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Girl hates Mary Jane
ins0mniac
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Alright, so I'm facing a little dilemma.
I've been recently talking to this girl I work with. We've gotten pretty serious, spending alot of time with each other, really starting to develop feelings for each other, and I could see us lasting for a pretty good while. We get along great with each other's families, whatever.
This only kink in this whole thing is the fact that I smoke. Frequently, yes, but I'm not a stereotypical stoner. I work 35+ hours a week and go to school full-time to be an EMT, hopefully someday a Paramedic. I'm fully aware that this means drug tests and I'm planning on quitting in April, two months before I even take my state exam.
She HATES it. Absolutely HATES it. I've been cutting down because I know she doesn't like it, but it is something I enjoy doing with my friends and I will never bring it around her or see her while I'm under the influence of it.
The thing is though, it's this irrational hate she harbor's towards it. Can NOT give me any sort of reason why, just that it's "fucking stupid and anyone who does it is fucking stupid too."
Basically it all culminated the other night (Friday) when I decided to stop studying for an exam I had yesterday (Saturday) and met up with some of my friends who were hanging out and smoked. So this girls ex-boyfriend they also apparently didn't work out cause he smoked..) has been texting/trying to talk to my female best friend and she mentioned that I was there hanging out. Well he went and apparently showed the girl I've been talking to these texts and she flipped out. Basically she's telling me I have to pick weed or her.
Now you don't have to tell me how stupid that sounds. Weed over a girl, weed over love, blah blah. I understand that. The thing is though, do I really want to be with someone who has to try to change me in order to love me? The fact that she can't understand that I'm 20 years old, have a good head on my shoulders and working towards doing what I want to do, all the while I've treated her like fucking gold. She's said on numerous occasions that I'm such a great guy blah blah guys like you don't exist blah blah i'm so lucky blah blah" but then turn to fucking psycho crazy as soon as I smoke?
It all sounds so fucking stupid to me, but I'm just looking for some outside opinion here. Thanks.
I've been recently talking to this girl I work with. We've gotten pretty serious, spending alot of time with each other, really starting to develop feelings for each other, and I could see us lasting for a pretty good while. We get along great with each other's families, whatever.
This only kink in this whole thing is the fact that I smoke. Frequently, yes, but I'm not a stereotypical stoner. I work 35+ hours a week and go to school full-time to be an EMT, hopefully someday a Paramedic. I'm fully aware that this means drug tests and I'm planning on quitting in April, two months before I even take my state exam.
She HATES it. Absolutely HATES it. I've been cutting down because I know she doesn't like it, but it is something I enjoy doing with my friends and I will never bring it around her or see her while I'm under the influence of it.
The thing is though, it's this irrational hate she harbor's towards it. Can NOT give me any sort of reason why, just that it's "fucking stupid and anyone who does it is fucking stupid too."
Basically it all culminated the other night (Friday) when I decided to stop studying for an exam I had yesterday (Saturday) and met up with some of my friends who were hanging out and smoked. So this girls ex-boyfriend they also apparently didn't work out cause he smoked..) has been texting/trying to talk to my female best friend and she mentioned that I was there hanging out. Well he went and apparently showed the girl I've been talking to these texts and she flipped out. Basically she's telling me I have to pick weed or her.
Now you don't have to tell me how stupid that sounds. Weed over a girl, weed over love, blah blah. I understand that. The thing is though, do I really want to be with someone who has to try to change me in order to love me? The fact that she can't understand that I'm 20 years old, have a good head on my shoulders and working towards doing what I want to do, all the while I've treated her like fucking gold. She's said on numerous occasions that I'm such a great guy blah blah guys like you don't exist blah blah i'm so lucky blah blah" but then turn to fucking psycho crazy as soon as I smoke?
It all sounds so fucking stupid to me, but I'm just looking for some outside opinion here. Thanks.
X-Box Live Gamertag: Merciless319
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Her big thing is that I'm making weed more important than her, to which I reply that she makes this whole vendetta against it (without any reasons to back it up...) more important than me. But in her eyes thats SOOOO much different. :roll:
Basically be logical about it and remain level-headed despite whatever propaganda she might throw at you. Sit down with her and ask specifically what problems she has with it, and don't give up until you get a reason. Relationships are a two-way street, she has to accommodate your habits just as you do to hers, to a reasonable extent.
Ironically, I walked into this thread thinking it was about Spiderman...
It links to my website. The site is still under construction. And will be forever. And apparently it's dead for right now. I guess I'll have to talk to my admin one of these days...Also. Myspace.
It's not the fact that she doesn't like weed or that weed is THAT important to me. Yes its a habit I enjoy and something I enjoy doing with my friends. I don't want to be that guy that all of a sudden changes who he is and his habits just because some new girl doesn't like it.
EDIT: Directed to nibbles, not starcore, but I understand your point of view as well.
