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Concerned about a friend's eating habits
urchin
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
I've become aware that the roommate of a close friend has some unhealthy eating habits. She isn't anorexic or bulimic, but she doesn't eat healthy either. My schedule is crazy so I abrely ever get to eat with them, but apparently *every single meal* she just eats a salad and either fruit or sometimes a small cup of soup - I don't think that she is getting all of the nutrition she needs. If her friends go out for sweets or anything, she won't get anything. She told her roommate that it's because she was overweight in middle/high school and is worried about it happening again. We're worried that she could easily slip into a more destructive diet. It's gotten to the point that acquaintances have begun to ask her roommate if she is healthy. Someone recently walked up to my friend and said that she went through counseling for eating habits very similar to what she has noticed (by herself) in the roommate, and would like to talk with her (they already know each other as acquaintances). My friend and I are not sure what to do at this point or what order to do things in (have the acquaintance talk to her first?). Any suggestions/anecdotes? Thanks!
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Oh and not eating sweets? Theres not that much nutrition in those....
Basically, unless she looks sickly or malnourished, dont worry about it.
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Being concerned is a good thing, but accusing your friend of an eating disorder is a pretty serious charge, and unless you are sure, you might damage the relationship. Tread lightly.
If you're sitting there thinking "But her roommates kinda fill the place with snacks, microwave meals and eat out/eat fast food a lot and won't want to do this" then probably nobody should be commenting on her eating habits
Keep in mind that sometimes we like to be overly critical of others eating habits just to make ourselves feel better about our own. Not saying you do this, I'm just saying that I've been on a strict, healthy diet for almost a year and not a single week goes by without someone at work, sitting eating their McDonalds from down the street doesn't make some comment about "you know artificial sweeteners cause cancer" (there is splenda in the oatmeal bars I make at home and I eat for a snack in the afternoon) or "you know too much soy is really bad for you (I use a teaspoon of Earth Balance - a soy butter product on my toast in the morning), not to mention "I just can't eat rabbit food it's not good for a healthy human".
Not saying you're doing that, its great to be concerned but I think the best way that anyone can be helped into healthy eating is for all their friends and people they live with to jump on board and make the household and the events you do together healthy and supportive.
Sweets are horrible for you, so what if she doesn't want to go out and eat them.
What's the problem?
By NOT eating sweets, she's eating more healthfully than the lot of you! I wouldn't worry about it unless you notice her drastically skinnier, or if her salads get smaller or something. Arguably she's not hungry, and just is very careful of not overeating.
Or, because she dieted to lose weight, she got used to those foods and now prefers them. Lots of college kids subsist on ramen -- a can of soup is healthier by far.
Look, I'm just trying to provide an alternate view to what pretty much everyone else has said. Also, I would like to point out that eating disorders are both incredibly dangerous and extremely hard to rid oneself of. The majority of people who have one never "get over it" even with treatment, and basically have to learn to force themselves to eat. Confronting someone about an eating disorder is very difficult and should be approached carefully. If her friends are seriously concerned about this girl's health, they should talk to her parents or a professional about it.
Obviously, if she looks like one of those African kids on the World Vision infomercials, there's definitely a problem...
She was a medical student. We tried to make her seek help, but she got an early diagnosis by a doctor who said "It's just stress, it'll go away." No shit, she's a fucking medical student, who is going to be a doctor. At which point isn't she going to be stressed? So she got worse and worse, and we couldn't do anything about it. She ate like the OP describes. Eventually her tutor said she could no longer work the wards as she looked more unwell than those she treated, and she had to be locked up as an in-patient for three months in one of those clinics.
She said the same thing as the OP says. "I'm worried if I eat normally again, I'll get so fat."
You need to talk to her first. She probably won't do anything about it, she's got a disorder. Talk to her parents. If you're at uni, talk to the university health centre. Talk to anyone who's in a position to authoritatively let her know that she is on a bad path. Hopefully one of those people will do it.
I don't mean to sound rude, but aside from politely talking to her himself, he doesn't need to do a damn thing else. He already said this is the roommate of a friend, not even a close friend to him. He has no right to call her family, at all, or "call the university and get someone in an authoritative position to talk to her".
The best thing he could do is get the friend he actually has, who is the actual roommate to the one with the supposed problem, to offer support, and advice, by way of dietary guides that show calorie needs and a good eating plan. Past that it's up to her, and he needs to let it go.
I forgot that bit. Yes, her roommates should talk to her. Oops.
If she starts cutting out calories in really weird places, that's when you get worried. For example, my roommate would ration herself out three celery sticks because they were negative calories (takes more to chew than they give you, supposedly). Or, she would make herself a smoothie out of ice, a couple strawberries and splenda, and that would be her meal.
Unless this girl looks to be severely restricting, or if this is a big change from before, she's probably just fine.
