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Local H Jay
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
advice is appreciated.
Local H Jay on
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And I'd take her ice skating but I don't even know how too.
She's coming to my house saturday for dinner and some movies, is that 'special'?
I will tell you that I was 17 when my first time happened with a 15 year old. If you're worried about just thinking "oh jeez she's 15" the entire time, don't worry, you will probably quickly forget.
Just, for the love of god, make sure she is actually mature before you do anything. If she isn't unusually mature for her age, I would recommend not doing anything sexual. I made the mistake of forgetting to make sure of this and let my wang do most of the decision making. While I wouldn't say I regret the entire thing, it definitely created some substantial problems.
So just be careful if you decide to go through with it, make sure she is mature enough to handle it without freaking out about it. If you were to ask me, I would say that your outlook towards the question of sexual experiences with her sounds like you think she is too young. If that is really how you feel, don't try to change that to try and get action.
if you were in your twenties, with a fifteen year old, it would be one thing. Even though you probably don't think of yoursel as one, you are atill just as much of a kid as she is.
The first thing you need to do is stop assuming that she doesn't know what she wants/what is good for her. Sexual activity is not your sole decision, it is a decision the two of you will make together. Even with you taking the first move, and going in for a kiss, if she is not interested, she will avoid it, by turning her head, or pulling away, or some other method. Just don't be overly forceful, in a way that makes it seem like she HAS to do it.
Let things progress naturally, and be open about any aprehensions you have.
Just, instead of saying to her that she is so young, say that you are both so young. Don't make it seem like you know better than she does.
This is very wise, because pretty much everyone hates being talked down to, even if you don't mean anything bad by it.
If you're in the states, at least wait until she's 16. Most states have a statutory rule if someone over the age of 16 has relations with someone under the age of 16 if I remember correctly. Others might know in more detail, but do a bit o' research just in case. The last thing you want is to be tried as a sex offender for having relations with your own girlfriend. That sounds like it would be horrible.
EDIT: Oh, you're in New Hampshire! That's the state I consider to be my home (though I live in California these days, against my own personal will
(I mean, I can see if someone 18+ was doing that with a 15 year old or younger it could be wrong... but two people going to school together and obviously of the same age range and consenting shouldn't be considered a violation... but I digress.)
In the case of New Hampshire, age of consent is 16, so I wouldn't recommend engaging in intercourse with her.
http://blog.laborlawtalk.com/2006/10/22/new-hampshire-statutory-rape-laws/
Wait a year. It's very important that you wait until she is 16.
"In New Hampshire, if you have sexual relations with a partner who is between the ages of 13 and 16 years old, you are committing a crime and you will be charged with a felony."
It sounds like there's no exception even if you're under 18 (or even if you're younger than she is... in that situation, bizzarely, you could both be charged with statutory rape of each other... I know, it's a wierd world).
So hold off for a year. Wait until she's 16. You don't want to have to register as a sex offender or go to jail for something as stupid as that (two peers of very similar age choosing to have sex with each other).
If you were like 19 or 20, or even 18 and she was 15, I might say you need to look for someone your own age due to the more dramatic age difference. But you're 17 and she's 15... neither of you may be adults in the eyes of the law, but you're certainly peers in age group and maturity and are able to make your own decisions. but that's not how the law sees it, so hold on for now.
Luckily, we humans have ways of satisfying our own needs when things like this come up. I know, that's a taboo thing to discuss... but there's a time and a place for everything. Until she turns 16, the time for that is now for you. =( You'll have to fix your own desires for the time being until she reaches the age of consent.
Aye, you beat me to it. I'd just found the info by doing a search.
EDIT:
Also:
Limed for great truth and wisdom. One must never forget that, ever.
EDIT 2:
I had to post this quote as well from an above poster. This is also extremely iimportant to remember. One must not forget that we all are independent moral agents: and as such, we must never be treated (or treat others) as a means to an end. We must always BE the end. In that regard, if she's not mentally and emotionally ready for it, you run the risk of damaging her emotionally/psychologically. A lot of men don't think about that... but sex to a human (especially a woman) instinctively means commitment and love. If it means less than that to you, OR you're not ready to deal with another person having those instinctive feelings toward you, OR if you don't think she's ready for any of those feelings emotionally (or just in general with the act itself), don't do it. Like I said, a man can easily fix his own needs if he must. Not a popular thing to say, but when it all comes down to it it's true. Better to pleasure yourself and not harm another person than to have another person pleasure you and bring her harm for your pursuit of pleasure.
Whether she is ready or not is a judgment call: in fact, when she is, she will likely initiate the situation herself. (but even if she tries to, still turn her down if she's not 16 yet for reasons already mentioned). Since you've already expressed that you found your co-workers comments "creepy" though, something tells me you'll do fine. If you recognized that their comments were inappropriate, you likely have the level of maturity and insight needed to make at least a decent judgment call on if she's actually ready. Certainly better than those co-workers.
You really do not need to get a felony over fooling around with your girlfriend due to overzealous parents, or anyone else. It is so not worth it.
Also, there are a lot of ways to be intimate without sex. With my past relationships sometimes the closest I've ever felt to someone is just laying next to them / holding them.
Good point, I'm glad you brought that up. I forgot to mention that sex, by legal definition, is all the things he mentioned above. Pretty much if it involves orgasm, or can lead to orgasm, don't risk it. It might even include simply genital touching, but I'm not certain.
As for sex, how close is she to her 16th birthday, and do her parents like you? If she's very close, just wait. If you really like her, make out to your heart's content until her birthday, and then go farther if you both want to. If her parents like you, you're even more in the clear; people get arrested for statutory usually because the girl's parents don't like them. However, it's safer to wait until she's 100% legal.
It's not your call whether she's mature enough to do sexual things. Before her birthday, it's the law's call, and afterwards, that's totally her decision. Let her make it herself.
Just to be clear, I wasn't making the decision by myself, I was saying what I thought. When or if we ever get to the point where we want to become involved sexually, I'll have a talk with her (Since her birthday's more than 6 months away, there's plenty of time).
Once again, thanks for all the responses.
That shouldn't stop you. Could actually work to your favor if she's good at it and you suck but can laugh at yourself.
Food and movies can be nice and intimate - but the trick is not to force it. I know a lot of people say 2 years isnt a big deal, but it can feel like it at that age. Just work on making her as comfortable as possible, you'll naturally grow physically closer as you do mentally/emotionally.
As to the 2 year difference... 2 years is nothing past 20, but at that younger age, it can make a pretty considerable difference in my opinion.
When I was 19, I had just started seeing someone 2 years younger than I - we both left HS at 17 for college, I'd say she's quite bright & mature, but after 4 or 5 months, I did really start to notice some differences. I guess at that point I'd already been living on my own for a couple years, working to support myself, going to school on scholarship, which is probably what made such a significant difference.
Now I miss kissing and cuddling with someone so I can admit that I'm being a little too strong in my attempts to find someone. It'll happen when the time is right. If you really care for this girl, the first kiss could be something special so don't force it.