Bald, fat, and hairy: A trifecta of poor genes

Ultimanecat

This is a bit of a multi-part question, but I'm curious if anybody has any experience or advice on what to do to combat the poor genes that have been handed down to me.

My genetic material has one sole purpose, apparently: to turn me from this

into this

in as short a time period as possible (minus the Islamic radicalism).

My hairline started receding when I turned 16, and I had visibly thinning hair by the time I was 20. Now I have seen 24 summers and I honestly don't know what my hair is doing because I shave my head. It was a good choice because now I don't worry about it much, and having a shaved head is generally okay socially - I've noticed I catch less shit from random drunks at bars, although on the other hand some ladies really don't want much to do with bald guys. In any case, I'm honest about it if anyone asks and hence pretty much over being bald.

So scratch that problem, I've dealt with it.

Now as for the other two issues, I do what I can, but I'm at a bit of an impasse with both. I'm naturally stout, and no matter how much I work out, I cannot cut worth crap. I run between 30-35 miles a week, including sprinting and HIIT, so it's not really a lack of cardio, but the lovehandles and flabbiness never really go. Don't get me wrong, I'm not fat, and am perfectly happy with my weight, but I'd like some more definition, and it seems like my body is conspiring against me. I can and have bulked up easily, but the patina of flab seems to be here to stay. Even 20 lbs. ago, when I dieted and did nothing but cardio, my body just shrank, but the fat remained. Is there anything to be done about this, or should I just go for broke and bulk up like crazy and say nuts to looking cut?

And finally, about the same time the hair on my head started really going, the hair everywhere else began cropping up. I've had a hairy chest and stomach since I was about 13, and it doesn't bother me much because it adds the illusion of shadow and definition in the area (q.v. about 12 lines up). However, the back, shoulder, and upper arm hair is annoying and pretty unseemly (I've actually had a few hookups turn south once the shirt comes off). The problems with removal are multiple: shaving is okay for the shoulders and arms, but very hard to do myself for the back. Depilatories work okay, but stink up my house, aren't much easier for me to do difficult areas myself, and don't really give a close shave anyway. Waxing lasts longer, but is impossible to do for my back myself, is expensive to get others to do, and I have to wait for the hair to grow out some to do it again. And keep in mind that even waxing, the hair grows back and is visible within about 7-10 days.

Also, shaving and waxing leave me with extreme folliculitis, which isn't fun and honestly much less attractive than the hair itself.

Are there any solutions to this stuff that aren't drastic (read: surgery)? Or should I just resign myself to a life of brutalizing and ravaging Northern Europe on a longboat, since it seems that is what I'm design for?

tl;dr - Any tips for cutting stubborn fat and getting rid of pervasive body hair?

supabeast

Eat less, have laser hair removal.

Ultimanecat

supabeast wrote: »

Eat less, have laser hair removal.

I wrote:

Even 20 lbs. ago, when I dieted and did nothing but cardio, my body just shrank, but the fat remained.

I'm not overweight. At all. Dieting is not the answer.

As for laser hair removal, I figured someone would say it. I'm not a big fan of going to get this stuff treated, or spending a thousand or two dollars...I'll look into it more if there really are no options, but let's be a bit more economical for now.

Boutros

Do you lift weights?

Katholic

Go for high rep lifting to build muscle-->tone. You could also try that new pill that has been FDA approved called ALLI which strains fat directly into your poo. Can't help you with the hairy part though.

Ohio

Today's society makes it very hard to have either of the problems that you have, let alone both at the same time. However, maybe consider this option: Embrace who you are and be happy. God gave you a hairy body. You're on this earth for 80 years, give or take. 24 of them are already gone for you. My advice is concern yourself with other, more important things, that you can actually control.

When it comes to the weight, though, it really is as simple as calories consumed - calories burned = weight loss. Some people have it easier than others. I'm right there with you. I was overweight growing up, killed myself to lose 50 pounds, and look great now (relatively). But I've still got the slight spare tire around the middle and I've pretty much resigned myself that it's not going away. I'm training for my second. I ran 15 miles today in fact. I know I'm healthy, my heart's in very good shape. But that fat won't leave unless I want to get really extreme with calorie counting which is what it sounds like you'd have to do. To tell yourself that dieting won't do it is lying to yourself. To lose weight, you're just unfortunately one of those people who have to work really, really hard at it. But you could do it.

As for the hair. Man, I know that's gotta be tough. Your main concern seems to be what girls think, which no one can blame you for. Most girls don't like it, at least on someone they don't know. But you're eventually going to find a girl who likes you, and then she's not going to care one bit about it.

So I guess my philosophical response is, society has put these ideas in your head. It's too bad but it happens to everyone today. But it sounds like you're healthy and that's what most important. Running 30-35 miles a week is great, and you're probably in great shape. If you didn't exercise at all, your problem might be a lot easier to solve.

