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Relationship problems( new gf and ex)
soshi367
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
ok here it is: Ive been dating my ex for 2 years up untill recently, she started community college with me and met someone new and she started dating him. I told her that i really couldnt deal with all the emotional stuff and she said fine but she wanted to be friends however i told her i dont think i could and we havent talked since( 1 week ago). I recently met a new girl in one of my classes and weve started to see each other and its heading for something good however i still have old feelings for my ex and i feel like calling her everday. Basically whats bothering me i still like the old girl and i want her back but shes dating this new(apparently better) guy who can sing and play piano. So my question is should i call my ex and tell her we can be friends and start hanging out with her frequently again like we use to? or just focus on the new girl. Oh btw my ex has no friends just this new guy so i would be like her only friend.
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Just focus on the new girl and see where it leads. It might even be much better than what you had with the old girl.
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Advice is the same though from me. She doesn't want to be with you. Give it time. Infinite amounts maybe.
But try things out with the new girl maybe. Don't rush it though.
Man, that wasn't helpful at all.
This new girl is very likely a rebound, and will suffer (and potentially resent) feelings you still have for your ex.
My advice would be not to get serious with the new girl for quite a while, and distance yourself entirely from your ex. This includes (but is not limited to) disposing of all memorabilia, if need be.
Date the new girl. Have fun. I'd be up front and at least mention that, hey, you just got out of a two year relationship.
Also, be careful not to use the new partner as an emotional anesthetic...it's not healthy for you, and it's not fair to her.
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You just got out of a relationship that lasted for two years, and you're obviously still very beaten up about it (for good reason). What you need to do is tell your ex that you still care about her but that you probably can't be a friend to her any time soon and you should tell this new girl that, although you think she's great, the best route to probably go for now is friends. You're not going to get over an ex that you spend oodles of free time with, and if this new girl is cool and a good person like you make her out to be, then it's really not fair for her to be a rebound. And don't think that you're going to be getting back with your ex and honestly, don't try to. You deserve better than someone who's going to throw away everything over some guy she barely knows.
So take some time off and be by yourself awhile. You've been in a relationship the last two years, so maybe it's time to take stock of your life and figure out what it is you really want. Just my two cents.
Kyle
Also I want to come out in defense of the rebound. For some people you never really get over someone until you are with some other person you like. Although a week is quite recent.
But yeah. create some distance between thee and thyne ex.
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Focus on other(more productive) things to keep your mind off her.
Tell your ex that you need some time away from her to get your head straight and emotions stable (and you will. Time works wonders for that). Tell her not to call you, you'll call her when you're ready.
Tell new girl that you've just jumped off a 2 year relationship and you'd like to hang out and have fun, but not start something serious right away. (This is a good way to start a relationship anyway, so you're not hurting yourself here.)
Then start enjoying life and finding fun and interesting activities to involve yourself in. Chances are you'll meet more people and pick up/polish skills, etc. The best "fix" for a break-up that I've found is in discovery: either something cool you can do or something cool you didn't know a whole bunch about. It'll take your life in a different direction, and you won't be feeling the sense of loss for the well-worn emotional tracks that doing everything the same in your life except have her around will inevitably evoke.
I'm a veteran of several years long relationships myself. In the beginning it will be messy. Remember though:
The best revenge is in living well.
its depressing but take your time, hangout with old friends and try new stuff. i'm about to start learning how to snowboard, anything that keeps you from lying in your bed being depressed.
definately take things slow with this new girl. again, i'm very much in the same boat. i still have strong feelings for my ex and even want her back but i know that won't happen. hang out with this new girl and see what happens, life isn't a race.
good luck, i'm going through exactly what you're going through right now. i'm told it gets easier everyday...