The Best Things

lonelyahava

So, from what I've seen, there's a thread for the stupid, horrible, and irritating DM's, players, RP stories. But I haven't seen anything as far as a post for the supremely Awesome.

If I'm wrong, then beat me with a wet noodle, and then direct me to the thread. If I'm not wrong, there here ya go.

Tell us about your favorite moments in a game. The times when the events went exactly as planned, the results were awesome. When you and your fellow players just clicked and got it right. And when your GM/DM/ST/etc made the game 100% perfect.

I've read the horrible and hysterical, now I want to read the awesome and rocking.

--Ahava

KrataLightblade

I had a level 7/7 Dwarf Fighter/Cleric kill a Young Adult White Dragon in three rounds with five hits.

This was one of those games where your DM just throws shit at your character to see how long it takes before you die. No real point to it other than to roll some dice for the hell of it. So he figured, fuck, man, there's no way I'll survive trying to solo a dragon and his five drow bitchboys. The drow scatter when the dragon goes berserk, giving me a few rounds alone with it.

Round one, dragon misses me with all attacks. I smack it once. Critical fucking hit.

Round two, dragon again misses with all attacks. I strike it twice, one of which is another critical!

Round three, Dragon gets pissed and uses its breath weapon on me. I roll my save at the same time the DM rolls famage. I notice I failed my save before I saw his damage. He was staring at his dice with hatred in his eyes. He rolled 5 1s. Dragon did exactly 10 damage to my Dwarf.

I return the favor with interest, hitting it twice more, both critical hits. Wham, bam, thank you ma'am, dead fuckin' dragon. My last hit was a whopping 25 damage or so. Kerplunk goes the dragon.

Then the DM, screaming in disbelief, tells me about the five drow coming at me.

...I kill them all without taking another hit. Mind you, this character was, for some unknowable reason, INCAPABLE of rolling a miss! It was like, half his hits were critical (and this was back in 2nd ed, where only a 20 is a crit no matter what), and he just charged into battle screaming "BWAAAAAAAAAAH!" He laid waste to everything he met. The DM finally quit.


This was the same character who, two levels previous, had gotten stuck in a small space with a Dragon Turtle. The Dm was so convinced that I could never win, even with this guy's track record, that he didn't bother rolling HP.

Ten rounds later, he says "FINE, fuck it, I'll rol the goddamn Hit Points!"

...At which point we discover I killed it three rounds ago.


This Dwarf was fucking unkillable. It was great. And the sad thing is he wasn't even particularly powerful... or wouldn't have been if he ever stopped rolling criticals and if things would ever roll well enough to hit him.


Ah, Chult, how I miss thee.

real_pochacco

I was playing a Gnome Wizard named Alarag. Not an illusionist, mind you, because "Illusion spells are for pussies." My guy was straight up Wizard, Fireballs and Lightnings and all that. But his signature spell was Expeditious Retreat, which he used on many occasions to great effect. This is one of those stories.

I was traveling with a female dwarf fighter and a cleric of healing (is there really any other kind?). We were riding in a wagon, and suddenly we came upon an orc caravan moving perpendicular to us. We decided to just push on through and keep going through the other side. We were able to do this, and we pretty much thought we were safe.

Then we saw an orc general on horseback riding behind us very quickly. He had a necklace with red glowing orbs on it, and he tore one off and threw it at us. It landed right in the back of our cart and erupted into a giant fireball. The cleric just... died, immediately, I don't think she made her save. The dwarf failed her save, also, and she took enough damage to go negative and fall unconscious.

I was able to make my save, however, and I had around 15 hitpoints left. He ordered us to pull over, and I did so, scared as fuck. He had a handheld crossbow gun pointed at me and he ordered me to get out. I obeyed, and I went with him around to the back of the cart. (This is where the story gets kind of iffy rules wise.)

I decided I would grab the dwarf, cast Expeditious Retreat, and get the fuck out of there. The DM managed to allow this, but as I was running the orc took a shot at me. He just barely missed, and I bolted out of there and hid.

I went into the woods and created a little hidden lean-to. They sent orcs looking for us, but we managed to remain undetected. I spent the next two weeks nursing the dwarf back to health.

Reynolds

I once Broke The Staff and killed Tiamat, transporting myself and my stone golem familiar to Valhalla.

Goose!

The only moment that comes to mind is sort of MacGuyver-ish. We were fighting a bugbear (we being me, a dwarf warrior that had been turned blue by a curse so they called me "smurf", and a bunch of pansy magic users) I had just been disarmed and shot with a sort of...arrow that had a grappling hook kind of head (don't know the proper term for it) so I ran up to the bug bear, pulled the arrow out of my stomach, and drove it as high as I could into the bugbear. I rolled a crit. And my damage was lethal. I was the hero of this little group...until the bugbear doubled over and landed on top of me -_-

KrataLightblade

This was pretty awesome.

