This has been bugging me. (Girl weirdness)

Mr. Period

Ok I know I should move on blah blah I am but I still feel the need to be vindicated. Ok so I’m talking to this girl online everyday for two weeks after responding to a dating post. We try to meet up a few times doesn’t work out. The day before school starts she says I’m not interested in dating right now because I'm going to be super busy give me a few weeks. I say sure because I’ll be busy with school too.

So I’m hanging out waiting around for my carpool ride who just happens to work in the same building and same floor as her so I think to myself hmm I wonder if she’s around so I drop by say hi I’m bored waiting around saw your name on the directory listing which is right next to the area I was waiting by. We talk seems nice I say see you later blah blah everything seems fine but she did mention she likes to keep her professional live separate I take the hint and apologize. So I’m talking to her later that day online she doesn’t respond.

I apologize again saying I was bored and it was a spur of the moment thing. She sends me an email saying blarg I’m not interested in you for the sole reason of you showing up uninvited to my office. That she’s sorry if I felt led on (I didn’t get that part at all) and that she hopes I find someone much nicer then her. I’m like WTH? So I send a response saying sorry again and I’ll try to avoid her.

Anyway does anyone else think that is a little weird? I know I did show up uninvited but I explained clearly that I just happened to notice she had an office on the same floor and it was a spur of the moment thing. I don’t have a creepy vibe or anything so I think she’s just crazy.

TLDR; it’s about a girl who might just be wacko.

theSquid

Dude.

You showed up to her office? After never before meeting her in RL? Uninvited?

It's... it's just not done.

Burnage

Mr. Period wrote: »

TLDR; it’s about a girl who might just be wacko.

No, really. Just no. There is not enough lime in the world for theSquid's comment, so I'll leave it unlimed.

MrOletta

I get the impression that she might have been unsure entirely if she wanted to date you. I say this because in my experience, if people really want to see someone, they'll go out of their way regardless of their schedule.

I think the deal killer was you showing up completely unannounced at her work place, before you two had ever met each other in real life. That doesn't seem like much perhaps, but you completely took the proverbial "ball" out of her court by doing that. It probably weirded her out a bit, and no amount of apologizing will ever rectify the situation. In fact, it'll probably make it worse.

IMHO, it's a lost cause at this point - sorry.

Daenris

theSquid wrote: »

Dude.

You showed up to her office? After never before meeting her in RL? Uninvited?

It's... it's just not done.

Ding, ding, ding!!!

Seriously dude. Even though you think you may not have a "creepy vibe" showing up at the girl's office when you've never met her could be seen as kinda stalker like. She's not wacko, just cautious and you went beyond the bounds of what would normally be considered cool.

DodgeBlan

File this one under solved.

nizlopi

good lord...

no.

Just...

no.

Deviant Hands

Never do this again.

Janson

MrOletta wrote: »

I get the impression that she might have been unsure entirely if she wanted to date you.

Yes. Sounds like she was never really interested in the first place. You turning up at her office was just the icing on the cake.

vonPoonBurGer

Mr. Period wrote: »

I don’t have a creepy vibe or anything

You may think you don't have a creepy vibe, but only other people are allowed to decide whether or not you actually have a creepy vibe. Your opinion on your own level of creepy vibe-ness is going to be completely biased. Also, showing up at her office, out of the blue, uninvited? Yeah, that sounds like the very definition of creepy to me. Best thing you can do now is learn from your mistake and move on.

Flyingman

theSquid wrote: »

Dude.

You showed up to her office? After never before meeting her in RL? Uninvited?

It's... it's just not done.

Yeah, it's not like I think you are a creepy guy in real life or anything, but this particular move was stupid on your part and now you've damaged your rep sorta. Things may pan out and cool down after a while, but first impressions last and you've blown yours and then stomped the pieces into the dust.

Kyougu

I hate piling it on, but yeah just what everyone has said.

