Great Successes in Academia: ITT poems about pork and cow fucking

Faricazy

My Great Works Lit class is becoming dumber by the moment. I wrote mostly bullshit on the midterm and somehow got an A. What other people could have written that they did worse than a B I can't imagine.

Going into Chinese poetry, yesterday the professor had us write poems. I despise writing poems, so I wrote a haiku.

To sate my hunger
today I had roast pork, oh
what a tasty meal


She really, really liked it.

buh?

STATE OF THE ART ROBOT

Education is great in America land. Ask 150cc.

Jordyn

You would be shocked to find out how absolutely dumb some people are.

Faricazy

Jordyn wrote: »

You would be shocked to find out how absolutely dumb some people are.

Every time I think the stupidity around me has leveled out, I am soon proven very, very wrong.

Abracadaniel

In other news, my roommate and I developing a super snazzy Ruby-based database for the serialized units I work with.

PiptheFair

next week my ethics class is going to have a debate on abortion/religion

I am not going to even fucking bother going

Faricazy

PiptheFair wrote: »

next week my ethics class is going to have a debate on abortion/religion

I am not going to even fucking bother going

oh boy.

My speech professor said that she won't even accept abortion as a topic for a persuasive speech unless you truly have a really, really unique angle.

also in my speech class is a girl who told me that she has a theory that reading isn't necessary because instead of reading things you should LOOK at things.



she has a theory that reading isn't necessary because instead of reading things you should LOOK at things.


if i kill her, how long will i be in jail for?

PiptheFair

how hot is she this is really important

Faricazy

not very at all

she also says other obnoxious things that makes the class go "okaaaayyy"

CrossBuster

Faricazy wrote: »

PiptheFair wrote: »

next week my ethics class is going to have a debate on abortion/religion

I am not going to even fucking bother going

oh boy.

My speech professor said that she won't even accept abortion as a topic for a persuasive speech unless you truly have a really, really unique angle.

also in my speech class is a girl who told me that she has a theory that reading isn't necessary because instead of reading things you should LOOK at things.



she has a theory that reading isn't necessary because instead of reading things you should LOOK at things.


if i kill her, how long will i be in jail for?

In that case, any punitive action would arguably be cruel and unusual punishment.

Go for it, dude.

bhealey

.

PiptheFair

perform the old rectal rooter while reciting bullfinch

Ubik

When reading out loud in class,

no one reads things in parentheses

nothing. No one.



Except me. Because you're supposed to

potatoe

at first i thought this topic was about anacondas

Faricazy

bhealey wrote: »

Did... Did you explain the fallacy in her logic to her? Or did you just stare at her with a bit of drool coming out of the side of your mouth?

i warned her that i'll glare at her in judgement if she said anything against reading, and then she did, and then i glared. then she did retarded stuff that i blamed on her aversion to reading.

then i attempted to ignore her while talking to a smart and hot girl.

Ubik

potatoe wrote: »

at first i thought this topic was about anacondas

But I assume your anaconda don't want none unless it's got buns, hun

Jordyn

Faricazy wrote: »

PiptheFair wrote: »

next week my ethics class is going to have a debate on abortion/religion

I am not going to even fucking bother going

oh boy.

My speech professor said that she won't even accept abortion as a topic for a persuasive speech unless you truly have a really, really unique angle.

also in my speech class is a girl who told me that she has a theory that reading isn't necessary because instead of reading things you should LOOK at things.



she has a theory that reading isn't necessary because instead of reading things you should LOOK at things.
if i kill her, how long will i be in jail for?

What state do you live in?

mcp

Faricazy wrote: »

also in my speech class is a girl who told me that she has a theory that reading isn't necessary because instead of reading things you should LOOK at things.

I don't even know what that means.

Faricazy

new york city

bhealey

.

PiptheFair

NEW YORK CITY???!!!

oh man I am so original

Larlar

I've always wanted to submit a dead gopher stapled to a piece of paper and get an A, but so far I just keep getting expelled. And one C-.

PiptheFair

bovine u.

FAQ

I like your poem as well faricrazy

Faricazy

Larlar wrote: »

I've always wanted to submit a dead gopher stapled to a piece of paper and get an A, but so far I just keep getting expelled. And one C-.

what color is the gopher

are you using heavy-grade paper?

Jordyn

Faricazy wrote: »

new york city

looks like in NY, you can't be jailed for cruelty to animals for more than a year...

CrossBuster

My ex is a student teacher right now and she has some pretty appalling stories about the stupidity of the average high school student.

She assigned a paper to her class, and most of the students didn't even address the subject of the assignment. Another kid printed an article off of Wikipedia and turned it in. He didn't even copy it into MS Word, or anything.

