Lightshade

ScottEwen

Edit: We're going with Lightshade as the title.

Red_Arremer

In the middle left panel, the guy looks like he's breaking his legs to lean in such a fashion. Also, I thought that Martin was a girl in the first panel. Other than that, I like the style.

NotASenator

I'm bit surprised at the heft all of your characters are carrying. I'm so used to pencil thin comic characters.

Also, I looked at the art, but I didn't get past the first frame before that font had annoyed me into not reading anymore.

ScottEwen

NotACrook wrote: »

I'm bit surprised at the heft all of your characters are carrying. I'm so used to pencil thin comic characters.

Also, I looked at the art, but I didn't get past the first frame before that font had annoyed me into not reading anymore.

I find it odd people are saying Vorenica is "chubby," when I do the gesture work for her figure I don't make her any fatter than any other character. If I were to do a nude drawing of her you wouldn't see a gut. But I guess because I made her six heads tall and... well-endowed... people are getting the chubby vibe.

Sorry my handwriting annoys you. Is it just too small or is it the fact that it's in lowercase? I've had other people tell me it's too small to read, so I upped the size of the image from 600 to 700 pixels wide. When it's printed it'll be readable, but I guess on a computer screen it's harder to read.

NotASenator

ScottEwen wrote: »

NotACrook wrote: »

I'm bit surprised at the heft all of your characters are carrying. I'm so used to pencil thin comic characters.

Also, I looked at the art, but I didn't get past the first frame before that font had annoyed me into not reading anymore.

I find it odd people are saying Vonerica is "chubby," when I do the gesture work for her figure I don't make her any fatter than any other character. If I were to do a nude drawing of her you wouldn't see a gut. But I guess because I made her six heads tall and... well-endowed... people are getting the chubby vibe.

Sorry my handwriting annoys you. Is it just too small or is it the fact that it's in lowercase? I've had other people tell me it's too small to read, so I upped the size of the image from 600 to 700 pixels wide. When it's printed it'll be readable, but I guess on a computer screen it's harder to read.

Thanks for the response, I'll be happy to clarify my comments.

Not the girl, but all of the characters seem stouter than the thin angular type of people. Maybe it's that they look shorter than the size you spec them out at. They aren't exaggerated, they have realistic proportions, they just look like normal people, which I guess is surprising to me for some reason, when you compare to my normal daily dose of webcomic fare.

The text is too small for the font, I think. It's not block lettering and it has a decent amount of variation between the letters, and at that small of a size on my screen anyways, it takes a lot of extra work to read it. I think you should look into getting a font made of your handwriting so that the letters are consistent, or else I think it will be a hindrance. I know there has been a decent debate about lower case versus upper case, but I think the defining fact is that either way you go, there has to be clarity and consistency, and if you look, I think you'll agree that the text there doesn't have it.

On a related note, I'd like to see what the speech bubbles would look like as more traditional ovals. maybe I'm just used to seeing them that way, but the squared off ones are distracting me, now that I'm looking more closely at it, especially like in frame 2 where you have a back and forth. It doesn't really have a negative effect outside of that, but in the second frame, the bubbles kind of blend together between the two speakers.

On an unrelated note, I like the clean lines, the framing, the angles, all the art aspects. I'm also quite positive (now that I've read the page) that this meeting is going to go to hell, worse than they can imagine, and that excites me for some reason.

ScottEwen

Cool, thanks for the clarification.

I prefer to draw realistically-proportioned people, I guess. I don't do much in the way of superhero style comics and most of my influences are people who draw more real-life stuff (ie. Hernandez Bros., Terry Moore, Mike Allred too although he draws a lot of superhero stuff), so yeah my characters tend not to be in peak physical condition because most people aren't.

I've been drawing Vorenica six heads tall and Martin seven heads tall. That's realistically proportioned for humans, although I know a lot of comic book artists prefer to draw eight heads tall (or, if you're Liefeld, a minimum of twelve) so that might be making my characters look dumpier.

