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unusualumm courting (I guess thats the word?) territory for me
Crazy Old Morise
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
So first the elaborate set up: You know how sometimes you see a person and instantly, without even talking to them you feel a connection to them beyond simple attraction? Well this girl last year in my drawing class did that to me.
Being the chump that I am, I could never work up the courage to talk to her all trimester, I had no problem talking to other people in the class but she made me feel like a bashful little fella.
So it becomes one of my biggest regrets of that time period, and she gets a boyfriend so I lost hope completely. In that time I also got a girlfriend which comes into play later.
This year, first trimester I notice on facebook that shes changed her status to single and that shes also in the same dorm as me, but that gets filed away as wishful thinking.
Next quarter, or early this quarter, Im at a party and I hear someone say my name and I turn around an its the girl. She asks if I remember her and I say "yeah you're <name of girl> but im surprised that you remebered me" and she says "yeah well you stood out" so my head is going "holyshitholyshitholyshit" Then she asks if Im still dating that girl (who I had broken up with a few weeks before) and I tell her no. and we end up hanging out a lot that night, but then an abrupt end prevented me from getting her number or anything. Then she asks if Im still dating that girl (who I had broken up with a few weeks before) and I tell her no.
A few weeks go by, and Im thinking man I should just message her on face book and so I get on face book, and of all things she had just sent ME a message! I had said something about wanting to see Juno on my profile and so she sent me a link to watch it. So Im thinking this is a really good sign, that shes interested enough in me to read my "favorite movies" or whatever, as well as following my relationship status.
So we message back and forth, mainly harmless stuff about music. But now I'm wanting to take a risk and ask if she wants to hang out. And I know this probably seems really basic/juvenile, but usually relationships just "happen" to me, without me having to take any sort of action like this.
I really dont want to make things awkward, but I have a decent hunch that she is interested too... and I really dont want to lose the opportunity again.
Heres the exact message I'm gonna send her:
"So at the risk of being awkward I was wondering if you wanted to hang out/do something this weekend. Im not the kind of person to make plans on face book... or make plans at all, but you stand out for some reason so I thought I'd ask. "
Eek.
Being the chump that I am, I could never work up the courage to talk to her all trimester, I had no problem talking to other people in the class but she made me feel like a bashful little fella.
So it becomes one of my biggest regrets of that time period, and she gets a boyfriend so I lost hope completely. In that time I also got a girlfriend which comes into play later.
This year, first trimester I notice on facebook that shes changed her status to single and that shes also in the same dorm as me, but that gets filed away as wishful thinking.
Next quarter, or early this quarter, Im at a party and I hear someone say my name and I turn around an its the girl. She asks if I remember her and I say "yeah you're <name of girl> but im surprised that you remebered me" and she says "yeah well you stood out" so my head is going "holyshitholyshitholyshit" Then she asks if Im still dating that girl (who I had broken up with a few weeks before) and I tell her no. and we end up hanging out a lot that night, but then an abrupt end prevented me from getting her number or anything. Then she asks if Im still dating that girl (who I had broken up with a few weeks before) and I tell her no.
A few weeks go by, and Im thinking man I should just message her on face book and so I get on face book, and of all things she had just sent ME a message! I had said something about wanting to see Juno on my profile and so she sent me a link to watch it. So Im thinking this is a really good sign, that shes interested enough in me to read my "favorite movies" or whatever, as well as following my relationship status.
So we message back and forth, mainly harmless stuff about music. But now I'm wanting to take a risk and ask if she wants to hang out. And I know this probably seems really basic/juvenile, but usually relationships just "happen" to me, without me having to take any sort of action like this.
I really dont want to make things awkward, but I have a decent hunch that she is interested too... and I really dont want to lose the opportunity again.
Heres the exact message I'm gonna send her:
"So at the risk of being awkward I was wondering if you wanted to hang out/do something this weekend. Im not the kind of person to make plans on face book... or make plans at all, but you stand out for some reason so I thought I'd ask. "
Eek.
