Trouble expressing feelings

Rubycurse

I have issues when it comes to talking about intense feelings I may have. There are times when I feel very sad or angry or irritated for no apparent reason, and I have no idea why I feel that way. I suppose I can blame it on hormones, as it typically happens right before I get my period, but I don't know how to deal with it. I tend to just shut down and want to be by myself and not speak about it, but my boyfriend will not have it. I know talking it out is better, but it's just hard. I just can't seem to find words to describe how I feel, and at times just wind up crying it out, which does help sometimes. Writing it down does not seem to help either.

I think part of it may be that I feel lonely often. I moved up here over 1.5 years ago (from Louisiana to Minnesota) to be with the boy, and haven't made any friends up here. My boyfriend is amazing and things are going well, but there are some areas he just can't cover. I still have two friends from back home I keep in touch with and speak to, as well as my family, but obviously it is not the same from before. At my job, I work with much older people (I am 24), so trying to make friends through work does not seem very viable. My boyfriend and I do go out on the weekends, and when he hangs out with his friends, it is typically to play Magic cards or poker, which I am not a fan of.

I am happy up here and enjoy my life, but I don't know how to deal with those times where I feel very shitty for no reason. I know it would help me and my boyfriend if I could learn to communicate better during these times. Any advice?

TLDR: Having problems talking my feelings out when I am down for seemingly no reason.

Speakeasy

The thing that sticks out to me is that you have no close friends, and in fact none that can physically see you. I feel that that is one factor right there. Someone to go see outside of the boy/girlfriend is important, in my opinion, because it provides an escape, and while things could be happy and dandy with you and your guy, it's important to just get away for a bit of time. To go do things that YOU want to do, and can't necessarily do with him. I keep putting this out because it has worked well for me: Meetup.com. You just look for stuff you are interested in, and chances are, there are others out there that share that. Then you do as the site says. YMMV, of course.

witch_ie

This won't necessarily help you articulate your feelings, but something you might try to move past them. Whenever you start feeling one of these negative emotions, ask yourself, if you could be doing anything in the world at all, what would it be. Then, find a way to do it.

When you've relocated the way you have, away from friends and family, it's easy to fall into a routine of socialization or alone time that isn't really what you want, but more based on what's easily accessible. By changing your thinking when you feel badly, you can channel that energy to change your environment, which hopefully, will make your life better in the long run and get rid of the bulk of those unexplainable negative feelings.

Wags

Have you heard about mindfulness? It sounds like it might be a useful tool, especially when you mention that you just feel shitty for no reason. The idea about it is to basically be aware of yourself, in the moment if you will, and just let thoughts and feelings and the such enter the mind, but then slide out. Rather than grasping onto the emotions or thoughts and following them, you acknowledge them nonjudgementally and let them move on.

http://mindfulness.ucsd.edu/abtmindfulness.htm#bringmore

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mindfulness-based_Cognitive_Therapy

Just a couple of links to explain it better than I ever can. It really is a useful tool for dealing with negative emotions, especially if they seem to happen for no reason or have no external cause that you can easily fix. It's simple to do and easily practiced. Oh, and in addition to dealing with those moods, it may be able to help you communicate and express them better as you become more aware of what they are.

In addition, I'll second trying to expand your social network. How come you feel that age will prevent you from making friends with your co workers? I'm the same age as you and honestly age really isn't a barrier to making connections. Actually one of the people in my life who I am closest to and can count on is 20 years my senior! Sometimes you have more in common than you think despite an age difference, because mutual respect often matters more so that if you do have that respect you can form a pretty good relationship.

Weretaco

write it down!

I'm in the same boat in that I am terrible at vocalizing my feelings to my fiancee. She however, is very outgoing so I always know what she's feeling and she can never tell what is going on with me.

Some great advice we got from marriage prep is if you have difficulty expressing yourself then write down your feelings. It gives you a good chance to review what you are feeling and think about it in a rational way.

Also... if you are writing stuff to your boyfriend try and not sound like you are accusing him. Use lots of I works. ex When you do this.. I feel that you are saying this to me.. stuff like that. Make it clear that regardless of his intentions, you are expressing in an honest way how it makes you feel personally. There is often a big divide between what one person does and what another interprets it as.

Snatchymilk

I've always been the person to avoid emotions completely, stoic almost. When I was a kid feeling sadness, anger, or just glum I would hit my head on things (sounds almost masochistic, eh?). But the theory was if I could concentrate on something other what was bothering me, I would move on.

Playing sports also really helped that problem too. They were, more or less, a vent.

I'm not suggesting you beat your head on things or hurt yourself. But you need to find something to concentrate the mind on. Maybe reading, odd hobbies, or the gym for physical exertion.

Yellow

Writing it all down seems like an ideal thing to do.

I go through that alot and understand where you're coming from but if you keep it all in it can only get worse (depression and stuff). If you're writing it down at least you're getting some of it out and you don't have as much "tension" built up inside.