INNS is running a WoWRPG game on the side, for me and a friend of ours. Our friend is a troll3/Warrior2. I'm a Troll2/Rogue3.

We just duo'd Zalazane (and because INNS didn't figure Zalazane was badass enough, he was buffed from level 4 to level 7) and a Dire TRoll (which INNS BSd as a Minotaur's stats plus Fast Healing 5) in the same encounter.

I'm so happy right now.


EDIT: I forgot to mention the part where we coup-de-grace'd Zalazane by cutting his head off AND HE PUT IT BACK ON.

Horseshoe

A while back when I was playing my badass dwarf cleric, we had just leveled up and the guy playing the Druid in the party (who is new-ish to dnd but has become a damn good player) asks: "What's baleful polymorph?"

I respond: "It's a spell that you will prepare. Now. Trust me."

Later that session, he pulls it off in the "boss fight" versus a powerful sorceress... he rolled awesome, DM rolled shitty. And the third player in the party, a Paladin, gives the sorceress a coup de grace with the heel of her boot.

High fives all around.

PsychoCucumber

I was playing a swashbuckler, around level five at this point, and I had made him into a "Face" who wasn't afraid to rapier someone to death if need be. We were playing a pirate campaign, and had just hitched a ride to a floating city (that's all there was, in this world).
The DM was describing the ships along the harbor, making sure to point out the super fast, super awesome, heavily guarded one that we could never steal.
I took this as a challenge.
We( "we" being me, our Dwarven warrior, our enormous, semi-cannibalistic Barbarian, and our other Swashbuckler, my sworn nemesis and an idiot) went shopping, with whatever little money we had left after paying for passage, purchased nice clothes and a wax seal that looked very like the seal of a Lord in the city.
Then we simple walked up to the guard and ordered them to load provisions into the ship, because Lord So-and-so would be here soon, and his ship damn well better be ready. We then handed him a hastily written and sealed letter, explaining everything.
I rolled amazingly on my Bluff check, and the DM, glaring at us the entire time, narrated how the guards loaded the ship up with tons of free shit(gun powder, food, etc.) and went and got a crew for us.
Then, the DM, smirking, asks how we get the ship out of here, with the guard captain asking for his money, and where the hell this Lord is.
So we push him in the water. Well, more exactly, the Barbarian pushes him the water, and we all run on board, toss the gangplank in the water, on top of the guard, and start cutting ropes as fast as we can.
The best part?
Every single one of the guards ( approx. 50 of them) missed us with their arrows, due to our concealment(The ship was waaaay higher than the pier)
Our DM hated us. I was elected Captain.

trentsteel

I got one, but it might come off as sarcastic, that is NOT my intention:



I used to be in a WoW guild (i know, computer game but w/e) that was the best on my server. Like, they were finishing new Raids before anyone else could get past the first boss. I got into this guild because I helped out a couple of their players in pvp that were getting attacked by Horde. I got in right before they got totally serious about raiding and I thought hell ya, epic lootz. I didn't really like anyone in the guild. They were the type that played 12-14 hours a day and the vast majority of them were very rude. Like, you would whisper things to them and they would just plain ignore you, NEVER type anything back. Until, of course they heard you had something they needed. They used to cheat in AV, demean other players, trick people, join small groups to help them through a dungeon and then purposely get them all killed and pretend they couldn't speak english etc. They held all the top PVP spots, they would have all the newest gear first, they absolutely DOMINATED EVERYTHING.

So, first time in Onyxia and I am trying my hardest to listen to the instructions. I think I'm doing okay. Somehow my undergeared hunter manages to pull aggro and I get killed and subsequently kicked out of the raid. The guild master calls me some condescending names.

I was so mad that I started telling them what a bunch of jerks they were and how the game was no longer fun for me anymore since I joined them. Then I quit the guild. So I ran off to swim by Theramore isle, guildless and of course no whispers to come back came my way--not that I was expecting any.

Then someone invited me out for beers. I went to a pub and I was sitting there having a drink with this girl and her friend and eventually the bartender came over and was talking to us and I looked at the three girls and started laughing to myself about how angry I was about what happened to me in the game and how nice it was on the warm summer night to be drinking on Whyte Ave (long street of bars) in the setting sun with some girls and having a good time and what a bunch of losers those assholes were that spent 14 hours a day playing that fucking game.

