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Should I drop out of uni?
ben0207
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Right, let me just get the basics out of the way:
I'm 21 and the majority of uni freshers are 18, and on top of that I left home at 15 whilst for all of them this is their first time away from home.
I don't think I'm on the right degree to begin with.
I'm not really sure why I'm at uni at all.
But there's more. Back at home (Cornwall) I have a huge amount of friends, all from varying backgrounds and doing various jobs and interests. I had a decent job working IT for the local uni, I had a fantastic nightlife and when I wasn't in work I was down on the beach or out shopping.
The last four weeks since leaving my hometown none of that has happened. Nobody in my course is able, physically, mentally or emotionally, to eep up with me, whether it's drinking, dancing or whatever, and it feels like my safety nets has been torn away.
I suppose I should explain better. I don't know if there's a term for it, but for the past three years my life has been a cycle of normal spells, interspersed with bits of what I guess could be classified as depression - I hide away from my friends but they're used to it so they know to avoid me when I'm like this, and after a few days of wanting to either die or kill everything it passes and I'm back to normalish, but I've still said all these horrible things thought even worse. And... other times.
Sometimes I get these crazy bursts of energy, and I'll go into work smiling like mad and I work loads faster and better, then at lunchtime I feel so fantastic with myself that I go into town and buy all these crazy clothes, then I go out that night and I'm still dancing at like 5 in the morning even the clubs have all shut I just go back home and keep going and it feels like I'm so happy I can't hold it all in like I'm going to explode.
But back at home my friends were used to it. I had two very separate groups - one was the normal lads when I felt like any other 21 year old bloke and we'd go and watch the rugby or something and it was nice. We'd go to parties and stuff but nothing crazy. And my other group of friends we were more close but less at the same time. We'd never speak deeply but they couild at least keep up when I was having one of my "up" periods, and we'd go out dressed like a million pounds and have insane fun doing all sorts of stuff and even though it was always me left alone at the end of the night as sleep took them the time before that helped get it out of my system a bit.
And now I'm 211 miles from them and my body (brain?) still has these spells but there's no outlet for them and I think I'm going crazy holding it all bottled up. The "down" bits I can manage though I always miss my lectures during them or if I do bother I don't take any notes I just sit there barely concealing my absolute disdain for everybody present. And the normal bits I act like I'm okay and everything is fine but I know it isn't.
So I was half-thinking about packing it in and going back home and everything being how it was before but I know that that's just giving up and being beaten. So I don't know what to do. Do I give up ther degree that I might possibly want but risk having a mental breakdown and stabbing somebofy? Or do I do what my heart tells me to and make everything go back to normal?
TL;DR: Shut up and read it.
I'm 21 and the majority of uni freshers are 18, and on top of that I left home at 15 whilst for all of them this is their first time away from home.
I don't think I'm on the right degree to begin with.
I'm not really sure why I'm at uni at all.
But there's more. Back at home (Cornwall) I have a huge amount of friends, all from varying backgrounds and doing various jobs and interests. I had a decent job working IT for the local uni, I had a fantastic nightlife and when I wasn't in work I was down on the beach or out shopping.
The last four weeks since leaving my hometown none of that has happened. Nobody in my course is able, physically, mentally or emotionally, to eep up with me, whether it's drinking, dancing or whatever, and it feels like my safety nets has been torn away.
I suppose I should explain better. I don't know if there's a term for it, but for the past three years my life has been a cycle of normal spells, interspersed with bits of what I guess could be classified as depression - I hide away from my friends but they're used to it so they know to avoid me when I'm like this, and after a few days of wanting to either die or kill everything it passes and I'm back to normalish, but I've still said all these horrible things thought even worse. And... other times.
Sometimes I get these crazy bursts of energy, and I'll go into work smiling like mad and I work loads faster and better, then at lunchtime I feel so fantastic with myself that I go into town and buy all these crazy clothes, then I go out that night and I'm still dancing at like 5 in the morning even the clubs have all shut I just go back home and keep going and it feels like I'm so happy I can't hold it all in like I'm going to explode.
But back at home my friends were used to it. I had two very separate groups - one was the normal lads when I felt like any other 21 year old bloke and we'd go and watch the rugby or something and it was nice. We'd go to parties and stuff but nothing crazy. And my other group of friends we were more close but less at the same time. We'd never speak deeply but they couild at least keep up when I was having one of my "up" periods, and we'd go out dressed like a million pounds and have insane fun doing all sorts of stuff and even though it was always me left alone at the end of the night as sleep took them the time before that helped get it out of my system a bit.
And now I'm 211 miles from them and my body (brain?) still has these spells but there's no outlet for them and I think I'm going crazy holding it all bottled up. The "down" bits I can manage though I always miss my lectures during them or if I do bother I don't take any notes I just sit there barely concealing my absolute disdain for everybody present. And the normal bits I act like I'm okay and everything is fine but I know it isn't.
