Flaky friend?

bennie_unl

Okay, I need help understanding this guy's issue. We were friends in high school, saw each other a couple times after that over the course of ~10 years, whenever we both happened to be visiting home at the same time. We are now both living in the same small town in which we grew up.

The issue is this: he is completely sporadic. Whenever I see him, he's all about how we should do something. When I suggest something, he asks if he can call me in *insert time frame* to see if he's free. This, of course, never sounds promising. He'll call me (usually), never within the time frame he set, and almost always he's busy. After a couple times of this, I write him off as a lost cause, he's just saying this stuff and doesn't mean it. Probably because he doesn't want to hurt my feelings, I think.

Thing is, he won't let it die. He'll be completely missing for 2, 3 months, and then out of nowhere he texts. Or emails. Or leaves a note written on the back of an old bill in my door. And so I try again. Same shit.

Why on earth would he do this? I have completely stopped initiating contacts with him; doesn't matter. He starts up talking to me again whenever he feels like it. We've never dated, barely even touch each other, let alone have any sort of friends-with-benefits thing going on. Why, why, why?

I know you folks will be able to offer at least some kind of insight to save my sanity.

Nibble

Why do you care so much? If he ever calls you with a concrete plan to do something, and you feel like doing it, then say "sure." Otherwise, don't even think about him.

Rubick

I'd go with the above advice - he's done it multiple times, so next time he calls or whatever, I would communicate with him, but wouldn't even attempt to form solid plans. If he asks you to, I'd tell him to plan something and let you know what's up. Don't put yourself through the stress of worrying with it.

DasUberEdward

I do this unintentionally to a few people. I feel really awful about it. Maybe he sucks at managing his time because I sure do. I guess what I mean overall is that it may have nothing to do with you at all.

bennie_unl

Thanks for the responses.

I guess I care so much because he's a really great person when he actually shows up, and because I know I would never treat a person this way. So I obsess while I try to rationalize. I try to curb it, it takes a month or two...which is when he reappears.

But, I'll try to take your advice and just let it go. It can be my New Year's Resolution or something - "Stop trying to figure out the actions of people who obviously don't think about you."

Thanks.