I understand the principle of it is a pain, but if you do quit and she drops it, then you've got rid of one of her idiosyncrasies already. Everyone has them, fortunately for you one of hers was something you think you're going to stop doing anyway. Your feelings towards these idiosyncrasies are rather dependant on how much you care about her, and her opinion of you.
but unfortunately i share her view.
oh and by the way, i dont have a reasonable explanation for hating it either, so TBH i woudnt push her too hard for one.
What are you going to do about your friends when you stop smoking?
In other news, people are actually allowed to think for themselves, regardless of governmental laws.
If you really think quitting smoking will keep this girl off your back, you should do so. However, be warned that this is very likely the first step of hers into changing you into the person she wants to be with, not the person you are. If she gets another hatred of something for no other reason than "it's fucking stupid," run.
Oh, and ApexMirage? Nobody dies from pot. It's practically impossible. If she was against alcohol, that'd make sense, but marijuana is exceedingly safe for a drug.
I'm not saying you should break up with her over it but weed and your girlfriend aren't mutually exclusive. Personally I would probably get out of the relationship if the conversation went badly but I really like weed so I might be a bit biased. Just try to talk to her about it and get her to at least understand your point of view. She doesn't have to agree with you, she just needs to understand where you're coming from.
yeah you're right, nobody's ever crashed a car (amongst so many other things) because they were stoned, my bad.
That's BS. She just may not like you smoking the reefer. My girlfriend quit smoking cigarettes because I couldn't stand it and I haven't asked her anything like that since. She may be trying to change you, but it might also be because she wants to be with you and she can't reconcile that with the fact that you smoke. I mean, you said you're quitting in 2 months anyway, so just man up and quit now.
A good deal of the drivers you see on the road have smoked recently, or are smoking.
How often do you hear about stoned drivers crashing more than drunk ones?
The fact that she can't even say why she's against it is a pretty strong indication of a tendency for irrationality.
Something else could easily come up that she doesn't like for reasons she can't be bothered to think about, and she'll be shocked and furious if you don't accept "it's fucking stupid and u 2" as valid reasoning.
I'd say try and have a sit-down conversation, expressing a willingness to leave your smoking behind. Try to get to the bottom of why she doesn't like it, and maybe she'll even realize that she's being silly and/or arbitrary and drop the whole thing.
My post simply said that someone she knows might have died to a related incident. the point is that it does/can/will happen, that driving is not the only thing that can get you killed while you're stoned and that it's a perfectly viable explanation. You're derailing the topic at hand, which is that a girl has a seemingly irrational hate for something.
And like i said, odds are you wont get a reasonble explanation out of her - i'm perfectly sane and I hate the stuff too, it's just a choice we make. Maybe she was brough up that way. Maybe she just doesent want you killing brain cells or doesent think you'll understand whatever reason she might have, if any.
IMO, don't push it. Quit now or 2 months from now, and forget about this whole problem. If she really is crazy you'll know sooner than later and this is no reason to flip out.
...Unless the OP contracts a mysterious disease that requires him to smoke lots of weed for the next two months!
Genius.
Which completely misses the entire fucking point: she's not cool with you smoking pot.
She may, as most people seem to be suggesting, be a controlling bitch who wants to remake you from the ground up. She may be just a slave to the man, man, unable to see that pot is, like, totally safe, and that nobody has ever even so much as stubbed their toe while under the influence.
Or she may just be acutely uncomfortable with the fact that you're doing something illegal. She may be concerned about whether your activities are going to impact your future job with its associated drug tests.
But you know what? It doesn't matter what her reason is, really. The important thing is, her unwillingness to tell you her reason doesn't mean she's irrational, it probably just means she doesn't want to get into an argument about it in which the intellectual debate overrides her *feelings*.
She's not cool with it. You're saying you're going to quit anyway. If you ignore her and go on smoking it up for the next two months, you've lost a girlfriend, guaranteed. If you respect her feelings enough to quit now, one of two things will happen: either she'll be sincerely grateful and your relationship will be all the stronger for it, or she will, indeed, turn out to be controlling, and her project to create the all-new, improved OP 2.0 will move on to whatever its next stage is.
100% certainty of losing your relationship for the sake of your chosen drug if you keep smoking, versus an unknown chance of losing it if you respect the desires of your girlfriend and put out the joint a couple of months early.
Which of those sounds better to you?
I've been in this place before with a girl not liking that I would occasionally toke up and that I drank. Eventually it was "don't spend so much time on your paintings, its dumb" and thats when I knew there was a problem. If its just the weed your fine since your going to stop anyway, and hell she might have some good reasons (stoner family members etc). BUT what all the others said, if it starts sounding like shes trying to change you a bunch by making you stop doing things you like: bad news.
Question: Has she seen you high? Its understandable to dislike people when your sober and they are high... She very well may hate that side of you. Many are this way, but disregard this if shes not see you blazing.
If you want to put an end to this silly feud in a proper manner you should really try to get her to give a reason why she is so hard on pot. You're way too young to be in a relation where "because I say it" is considered a valid reason.
