Oh God, another girl problems thread.

Ramen Noodle

So, here's the deal, H/A. I had a girlfriend for about a month until 2 weeks ago, when I broke up with her. This breakup was for many reasons, first and foremost the fact that she was a bitch who flirted with two of my friends and was more into my best (guy) friend than me (thankfully, the day after I did the deed the friends, who I hadn't seen since that incident told me to break it off). Anyways, beyond that and the fact that I never expected it to last, I was into one of her best friends, who is coincidentally my best friend. I've been into her (my best friend, not the ex) for about 8 months and I'm pretty much absolutely in love with her.

So, herein the new problem occurs. I want to make a move on said best friend, yet I don't want to screw up my best friends friendship with my ex. I also recognize that I want to take this slowly and carefully since she's you know, my best friend. How should I go about doing this?

Easier to digest tl;dr: Broke up with my girlfriend, pretty much love one of her best friends who is also my best friend, don't know WHAT THE FUCK TO DO

Trowizilla

Dude, you just broke up two weeks ago. Give it some time and be single for awhile, because if you date your ex's best friend this soon after you dumped your ex, you're pretty much guaranteed to cause problems between the two of them.

How old are you, anyway? You sound highschoolish.

Ramen Noodle

Yeah, highschool. 17.
Ninja edit: I do recognize the fact that I need to be time sensitive, though.

Trowizilla

Honestly, if you're all in high school, that makes everything more dramatic. If you're dating your ex's friend, she's going to have to be around you two all the time, hear stuff about you two through the gossip mill, etc.

Not that you can never make a move on the friend, because you should. However, you mentioned that your ex was kind of a flirt, and that you broke up with her? If you can wait for her to be involved with someone else before asking out her best friend, she might take it better.

Also, be aware that being your age tends to lend itself toward over-dramaticness. You're declaring yourself in love with a girl you've never dated, and you had these feelings while you were dating her best friend. Take some time to cool off and think about things a little more calmly and realistically.

Sarcastro

At 17, you can pretty much do whatever the fuck you want.

Drama avoidance? HA! You could be the smoothest cat in town, and there will still be drama. This is mostly because high school girls are drama emission systems, designed to fill their designated areas with high-potency drama at all times. If they sense that at any point, there is not enough drama in any one area, they will actually go out and haul in some drama just to ensure a thick and even dramatic consistancy.

That being said, keep everything above board, and be honest about what you are doing. Everything will come out sooner or later, so make sure that your message and actions are consistant. Whatever you do, don't be intentionally cruel to your ex, in fact, do everything you can to be as nice as possible, so the best friend will hear and see you being a nice guy about it. Good luck with that.

MikeMan

Sarcastro wrote: »

Drama avoidance? HA! You could be the smoothest cat in town, and there will still be drama. This is mostly because high school girls are drama emission systems, designed to fill their designated areas with high-potency drama at all times. If they sense that at any point, there is not enough drama in any one area, they will actually go out and haul in some drama just to ensure a thick and even dramatic consistancy.

Wow that is so true. And it's good that you specifically mentioned girls, because high school boys never gossip.

...

Save the comedian's dialog for the stage, please.

Anyway, in response to the OP, first: you described your ex as a "bitch" and then you are incredibly cautious about hurting her feelings or your friendship? Does not compute.

Vis a vis asking out a best friend: welcome to many people's worlds. Honestly, this is the way many of my relationships start, too. I become friends with someone before developing feelings. It's significantly harder because you risk putting the friendship on thin ice if you tell her how you feel. Usually the friendship, if it is strong enough, will rebound, but some people are really thrown for a loop when they hear that stuff coming from one of their close friends.

I say bite the bullet and tell her how you feel. If you feel it strongly enough, keeping it inside will only eat away at you. Be prepared for some rockiness if she doesn't feel the same way, though.

RocketSauce

You aren't in love with this girl, you're just deeply infatuated. At 17, the two practically mean the same thing. But you will soon learn the importance of throwing around the "L" word to easily once you get older. As for advice, it really comes down to what kind of girl this friend of yours is. Is she the kind of girl that will look at you like a creep when you ask her out two weeks removed from dumping her friend? Some girls don't like dating their friend's ex.

Or will she not give a shit?

Chances are, she will care. I would take some time, get to know her, hang out outside of school before ZOMG WILLYOUGOOUTWITHMEILOVEYOU!!!

Specularity

You say you had this girlfriend for about a month? You've been broken up for half your relationship already! Go for it -- even if there's drama, there's going to be NEW drama for everyone to obsess over next week. Do, though, as RocketSauce said, weigh how the new girl will feel about it.

curby

The fact is that the best friend is attracted to you already because you're off-limits to her since you were her best friend's boyfriend. She probably said good things about you to make herself look better n front of her friends etc. BUT now that you're not off limits anymore and the ex probably said bad things about you after the break up, your best plan of action is probably to tell the girl you love that you're cool about the breakup because you recently hit it off with another chick, but then demonstrate that the girl you love somehow hypnotized you because of X quality, then ask her out..

glhf