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wooo another girl thread
eggsareexcellent
Registered User new member
Registered User new member
I know you get these all the time, but I'll try and be quick about it...
I am a freshman at uni. Since about the second or third week after I got here I have been hanging out a lot with a girl who lives near me. We hang out pretty much every day for hours at a time, and do almost everything together on weekends. Although she has several friends who are guys, we do stuff (study, go to parties, whatever) together much more often than with any of her other friends (including her friends who are girls). She often goes out of her way to call me to go do stuff with her, and calls me often just to talk when I go home to see my parents. I like her a lot, and would like to move beyond just hanging out and start a relationship.
The problem is, she isn't interested in a relationship right now, or so she says. She has made this pretty clear, but not in a harsh way. Since we have arrived here, two boys have tried to ask her out and she has told them both she doesn't want a relationship right now. I know this because she told me. The other day, we had a talk where she wanted to make sure that I knew she wasn't interested in a relationship right now, and she wanted to make sure she wasn't "leading me on". I am perfectly fine with this, because I enjoy hanging around her so much that even if I had no hope of dating her I would still be her friend, and just look for other girls. Although I do want a relationship, I am in no hurry. Both of us recently broke off of relationships that had lasted more than two years, and aren't really in a hurry to start dating again. Her's was much worse than mine though; she found out her boyfriend had cheated on her at her graduation party with two different girls. He also was a generally verbal and mentally abusive person.
My main question is this: do you think she says shes not interested in a relationship because she specifically doesn't want to date me, or is she still just in shock from her last boyfriend? He keeps sending her unwanted messages and packages and stuff, which I think is making the situation worse because it stresses her out a lot. She really doesn't like him, and he wants her back badly. If she is just in shock from dating him, is that something I could wait out for it to end? I would be willing to wait a while to date her, as I said I am in no hurry. My plan right now is to keep hanging around her and being nice and stuff, but also kind of keep an eye out for other girls. Any thoughts?
I am a freshman at uni. Since about the second or third week after I got here I have been hanging out a lot with a girl who lives near me. We hang out pretty much every day for hours at a time, and do almost everything together on weekends. Although she has several friends who are guys, we do stuff (study, go to parties, whatever) together much more often than with any of her other friends (including her friends who are girls). She often goes out of her way to call me to go do stuff with her, and calls me often just to talk when I go home to see my parents. I like her a lot, and would like to move beyond just hanging out and start a relationship.
The problem is, she isn't interested in a relationship right now, or so she says. She has made this pretty clear, but not in a harsh way. Since we have arrived here, two boys have tried to ask her out and she has told them both she doesn't want a relationship right now. I know this because she told me. The other day, we had a talk where she wanted to make sure that I knew she wasn't interested in a relationship right now, and she wanted to make sure she wasn't "leading me on". I am perfectly fine with this, because I enjoy hanging around her so much that even if I had no hope of dating her I would still be her friend, and just look for other girls. Although I do want a relationship, I am in no hurry. Both of us recently broke off of relationships that had lasted more than two years, and aren't really in a hurry to start dating again. Her's was much worse than mine though; she found out her boyfriend had cheated on her at her graduation party with two different girls. He also was a generally verbal and mentally abusive person.
My main question is this: do you think she says shes not interested in a relationship because she specifically doesn't want to date me, or is she still just in shock from her last boyfriend? He keeps sending her unwanted messages and packages and stuff, which I think is making the situation worse because it stresses her out a lot. She really doesn't like him, and he wants her back badly. If she is just in shock from dating him, is that something I could wait out for it to end? I would be willing to wait a while to date her, as I said I am in no hurry. My plan right now is to keep hanging around her and being nice and stuff, but also kind of keep an eye out for other girls. Any thoughts?
eggsareexcellent on
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(Damn, I just noticed his Corkiness also used the word "preclude". Now how am I going to appear fancy and wordy?)
To really answer your question, it sounds to me as if she's just not ready to date, period. You're not the only one she's told that to, and her ex is still bothering her, making it hard for her to move on. (And seriously... one time cheating "boo", but twice on the same day? Yikes.) She'll obviously need time to get over that, as well as trust that the next person she dates isn't going to be abusive. What she needs right now is a friend, not a boyfriend.
All in all, it sounds to me as if you've got a good handle on the situation already and I think you should stick to your plan. Just don't pin your hopes up - she might meet the man of her life and marry him in some whirlwind romance, leaving you sitting at the curb going "huh?" You just never know.
After all, one of the perks of being in a relationship is that you have someone to do a lot of things with. It seems like she's lonely, but just socially -- not sexually or emotionally.
As for "why," who knows. I would suggest not waiting it out, unless you've got nothing else going on. Unless you start talking about what kind of guy she goes for, you're unlikely to figure out what's up.