Way to devalue rebellion as a form of expression.
Classic 'Thinking For Myself' Thought: "Yeahhhhhh! Weeeeeed!"
It's not like you're doing your brain or body any favors by smoking pot anyway.
Plus, I can only imagine it being kind of annoying when your boyfriend gets hit with a possession with intent to distribute.
I've always ended up seriously regretting trying to change myself because some girl wanted me to, and the ones that use themselves as an ultimatum in retrospect were the biggest bitches.
Of course your situation could be different, but that's been my experience.
If my gf smoked i would issue the same ultimatum to her. Personally, i hate the smell, and i hate the way people who are stoned act. Its really that simple.
Also, i dont think its a great idea to put your future career at risk by smoking right up till the last moment then expecting to quit cold turkey to pass the drug test.
But she still knows that he does it and assuming she disagrees with on a fundamental level, then she is still entitled to her opinion.
But in this case the OP is intending to quit in 2 months anyway. Why not quit now instead. If it turns out later on that the girlfriend is just trying to manipulate him it'll come up again with something else after he gets rid of the weed and he can get rid of her. But on the other hand, maybe she just doesn't in fact like marijuana, but does like the guy and doesn't want him to smoke it. In which case it would be stupid and ridiculous to choose smoking weed for an extra 2 months over keeping the girl.
Of course my own personal thought is that if he's this upset about her telling him to quit smoking now, then he's probably not actually going to end up quitting in 2 months anyway.
I don't really have anything else to say so my final recommendation would just be to try and talk to her about it. The key is maturity.
You wouldn't be wrong to stop seeing her if that's what you're asking. It's pretty likely she's like this about other shit that hasn't come up yet. I mean it's one thing if she were concerned for you or something but it doesn't sound like you have a problem or anything. There's probably some bad experience in her past that she prefers to blame on weed than to assign responsibility to people for their actions. I would say quit both. Her ultimatum was weed or her, but it sounds like giving up both is your best bet.
The issue is the girl's attitude, it could very well be applied to drinking as well or to videogames or to anything really if it's one of those irrational "I don't have a reason/won't share my reason because I know it's not a real reason" things, which is what it sounds like.
And if I see any posts beyond this line arguing whether or not weed is okay whoever posts it gets 2 points. Second person gets 3. If you want to have a debate about marijuana do it in the appropriate forum. Suffice to say the "no illegal advice" rule stands, so no one advise him to go smoke a bowl or anything either.
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Yes, she does have to have a rational reason to tell him to stop doing something when it doesn't affect her at all.
Example time! I have a completely irrational hatred of horror movies, to the point where I've left movie theaters when too many horror trailers come on. My boyfriend loves horror movies, the gorier the better. It's perfectly okay for me to ask him not to watch horror movies when I'm around, to put his headphones on if he's watching them on the computer, not to take me to see horror movies, etc.. However, if I told him he was absolutely not allowed to watch horror movies with other people and refused to give him a reason other than "they're stupid and people who like them are stupid," I'd be totally in the wrong.
Similarly, the girlfriend in the OP can reasonably ask ins0mniac not to smoke around her or be around her if he's been smoking, not to keep weed in the house (if they share a residence), not to smoke around her things, etc., without having to give him a reason other than her irrational dislike. That's fine. However, when she expects him to change a behavior that doesn't affect her at all, it's very over-controlling. And if he lets her continue to control him by using "don't do this because I said so" and giving him ultimatums, it's unlikely to end well.
Watching horror movies and smoking weed are probably a little bit different. There may be a more personal reason she doesn't feel comfortable sharing yet. And even if he doesn't smoke around her, I'd wager if he does it often enough, he smells like it sometimes, as does his living area. And it will affect his health as well, which is something he may care about. If you really want to give her a chance, quit 2 months(or bargain for 1) early. If she moves on to being an unreasonable bitch about something else, then I'd say lose the baggage. All relationships require sacrifice to some degree.
It's not an issue of "I don't like it because it's illegal and that makes me uncomfortable" though it's an issue of "I'm not going to give you any reasons, but do you love me or the weed more? choose."
One is reasonable, one is controlling and the attitude of a bitch.
Like I said earlier, I was in a relationship (non-dating) with a girl who was against drinking, and she gave me the alcohol or her ultimatum, and since I'm such a light drinker anyways (socially, maybe twice a month) I ditched the booze with no adverse consequences, then it was her or my friends she didn't like, then it was spend every Friday with her hanging out or she has a bitch fit about being abandoned on Fridays.
It took me 3 months for me too realize this girl was just a controlling bitch who needed affirmation that she had control of everything in her life because of a sexual assault as a child. It's sad, but that doesn't socially justify the level of bitchiness she forced me to deal with.
So, like I said earlier, your case may be completely different, but it's been my experience that people who use these reasonless me or it ultimatums are not people who are worth being involved with.