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Online Dating!
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Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Hello chappers!
I'm in a big slump; I've exhausted all of my dating options within my network of friends (been about 6 months since I've been in a relationship), and for whatever reasons, I can't seem to meet any new, intelligent and attractive, date-able girls (I'm done with school, and have a job as an artist's assistant in a studio - in other words, no new people from jobs or school). I am attractive, thin, tall, dark hair. I am articulate, and certainly don't have any trouble speaking with women. I do go out to parties and shows. But, again, it seems to have become rather difficult meeting anyone of real substance/interest/attraction. Even the floozies I meet are few and far between, and I cant seem to muster interest in either direction.
So, online dating seems like it could lead to better opportunities. I've tried eHarmony for about 3 months, met only one gal who was attractive and smart, and that fell through. I've tried craigslist (though it seems filled with camwhores and hookers/strippers) with little luck. Now, I'm thinking about match.com.
Any advice from people who have gone this route? I've become pretty lonely (I have lots of friends, but they don't fill the void), and it's been forever since I've had any sexual or even intimate contact with a girl, which is horribly depressing and irregular for me. Should I even do the online dating thing? What would be a better way to meet new women in the real world now that I don't have the easy-access/big fat cushion that school once provided?
I live in Los Angeles, if that makes a difference - specifically Hollywood.
I'm in a big slump; I've exhausted all of my dating options within my network of friends (been about 6 months since I've been in a relationship), and for whatever reasons, I can't seem to meet any new, intelligent and attractive, date-able girls (I'm done with school, and have a job as an artist's assistant in a studio - in other words, no new people from jobs or school). I am attractive, thin, tall, dark hair. I am articulate, and certainly don't have any trouble speaking with women. I do go out to parties and shows. But, again, it seems to have become rather difficult meeting anyone of real substance/interest/attraction. Even the floozies I meet are few and far between, and I cant seem to muster interest in either direction.
So, online dating seems like it could lead to better opportunities. I've tried eHarmony for about 3 months, met only one gal who was attractive and smart, and that fell through. I've tried craigslist (though it seems filled with camwhores and hookers/strippers) with little luck. Now, I'm thinking about match.com.
Any advice from people who have gone this route? I've become pretty lonely (I have lots of friends, but they don't fill the void), and it's been forever since I've had any sexual or even intimate contact with a girl, which is horribly depressing and irregular for me. Should I even do the online dating thing? What would be a better way to meet new women in the real world now that I don't have the easy-access/big fat cushion that school once provided?
I live in Los Angeles, if that makes a difference - specifically Hollywood.
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There's nothing wrong w/ trying to find people on-line, it can open you up to people with all different kinds of interests. For some advice from a girl who's looked at a few guy's profiles on-line - try to be interesting and different in your profile. Guys who only write one or two sentences or put phrases like "I want a nice girl to have fun with" generally get passed over.
I HAve been on match, it can be hit or miss. But pretty good. Many dates and a relationship. Oh and on match gals get like a ka-jillion emails and hits a day. So bear that in mind.
truth be told I have had pretty good luck with okcupid. ok cupid is pretty good about info on the gals with its matching scheme via quizes. i like it better for some reason and its free. try it.
Thanks for the advice and the links.
The site also isn't set up very well and has a very poor method by which to enter your interests.
It sounds like my situation at the time was much like yours. I knew women in "the real world", but I didn't find them interesting, my history in dating (and the awkwardness around it) was frustrating, and I was in a situation where I wasn't really in a position to meet anyone new without resorting to the sketchy bar or club scene, which I was NOT interested in.
My friend told me about OkCupid, and sent me a link so I could try some of the tests. I went into it with some heavy biases against the concept of online dating... I messaged a couple of people who had profiles that interested me, and even went on two dates (with two different women) that resulted in some interest but mostly a realization that it wouldn't work out between us. (in the first situation, she lived too far away... in the second situation, she was having some issues involving past boyfriends and I was having issues with those issues
But then I saw a profile of a girl who'd recently taken a politics test that I just took. She had these sexy librarian glasses that I found enticing, and was wearing a neon pink wig... and her profile seemed about as spunky and progressive as a borderline socialist like me could ever hope for.
We chatted for a month before we met, exchanging all of the information that usually comes out of the first two or three uncomfortable dates via E-Mail. When we finally met, we had worked through all the pre-meeting jitters and discomfort. I knew that she interested me mentally as well as physically, and she knew the same... so when we met, we felt more of a sense of relief in finally meeting than anything else. We ate at a Pho place and made an absolute mess of ourselves without caring. We laughed, I did my best Cartman impersonation for her, and she stuck her feet out of my car window while we were driving. In short, it was like we'd skipped the most painful phase of dating.
