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Urge to stab my own brain.
Magus`
The fun has been DOUBLED!Registered User regular
The fun has been DOUBLED!Registered User regular
For those of you who have been following my previous threads, I've been having issues about dreaming about this girl I used to know.
I've tried various things to try and make myself feel better. Get to know new people, get new hobbies, just generally keeping myself busy and so on.
However, it's gotten to the point where it's becoming an obsessions against my will. Allow me to give you a list of things that happened just today that reminded me (NOT PURPOSELY) of this person:
(Note - I know a lot of these are pretty weird connections. Keep in mind I'm not trying to make connections they just fucking happen)
1. Any time I see a DS commercial. The last time I was near this girl we played the DS together.
2. The eSurance commercials. She and the 'mascot' of eSurance share the same (first) name.
3. Anytime I see a girl in short hair in a TV commercial or somewhere online. (IE, she has short hair, too.)
4. MSN. I've actually stopped using MSN because it reminded me of her. I also stopped using AIM because it reminded me of MSN which... yeah.
5. Anytime I see jeans. Yeah, don't ask.
6. Anytime I see anime. She was an anime fan.
Ugh.. probably a lot more. This isn't even a fraction of the ENTIRE list.
The point of this is it's driving me fucking insane. I don't want to think about this girl. At all. It's been fucking 6 months since I had any contact with her and for the life of me I can't figure out WHY I keep thinking about her.
As I've shown, I don't have direct connections. IE, I don't have pictures of her or conversations saved or anything like that. It's like I try to just do whatever and my mind is like "Oh hay gai, you haven't thought about you know who in 5 minutes! Here, let me remind you!"
I realize this is sort of pathetic. However, as I've said, I'm not CHOOSING to do this. I've had several talks with both other people and even myself (hey, it helps) in order to figure out why it's happening. Do I miss her? I do. Do I WANT to? No. I.. I just don't know what makes me keep focusing on her so fucking much.
If it wasn't for the fact that I've got several exams coming up (that I can't study for because I can't fucking focus) I'd try to work through (well, even more so, anyhow). But the fact remains that nothing I'm doing is making it any easier and it's basically eating away at me.
Does ANYONE have an idea of what I can do? Even a short fix (something that lasts a few months) would be nice so I can finish this semester with decent grades. Hell, it's also affecting my life outside of school as I'm VERY visually depressed and/or overly concerned looking.
If I've forgotten anything, feel free to ask.
tl;dr - Mind repeatedly putting thoughts into head that are starting to drive me bonkers.
I've tried various things to try and make myself feel better. Get to know new people, get new hobbies, just generally keeping myself busy and so on.
However, it's gotten to the point where it's becoming an obsessions against my will. Allow me to give you a list of things that happened just today that reminded me (NOT PURPOSELY) of this person:
(Note - I know a lot of these are pretty weird connections. Keep in mind I'm not trying to make connections they just fucking happen)
1. Any time I see a DS commercial. The last time I was near this girl we played the DS together.
2. The eSurance commercials. She and the 'mascot' of eSurance share the same (first) name.
3. Anytime I see a girl in short hair in a TV commercial or somewhere online. (IE, she has short hair, too.)
4. MSN. I've actually stopped using MSN because it reminded me of her. I also stopped using AIM because it reminded me of MSN which... yeah.
5. Anytime I see jeans. Yeah, don't ask.
6. Anytime I see anime. She was an anime fan.
Ugh.. probably a lot more. This isn't even a fraction of the ENTIRE list.
The point of this is it's driving me fucking insane. I don't want to think about this girl. At all. It's been fucking 6 months since I had any contact with her and for the life of me I can't figure out WHY I keep thinking about her.
As I've shown, I don't have direct connections. IE, I don't have pictures of her or conversations saved or anything like that. It's like I try to just do whatever and my mind is like "Oh hay gai, you haven't thought about you know who in 5 minutes! Here, let me remind you!"
I realize this is sort of pathetic. However, as I've said, I'm not CHOOSING to do this. I've had several talks with both other people and even myself (hey, it helps) in order to figure out why it's happening. Do I miss her? I do. Do I WANT to? No. I.. I just don't know what makes me keep focusing on her so fucking much.
