came from, not who she's been fucking around with.
You didn't even read my fucking post, as you have no idea what I "jumped down your f'ing throat". Here's what you were given:
Girl and boy have both told eachother they're their firsts.
Girl contracts herpes.
And here's what you've come up with given that information:
Girl is obviously cheating.
Which only makes any kind of sense if you rely on the assumption:
The only way to get herpes is via sex.
Which you think you've made an excuse to use via:
Getting herpes from a toilet seat is rare.
Which means you still have to rely on the following assumptions:
The only two ways to get herpes are via sex and rare toilet-seats.
Girl has never sat on a rare toilet-seat.
Both of those assumptions are silly, and the first is provably false.
At no point did I say accuse her of cheating, or bitch her out, or not give her time to deal with this. I said give her some time to adjust, and have a conversation about it. But yeah.....We're all thinking it...
Also OP, until that test comes back one way or another, don't go making out with her or rubbing naughty parts...
No, we're not all thinking it. Lots of people who A) don't know how HSV is transmitted and/or
Edit: Also I never jumped down your throat, I simply mocked your advice viciously. Because the advice itself is pretty much a mockery of rationality. If you want to attack me personally, you have to do it via PM. You really don't have anywhere near enough information to assume that she's lying or cheating, but you're telling anonywho to do just that anyway. That isn't helpful. You will stop now, this is not a debate.
You're right, this is not a debate, this is H/A, to which I was giving advice, that you just happened to disagree with, and told me not to give, you do NOT have to right, moderator or not, to do that, and the fact that you can't keep your personal attacks on my advice (mocking it viciously is an attack) shows that you don't have what it takes to be an impartial moderator. As a representative for a business as large as penny arcade you should show a lot more professionalism. I was only defending my advice as viciously as you saw fit to attack it. Don't tell me what I will and will not give in terms of advice though, you have no control over that....
She's been to a 3rd doctor today and he said it's most likely herpes.
One more question, is it possible for me to have had it for 18 years and not notice ANY signs of it?