Staying close at long distance

Horseshoe

Hey Folks,

Have a long distance relationship -- girlfriend's college is far away. We fly out to see each other as often as we can, but staying connected while apart is ain't always easy.

So far, we've come up with sending each other little care packages now and then, having an alarm set to the same time each day so we're reminded of each other at the same time, and talking on the phone regularly. I'm sure some of that sounds disgustingly cute but it keeps us aware of each other so that we have an element of one another in our daily lives.

Wondering if anyone has any other ideas on inserting some more elements of fun/togetherness into the time apart.

((Also, online video games are not really her thing but she's willing to give it a try because she knows I like games... however something like Warcraft would not be her style at all... plus she's a Mac person and I'm a PC person. It's like the Montagues and Capulets of the computer world... if anyone has any ideas there it would be great because I'm stumped.))

Shogun

Instant messaging and I guess myspace or facebook or whatever shit the kids use these days.

Tal

Get a web cam.

Aside from the obvious fun things you can do with that... :winky:

Leaving it up during the day helps it feel like you're together but doing your own thing. Plus then you're able to say your goodnights and I love yous feeling closer than if it was just through instant messenger or even on the phone.

It's been working for me (us) going on about 9 months now.

Armaina

I'm in a similar situation..
My boyfriend is in Florida, and I'm here in Arizona.

Pretty much, the phone I think is the closest we can get, but yeah I guess a webcam is good too.

I also like to play video games with him, kinda nice to play co-op or team games with him, kinda close in a different way, in the sense that we can work together and silly things like that.
it's too bad your girl isn't into that or maybe...

a Wii and Super Mario Strikers?

(for the record, my boyfriend and I have been living apart from each other for a few years now.. man I can't wait till he graduates!)

Infinity Minus One

awww maybe you should talk on the phone while looking at the moon at the same time too!!!!!!!!!!

durandal4532

I've been going to school a few hundred miles from my girlfriend for a couple years now. I think what helps us is just talking, lots and lots. We miss each other a lot, but we're dorks so we're online a lot. That means that generally I can come home from school, talk to her, see her in the morning...

It's really annoying, but it's not that tough if you already loved talking lots. The phone is also nice, though she doesn't like webcams, says they feel too weird. So yeah, just keep talking to her like you would if you were together. Pretend you're both just really really chaste.

Steev

My girlfriend lives about 300 miles away, which is about a 4-hour drive for me. I'm fortunate in that I am able to see her once every two weeks, but we also talk to each other every night over IM. Skype is nice too, along with a webcam.

Vixx

Most of my relationships have had a long-distance component in the past, owing to the fact that back in college I would go back to China for the summer while they'd stay in the US. At present, my current significant other is in Philadelphia while I am in Shanghai, working.

Generally speaking my view on LDRs is that you can't be TOO close, otherwise one or both of you is going to feel limited or constricted or contained or controlled. This could just be that I am an independent person who does not need to be called or contacted every day of the week, but honestly it is good to still get out.

Plan to talk once in a while, maybe every other day, and give her a day on the weekend where you guys spend some time online together. But do live your own life and do your own thing, as you are in college so, really, at this point in your life, you come first. Don't obsess about missing her call and she shouldn't obsess about missing yours. You've got your own shit to take care of so take care of it first. Otherwise you'll start to feel the strain and guess who you end up taking it out on?

As for activities that keep you close (aside from easing off on the frequency and duration of contact if it is currently a lot), just hit up Skype, get a webcam, and talk to her. I would avoid asking her to play online games with you if it's not your thing. If it becomes her thing as well, great, but then she might end up dragging you into the game even when you don't want to... as a basic rule, avoid the one-way street where she has to give you something that you dictate is done or managed on your schedule/time.

Let her do her own thing, and you do your own, just have a good healthy chat or "intimate webcam session" on a semi-regular basis.

If you absolutely have to contact her in some way every single day, send her a message on Facebook filling her in on your day.

Just be glad you don't have a 13-hour time zone difference to deal with.

AnteCantelope

I made a thread like this a while ago. Pony's quote was incredibly helpful, as was this idea from spacerobot:

spacerobot wrote: »

One thing that made things a lot easier was that we both kept journals, and then at the end of the month we would send them to each other. I recommend something like that, as blogs are nice, but getting something in the mail from her was a wonderful feeling.

Pony wrote: »

I was in a long-distance relationship for about a year. It ended, but not really on a bad note and not really because of the distance, so there is some things I could say that might help.

Keep in touch. Phone calls, emails. Instant Messenger programs are a godsend. AIM, MSN, etc. Make time to talk to each other online, almost like a date.

Use email too, because you won't always be able to schedule time (especially with a time zone difference as drastic as that one)

If you've got blogs, read each others. Be part of each other's lives in small ways. Even though you can't see the person or talk to them face to face, you can still know what's going on their life and share experiences with each other.

Watch things together. If you like the same TV shows for example, watch them at the same time while talking to each other online. Sure, you aren't in the same room, but you're sharing an experience nonetheless.

Send gifts to each other. Doesn't have to be big things. Thought that counts. It's best if these gifts are surprises, and have nothing to do with any specific event. If you were in the mall with her, and she saw something she really liked, would you just buy it for her right there? That's what random gifts are for.

See each other. Go to China every few months. She can come to you sometimes too. This is one of those "if you can afford it" type things but, depending on your situations, make yourself afford it.

It's important. Take the time, work the extra hours, save the money. She means something to you? You want to be with her even if geography is against you? Make the effort.

It's not about proving to her how much she means to you, it's about being a part of each other's lives. That's the hardest part of a long distance relationship, and the one that will take the most work from both of you.

If she means enough to you that you'd choose a career that brought you close to her, then she means enough to you to do as much as you can to be a part of her life.