If it wasn't for the fact that I've got several exams coming up (that I can't study for because I can't fucking focus) I'd try to work through (well, even more so, anyhow). But the fact remains that nothing I'm doing is making it any easier and it's basically eating away at me.
Does ANYONE have an idea of what I can do? Even a short fix (something that lasts a few months) would be nice so I can finish this semester with decent grades. Hell, it's also affecting my life outside of school as I'm VERY visually depressed and/or overly concerned looking.
If I've forgotten anything, feel free to ask.
tl;dr - Mind repeatedly putting thoughts into head that are starting to drive me bonkers.
Magus` on
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Maybe get a new love interest, that will deter you from thinking about her. You just need something that you think is BETTER than her. Also continue to go out and socialise and such.
But that's only temporary.
How long ago was this? If we're talking days or a couple weeks, give it time and it will probably go away on its own.
There is some kernel of truth to the statement "the best way to get over somebody is to get under somebody else." Go out and find other girls to think about. Post an ad on craigslist.
And I never dated this person. We were close, but never 'official' like that. If anyone wants, I'll post the entire story but it'll have to wait until later today as I have to get ready for class (and an exam) now. Oh balls.
Steam Profile | Signature art by Alexandra 'Lexxy' Douglass
or, you could confront the problem by confronting the girl. call her and tell her what's going on, or write a letter or email if you're too scared to do that.
Steam Profile | Signature art by Alexandra 'Lexxy' Douglass
Keep in mind by the end of this you'll think I'm crazy for obsessing and guess what: I agree with you
About 4 years ago I was in an online relationship with a girl (hey, everyone was doing it). It actually went surprisingly well as I would go to see her or vice versa. This girl had a sister (the girl who I'm bothered by) who I didn't pay much attention to.
It was about 1.5 years into the relationship that I actually started talking (JUST talking) to the sister. It stayed this way for a good year or so. Around the 2.5 year mark of the relationship the (first) girl started to get fairly distant and started talking about this guy at her job. Yes, red flag and all that. Anyhow, I tried my best to be understanding but it's not easy when the person who is supposed to love you is talking about how another guy makes her laugh and whatnot.
Anyhow, it's around this time that me and her sister got more.. in depth. A risque photo here, a little dirty talk there and whatnot. I knew it was wrong at the time but I was hurting (emotionally) pretty fucking bad but I guess I didn't have the willpower to just break it off with the girl. Anyhow, me and the sister got pretty damn close and it made me feel nice to talk to her.
Around last December I went up to her place to see if there was any chance left between me and the first girl. While she wasn't mean to me or anything she wasn't affectionate at all. Having came all that way and being fairly depressed as is I had some fun with the sister. Honestly, the relationship had been dead for awhile so I didn't feel that much guilt. I'm not saying it was right, but I'm not that terribly bent out of shape about it. As expected me and the GF broke up during my trip there.
I come back and talk to both the ex and the sister. I mean, while I never told my ex what happened (as I didn't want her to get on her sister's case) I felt I owed it to her to be a friend and whatnot. This didn't last long though as every day she would talk about how excited she was to see this new guy. I tried to tell her I felt uncomfortable talking about it all the time but she never stopped. Eventually I stopped talking to her as it was driving me up a wall.
I continued talking to the sister for another 2-3 months. One day she vanished (she wasn't online a lot, though) and so I sent a few emails. Probably about 4 in about as many months. I mean, even then I figured she had blocked me but I had picked one great fucking time to be optimistic. What further confused me is I *did* see her again online for a short period of time and she was very nice and seemingly caring.
Anyhow, eventually I find out through someone else that she thinks I'm a bad person for what I did to her sister. I don't disagree with this and I still feel poorly about it. Mind you, I was also annoyed by the fact that she seemingly saw herself as blameless and that I somehow forced her into what we did. This is not true.
Anyhow, my feelings are that I talk to neither of these girls. I did bad things. She did bad things. I just want to move on as I'm pretty fucking sure I learned my lesson. Once again I'm not denying what I did but good god I think 7+ months of hardcore depression is enough to get the point across.
