As was foretold, we've added advertisements to the forums! If you have questions, or if you encounter any bugs, please visit this thread: https://forums.penny-arcade.com/discussion/240191/forum-advertisement-faq-and-reports-thread/
Options
Moving out (Still in High School!)
Local H Jay
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
F
Local H Jay on
0
Posts
I'm just going to speak on the finances and property first.
If the bank account is a joint account, then you can just walk in and get your money. If it's all under their name, then they have to sign it over to you or withdraw it and give it to you. You can take them to small claims court if you wanted to.
The same thing goes for the property. It's your stuff, but it's their roof, and unless you've got receipts for all of your stuff then they could just say it's theirs. DON'T call the cops and tell them to come over so they can help you get your shit out of your parents house. They're not going to do that since you don't own the house, and you'll be wasting their time, and pissing them off.
First, are things THAT bad so that you're worried about your folks preventing you from leaving, or have you just not talked to them?
and Second, what led to this decision? $400 a week is enough, but you're not going to be making that. I worked retail 40 hours a week at ten bucks an hour and after taxes and health insurance my checks were barely $450. If you're just doing weekends and after school, you're not going to get more than 30 hours, if that, so you need to take that into consideration.
edit: I'm not a lawyer, and I don't know the laws for your state of if they even apply to someone who'se 18, but they might since you're still in high school. You might want to think about getting emancipated if it's possible. If not, you might want to think about taking your GED to finish high school and joining the military, if you're that dead set on getting away, and your grades are already slipping.
There's no reason to get legally emancipated if you're already 18. You're a legal adult.
Finish high school, don't drop out for your GED. It seems you've got a pretty good deal going with your buddy, and if his Mother understands your situation she'll be willing (hopefully) to help you out a bit and wait on repayment.
As for your money, if they don't want to give it back to you, you're pretty well screwed. There's no real way to prove you didn't just blow it, is there? Unless you saved deposit receipts and the pay stubs, which would be smart, I don't think you'd have any real case. Just be nice, and ask for it back and open your own account. I suggest Sovereign Bank, they served me well. (I'm from MA, near Salem NH, if that helps).
Yeah, the only reason I even brought that up is because he said he was failing a few classes, and he's already eighteen, and taking summer classes would cut into his working time, but yeah, stay in school and finish the right way if at all possible. The military advice is solid though. If you want to earn good money and get away, that's the way to go.
Very VERY true. If you legally emancipate yourself from your parents you do not have to claim them on your FAFSA, which will allow you a lot more freedom to go to school if you so choose. You would have to either have a GED or finish High School in order to do that though.
I'm not so keen on the military idea, but it's an idea I will think about.
Basically, if was thinking after I graduated I would work for a year and see if I can't get into a college (probably community or something).
Worst comes to worse I can land a job with my (real) dad and uncle's company.
I honestly loathe my life as it is now, and pretty much need to get away.
I haven't talked to them because I'm SURE they'd reactly badly, and go to great lengths to ensure I can't get away (sending me to military school or something similar).
Alright, back up man, this is your first HUGE mistake. You're asking advice on the internet about getting emancipated, moving out, finding a job, calling the police to get your shit out of their house, and taking money that belongs to you out of their bank account, and you haven't even talked to them?
No offense, but if you're too afraid to confront them on this then you're not ready to be alone in the world man. Once again, that wasn't some insult, just the truth. You're eighteen. They can't send you to military school. You need to talk to them, and either try to work your shit out or get emancipated, so that you will legally be on your own care, and have a better chance. You'll be eligible for student loans to pay for school, books, and even some of your rent if you go to a cheap college.
You need to do some serious talking with them before you run off and burn every bridge you've got. What you're doing right now is a bad idea until you at least talk to them first.
Your "parents" are either going to be really happy that you're leaving, and very supportive of it; or they're going to be lame. I thought my parents were going to be lame about it, and in hindsight it's hard to say otherwise; but in conversation that I've had since with my Dad, I get the impression that he actually would have been cool about it. It's like the last big step for a parent to help their child out the door; this I know...I'm a parent now. So even though life sucked as a teenager, and I thought my parents were psycho and such, I now think that if I had said to them that it's time for me to move out that they would have turned around, quelled the psycho impulse, and actually helped me. Those teenage years are crazy man; they make your parents do crazy and stupid things. And parents often don't realize just how psycho they have become. I promise you that inside them somewhere is the cool person that they used to be before life took a dump on them. If you catch them in a calm moment -very relaxed, and talk to them like an adult, there's a good chance that they'll be cool and have a good conversation with you. I highly recommend -trying- to talk to them about moving out. If they're lame about it, then you're no worse off. I think I made a bad choice by not talking to my parents about it.
Your money in their bank? That "sounds" like a losing situation. If it were me, and I couldn't pull it out of their account, I would just consider it gone and let them have it. I chose the "clean break" route and it worked for me. I had a hundred bucks in my pocket when I left, and I drove 1200 miles to my new home. That was the best road trip...ever. But seriously; if you don't yet have it; go get a bank account right now. And don't ever pay fees for an account; there is always free checking to be found.