Faricazy

FAQ wrote: »

I like your poem as well faricrazy

as do I, but i was utterly surprised that it was enough for the assignment. in fact, i asked if i could write a haiku in jest.

Aneurhythmia

Faricazy wrote: »

My speech professor said that she won't even accept abortion as a topic for a persuasive speech unless you truly have a really, really unique angle.

The beginning of life should be determined by selecting a fetus from various stages of development and seeing if it will power a biodiesel engine.

FAQ

It seems to me that pork is a very rich topic for an aspiring poet

first off, think of how many words rhyme with it

potatoe

Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo

Faricazy

hark, pork
stay there, still in your place
i will eat you in a moment

mcp

CrossBuster wrote: »

Another kid printed an article off of Wikipedia and turned it in. He didn't even copy it into MS Word, or anything.

That is fantastic.

What was the paper on?

PiptheFair

mcp wrote: »

CrossBuster wrote: »

Another kid printed an article off of Wikipedia and turned it in. He didn't even copy it into MS Word, or anything.

That is fantastic.

What was the paper on?

star wars superweapons

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

Raneados

Home oh Home
oh home oh home on the range
At Home I fuck cows

Filler Inc.

In my old myth class, I got an A on the final paper.

It was a 12 page story about an irish man who loses his daughter to the devil and has to get her back. I used very little actual myth and a whole lot of shitty writting.

I have no idea how I got an A on this paper, I'm reading it for the first time in probably 2 years and am seeing so many flaws. Not just flaws, but my god my story is so contrived and just plain god awful.

I mean, this is some seriously terrible shit look at some of these lines;

His name is Sean Dempsey, born and raised a Dubliner, and as the tale unfolds, he will die a Dubliner, unless he can outwit death itself.

Oh goddamn this is stupid already, this is like the 4th sentance. Oh, I know what's clever! I'll name him after someone from a flogging molly song, that's awesome! I want to punch you 2005 Filler, I want to punch you so hard.

He woke with a start, for the second time in a short period, but it was alright, it was 7a.m. and in an hour he would need to be down at the factory to claim his position at the local Guinness bottling plant. The job was good for a couple of reasons; it was easy, cheap labor that he could do to keep food on the table, and it was easy, cheap labor that he could do to keep beer on the table.

What the fuck me?

Did I seriously make him work at a guinness bottling plant?

And that 'easy cheap labor yadda yadda' shit?

That makes no sense, and is not funny. Did I think that was funny? Goddamn, it just gets worse from here.

“And when I got to the window, all I saw was some noisy cats rummaging in my refuse bin.” He explained, hoping that they might have further insight. The three of them sat silent, something in the way he described the shriek seemed to resonate with them. Finally, Killian spoke,
“Sean, I think ya may have made a mistake in not takin heed to this clear warnin,” he started out grimly, “I remember a time that a friend of mine experienced quite an exact dilemma. One night he was awoken by a shriek that was similar, if not exact, to what ya just described. He got home from work and realized that something was amiss. After checkin in with his wife, and his son, he noticed that his daughter was missing. He contacted the local constable and let him into his house. The man said that it was a clear case of kidnapping, but there was nothing they could do about it, lest someone saw something. Neither the wife nor the son had seen anyone lurking near the house that day, but they both remembered the banshee’s shriek clearly. Nowadays, the church discourages thoughts of angry specters, so they thought nothing of it. They let the constable go about town and see if anyone knew anything but no one did. They never found her, and he was never the same past that faithful day.”

The dialogue, it's so goddamned bad. Did I really say constable?
Everytime I read this, it's in the worst, most sterotypical accent ever and it sounds horrible.

I used words like 'heed' and 'refuse bin' and 'constable'

“I see, that is a mighty long tale, and if I were naïve I would be one to ignore it and shrug you off as a drunkard who’d taken one too many shots. But I am a man of many tales; I hear a lot of tales that remind me of this. I have seen men who have faced off with banshees, I have seen men who have fought the devil himself, and I have heard tales of men who drove themselves to madness in a struggle against the unknown, the very unknown that plagues you right now. And I can let you in on a secret, I can help you save your daughter, for I know the secrets of the night.”

Read that last line... For I know the secrets of the night.

Why did I write that? Hell, why did I write any of this story, it is godawful.

For fucks sake, secrets of the night?

Holy shit.

If I were a teacher and I got this paper I'd probably laugh my way through it.

Maybe that's how I passed.

That or pity.

Fuck I hate myself now.

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

potatoe

teefs, that was just mean

you threw off his rhythm, now he's going to be double-checking every person he confronts in fear of accidentally talkin to any of those crazy lady folks

Faricazy

hahahahahah bottling plant ahhahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahaha

Filler Inc.

My shitty writting has killed yet another thread.

I can't bring myself to delete this pile of crap