Crazy Old Morise on
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How long have you two been messaging each other?
Cause I think that the constant communication might have help you get over your nerviousness of her.
However if you can't physically talk to her (scheduling or what not), then I guess facebook's the way to go.
Hmmm... How about just asking her out instead of stating that it's awkward and that you usually don't do that sort of thing. Just say that you want to hang out and get to know her better (worked for me).
It does seem as though she is certainly interested in you. The random approach, stating that you "stand out" and the message on facebook are all green lights.
The thing about girls is that we're just like you guys, we are shy in the most part when it comes to these things and the fact that she has approached you, suggests that she really is interested. It would be a good idea to ask her out soon so that she doesn't lose interest or become discouraged.
I like the way that you worded asking her out on the weekend, it's not intimidating and you've also left it open for the friends avenue, but also applied that you like her. The only thing I'd suggest is not to say "or not make plans at all" It may appear to her (it does to me) that you are implying that she will have to make further plans with you, if she wants to continue to see you. That is intimidating.
Perhaps say something like "At the risk of sounding awkward, I was wondering if you'd like to hang out/do something on the weekend. (perhaps it would be a good idea to state what) I don't normally like to make plans over facebook, but I haven't seen you in person to ask"
And bubbles, thanks I was really crossing my fingers for a girl's perspective.
I don't know, I just think your goal at this point should be to have her feel comfortable with you so you can get to know her better, without seeming uninterested, or overly creepy. If you haven't got anything in mind for a date, perhaps a lunch, or a coffee is a good way to start. You can talk as you eat, its much less formal and "date" like.
I'd edit that to just "Do you want to hang out/do something this weekend?"
And personally I'd try to do it in person or on the phone rather than Facebook, but then Facebook wasn't so huge when I was in college...
Also, rather than the "hang out/do something" idea, you might come up with something a tad more specific. Girls like guys that can make plans - especially so you don't run into the "I dunno. What do YOU want to do?" college trap. I hate to advise a movie for a first date, but if you're feeling nervous, you could bring up Juno, then move pretty naturally into asking her out to another one.
Plus then you can get cake and coffee.
it just seems unsure and unconfident
its really better to just ask confidently, but casually
not, "so i really want to hang out with you, whenever you're free call me!!"
but just, "you know, we should do something sometime"
possibly, "hey, we've never really hung out before. do you want to catch a movie?"
something where your not forcing yourself on them, but you don't seem like you're expecting a rebuttal
maybe i'm streaming terrible dj right now if i am its here
I agree with those folks who have advised you to do it in person. She's not far away and to be honest, it'll probably make spending time with her (if you do) a lot less awkward than if you asked her over Facebook or alike. As Bubbles said, she's given a lot of typical indicators that she's probably interested, so don't fret so much!
If you must ask via Facebook I'd again have to reiterate what's been said and word it more casually if possible. Something like "Hey, xyz thing is on soon and I was wondering if you'd like to come along with me?" will suffice really, at least in my opinion. Either way, good luck and keep us posted
You: I was wondering if you wanted to hang out/do something this weekend. You stand out for some reason so I thought I'd ask.
Her: Sure! I'd love to, when are you free and what do you want to do??
You: Oh, yeah, dunno, what about you?
Sounds like you're well on your way. Just ask. Doing it by facebook isn't an issue since she's clearly done her own research on you via facebook, so don't even worry about it.
I was wondering if you'd like to hang out/do something on the weekend. Ive never really made plans on face book, but I haven't had a chance to talk to you in person, and I didn't want to wait to run into you at one of those silly house parties. (Because we had been talking about how we only see each other at said house parties.)
She hasn't replied yet.
As if by magic after posting this she replied:
Today at 2:04pm
(edited down to the essential part of the reply)
but yah, hangin out/doin something sounds good. You name it.
great success!
I'd suggest that you give her a call when you set up something specific to do.
and AyeJaye, its hard for me to be sure about that stuff, Im not exactly brimming with self confidence or experience