You can't change your height. You can't change your hair problem unless you want to spend the money. The laser thing is probably the only real solution. I say focus on the things about you that are great.

Ultimanecat

I do lift a few times a week, but I just do pyramid sets like I did back in college with my buddies. I'm not too knowledgeable about lifting, but I've heard the high-rep/low-weight stuff before, so that may be the way to go.

I don't have a problem building muscle, in fact for me it is really easy. I just can't cut very easily, it seems.

Boutros

It sounded from your op though like when you cut you stop lifting, which would be a mistake. When cutting you have to lift hard and eat losts of protein to help you maintain your muscle mass and lose mostly fat. Also the high rep/low weight thing is total bullshit. Heavy weights are better at stimulating your muscles.

DiscGrace

I can't speak for all girls, but I don't mind chest/stomach hair at all - in fact, Mr. DiscGrace, who I am quite fond of, has an abundance of this very thing. Back hair can be kind of bleh, though, but I feel your hair-removal pain (scaly post-shaved legs aren't great either). Have you tried bleaching your unwanted body hair? It'll still be there but at least it won't be noticeable. My half-Armenian cousin bleaches her mustache and it basically disappears.

Ultimanecat

Boutros wrote: »

It sounded from your op though like when you cut you stop lifting, which would be a mistake. When cutting you have to lift hard and eat losts of protein to help you maintain your muscle mass and lose mostly fat. Also the high rep/low weight thing is total bullshit. Heavy weights are better at stimulating your muscles.

Ah, okay, that's helpful. I haven't really changed my lifting habits so much as I've changed my cardio habits (to no avail).

I guess I will have to change my diet...so I'm sorry to everyone who suggested it that I brushed off.

DiscGrace wrote:

I can't speak for all girls, but I don't mind chest/stomach hair at all - in fact, Mr. DiscGrace, who I am quite fond of, has an abundance of this very thing. Back hair can be kind of bleh, though, but I feel your hair-removal pain (scaly post-shaved legs aren't great either). Have you tried bleaching your unwanted body hair? It'll still be there but at least it won't be noticeable. My half-Armenian cousin bleaches her mustache and it basically disappears.

I don't mind my chest and stomach hair, either. But hair on my back and shoulders doesn't appear to be looked too highly upon, and I guess if it bothers me, it's another thing that saps self-confidence, which is never good either. I don't think bleaching is good on large areas of the body, and in any case the hair is too coarse - I'd just have a bunch of white body hair.

I will be a bit honest, though; my first serious GF dumped me after being together for two-and-a-half years, and she alluded to some of this stuff as one of several reasons. Now, again, I'm over that, but it's hard to find girls my age who are interested in me when I physically appear 10-15 years older.

Philosophically, I've come to terms with most of this stuff. But pragmatically, it should probably be addressed because Fear is the mind-killer. Or, in other words, I get the feeling that sometimes it torpedoes me.

DiscGrace

If bleaching isn't an option, depilatories are probably your best bet to stick with. There are some brands that don't stink as bad (use ladies' stuff if you have to, those are often scented with not-lye-smelling stuff, and it's not going to cause folliculitis. I've always had really nice close shaves that don't grow back for a bit when I've used depilatories (back in the times when I used to care if my legs were hairy or not) - do the depilatories you buy come with a little pretend-razor (with like a plastic edge on it or something) that lets you scrape off the hairs at skin-level? If not, get one that does. Or if you just have really deep follicles or something, you could try one of those products that's supposed to make your hair stand up straight when you're shaving; I don't know how well those work, though.

Or you could just try dating blind girls. :P

DiscGrace

Oh, and your ex-GF might have just said stuff about your body hair when she dumped you because she wanted to hurt you, because she knew you were sensitive about it, etc., etc. Basically don't put too much stock in anything said during a breakup.

Ultimanecat

DiscGrace wrote: »

If bleaching isn't an option, depilatories are probably your best bet to stick with. There are some brands that don't stink as bad (use ladies' stuff if you have to, those are often scented with not-lye-smelling stuff, and it's not going to cause folliculitis. I've always had really nice close shaves that don't grow back for a bit when I've used depilatories (back in the times when I used to care if my legs were hairy or not) - do the depilatories you buy come with a little pretend-razor (with like a plastic edge on it or something) that lets you scrape off the hairs at skin-level? If not, get one that does. Or if you just have really deep follicles or something, you could try one of those products that's supposed to make your hair stand up straight when you're shaving; I don't know how well those work, though.

Or you could just try dating blind girls. :P

Yeah, I've been using a depilatory lately, and it did come with a plastic razor. At the end of the day it is just difficult to reach certain areas of my back myself, and basically impossible to go against the grain of the hair, which means I'm not even getting a very close shave to begin with.

It is probably the best non-expensive option I've tried, though. I'll look around to see if there are better brands/products.