We moved in together a few months later, and we got married about a year and a half after that. I've been blissfully wed ever since, and wouldn't change that for the world.
The fact of the matter is that dating on the internet helps you to get to know the person before committing to an actual date... and if you find someone that seems truly compatible, you'll be able to take the time to feel more comfortable about the whole situation before you even have to meet them.
I'm sure others may have different experiences, but I'm thankful every morning when I wake up next to my wife that I gave that dating site a try, dispite my reservations and the social taboos of it. Give it a try... just remember that agreeing to go on a date with someone from a dating site does NOT mean that you're in a relationship with them. It means you're giving it a trial shot. Just go out, talk to the person, get to know them... and if you seem incompatible, either (or both) of you are perfectly free to walk away and resume the search.
yes, but it's based in vancouver, which means it's awesome for me
What does that have to do with anything? Could be based anywhere, same results.
Anyone have any more experience with this site? And how long does it take for a profile to get approved?
eHarmony I had a similar experience; I met two people off of it (One, ironically, didn't even want a boyfriend. Don't ask, I'm STILL puzzled about it almost 6 months later). Both were very like-minded and intelligent women, but never really hit it off quite right.
I met 3 people on Yahoo (Over 2 or 3 months), which was a bigger variety of like- and unlike-minded people, which is fairly refreshing. They were all very interesting people, and it has a large age range, so that was never a problem for me. I think it's the same price as Match.com, which I haven't tried, and there were plenty of people to talk to. It's at least one to think about.
It links to my website. The site is still under construction. And will be forever. And apparently it's dead for right now. I guess I'll have to talk to my admin one of these days...Also. Myspace.
OKCupid seems to have a good reputation.
What do you expect for free? I noticed there is a fuckton of single moms on that site...
Well, I expected the site, at least, to be well organized. Interests should be a text field in which you can write anything, and you ought to be able to include text searches for interests as part of your searches for age ranges and locations.
The one criticism I can think of right now about dating sites, is that I think some people can tend to build fantasies up about you before meeting you. Since talking through email and IM is different than real togetherness, it can make you seem different than you are in some ways. For instance, I'm able to appear a lot more erudite through writing, than through person to person talking. So, you have to watch out about picking the best time to ask them out to meet in person, or risk building yourself up too much, even if unintentionally. It's hard to tell chemistry without meeting someone either.
1. look for places that are free to browse, but charge to send a message. This eliminates a lot of fake sites and ups the quality significantly. More importantly, you can see how many people in your area are in your age range and have pictures.
2. Focus on the personals with pictures. This has only gotten more true with time, as anyone who knows anything about computers nowadays can get ahold of a digital camera and put crap on imageshack, photobucket, flickr, or whatever. If people don't have a picture, they're either very much a luddite (which, if you're posting on PA, means you probably won't get along) or they're hiding something. This also makes meeting MUCH easier, and gets over one of the biggest issues with essentially blind dating.
3. Have a picture (recent) of yourself. It can be a myspace-style picture or just you doing something silly. Don't put up an old prom picture or some shit just because you look nice, but also don't put up a picture with you half passed out with a beer in your hand. This shows the people you message that you look like another normal person, and you're more likely to get a response.
4. If you message people, make sure you're on topic -- talk or mention something about their profile that's interesting, or something in the picture that isn't just their body. Guys never get messages, and girls get tons of creepy messages.
5. When you get someone who's interested in talking with you, push to meet in person in a public space during the daytime on a weekend. If you talk online, you'll do just as Lucid mentions even without thinking about it -- you'll build up a fantasy about the person based entirely on either their voice or their picture. So push to meet in person. And you push for a public space in the daytime on a weekend because people are more free on the weekend, they're more willing to meet in a public space with other people around, and in the daytime you usually don't hang out with friends and can either cut out early if it sucks, or hang out the rest of the day. More importantly, it's very low commitment, which is a great way to meet someone and see if you guys actually like each other in person.
Granted, a lot of this is assuming you're looking for a nice girl with a lot of things in common with yourself. If you're looking to simply hang out with women at night, your approach changes. If you're looking to get in with a new group of people, likewise. I personally preferred meeting women online because it cut through a lot of the crap and anxiety, and you already know at least a little bit about a person. For instance, if their favorite movie is "Alvin & the Chipmunks," that tells you a LOT more about them -- something you may not pick up on for the first few dates otherwise.
Only one person from that mass message send off have I chatted with everyday almost. The problem is she doesn't want to meet because she is scared and that really puts me off as me thinking she is some kind of messed up person even though she doesn't sound like it. But there is the problem right there that I'm making up somekind of persona of her.
But hey at least I have another internet friend if anything.