Lots of people are already iffy about meeting people in rl that they meet online, and it takes a level of trusts that the two people have to build up. Showing up unnanounced at her workplace would just freak anyone out.

Chalk it up as a learning experience and move on.

Serpent

Mr. Period wrote: »

I don’t have a creepy vibe or anything so I think she’s just crazy.

Pretty sure unininvited drop ins at the place of work of someone you've never met before is the definition of a creepy vibe.

Sarcastro

She says shes not interested in dating you, and then later you show up at her workplace.

Smooth.

Maybe next time show up with a dozen white roses tipped red with your own blood. When she asks where you got them, show her the slits on your wrists and whisper, "I made them for you."

EggyToast

And for future reference, showing up at people's workplaces even when you *know* them is pretty rude. They can't leave, they should be working, and they're not expecting you. What did you *think* was going to happen?

Flyingman

EggyToast wrote: »

And for future reference, showing up at people's workplaces even when you *know* them is pretty rude. They can't leave, they should be working, and they're not expecting you. What did you *think* was going to happen?

Well hang on, I love it when my girl drops by, and she loves it when I drop by. This isn't right at all.

Khavall

Flyingman wrote: »

EggyToast wrote: »

And for future reference, showing up at people's workplaces even when you *know* them is pretty rude. They can't leave, they should be working, and they're not expecting you. What did you *think* was going to happen?

Well hang on, I love it when my girl drops by, and she loves it when I drop by. This isn't right at all.

Yeah, unless it were someone I've never met in person who I know online kind of(seriously, what the hell), I have never been anything but happy when someone has dropped by to visit me, be friend, girlfriend, whatever.


But showing up uninvited when you've never met before? That's. Well I think it's been said.

Daenris

Flyingman wrote: »

EggyToast wrote: »

And for future reference, showing up at people's workplaces even when you *know* them is pretty rude. They can't leave, they should be working, and they're not expecting you. What did you *think* was going to happen?

Well hang on, I love it when my girl drops by, and she loves it when I drop by. This isn't right at all.

Yeah... I'm gonna have to agree with this. You can't make a blanket statement like this saying that it's always rude. It depends on the people, the job, probably even the day. This is a completely different issue from showing up unannounced at someone's workplace when you've never even met them in person.

EggyToast

I mean, if the person works in retail or otherwise just sits around, sure it's fine to show up at the front desk and chat, and my wife has stopped by my workplace unannounced. But work is work -- you shouldn't assume that just because you're around someone's workplace that they'll be excited, or even able, to talk to you. And you're likely interrupting something.

If you have a relationship (sexual or friendship) with someone and it's established that you can show up at their workplace unannounced, great. But don't take it as a given; call their work number before you show up. If they're in a meeting or working on something important, taking time to shoot the shit with a friend is probably the last thing they want. It's a really awkward situation. You guys may have lax workplaces, but surprise guests at work really isn't that cool.

VThornheart

Don't kick yourself over it, but a hard lesson may have to be learned here sadly. =(

You know that you didn't mean any harm by it (coming by without ever actually meeting her before)... but she had no way of knowing. When you look at it that way, you can't really blame her response. =(

RocketSauce

Janson wrote: »

MrOletta wrote: »

I get the impression that she might have been unsure entirely if she wanted to date you.

Yes. Sounds like she was never really interested in the first place. You turning up at her office was just the icing on the cake.

Gotta agree with these. Doesn't seem like you two were a match. In the future, setting a time and date to meet face to face is much more preferable to just showing up randomly.

Solandra

RocketSauce wrote: »

Janson wrote: »

MrOletta wrote: »

I get the impression that she might have been unsure entirely if she wanted to date you.

Yes. Sounds like she was never really interested in the first place. You turning up at her office was just the icing on the cake.

Gotta agree with these. Doesn't seem like you two were a match. In the future, setting a time and date to meet face to face is much more preferable to just showing up randomly.