I will take your criticism concerning the lettering under advisement. The current lettering I'm doing here is the result of trial-and-error of LOTS of hand-lettering over the past year. It's gotten to the point where I think I have a lettering style that I like and that looks distinct to me, but it's more important to be readable so I gotta pay attention to what people are saying.

NightDragon

I think she may also look a bit chubbier because her face is so round, and she has really "bulky" hips. Maybe that's just because she has large hips...and in the 2nd-to-last panel, her thighs are a bit big, I guess.

I don't think the other two kids look chubby, and even AS a chubby girl, I still think the whole thing looks good.

ScottEwen

NightDragon wrote: »

I think she may also look a bit chubbier because her face is so round, and she has really "bulky" hips. Maybe that's just because she has large hips...and in the 2nd-to-last panel, her thighs are a bit big, I guess.

You're probably right. I'm currently roughing out the second page so this afforded the perfect opportunity to show how I build Vorenica's frame.



Does she still look chubby in this? She looks fit to me but maybe I'm wrong.

NightDragon

Yeah, still chubby. It's the lack of a defined waist, and her thighs are pretty large...I think you may just be drawing her torso too large. The ribcage wouldn't really be *that* wide, which means that the extra bulk would probably be from fat.

ScottEwen

Ah well. I'm already a page into this, and it's only a five page story, so I'll just keep her as a chubby girl. But I'll keep it in mind for future "sexy girl" characters I have to draw.

Heartlash

Her thigh is a tad thicker than her head in profile. This implies a bit chubby to me. I don't mind it, though.

Red_Arremer

To me, the chubbiness makes her seem more like an average person.

amateurhour

to me it makes her seem hot....

: ) seriously, I likes.... keep up the great work man.

my crits.

panel 2 legs are off on the kid leaning against the wall.

in panel 4 he looks like he's staring at the reader rather than the girl, but that could just be my mind playing tricks on me.

in panel 5, the hand wave is a little odd looking for some reason, but the rest of the curve and proportion is great, especially for such a small, non close up shot.


looking foward to seeing more.

NotASenator

Oh man, you're right about the eyes.

Dude is straight up staring at me.

Tonkka

He is a wizard.

Anyway, I love your style, makes me think Love and Rockets.

ScottEwen

I think it's because of the hair in front of his eyes. If you're looking at the original, it's obvious he's looking at the girl (and since I'm the only one here with actual access to the original, here's a high-res version:

http://www.deviantart.com/download/69673699/Untitled_Horror_Comic_by_ScottEwen.jpg

But I think the hair creates an optical illusion in the low res version that makes it look like his left pupil is looking at us rather than the girl. Hopefully in print it looks right.

Rankenphile

I dig the style a lot - very nice line work, and very good character expression - they actually look like real people as opposed to cookie-cutter comic drawings. Nice cross between Love & Rockets and Alex Robinson's stuff in Box Office Poison. I'd love to see more when you finish it.

ScottEwen

Rankenphile wrote: »

I dig the style a lot - very nice line work, and very good character expression - they actually look like real people as opposed to cookie-cutter comic drawings. Nice cross between Love & Rockets and Alex Robinson's stuff in Box Office Poison. I'd love to see more when you finish it.

Interesting. I've never read any of Alex Robinson's stuff. I'll check it out. Thanks.

Brolo

I'm liking the art style and drawings.

But oooooh I want to punch that wannabe wizard kid in the nose. We had so many of those kids in highschool - 'You cannot comprehend the dark powers that I command' is code for 'I am too afraid to ask girls out on dates'.

NotASenator

Yeah, but I think he's making it up to fuck with the girl.

Time will tell.

ScottEwen

If he were making it up, this would be one boring horror comic.

ScottEwen

Page 2 is coming along slowly but until I finish it here's the first panel.

EDIT: The whole page is up there now. ^

NotASenator

ScottEwen wrote: »

If he were making it up, this would be one boring horror comic.