Super Namicchi

I don't think this is the thread where your 'omg victory over teh nerdz' story goes

this thread is for stories about rolling awesome dice numbers and kicking the shit out of bugbears, not spiting WoW guilds

Sword_of_Light

So another team of 'runners hits our convoy - I'm half-deaf from the RPG impact, but I've got my Ranger-Arms out, thumping on the bads. Someone lobs a grenade at the bads, doesnt go far and the bads scatter - but our mage uses a telekinesis spell of some sort to chase after one of the bads with the live grenade. Then our decker/rigger, who is a kill-virgin and has no desire for lethality, opens up on one of the bads with his van-mounted LMG. Its its got non-lethal gel-rounds, but he opens up on the guy with full-auto and beats the guy to death with gel-rounds.

Horseshoe

My scoundrel ends up getting wrapped up in a massive space battle on the side of the New Republic.

Ain't that always the way?

Anyway, the party is in his souped-up YT-2400. Modified weapons, illegal everything. The good thing about choosing a side in a conflict is that if they win, they often look the other way on that sort of thing.

The battle is against the Ssi-Ruuk, or whatever those nasty-ass lizard guys from the expanded universe are. They've been taking captives on Dathomir to fuel their nasty technologies and the New Republic don't cotton to that.

Anyhow, we're mostly working support around two capital ships that are clashing... a Ssi-Ruuk massive pyrimidal thing, and a New Republic Nebulon-B. Basically running interference, ducking below their shields to get pot-shots in, that kind of thing.

The Nebulon finally brings their sheilds down and the Ssi-Ruuk cruiser has little left in the way of hit points. I decide to send a concussion missile their way.

Fucking nat 20. I may have done a little dance.

Hit the ship for something like 120 damage and blowed it the fuck up. The other players groaned a bit, because my character was already pretty big-headed, and after that his bragging rights were ridiculous.

CaptnNoodle

Try here for some other stories.

DiannaoChong

So last week was my first time role playing, did some d20 modern. We get level 4 characters to start, and have this mission to help this android dude find his ship. In a cave.

It was rocky going getting to the ship, we were rocking everything in combat, but making some very bad decisions getting there. We eventually have to kill these (flying lizard like creatures) that we just couldnt hit, and the cave is full of ice...... We get them down finally, and find the ship... which is in pieces next to a young dragon. Were thinking oh shit, theres just no way we can pull this off. One player does the equivilent of "hey yall, watch this!" and starts talking to the dragon which promptly goes "why are you all here? What do you mean you want your ship back, this is my ship, it crashed into my home." he walks up, and seduces it. as soon as the dragons attention is held, the robot coaks. We go "oh shit what is it doing its gonna kill all of us" and it runs up to its ship and gets in.

Player rolls for the bluff of distracting and seducing the dragon.... passes. The ship starts to warm up
Player rolls for bluff and passes, the ships starts transforming, were waiting at the entrance of the passage, not sure what to do, we cant fit in the ship, we cant attack the dragon, but shitting our pants.
Player rolls bluff and passes, the ship finishes transforming, and has a giant cannon right on the dragon
Player rolls bluff AGAIN and passes, the ship fires
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM the android misses and puts a large crater in the wall next to the dragon.
player keeps the dragons attention through this.

Player rolls for bluff, and fails, the dragons sees the ship and the crater, and Howls a glorious roar scaring everyone for their lives but one person down a tunnel and back through this giant cavern. Person who dosent run? "I shoot it in the face" and starts firing her guns. after about 3 more rounds of the ship hitting the dragon for huge amounts of damage, it dies without dealing a single point to us. It became obvious that the dm meant for us to run in guns blazing without being able to negotiate with the dragon, and having to stave it off while the ship took care of it after it had to set up for several rounds. DM was really surprized he rolled so low on everything, but we were meant to take the dragon out, just it was supposed to be a harder fight.

It was pretty great

Edit: Id never really played any pen and paper before last friday, but these stories were always amazing. Anyone ever read the famous "Gazebo" story? Thats hilarity right there. http://www.dndadventure.com/html/articles/gaming_stories.html

Reznik

I'll start this by saying that when me and my friends play 'DnD' it really isn't. We use one d20 that we roll for anything the DM tells us. We call it DnD for convenience. Anyway, our DM is hilarious and we are never serious when we play this game.

So this session starts off, and some dragons are attacking the city. "Oh no!" We say, "We should kill these dragons!"

Unfortunately, they are flying too high for us to be able to hit them as our party consisted of a ninja, a viking, a parlour magician, a barmaid and a priestitute (a priest/prostitute hybrid). So, no weapons with enough range.

The parlour magician turns to the priestitute and commands her to "Seduce the dragons!" She refuses, they argue, and finally she relents and agrees.

P: "Ok, fine, I'll seduce the dragons." (she says it all angrily and is basically expecting to fail)
DM: "Ok, roll"

*20*

So now this priestitute is being violated by three dragons.