Is she getting skinnier and skinnier? That would be a warning sign.
If she is having a properly unhealthy diet comment to her that she should introduce more protein and fats into her diet. And explain why. Most people are skeptical of the idea that eating fat actually makes you lose fat.
Satans..... hints.....
-The salads are fairly big, and she puts veggies on them, but never any sort of meat (that I've noticed at least). I know she's getting a lot of nutrition, but I don't think she is getting many calories or protein, which worries me because her roommate says she gets stressed if she can't go to the gym 2-3 times a week (for over an hour each time).
-Neither of us think she is in danger right now, but we're worried what might happen in the future, especially in times of great stress. Now would be a good time to point out she is a pre-med student.
So tread carefully.
If the person who had eating disorders sees the same habits in her that she had, that's a bad sign. As is the fact that she specifically says that she's eating this way because she's afraid of gaining weight, and that it sounds like she's exercising a lot without a robust enough diet to support that much activity. The fact that she stresses over not getting her usual exercise is probably an even worse indicator.
And the fact that she's a med school student doesn't mean anything about how healthy she is. It can be a lot harder to recognize these kind of problems in yourself than it is in others. Hell, it probably makes it more difficult, because she sounds convinced she needs to do this for her health more than she really needs to.
Also, it's not that she is trying to lose weight, it's that she doesn't want to put it back on.
If this aquaintence wants to talk to her, what fucking permission does she need?
People are taking it seriously, but they also don't want them to OVER-react to this situation and accuse the poor girl of being bolemic or anorexic if she's doing fine, just because her eating habits are different.
Really there's still not enough clarity on what her eating habits are, since the OP is just an acquaintance, so it's difficult to call, just exercise caution.
She seems like she might be a little OCD with her habits, but until this gets worse I wouldn't worry.
Well, yeah, the OP and his friends should exercise caution in approaching this, but it sounds like there's sufficient reason to be concerned.
And if she's eating as little as it sounds like she is, then yeah, that's a lot of exercise. Exercising 2-3 times a week is a good thing, but only if you have the proper caloric intake. People need to eat more if they're exercising, not less. The worse part is that she stresses over not exercising, though. It means there's a good chance she still has hangups about her body image, even though it sounds pretty clear that she doesn't need to lose weight. If this many people are wondering if she's getting enough nutrition, then she probably doesn't need more gym time (unless that gym time is accompanied by an increase in diet- bulking would probably help, but that doesn't work unless you're eating enough to actually build that muscle). I think that if he, his friend, the acquaintance who's had problems with eating disorders, and other people on top of that all think that she might have a problem, then there's plenty of reason for concern.
And really, the fact that she says that she's just trying not to put on weight doesn't mean that there's not a problem. In fact, it's a bad sign. If other people are asking if she's healthy, she obviously isn't eating enough to maintain a healthy body mass, so she's probably trying to hide why she's eating like this- most likely even from herself. It's pretty common for people who were overweight in their younger years to develop eating disorders in an attempt to compensate, especially seeing as how our culture has a tendency to ignore the fact that sometimes people should be dieting to increase calories, not decrease them. Even with the attention anorexia and bulimia sometimes get, America tends to have the mentality that you can't be too skinny.
That's why some of us were asking for clarification on her eating habits... all we were originally given was that she eats salads, fruit, and soups without any indication of how much. And there and in his follow-up urchin indicated that he rarely eats with the person in question. It's not that we're not taking it seriously, but there's not enough information here to say whether this person has a problem or if urchin is just overreacting because the girl doesn't eat junk food.
Yeah, if she's just not eating junk food, then there's probably nothing wrong. But it sounds to me pretty clear that she's not eating enough- if this many people are worried, including the woman who's been there, then she probably isn't eating enough. I think at this point there's enough people to trust their judgment, even if he doesn't have that close a view of her eating habits personally.
This is a bigger flag for me. All of the justifications I'm seeing here focus on one of these signs at a time, but if you add them up:
1. Roommates worried that's she's not eating enough
2. Already thin but worries/stresses about getting fat
3. Stressed out when she doesn't work out enough
To me that says eating disorder. It may not be extremely severe yet, but if multiple people are concerned about her then someone should do something about it. Somebody earlier mentioned "she might be a little OCD," which is important - eating disorders are all about control. Those three things above all say control to me; controlling how much you eat, controlling your weight, controlling your workout routine. Yes, many people eat right and work out and that's great, but when a person's FRIENDS are concerned about her health, that's something to be concerned about.
It could be nothing. Or it could be early warning signs.
It was only recently I was looking through some old facebook photo's I realised that she was serioulsy thin, like, unhealthy thin, she told me afterwards that she'd been making herself sick and only in the past year has she really gotten over it. I feel SO bad that I didnt notice