Mom's crazy ex-boyfriend

arod_77

So, I am transferring out from my CC next semester, but still currently living at home. One of the big reasons for me leaving is my mom's deadbeat boyfriend who has lived with us on and off for the past 5 years or so.

Recently, he was committed to a mental hospital after some-sort of breakdown--but the doctors have not shared the information regarding his condition. All we know is he has some sort of psychopathic-narcissicism--whatever that means (and it may be incorrect)

He just got released today and has called us 3 times, rambling. Currently my mother is in hysterics and is insisting we stay at my grandparents (even though it is a block away from our house and he knows where it is)

I am not entirely sure how to approach this situation. It is mildly alarming to me that he owns a handgun and he has it with him in his truck right now. God knows where he is, but I am not sure what I can do with this situation.

I am hoping he isn't dangerous.

Sliver

psychopathic-narcissicism? Mental institution? Owns a gun?

Hide in a motel.

arod_77

Maybe I am just old-fashioned, but I really dislike the idea of hiding from someone and being forced out of your home out of vague fear.

And I am not unarmed.

Arikado

Restraining order?

His erratic behavior can lead to bad things, don't doubt that. Whether he needs help or not, I don't think you can directly provide it for him.

You should call the cops (non-emergency line, I guess) and see if they can provide some help.

arod_77

I am just afraid that we have nothing to go on with the cops until he actually does something.

My mother is against the restraining order for fear of "escalating" things.

Don't see how things could be more escalated...

Arikado

Ex-boyfriend gets out of mental hospitall, possesses a gun, and has made frequent, erratic phone calls to your house.

I'm pretty sure you can ask the cops to at least find him.

arod_77

Ill' see if I can convince her.

Mostly I just intend for this post to be a record in case shit goes down.

Steel Angel

The big question is going to be if he's been deemed a threat to himself or others. I don't think that he would be released from treatment if he was, but I'm not sure how that kind of thing works. There's not really a definite response to this situation that can be established if you can't get that detail from the institution, even if they can't release other information.

If the ramblings to your family have contained any mention of threats of violence or if there have been any threats or violence in the past, that's a big reason to worry but as a psychological term, psychotic does not mean violent, it just means his narcissism is stronger than what would be diagnoses as a neurosis.

Definitely talk to the police to see what can be done. They should know more about the laws and procedure for that kind of thing.

nizlopi

I hope this guy is her EX boyfriend.

And yeah, someone above said restraining order. Thats probably your best bet, just hope if he breaks it its not to shoot you or something =/

arod_77

If someone tries to shoot me, ill' shoot them right back.

More threats again : /

Sliver

Steel Angel wrote: »

If the ramblings to your family have contained any mention of threats of violence or if there have been any threats or violence in the past, that's a big reason to worry but as a psychological term, psychotic does not mean violent, it just means his narcissism is stronger than what would be diagnoses as a neurosis.

He didn't say psychotic, he said psychopathic. Big difference. I mean, a diagnosed case of psychopathy aside, this crazy ex boyfriend is also armed, and mentally unstable. Also, the mom who he leeched off of for 5 years is freaked out. I mean the only way this situation isn't life or death urgent is if arod_77 is wrong about the fact that this guy is armed and crazy.

fallaxdraco

Look up self-defense laws in your state. Depending on where you live, you can either shoot him for breaking in, or you can't shoot back until he fires at you. This is going to determine your course of action - it's not worth going to jail for this fucker, and you don't want to get shot either. If you have access to one calling a lawyer is a good idea as well.

I live in Texas, so if it was me, I would ignore him, and call the police if he shows up at all, having my guns ready ONLY for if he forces his way in.

You know he is armed so don't do something stupid like yelling at him, or pointing your gun at him and telling him to go away - if you lay a hand on your gun it should be to end his life, AFTER you have legal justification for doing so. Otherwise, talking to him, letting him in, letting him see you at all - BIG mistakes. Restraining orders do nothing against violent people EXCEPT give you another legal defense if you have to shoot the bastard, which is why they are worthwhile.

But basically, tell this guy to go away and not bother you, and ignore him. Don't depend on the police to protect you - they won't be there until AFTER the fact - but don't go starting anything either. Just be prepared to defend yourself if you absolutely have to. Don't worry about it too much, either. In all likelihood nothing will happen and this guy will just go away.

Zsetrek

Calm down, for one. Use your head. You don't want to be involved in a dangerous situation at all if you can avoid it.

Call the police on a non-emergency number. Advise them of the situation, and ask their advice.

arod_77

I live in Florida, a castle doctrine state. First thing I do is call the police.


If he breaks down the door, he is getting a slug in the chest.

edit: Talked to police. They said to call them if he shows up and apparently some officers have been advised.

Demerdar

Keep us posted arod_77. Don't do anything stupid =/.

VThornheart

arod_77 wrote: »

I live in Florida, a castle doctrine state. First thing I do is call the police.


If he breaks down the door, he is getting a slug in the chest.

edit: Talked to police. They said to call them if he shows up and apparently some officers have been advised.

I'll tell you, man... a restraining order is yours (and your mother's) best friend right now.

Convincing your mom that a restraining order isn't "escalating" (but rather, "life preserving") is utterly important at the moment.

I'm glad you contacted the police instead of taking it in your own hands. If he busted down your door with a gun, you could certainly plead self defense... IF he didn't shoot/kill you before you had a chance to shoot or AFTER you already got arrested.

You'd probably end up getting off on self defense, but there'd still be a trial, you'd still need a lawyer, and you'd still need to put up bail (if you were given bail) or else spend a few days in the slammer.

And then there's that possibility that he shoots you before you shoot him... or he shoots your Mom. Or one/both of you getting killed or injured from ricochets/shots he fires as he goes down even if you hit him first.

These kinds of considerations add up to why vigilante action should only be a final act of desperation, not the initial gameplan. The initial gameplan should always be police contacts and restraining orders, and kept to that unless you've got no other way out.