Actually, according to the OP they'd made a couple of appointments for the first meeting, and they'd fallen through for whatever reason, at which point she begged off for a few weeks citing school starting as a socially valid reason for postponing further. While it's not as direct as saying "Nope, not interested, but thanks," I would have dropped it at that point. Heck, I would have dropped it after the second appointment was cancelled.

And I agree with the other respondants, if a guy I'd met online dropped by to see me at work unannounced and uninvited, when we hadn't even met in a neutral public place yet - that would have creeped me the hell out no matter how un-creepy the guy seemed otherwise.

SatanIsMyMotor

One thing people haven't touched on here yet is that some people are a bit embarassed about being up on these dating sites. A random guy randomly showing up to talk to her may have caused some rather unwanted questions for her.

As for the debate about people's loved ones visiting them in the workplace - I don't mind it as long as it doesn't interfere with work. It used to drive me crazy when an ex-coworker of mine's boyfriend would come visit her and they'd make out for an hour or so. With me 4 feet behind them. *shudder*

Cryogen

Mr. Period wrote: »

TLDR; it’s about a girl who might just be wacko.

Protip : Its not the girl who is the wacko.

Learn from this HORRIBLE mistake. You do not show up at the workplace of someone you dont know very well, ESPECIALLY someone you met on a dating site and have never met face to face yet. It is likely to be quite a while of actual DATING before it would be acceptable to visit her at work.

I suggest you leave this girl alone and never talk to her again. What you did was exceptionally creepy.

Belketre

I'd say you should think yourself lucky you werent tazered by security and dragged out of the building. Showing up at somebodys office that you have never met is 1 step shy of parking your car outside their house at night and sitting there, or stealing underwear off their clothes line.

So yes, to reiterate, it was very creepy. Dont do it again.

VThornheart

Aye, it was creepy... but like I said too, don't wallow in misery about it or try to get a hold of her to apologize (well, I guess it might be worth it to try apologizing once... but it sounds like you already did)... you didn't know, but now you do. We know you didn't mean harm by it... so if you learn from it, it's okay in the end.

Mr. Period

Ok I agree with everyone showing up at someone’s work is creepy but I forgot to mention the only reason I did it is because she’s a grad student TA and I was just stopping by her office. Seeing as we’re both in college I figured it wasn’t nearly as weird as tracking her down at a real job and all that. Am I still in the wrong?

P.S. Yes I know I’m socially inept it sucks.

amateurhour

Yes, it doesn't matter if she's a ceo or she works at burger king, the location doesn't change the situation.

Some people kind of jumped on you and called you a lot of things, and I won't say that you're some creepy guy or anything, but what you did was a bad move. You've effectively ended any chance of either a friendly or romantic relationship with person, and all the blame for that is solely on your shoulders. Lesson learned.

Solandra

Mr. Period wrote: »

Ok I agree with everyone showing up at someone’s work is creepy but I forgot to mention the only reason I did it is because she’s a grad student TA and I was just stopping by her office. Seeing as we’re both in college I figured it wasn’t nearly as weird as tracking her down at a real job and all that. Am I still in the wrong?

The implication that being a grad student TA isn't a "real job" aside, yeah, I'd still call that out of bounds since it wasn't a visit specific to her work.

Daenris

Mr. Period wrote: »

Ok I agree with everyone showing up at someone’s work is creepy but I forgot to mention the only reason I did it is because she’s a grad student TA and I was just stopping by her office. Seeing as we’re both in college I figured it wasn’t nearly as weird as tracking her down at a real job and all that. Am I still in the wrong?

Yep, still not cool. I understand that you don't think it was creepy or weird or crossing a line, but she does, and -- at least judging by the responses here -- so do a lot of people. You should not have tried to meet her outside of an arranged time to meet. Either that was going to happen eventually, or maybe she wasn't actually all that interested in meeting and that was why she kept canceling/rescheduling.