The thing that still bothers me to this day is she told the other person that she doesn't have 'time for me' anymore and apparently hopped on the first interested guy.
It's just.. I did something bad. I've come to terms with it and made what amends that I could. I can't sleep, I'm having trouble eating, and like I said my school work has gone to fucking pot. I'm not a bad person, even if I made bad decisions, and all I want is to stop hurting.
So yeah, call me what you will it's not like I can already feel worse.
Steam Profile | Signature art by Alexandra 'Lexxy' Douglass
Or it might be that you're feeling some rather intense guilt for having a secret, intimate connection with her while you were in a relationship with her sister. Social taboos can end up becoming obsessions.
It's hard to say. I don't have any specific advice. It really sounds like something you'll have to learn to get over. I know one thing though; in situations like this, the more you give it credibility by thinking about it, the more serious it becomes. So if you start worrying that it is making you depressed and causing you to screw up in your classes, it will make you depressed and cause you to screw up in your classes.
Sometimes the only culprit is your tendency to feed those negative emotions so they end up becoming serious issues.
Here's my story (this might be lengthy but I think it would help you to know someone else is in a similar situation): This past June, I broke up with my girlfriend of a year and 2 months. We had an absolutely fantastic relationship- we didn't argue once (not once, over any single thing) the entire time we dated. The sex was great for both of us, my family loved her and vice versa, but we only got to see each other on the weekends. At the beginning of our relationship, this wasn't a problem. My hometown is an hour away from Philadelphia via train, so I'd come home every Friday and come back to school Sunday night. It was expensive, but I didn't mind. Well, towards the end of May her father was calling me, concerned about her because she wasn't eating (she was 5'5" and weighed about 105 lbs before this- tiny girl) and he had found her crying in her room a few times, upset about the way she looked, etc. (and this girl had no reason to be upset about her looks- I'm not saying this to talk her up, but she was a knock-out gorgeous girl). I talked to her about it, and she told me she was depressed because she was lonely - she said she never had anyone to talk to because she spent "all" of her free time with me (she had gotten a job that took up her nights) even though our time together got to be not-too-much because of her working weekends. Well, after talking about it after a while, we decided it was best to split up. It fucking SUCKED... but we carried on. We still talked almost every day, etc. Well, 2 weeks after we split, I was at home, drinking with my high school friends, when one of my friend's sister started hitting on me viciously. I was shitfaced (not using that as an excuse) and let it continue and I ended up sleeping with her. I felt guilty as hell the next day. Sure, I was in the clear because, yeah, I was single, blah blah... but my ex still had my heart- I felt like I betrayed her. Fast forward 2 more weeks. I hadn't told my ex about my encounter with this other girl, and while we were talking in my back yard, her brother (my friend) decided to peel in and bitch me out because there was a "zomg i might be pregnant" scare (she wasn't, thank the gods). My ex heard, left in tears, and I felt like a big ol' pile of shit. Fast forward 3 more weeks- she's dating someone else after telling me she wasn't going to date for a while (and this kid was a toolbag, and I knew for a fact it couldn't be for any reason other than to get back at me for my little rebound adventure). She told me during a phone conversation (we talked because her new bf decided to give me shit via IM and myspace) that she didn't care what he said to me because I was "just some guy she dated". 'Just some guy' after being "the best boyfriend she'd ever had" (according to her) for over a year. Yeah- I wasn't happy at all. When I heard this, I flipped out worse than I think I ever have- I put a pretty sizeable dent in my garage door. My neighbors threatened to call the police, etc... bad news all around.
Eventually I realized that there was nothing I could do. No matter what I said, I wasn't going to get her back. I've come to terms with that now, after months of dealing with this whole situation. And believe me, it still hurts- I think about her every day. It just hurts less with time. What it comes down to is, nobody but you can help you move on. Despite your intentions, this girl probably won't budge unless you have a talk with her (and I'd recommend her sister, your ex, as well). Even then, don't get your hopes up. I wish you the best of luck, dude. Love is fucking brutal- but if you need to get this out of your system, either confront her to get some sort of closure, or just forget it. It is up to you. Either way, you're going to be hurting for a long time, dude- it's shitty to say, but that's just how these things are. Just remember, what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger, and when you think you're at your lowest is usually when karma kicks in and good things happen. Namaste.
tl;dr: My situation as an example, and hopes for this guy to find some peace of mind.
