Tips on dealing with denial of alcoholism?

Riale

This advice is actually for a good friend of mine who doesn't quite know how to ask, but he could use the help all the same.

His mother has some drinking problems. Nothing super serious (as in, drinking so much she's blacking out or whatnot) but still, a problem. His brother, father and himself have caught his mother sneaking off alcohol and generally drinking too much/when she shouldn't be. They've confronted her about it in the past and she's always insisted it isn't a problem/they shouldn't bother. At one point, several months back, they tried locking away all the alcohol, and I'm not sure how that turned out.

Anyways, they assumed everything was better, but they recently found an empty (very large) bottle of vodka she had hidden away. She still denies she has any problem, and my friend/his family are kind of out of options, outside of forcing her to seek help, which is something I know they're not willing to do.

tl;dr, How do you deal with an alcoholic in denial? Are there are good services or places she can attend for help without feeling bad about it? Like, I figure she would never go to AA if only because that means she's admitting she has a problem. I'm sure there's got to be resources out there that don't label you, for people still in denial.

Oh yeah, and if it makes a difference, this is in Canada.

Pheezer

I don't know where you are in Canada, but your options for forced treatment programs are pretty much non-existent.

Most of the problem will focus on convincing the victim that they do have a problem. This is actually the big hurdle in any type of addictions counseling situation.

I would strongly suggest that you look up your local addictions foundation. Call them up and describe the problem. They will likely prove to be the best resource available to you.

necroSYS

You aren't going to want to hear this, but I'll tell you anyway. My brother is a recovering alcoholic. We tried for years to get him to admit he had a problem and to get help, but he refused. You can't force an alcoholic into treatment. It's something they have to decide for themselves. Eventually, it will get bad enough or your friend's mother will get to a point where she will finally decide that she has a problem and she needs help. All you can do is wait and pray that that day comes soon.

Kipling217

My advice is to get advice from some real professionals. There are people with the expertise needed to reach her, your friend should seek them out. Alternativly, you can research them(with your friends knowledge) and then tell him about them.

The Fact is that alcoholism is a mental disease and mental health care professionals are your best bet in dealing with it. The problem as you have laid out is that people rarely want to admitt to having a mental disorder/disease.

Remember to tell your friend that he should not give up though, it is an curable illness(as millions can attest). Also that he should not feel guilty for "forcing" his mother to confront the disease, it affects him aswell and the pain caused by confronting her will go away once she is cured.

Lastly, be a friend, dont talk about it to others, but be someone he can rely on and trust.

Kipling217

My advice is to get advice from some real professionals. There are people with the expertise needed to reach her, your friend should seek them out. Alternativly, you can research them(with your friends knowledge) and then tell him about them.

The Fact is that alcoholism is a mental disease and mental health care professionals are your best bet in dealing with it. The problem as you have laid out is that people rarely want to admitt to having a mental disorder/disease.

Remember to tell your friend that he should not give up though, it is an curable illness(as millions can attest). Also that he should not feel guilty for "forcing" his mother to confront the disease, it affects him aswell and the pain caused by confronting her will go away once she is cured.

Lastly, be a friend, be someone he can rely on, trust and confide in. He is going to need that one way or the other. (though it seems you got that down already;-))

The Cat

Devil's advocate post: Exactly how much is she drinking? Because if her family are freaking out about a couple of vodka and lemons in the evening, it could explain the hiding behaviour, and that would a very different story to her chugging it neat on the sly whenever they're not looking. You need to establish whether this is actually alcoholism or just a long-running values conflict.

Also, you need to bear in mind that a lot of drinking problems start as coping mechanisms. I drank way too much for a year or so a while back because my life was shit, I was sleep deprived and overworked and lonely and generally fucking miserable. Things got better, and voila, I no longer drink nearly as much. A middle-aged housewife at home (is she employed? What's the family history like? Is she depressed?) whose family are harassing her and treating her like a child (locking it away? Yeah, that's real supportive and mature. A better idea would have been for them to all go dry together for a while)? I'd drink too if someone pulled that shit on me and I couldn't get away :?

Lastly, its really not your business. Al-Anon is the support group for relatives of someone with a drinking problem, they should be easily contactable. Their model of 'cure' isn't that great for a number of reasons, though :? a real counsellor for the family to go to first and establish the extent of the problem and how to deal would be better.

Riale

The Cat wrote: »

Lastly, its really not your business.

I wasn't trying to make it my business. He came to me and wanted help, I suggested he ask around and he didn't feel comfortable making a post here so he suggested I make one.

As for the rest of it, good point. Thanks for all the help so far everyone, I'll make sure he reads this thread.

corcorigan

You can't ask professionals. It's a breach of confidentiality for them to talk about their patient, even with their family. You can tell their doctor of course, but they can't tell you anything in return. You cannot force her to accept treatment either. She's either persuaded to get help, or gets better on her own, or doesn't.

In the UK anyway.

yotes

This is probably not very constructive advice, but in my personal experience the number one rule when trying to help alcoholics is:

Don't actually expect results, and don't feel bad about growing more and more cynical about their unwillingness to change. They have to actually realize for themselves how the booze is fucking them up, and mere detox doesn't really help that much, it will just make them feel like everybody around them hates them and wants to torture them.

iRevert

jamesw wrote: »

This video explains clearly how to detect the signs of alcoholism. If your friend can see some of the symptoms described, should seek professional help. Alcohol addiction is easier to treat the sooner it is detected. Good luck.
http://www.haveigotaproblem.com/video/1458/how-to-detect-the-signs-of-alcoholism

@MayGodHaveMercy

However if a person isn't willing to commit to working on making a change then you won't see any results. Trust me on this one, you can drag an addict to forced rehab as much as you want but if they aren't willing to work on things or be willing to make the effort its just a waste of time. As the second they get out they will go right back to the old habits.

We had a friend who went into a pretty bad slump after he lost his leg and started doing whatever he could get his hands on. His family put him into forced rehab and as soon as he got out he was right back to old ways. We did basically the worst possible thing and kidnapped him and took him out to the middle of nowhere for a job and worked the dogshit out of him for about three months and between having a structure and purpose again and not having the energy to do and not having the access to anything he got it out of his system. From there when he got back we had gotten him to commit to a self check-in rehab for treatment and he went in and stuck with it.

It was mainly getting him to admit the issue, break the cycle, commit to changing, and having a structure to support him.