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Need Critique - Update

F87F87 So Say We AllRegistered User regular
edited February 2008 in Artist's Corner
I really need to make this a successful piece. This is a commission I have not given enough time, and the deadline is today. I'm am not happy at all.

I humbly request any and all comments and critiques and will do my best to address them.


Thank you very much.

F87 on


  • MustangMustang Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    It still looks very early in the process to pick at flaws, but if your desperate, which you sound like you are: There are issues with the kneeling girls shoulders and top of her back, the left hand side is arching up to much and the shoulder rotation looks all wrong. Her right breast looks like it's trying to sneak over the back of her right arm, there shouldn't be any interaction with the arm and clothing at that point. Her right leg appears out the back of the dress at the wrong angle to how her knee is placed.
    The standing girl lacks the movement your trying to express, I'm unsure as to how you want her to move, is she moving in a swinging motion or is she coming from a crouching position? The hair suggest swinging, but the position of the punching arm suggests she is coming from a crouch. EDIT: Scratch that last point, it's not actually to bad at second look.

    As I said I'm a bit bereft to be critiquing this at such an early stage of the game but you appear to be incredibly frustrated and panicky about a most imminent deadline. I'd tell you to relax, but i'd be shitting bricks if I were in your position too. Good luck, I hope it turns out for you.

    Mustang on
  • F87F87 So Say We All Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Thanks a lot Mustang, the noble Sausage King.

    This girl in the back is actually throwing bo-shuriken (I think this is what they are called?)...

    I'm diving in to fix those problems now, will post update soon.


    Not sure if I remembered everything, but I will re-read the critique and keep working.


    Now to put color in it... Never done the values first, not sure how to continue...

    Could I just use a multiply or overlay layer to put colors over the values?

    F87 on
  • RankenphileRankenphile Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood.Registered User, Moderator mod
    edited February 2008
    not to add to your stress, but the lighting seems to be incredibly flat. I'm sure you'll add in the lighting effects as things get finished up, but the obvious source of the light would be the moon, adding a rim of light along the mountains in the background and casting shadows toward the "camera" from all objects in view. Once you've got the subjects in place, adding the lighting effects (as time allows) will add a lot to the overall ambience of the piece, providing a nice atmosphere if done right.

    can you talk to the client and explain the circumstance? As someone who is commissioning a piece, I'd rather wait and receive a finished piece than demand a hastily assembled one.

    Rankenphile on
  • MustangMustang Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    The upper body looks better but her shoulder are too thin now, which makes her legs and buttocks appear enourmous (the width was fine on the first one). ^Plugging the client for more time might be a wise move, there is a lot to fit into one day.

    Mustang on
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