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Hugs and Kisses: Ships of Relations
Charles Kinbote
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
So given that the other thread is far more specific, I thought I'd just drum up a general relationship thread, with yakking about men and women and the things they do so that they can touch each other. Pretty much everything is fair game here; courting, dating, proposing, sex, whatever.
Just...try to keep the personal advice to a minimum. Spicing up discussion with anecdotes is fine, or trying to nudge the conversation towards something that interests you, but this is not an alternate H/A, or a LiveJournal thread. We don't want to hear about the girls you've hooked up with and we don't want to answer questions that aren't discussable, but yes/no answers. There are other places for that.
So, to get the ball rolling, let's start this thread the same way relationships start. Flirtation. How do you flirt, how do you know when you're being flirted with, how long do you flirt before makin' da moves. Are you a "let them know how you feel" duder, or one of those "I run, they follow" playas. Or, we could talk about whatever.
Just...try to keep the personal advice to a minimum. Spicing up discussion with anecdotes is fine, or trying to nudge the conversation towards something that interests you, but this is not an alternate H/A, or a LiveJournal thread. We don't want to hear about the girls you've hooked up with and we don't want to answer questions that aren't discussable, but yes/no answers. There are other places for that.
So, to get the ball rolling, let's start this thread the same way relationships start. Flirtation. How do you flirt, how do you know when you're being flirted with, how long do you flirt before makin' da moves. Are you a "let them know how you feel" duder, or one of those "I run, they follow" playas. Or, we could talk about whatever.
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Relationship-oriented whatever.
I'm kinda the same, I think. When I really like someone (platonically, this goes for both sexes) I basically act the same way to them that they do to me. When I like-like/love/whatever someone, I reciprocate and go a little bit beyond. This causes some problems, because naturally everyone has different definitions of flirting, and I know some girls that hug me to say hello, goodbye and to punctuate a sentence that I know have no feelings for me, and I have girls that hug me maybe once a week that, once I hug back, seem to think I'm in love with them.
The actual method of my flirting don't work so well, because generally I'm supportive, kind, generous, funny, etc when I'm flirting with the ladyfolk (or I like to think that I am), but this seems to relegate me to best-friend-status pretty quick. Don't quite know where the breakdown is.
Yeah, hopeless at recognition pretty much sums it up.
Most of the time we'll just lie on the bed after watching a movie or something, and we'll be touching/caressing/exploring each others' hands. In silence, no words uttered; our hands will be doing all the talking, in a sense. After a while we'll both be incredibly turned on. It's crazy. And even in times when it doesn't lead to amazing sex, we'll both feel great. I don't know how to explain it in words.
Try it sometime.
Also, I always flirt, with pretty much everyone. I don't have to recognize when someone is flirting with me (or not), because it doesn't matter. The very idea of "telling if they are flirting with me or not" is pretty much foreign. I just can't even begin to understand that feeling. I don't even have a "method". It's just what I do.
Am I doing it right?
Because you don't want to know, or you just can't? The latter, I identify with, the former, I don't understand. I would probably classify it as my main failing in relationships; I have no clue when someone is attracted to me. Noooo clue.
As far as icebreakers go, I just think "be charming". When I see someone that I think would be a good friend/notfriend, I make jokes, horse around with my friends that are present, etc. Try to avoid unnecessary attention-whoring, though...I want them to glance over at me and suddenly be laughing and smiling, but not have their attention forced on me by some energy. I'm not a big physical comedy kinda guy is what I'm trying to say I guess.
yes, it is ridiculously powerful.
Any sort of non-sexual touching, if you're even anywhere close to turned-on, is arousing, and humans thrive on skin to skin contact, but hands are SO sensitive that even just lightly brushing fingertips with someone can be incredibly erotic and sensual.
Because you don't want to know, or you just can't?[/quote]
Kind of a false dichotomy. I suppose my answer would be more in line with "can't know", but that's not entirely true. I don't think the opinions toward me fall neatly in the line with "want me!" and "don't want me!"- the interaction is more complex than that.
Flirting for me is just talking, maybe making more of a little effort with conversation. Being slightly more personal than with a mere acquaintance. But then I've never really taken it very seriously.
I do know one thing. I used to be really shy and figure that no one could possibly like me. Then, once I stopped really caring and I'd go to parties without any goals or intentions and instead concentrated on just being friendly and conversational with everyone there, suddenly I had lots of interest. I didn't really do anything special or have any particular method - would just be friendly and chatty and forward. Would go to people instead of sitting in a corner hoping someone would come to me. That was flirting. And it was easy to do, because I wasn't obsessing over one person or homing in on only the best looking person there; I'd just talk with anyone and everyone, and that gives confidence, and once you have the confidence and you're not afraid to approach people, it all becomes rather easy.