I do feel a bit better having said all that, though.
Steam Profile | Signature art by Alexandra 'Lexxy' Douglass
There isn't a second person in your brain- that's your ego talking. Believe me, mine has been chatting up a storm since my whole debacle went down. It's telling you to fix it so you can be happy for your own sake. Would you rather get back with this girl just so you're not troubled anymore, or get it all out of your system and move on to something healthier? If this girl implied you came onto her, and is taking her sister's side, don't bother. Trust me, just don't.
Forgetting is easier said than done, but you won't forget anyway, so don't try to forget. Try to recover. I was lucky enough to have awesome friends (now my housemates) that kept me going through the whole thing. Don't spend a lot of time alone. Hell, bring your books to a diner, and pop on your ipod or something while you study. You have beverages brought to you, a restroom readily available, and it's cheap. Just being around other people will get your mind off things, and help you feel better.
Also, about seeing commercials and other things that remind you of her- I totally understand. I can probably name 4 or 5 songs that will put me on the floor if I heard them, still, after all this time. It just takes time dude. Don't see this depression and fixation as something permanent- it WILL get better with time, you just have to give it time.
You should just write it off as a learning experience and try to move on. Don't think about what if's, don't think about the outcome or whether it was a good or bad thing you did, just move on and don't think about it consider it a part of life. Once you can come to terms with the whole situation and moving forward, you can start better concentrating on your daily tasks and some short and long term goals.
I had a 4.5 year relationship end peacefully, but an unhappy note and while it bothered me for a month or so due to the period of time it went, I just called it a learning experience and moved on. You'll be a happier and more energetic person if you just stopped thinking about it or if you think about it, you smiply chalk it up to being a part of life and moving on to other things.
Now, I could be very wrong here, but it almost seems like you are still obsessed with something about this girl. You'll have to figure that out if I'm on to something so you can come to terms with it or let it go. If I'm wrong, pay no attention to this part of my post.
I can't talk it out with her as she would just continue to ignore any email I sent. And yes, I've tried to tell myself it's just something I need to learn from but for some reason I can't get to the 1 + 1 = 2 phase.
Oddly enough, this wasn't a problem at first. There was a good span of 2-3 months where I couldn't care less. However, as of last month or so it popped out of nowhere basically and now I am where I am.
Annoying, no?
Steam Profile | Signature art by Alexandra 'Lexxy' Douglass
Wait, then I don't understand what you're being distracted by? When these thoughts pop unbidden into your head, what exactly are they thoughts of?
There just thoughts of.. her, I guess. When I say "I don't want to talk to her" that's how I think I feel.
Maybe I'm just deluding myself. Fuck if I know.
Steam Profile | Signature art by Alexandra 'Lexxy' Douglass
I have been doing all sorts of things to keep busy. It's gotten to the point where I can't focus at all and thus I thought maybe there was a solution I was not personally able to come up with.
Steam Profile | Signature art by Alexandra 'Lexxy' Douglass
Just a thought, have you considered laughing whenever you think about her?
Like an "Man that was a silly time" or something like that? It might help guide you to thinking about something different whenever your mind starts to think about her. Perhaps if you could move it from a serious situation you keep thinking about to something you'd share at a party as a story to incite laughter, it might effect you less than it does now.
Also, it might just be you getting lonely or something if you hadn't had this problem for a few months and it recently came back to your mind? Have any female friends to go out to have a good time with or any prospects to go after?
We'd hate to see you get down from something like this where you lose out on opportunities because of it, whether it be dating opportunities or even grades/school/job opportunities.
Realizing that this is effecting your future might help you re-consider whether this is something you need to get worked up about. You think about her and it just throws you into a lazy or depression state? Do you really want to let this past situation harm your future in a potentially significant way? If not, try to laugh it off, realize it was a fun time and couldn't last and move on to something else. As you've already stated, try not to let this effect your life, or you'll have additional worries the next time this comes up, like having bad grades and being X thousands of dollars in debt or something. Try to not get to that point.
