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IF ONLY

fitzyfitzy Registered User regular
edited November 2007 in Social Entropy++
Note: this work is Sean Howards not mine but seirously funny. for other peices of his work go to squidi.net

You are in an open field west of a big white house with a boarded front door. There is a small mailbox here.

> EAST

The door is boarded up. I think I mentioned this previously.

> EXAMINE BOREDS

They are bored and there are a lot of them. Perhaps you are not playing the game in an interesting manner? Perhaps it is your second grade level spelling capabilities which are making progress uneventful. We may never know.

> EXAMINE BOARDS

They are boards nailed across the door, barring entry. If only you had a hammer, or a least a black belt in some eastern martial arts dicipline.

> EXAMINE MAILBOX

It is shaped like a large plastic trout, where the mailbox lid makes an amusing, if somewhat trite fish mouth.

> PICK UP MAILBOX

You try your best lines. The mailbox is unimpressed.

> TAKE MAILBOX

(against its will)
Trying to rape a mailbox shaped like a large plastic trout is surely not the best use of your time. You could, for example, not do that.

> OPEN MAILBOX

Opening the mailbox reveals:
A leaflet.
A toolbox.

> READ LEAFLET

The leaflet explains that you may already be a winner. You are not. I know these things. It is my gift... my curse...

> EXAMINE TOOLBOX

The toolbox is small, metal, and red, with the words "CRAFTSMAN" printed in bold, attractive letters across the top. One of the corners is dented in, but other than that, it is quite a pleasant toolbox. It really is quite mind boggling why someone would put a perfectly good toolbox like this in a mailbox. It makes no sense at all, and yet, there it is. The logic of such an action is sure to be the subject of much discussion in internet chatrooms for years to come.

> EXAMINE RED

It is very nice, but not as nice as the small.

> OPEN TOOLBOX

Opening the toolbox reveals:
A hammer.

> TAKE HAMMER

Taken.

> EXAMINE HAMMER

It is practically brand new and in perfect shape, save for the clump of what appears to be hair, blood, and brain matter.

> REMOVE BOREDS

(with the hammer)
Done. It was a massacre. They never stood a chance against your mighty hammer.

> REMOVE BOARDS

(with the hammer)
One by one, you pry off each of the boards covering the door, getting a splinter in the process.

> OPEN DOOR

There is no door knob on the door, making it impossible to open. If only you had a spare door knob or at least some termites and a lot of free time.

Descended Chuck Norris. Who delivered a kick, which could shattered bones. Into the crotch of Indiana Jones, who fell to the floor, writing in pain, as Batman changed back to Bruce Wayne. But Chuck saw through, through his clever disguise, so he bust Batman's head, in between his thighs.. :shock:
fitzy on

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    fitzyfitzy Registered User regular
    edited November 2007
    if allowed and you want the rest ill post it.

    fitzy on
    Descended Chuck Norris. Who delivered a kick, which could shattered bones. Into the crotch of Indiana Jones, who fell to the floor, writing in pain, as Batman changed back to Bruce Wayne. But Chuck saw through, through his clever disguise, so he bust Batman's head, in between his thighs.. :shock:
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    OrikaeshigitaeOrikaeshigitae Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited November 2007
    hahaha squidi

    Orikaeshigitae on
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    GravesGraves Registered User regular
    edited November 2007
    seirously guys

    Graves on
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    Me Too!Me Too! __BANNED USERS regular
    edited November 2007
    Wait
    You decide that the webcomics thread isn't enough for this, so you make a new thread?
    Are we allowed to shit on him?

    Me Too! on
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    Me Too!Me Too! __BANNED USERS regular
    edited November 2007
    Oh wait no.
    Apparently the guy does games and comics.
    My mistake.

    Me Too! on
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    FizFiz Registered User regular
    edited November 2007
    hahaha squidi

    Fiz on
    juggcat.jpg
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    OrikaeshigitaeOrikaeshigitae Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited November 2007
    whoops, i forgot to close this on account of it's squidi's and we had enough trouble with him before!

    Orikaeshigitae on
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    TubeTube Registered User admin
    edited November 2007
    SEAN HOWARD

    SEAN FUCKING HOWARD

    GET OUT

    Tube on
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    OrikaeshigitaeOrikaeshigitae Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited November 2007
    might want to yell at him in the webcomics thread too

    Orikaeshigitae on
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    TubeTube Registered User admin
    edited November 2007
    I AM ON MY WAY

    Tube on
This discussion has been closed.