I've never let anyone know that I like them, at least, not directly. All of my relationships have just slowly grown from friendships, or we've both known that we like each other without somehow saying it. At parties alcohol really does all the telling :P
I'm kinda the same in that my self-confidence kinda fell so low that it looped back around and I didn't care what people thought because I felt that I didn't have much to lose (I'm being flippant, I don't think self-esteem is a closed loop). Interest has grown in me a lot too, but not usually from the girls that I have an interest in and am actively flirting with, which confuses me. I know I'm not being skeezy, and I don't think I'm being overbearing anymore...I think it's more the type of girl I'm attracted to, honestly. One in particular that has been an ongoing interest of mine for quite some time has the propensity to be rather flirtatious and seemingly forward with her words (not things I realize at the time, generally, but things I look at/remember later and go "oh wow"), but her actions run the gamut from "oh man she wants me" to quite the opposite. She doesn't do rude things, or anything I would classify as bitchy or anything, and I am prone to overanalysis so this may be that speaking, but subtle things that I think are signs that she has no interest.
See, that's what I mean by flirtation interpretation - I assume somewhere out there there is someone who can be in exactly my situation and know what she's trying to communicate.
There may also be no causal factor involved.
I find that if the thought even enters my mind that I am flirting or she is flirting, I tend to end up spending way more time thinking about what to say than actually saying anything worthwhile. It's a pretty horrendous cycle. So far, alcohol tends to be the only thing that breaks it. Bottoms up!
Quirky.
Odd.
Yup, same here.
I just felt more relaxed talking to girls. I guess before I'd be really worried each time about "not fucking this up" so i wasn't able to relax. Now I can just not care if the girl likes me or not (that way; i'd prefer that people like me on a personal level), and apparently that's attractive.
Have conversations first, establish reliable subjects, then invite people places. Or, be having a conversation, and drop the notion that, "hey I'm/are you hungry(./?) Do you wanna go grab a bite to eat with me?" Or whatever. I hate dating in any sort of official, established sense, like dinner and a movie, as it just implies that certain things should happen, and I rarely think that's the case. It frames what could otherwise be a good time in an uncomfortable, "this-is-supposed-to-be-leading-somewhere-very-specific" cage.
Well, research has proven that people who have significant others are perceived as more attractive, because they are thought of as "being good with" the opposite sex.
They did a study on the way women perceive men. They took a bunch of women, and showed them two groups of pictures of men. On some pictures, men were by themselves. On others, they were with women who were smiling at them, who were hugging them, or generally happy with them. The study found that men in the second group - the ones who were shown as making the girl they are with feel positive feelings - scored significantly higher on the attractiveness scale.
The way I look at it is that if you're in a committed relationship with someone, or even on a date with someone, the opposite sex perceives you as more attractive because you're placed lower on their "possibility of creepiness or being a terrible lover" etc. scale. The whole, "well, if she is dating him/married to him, he must be a great guy!" perception.
Speaking as a dude who has been on the other end of that, stop hitting on ladies with boyfriends.
It's rude. It says "I bet you have no clue what you like."
Not that I have any idea about this specific girl, but it does get on my nerves. There's usually a reason someone is dating a person. Usually it is because they like them, not because they haven't met you.
Just because they are dating a person does not mean they suddenly lose the capability to like anyone else, and just because they are dating a person does not mean they suddenly lose the willingness to be perceived and treated as an attractive member of the opposite sex.
I understand it may get on your nerves due to jealousy issues, i.e. when someone hits on your boyfriend, but you are speaking out of place when you say that your girlfriend does not want to get hit on because she is dating you. I mean, she may or may not, but it is up to her to state that, not you.
Then you need to get out there and start having fun. It is a two-way street though. The emotional high received from the opposite sex that is attracted to you is rapture, but the venom that hurts so badly for so long when you both split is enough to make anyone want to die. Even if a split is amiable it still hurts. Play in the rain and you're going to get wet. I will say that so far is has gotten easier after every split.
Shogun Streams Vidya
Feel free to add me on whatever network, it's always more fun to play with people than alone
Well then get the fuck off the internet and go socialize.
love is the greatest thing a heart can know
but the hole that it leaves in its absence
can make you feel
so
low
Man, you know absolutely nothing about my or her situation. I will hit on whomever I please.
I socialize a lot. It just means I have lot's of friends. Just not... those kind of friends.