Oh, I was kind of working under the assumption that he was just fucking with her, but things were going to go wrong anyways.

ph00l

I know it has already been addressed, but the text is rather difficult/unpleasing to read and doesn't seem to fit the speech bubbles that well. On the left the there is too much space underneath, and on the right above. Something just doesn't look right to me.

ScottEwen

Bump! Updated the first post with page two

desperaterobots

I really liked this. You know, I think the fact that the text is a little hard to read, that it's lower case, that the characters are kinda fat and awkward and their sockets are doing weird double jointed things is good. It has a fun 90s kind of garage comic vibe that I really dig.

The writing is great too.

ScottEwen

So this thing was for a talent search at Viper Comics. I got the deadline wrong and missed it, so... I'm retarded.

I'll finish the pages up and try to find an anthology or something for them. Hopefully I don't have to spend another year trying to break into the comics industry before the 2008 talent search comes around though.

ScottEwen

Hey... anyone remember me from when I posted this before?

So, it's two years later and I'm still trying to break into the comics biz. I heard about this Zuda thing recently and Kevin and I decided to retool Lightshade and submit it to them. Here's the first page:

D-Robe

Props on finding your old thread.

nakirush

I must say, the art is leaps and bounds better! Veronica has a defined waist, martin actually looks a lil creepy and the fact that there is more than harsh black and white is quite appealing to the eyes. Good luck on Zuda!

(On the downside, I hope you have a really great twist coming up soon... cause as it stands the story feels predictable and we're only one page in.)

ScottEwen

nakirush wrote: »

I must say, the art is leaps and bounds better! Veronica has a defined waist, martin actually looks a lil creepy and the fact that there is more than harsh black and white is quite appealing to the eyes. Good luck on Zuda!

(On the downside, I hope you have a really great twist coming up soon... cause as it stands the story feels predictable and we're only one page in.)

Thanks...

The girl was changed because Kevin wanted her to be sexy and not chubby like last time, so we created a new character (her name is Wynter now).

Also, there is a twist in this story but it takes place toward the end of the first 8 pages.

ScottEwen

ScottEwen

ScottEwen

ScottEwen

Zombiemambo

The girl's face seems to change in structure in every panel. In the second she has a very angular jaw, and in the final panel it's thin and smooth.

ScottEwen

desperaterobots

I think your colouring may be your weakest link here. It's all so saturated. Dialling back the colour a little bit might let you save the saturated stuff for moments of impact, like your flames there in the last panel.

Colour can do so much to inform the tone/time/season/mood of different scenes, you might want to think more about it's design. As in, shifting all the colours in a scene towards blue could help suggest an evening scene, like in the bedroom there - then kaboom, orange flames, and the tone totally shifts.

Otherwise, thumbs of up!

valeryce

Man, I am really digging these. I think they're excellent.

I agree with the previous poster about color. Make the backgrounds less saturated and what you want to stand out more saturated. Also, in the most recent page, the light source (candles) should be the brightest thing in the room. Even brighter than the woman's white shirt. The light source is always the brightest thing.

Think about what the panel is about and what you want the viewer to look at and focus on making it the most saturated, the brightest, and then dull and desaturate the rest. It'll draw the viewers eye better.

Good luck getting into the comics biz. You've obviously been working hard towards your goal. Don't give up!

Edit: Also the panel with the door really bugs me. The doors are waaaay to white. Perhaps try something like this?



Again good luck and keep us updated with your work!

ScottEwen

Thanks guys, I'll go back and tweak the color a bit on this last page. I'm not a colorist so I'm learning as I go along. Also, here's an updated version of page two. Someone on Penciljack said I should make the speedlines transparent and add a sound effect.

Brolo

Fade that transparency so it becomes more opaque the closer it gets to the book, the way it is now it looks like there's a translucent page off to the side of the book, if that makes any sense.

The sound effect works well.