Imagine a noise. It's not a terrible noise or a particularly loud noise. It's just there.
You don't try to think about this noise. It's not really hurting you or anything. But eventually you realize the noise is becoming distracting. You try to rationalize why the noise is there. You think "It could be worse!" and it probably could be.
Eventually you can't help but focus on the noise, even though you really don't want to. And try as you might, this noise follows you from room to room, from building to building. At times it blends into the background and you feel at peace. But not for long before it starts to get on your nerves again.
I will say that while I'm depressed I am actually quite livid at the idea that she (as much as me) was into whatever it is we had and then I felt thrown away because she found something easier or whatnot. I know it's probably silly but it gets my blood boiling when I think about it.
I don't have many female friends. At least, not at my own age 'bracket'. If they're older (as in, way past dating interest older) then it's fine. But if they're anywhere 18-25 I just don't.. click, I guess? There is a girl who I talk to at school who is 28 and we seem to get along ok. It probably would be easier (as others have suggested) to find someone else but for the life of me I'm batting zero here.
Steam Profile | Signature art by Alexandra 'Lexxy' Douglass
The fact of the matter is that, barring some sort of psychological condition like depression, it is a matter of willpower.
There are no quick-fixes for your dilemma. You just have to try. If that doesn't work, try harder. Until it works.
Like I said, the more you think and worry about this issue the more weight you're putting on it and the more power it gains over you.
How old are you again?
Year + intimate relationship. I felt that she was distancing herself from me, she agreed, said she wasn't excited anymore, so I ended it. In my head, it was for her sake.
Now, she is still constantly on my mind, especially getting back together with her. But she's made it clear, there's no chance. I am ALSO in therapy over this, but that really doesn't help me, nor may it be the answer for you.
Crackle
Pop
I'm 22. You seem to think I care too much. I'm trying not to care at all. I'm not choosing to be 'overly dramatic', it's just happening.
Steam Profile | Signature art by Alexandra 'Lexxy' Douglass
So if this thread doesn't make giant strides out of the place you've got it mired currently, I'm just going to end it because there's not much sense in having a thread looking for a solution that your psychiatrist can't find.
CUZ THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE MIDDLE AND IT'S GIVING ME A RASH
Though I don't get why people keep saying I'm 'over dramatic'. I'm not very vocal about it and I'm not going around punching walls or cursing someone's name or anything. It's just weighing heavily on my mind and I don't want it to.
I'm aware I have feelings for her. I'm not aware WHY I do as if anyone else treated me the way she had I'd not give them a second thought. I'd love to 'come to terms' with whatever, but I'm just not sure what that whatever is.
Do I love her? Do I hate her? Am I mad? Am I sad? It depends on when you ask me. I really do appreciate people trying to help me and I guess I'm coming off as insane, but it's costing me my sleep, my appetite and a bunch of other stuff.
I guess I'll just keep on trying "not to think about it".
Steam Profile | Signature art by Alexandra 'Lexxy' Douglass
People say you're being over-dramatic because some people enjoy feeling bad. It makes them feel like their lives are so much harder, or they have deeper feelings that other people could never understand and other things that make them feel special, and should warrant attention from others. This is what emos do, except they use it as a fashion statement.
Many people go through the same phase, but as far as I can tell it usually dies out when you get to 20 or so.
I think this is what Dizaster was alluding to, and it's what I get from what you say too. "Oh man, I'm so vulnerable and feel so much that even my therapist can't stop me from loving this girl so much."
I'd suggest a good dose of snap out of it. Admittedly, I wouldn't have done that if someone had said that to me when I had that phase, but that's the dealio.
There is a girl I like and I'm working on it, but I've not made a lot of headway. But at least I'm trying, no?
I'm staring to feel better, actually. Not amazing, but apparently laying it out like that is doing.. something. I don't see how any one can enjoy being sad, but I guess that their fucked up thing. It sure isn't mine. :P
Steam Profile | Signature art by Alexandra 'Lexxy' Douglass