"What luck!" we say. The dragons are distracted! We kill them all before they realize what's going on. And I guess rescue the priestitute as well. She is sore for the rest of the quest and gets called a dragonwhore by a crazy old man.

Fast forward a bit. We're in a cave in a mountain fighting a gorgon, and it's kicking our asses. Prior to this battle my Ninja acquired a helmet that made him turn invisible, and it happened to look like a Spartan helmet from 300. Remembering this detail, on my combat turn I decide to just try something random because we're just toally getting murdered by this gorgon. So I say to the DM, "I yell 'THIS IS SPARTA' really, really loudly at the gorgon."

Everyone's kinda chuckling you know, ha ha funny joke even though you wasted your turn. Well the DM tells me to roll...

20!

DM: (holding back laughter) "The gorgon screams in fear, turns to stone and shatters."

We step over the shattered gorgon-pieces and continue through the cave.


Later on, we are joined by a lumberjack and a gypsy (two of my friends arrived late). We are launching an assault on the fire dragon mountain via the parlour magician's airship (???). Me (the ninja), the viking and the lumberjack all leap out of the airship to fight the dragons on the ground. The lumberjack starts busting out epic feats of manliness.

DM: (to lumberjack) "The dragon is going to step on you. What do you do?"
LJ: "I tilt my chin up and break its foot with my stubble."
DM: "....roll."
*18 vs the DM's 15*
DM: "...The dragon breaks its foot on your stubble and falls over."

The lumberjack also tried to break a dragon's neck with his neck, and leaped up at a dragon and hung from its chest with his teeth while he tried to bite out its heart. He ended up just being able to rip off the dragon's chestplate with his teeth and then he tosses a magic javelin at the dragon's heart.

Real tabletop players are probably shaking their heads right now but man, this silly stuff is just so fun to play.

DiannaoChong

See I enjoy structured play, but where the DM is willing to bend the rules for the sake of the players creativity reaction to the story like the above. Thats a bit more silly then what Ive seen, or would like to see, but nothing wrong with the above if you have fun with it.

OtakuD00D

A year back, I was in my first Iron Kingdoms game. Ye olde typical Cygnaran Infantry unit fell into an underground Orgoth ruin whillst fighting the Blighted. We go up an elevator of sorts and OMG BOSS BATTLE AGAINST A BLIGHTED BERZERKER COMMENCES.

He charges our Bard. Our Bard sidesteps and casts Grease in his wake. Berzerker utterly fails every check and falls off to his death.

Few sessions later, we're fighting off a bunch of Menites who decided to fuck around with some small town we were at. Their leader was this big, badass Paladin of the Wall. Two headshots and the guy went down. I blew his helmet off, our Bard ran up and shot his face off.

In both instances, our DM:

rchaneberg

KrataLightblade wrote: »

EDIT: I forgot to mention the part where we coup-de-grace'd Zalazane by cutting his head off AND HE PUT IT BACK ON.

I have never before put earl grey through my nose.
I know now that it is not pleasant.

Sword_of_Light

The look on my GM's face last night.

So our ork is hammering it out with a fire elemental while its conjurer is trying to exit/sorte some-frikkin-where else.
Yeah. I aint havin' that. We've already taken some serious hits - theres a giganto-normous earth elemetal thumping around, and the mage has already floored our magic guy. My ninja troll (a 2.5 meter, bright-red oni), Gojira, comes around to try to flank the mage, but he's being careful.
"Ok, Gojira. What are you doing?"
"I'm going to enter the building where I think the mage is, oh, and I'm readying my bag of flour."
"Flour?"
"Yeah, King Arthur brand white flour."
".....ok. You....ready your flour. You enter the room where you think the mage is. You see the ork fighting with what appears to be a buring figure. A small man is backing away."
"I clear my throat."
"He turns around."
"He gets a face full of flour, and then I slam his face with my fist."

A mage cant cast on what a mage cant see.

Rhesus Positive

In the Ars Magica campaign I'm playing, I tend to use my Talk to Animals ability (I'm playing a Bjornaer who isn't much of a people person) in ways that often make my GM have to roleplay some strange scenarios. Last night, I decided to introduce the concept of equality to a stable of horses, insisting that they rise up and break free of the shackles that Man forced them into. It ended up being a theological discussion about whether the role of horses was ordained by God or Man, and I ended up succeeding in causing the horses to become revolutionaries.

My reasoning was that we were looking for information in a tavern, and if things got ugly the riders would then have a hard time following us on horseback. As it happened, things did turn ugly, but mainly because an ostler was trampled to death as a result of the horses rising up in protest.