So I was half-thinking about packing it in and going back home and everything being how it was before but I know that that's just giving up and being beaten. So I don't know what to do. Do I give up ther degree that I might possibly want but risk having a mental breakdown and stabbing somebofy? Or do I do what my heart tells me to and make everything go back to normal?
TL;DR: Shut up and read it.
ben0207 on
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It sounds like you may be manic depressive and if neccesary you could probably find a shrink to prescribe you something to even out the peaks. (Note: I am not now, have never been, and never intend to be a psychoanalyst of any type.)
It sounds like you've got some slight bipolar disorder stuff going on there that's compounded by the stress of school and being away from home. Have you considered meeting with a psychiatrist?
edit: welp, i was too late!
However, you need a real psychologist to diagnose you.
There's great treatment and medication for that.
So get some help and after you have stabilized, reconsider all your options.
You might love uni after other problems get removed from the situation.
If you miss people your own age, join a society or sports club.
I think many people are unhappy 4 weeks in, keep telling yourself you'll do another week, another day even if you're really unhappy. Soon enough you'll make a life for yourself there.
Also, get checked out for bipolar - you don't need that going undiagnosed and messing up your life. I had severe anxiety problems that went undiagnosed until a couple of years ago, and they pretty much messed up whatever I tried to do out of school.
And CT, if you were capable of more than blind rage you'd see I don't suggest myself as superiour, merely different to my co-students. Which is true, on a large number of levels. (they still find it amusing to be allowed out as late as they like for christs sake!)
That or get over yourself and stop being mad at 18 year olds for enjoying what is probably their first taste of real freedom away from their parents.
Seriously, why are you so concerned with having fun and partying and friends and stuff? You're at college, man. You're there to get an education and a degree - all the other stuff is secondary to that. It sounds like you have some messed-up priorities. Start focusing on your education, and stop being such a dick.
Oculus: TheBigDookie | XBL: Dook | NNID: BigDookie
Being a robot focused only on degree is also anti-social and not healthy.
So, you're thinking of packing it up and going home and doing.... what? Partying for the rest of your life while you live out of daddy's credit cards?
Do you have any life goals at all?
(also, your school isn't entirely composed of freshmen (one would think))
CT was right to call you out. You need to wake the up and get over yourself. Everyone at uni is different. You're all different individual people, and most likely none of you have met each other before. Everyone is scared, anxious, and trying to fit in with a group which has no identity in the first place, because it's entirely new. So they are fitting into what Freshers think you're supposed to be doing, which is getting hammered and staying out late. They are not children as you seem to be implying. They're just beginning to find their way, which they will do far quicker than you think. No-one cares about the way your emotional state swings, and you seem to imply that they should. Why? Why does this have to be a big deal for anyone? Why can't you get two groups of friends at university? You've only been there 4 WEEKS. Have you joined any union clubs?
Everyone has stronger ties at home. You have to break free from those bonds, that's part of what university is there to do. It's a safe place to start something new. If you bottle it, you're probably never going to leave Cornwall again. Is that what you want?
Are you at Southampton Uni? That's a very good university, and you'd be an absolute tool to give it up before even one term has gone by. If you don't see that, then you need to slap yourself out of it, and that's what CT was giving you.
You need to get real bro.
Yeah he might be a jerk, but there are some underlying issues that cause those jerk attitudes.
The things he is doing are classic signs of manic-depressive.
Whether or not that's true is another thing.
No doubt you honestly believe that your post came across as "different" rather than "superior", but let me assure you as an outside observer that it was condescending and arrogant on a staggering scale.
I would just like to reinforce what Tube is trying to say.
Just because you say "I'm not an asshole" doesn't mean you're not.
labels like "asshole" and "douchebag" are labels placed objectively by those around you.
If everyone thinks you come off as an asshole, that's because you might be an asshole, not because they're all idiots who don't know how to "appreciate" you properly.
I knew a guy like you once. Bi-polar (diagnosed as such) who refused treatment and help from friends because (in his words) "you're all idiots and don't know what you're talking about".
So he burned all his bridges and ended up busking on the street in Montreal and later Paris.
My point is, sometimes you need to acknowledge that when someone gives you advice, they're not doing it out of some sort of self-righteous satisfaction. They're doing it because they feel what they have to say might make you feel better/be a better person.
So here's my advice: Don't expect people to want to conform to your personality disorder (and it's my feeling you do have one). Either seek out professional help and get treated, or accept that not everyone else has a "duty" to like you and your disorder and that the problems you're having are your responsibility and not everyone else's.
Edit - Honestly, it sounds like the OP has a real maturity problem more than anything. You say you're so "different" from everyone else because they don't know how to stay out late and party like you do. To you, that probably means that you're cooler than them, but to an actual mature person, it just looks like you need to grow up.
Oculus: TheBigDookie | XBL: Dook | NNID: BigDookie