Specularity

On the weight/padding note, I know that I've read a lot of comments about "fat-skinny" people: that is, they appear thin but don't have any muscle definition, so even though the silhouette appears thin, there's still a soft layer of person all around. Certainly you can't expect to have washboard abs just doing situps (i.e. no cardio), but I don't think you can expect the opposite either! Good for you getting in shape, though.

For the baldness: as far as I can tell (and as far as my personal preferences go) short hair/no hair for guys is definitely "in," and it's easier to keep classy than weird long hairdos.

Really, I think you're giving yourself too hard of a time. There's nothing wrong with wanting to fix yourself up (hell, I'm not gonna stop tweezing my eyebrows), but I doubt most girls even give a rat's ass about your hair levels. We deal enough with judgments about how WE should look -- you think we have time to work you into that schedule?! Besides, some of us like men with hair. Some chicks go for the Abercrombie-hairless-cat look, and some go for the opposite.

Improvolone

Most female friends I have would be more than happy to rip out my back hair (if I had any) for me. Women are cruel like that.

Romantic Undead

Improvolone wrote: »

Most female friends I have would be more than happy to rip out my back hair (if I had any) for me. Women are cruel like that.

Seconded. My best friend's wife, when she found out I was dating again, perked up and asked me: "Hey! If you need any help with your grooming (rubbing my back and shoulders) you know who to come to!"

I had availed myself of her services a while back. With a glass of scotch on the rocks in one hand, I let her rip my back hairs out with wax.

At least she had a good time! :P

Manda

I wouldn't worry too much about the body hair *unless* it's peaking out of your shirt collar. Just make sure to keep that area clean and you'll be fine.

(And once you find a good woman she'll probably be more than happy to help out with the body hair - I help my fiance with plucking/shaving all the time.)

Improvolone

Even when she was pregnant my girlfriend wouldn't trust me near her with a razor.
Wow.

Forbe!

I have this same problem. I have a pot belly, and whether I am 175 LBS or 215 LBS, I still have it. My chest/back hair CONNECTS to my beard. The balding...well isn't an issue, yet.

The problem is, weight lifting tends to build muscle OVER the fat, in certain areas (abdominals/pectorals). Heavy amounts of cardio reduced this some, but the second I stopped running that amount a day, the fat returned. It may be something you have to learn to deal with, short of liposuctions. Keep working out, and try to have a work-out schedule that is sustainable for your time allotment. Don't just run a ton one week, then stop for a month, you wont get results that way. Since I've been at school, I ride my bicycle about 8 miles a day, which has helped get rid of my pot belly a little bit.

But I feel your pain.

What I am getting at is, as long as you are HEALTHY, there is nothing wrong with you. Keep your back/chest hair trimmed so it doesn't pour out of your shirt, keep shaving your head (or look into hair restoration), and exercise regularly. I am with a girl that has no problem with my apeish hair growth or pot belly (she actually finds them attractive), and I am sure there is a woman out that that loves bald men.

Be confident in your appearance, theres nothing wrong with you.

Addendum:
With hair removal if you have the extra money, get electrolysis done.

Katholic wrote: »

Go for high rep lifting to build muscle-->tone. You could also try that new pill that has been FDA approved called ALLI which strains fat directly into your poo. Can't help you with the hairy part though.

Side effects include:

* steatorrhea - meaning oily, loose stools,
* fecal incontinence,
* frequent or urgent bowels,
* flatulence.

The manufacturer has this to say:

"Until you have a sense of any treatment effects, it's probably a smart idea to wear dark pants, and bring a change of clothes with you to work."

Studies in lab animals also suggest that it can cause lesions in the colon, believed to be a precursor to colon cancer.

JohnnyCache

I would advise you to NOT do anything to conceal your baldness - shaving your head is OK but combovers, wigs, weaves etc are not.

As far as weight lifting goes, lift not for "tone" with low frequent reps (such lifting is basically just Cardio for Guys) but rather focus on your back and shoulders for a while - narrowing the bottom of the V is actually only one half of building a V-shaped torso and it sounds like you may have an easier time with widening the top of the V. Chest hair isn't the current american fashion, but it's not a total deal breaker either, or there wouldn't be millions of women who still find 60s Bond attractive. Manage it and/or dress so that it doesn't stick egregiously out of your collar and you should be OK.

Fats

Forbe! wrote: »

build muscle OVER the fat, in certain areas (abdominals/pectorals).

This would require muscle to form somewhere in the skin, which would be weird.

The gut is a stubborn place for dudes, but you're not stuck with it.

Forbe!

Yeah, I don't know what the hell goes on down there. All I know is bench presses and sit ups make me fatter/have moobs.

JohnnyCache

Muscle and fat exist, and are gained and lost, pretty much independently of one another. Watch "the world's strongest man" sometime and you'll see proof that you can have plenty of both or just one or the other.