The new forums will be named Coin Return (based on the most recent vote)! You can check on the status and timeline of the transition to the new forums here.
The Guiding Principles and New Rules document is now in effect.
Buddy is Failing Out
Reckless
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Hey-o.
This kid, we'll call him John, has been my closest friend since 6th grade. At this point, we're both college freshman.
About a year back, his Dad's drinking started to become a problem and there was a divorce. John's living with his Mom at the family house.
The dude did not take these events well. Over the summer, we all did our fair share of drinking and associated activities, but we could all tell John was doing it to try and heal the wounds.
Now, after the start of college, John's headed down a bleak path. He's drinking almost every day, got busted for alcohol in his room, and he just got a letter letting him know he's failing out of three classes.
I want to talk to John and try to get him to see that there's absolutely nothing good about what he's doing, and he should straighten up and focus more on his schoolwork. There's nothing wrong with drunk weekend nights, but I don't want to stand idly by and watch my best friend fuck over his future.
How can I talk to him with sincerity, and without seeming like a huge killjoy?
This kid, we'll call him John, has been my closest friend since 6th grade. At this point, we're both college freshman.
About a year back, his Dad's drinking started to become a problem and there was a divorce. John's living with his Mom at the family house.
The dude did not take these events well. Over the summer, we all did our fair share of drinking and associated activities, but we could all tell John was doing it to try and heal the wounds.
Now, after the start of college, John's headed down a bleak path. He's drinking almost every day, got busted for alcohol in his room, and he just got a letter letting him know he's failing out of three classes.
I want to talk to John and try to get him to see that there's absolutely nothing good about what he's doing, and he should straighten up and focus more on his schoolwork. There's nothing wrong with drunk weekend nights, but I don't want to stand idly by and watch my best friend fuck over his future.
How can I talk to him with sincerity, and without seeming like a huge killjoy?
Reckless on
0
Posts
There's no easy way for this conversation to happen - it's a horrible feeling to have to confront a friend and say "You're being a complete screw-up right now."
You mention that his dad's drinking became an issue which led to the divorce - would his dad be classified as an alcoholic? If the answer to that question is "Yes", then perhaps the alcohol something "John" needs to cut out completely.
Tell him you wanna help out. Don't chastise him and sound like his parent. "YOU'RE FAILING CLASSES? WTF?! YOU'RE A FUCKING IDIOT!" Just ask him.
That said, your goal is to determine whether or not he is receptive to your help or the help of others, because there is also a significant chance that all he needs is a little wakeup call. First, try the gentle approach. Ask him how his studies are going - if you know he's really failing call bullshit (in a nice way). Offer to help. Or, ask him if he wants to make a study plan for finals, to schedule times in the library to study with you.
If he's not receptive to the gentle approach at all, or denies he's having an academic problem, get a little hardcase on him as Thanatos suggests: let him know you think he's screwing up his life. Be sure to tell him that you are worried about him and that you want him to stick around - it increases the impact of your concerns by adding guilt.
Although honestly, I'm hardly an expert. If you want better advice that what's available on these forums, there's more than likely a counseling office on your campus or maybe some sort of peer mediation group that can tell you more specifically what you can do/say to help your buddy out. Good luck.
On a side note, it sounds like your friend may want to take a semester or a year off to deal with the stuff going on with his family life. Since he's already failing, this might be a good option to mitigate the bad semester, depending on your school's policies.