Your stuff...actually, I ended up ditching all of my stuff. I initially found a day when my family wasn't going to be in the house and I just packed up my car. They had no idea: I took everything in my room that wasn't furniture. I didn't want the hassle of them being around when I was packing. They could have been cool, or not; I didn't want to find out. It worked for me at first. But then I found myself bunking with people and having all of that stuff was a major pain. I would actually recommend taking just clothing, music, gadgets/com/electronics, and a few small memories. I had a bunch of trophies and books and "gear" and such and they all just took up too much space. Only take what you can fit in your trunk. From those days I now have only a single small box of memories with papers and pictures. I made a mistake by taking all of my stuff. I highly recommend keeping yourself light. I think, however, that this is a gradual process that people must go through. You'll slowly let the past go, and your stuff won't matter any more.
The people you are living with don't realize what it will be like to have you around. The first place I went to said "SURE, you're WELCOME, ANYTIME, FOREVER, AS LONG AS YOU WANT". Their son was my friend for a long time and they thought they liked me. Then I showed up and a week later they said "look, you're going to have to pay rent." I was planning on being nice and paying them out of the kindness of my heart, but they turned out to be pretty lame people that really didn't care much about my welfare. I suddenly became a burden to them, and they regretted letting me ride their couch. So as someone else said, you MUST come to an agreement on rent; get it in writing, get a one-page hand-written contract that says if anyone changes their mind that they have 30 days to transition out. I have had to repeat this lesson too many times. If you're going to stay with someone longer than a few weeks; pay rent, and get them to agree to the rent in writing, for a specific time frame (6 months or less) and with their signature on it. It feels weird; you MUST do it. They always change their mind a few days later and go psycho on you and when they're upset, they'll always want MORE rent than they initially verbally agreed to. You'll have to learn to be firm and say look, we agreed, that's all that I'll agree to, if you don't like what you agreed to then I have 30 days to leave; I'll be out by xx-xx-2008: Then get out sooner.
Always be thinking about your next couch. Remember; I moved in with my friends’ family, similar to you. It didn't work out. I found that it was fairly common for people to ask me where I was from, how I got here, etc; and every once in a while someone would say "hey if you ever get stuck, I can help you out for a few days". If they say that, say "Thanks, I just might take you up on that". You need to be thinking about building a network of "friends" that you can call if you get in a bind. If you ever do call them, remember that you have to be the best house guest imaginable. You clean their house, stay out of their way (don't interrupt their normal routine), be nice and talk to them, don't eat their food (even if they say "make yourself at home, eat anything in the kitchen", don't do it, eat your own food unless they hand food to you. Have as minimal of an impact on their lives as possible unless they're obviously trying to include you in their life.)
And this is one of the most important lessons of my life from that time. No matter how broke you think you are, save a little money out of every pay check. Even if you save one dollar; save it, and don't touch until you have tried every other possible option. You absolutely must have a good stash in the bank because every once in a while you're going to have to pull yourself out of a giant pile of bad things. Don't ever splurge. Don't ever tap the stash for fun. I lived on Raman for 3 meals a day (10 packs for a dollar), for 4 months, and never touched the stash. I used to snatch ketchup packets from places to use as a "topping" for my Raman. And then one day I blew out 3 tires on my car all at once (they were all bald to begin with); and without that car I was dead. That stash saved my life, and it will save yours. But also remember that without a stash, a lot of places will let you work things off if you explain the situation and you're cool about it.
Always go the extra mile. Always do more than people expect. Always be extremely gracious. Get a handle on your emotions if you haven't; they'll get you in trouble. Work harder than everyone and never complain about anything. No matter how bad today seems, always be planning for the future. Decide what you'll put up with and what you won't and don't compromise. Set goals and work on them. Keep yourself clean on the outside and in. Help others as much as possible (seriously important). Work on improving your patience.
And always, always remember, that today is temporary. Your future is what -you- make of it. If people try to hold you back, just get away from those people. You own your destiny and you will be ok.
I think that is some really good advice, and appreciate it.
So it's pretty much settled that I'm going, since I came home to DOG SHIT on my bed (placed there from my loving stepfather with a note saying "Don't leave shit lying on the ground").
I guess I will attempt to talk to them, since they may be more keen on giving me my money if we leave on good terms. I am not going far (one town over), and will continue going to the same high school.
I do 'have' a car, but it is theirs. I might offer to buy it from them, or simply buy a 'new' car that will probably be a junker.
But I really need to do this before I get an angrier. I seriously started punching the wall when I found the dog shit on my bed. (WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT?!?!)
Thanks for all your help guys.
There are a LOT of messed up people out there that will give you some great memories when you think back on them 10 years later.
Seriously man...I'm excited for you. Life may not hand you the most comfortable life; but the freedom is awesome.
Recommendations:
Pay rent to these people. A little money can go along way. And offering to pay your way will show that you give a fuck, even if they say they don't want it. Trust me.. just do it. At least give then 200$ a month.
Make sure you have that money out of your parents account before you get out. This could be a big leverage tool on their part if you don't.
Get all your bills set to online payment, imo. This has helped me a lot in the past. Because if things don't work out where you are, for whatever reason, you can still go pay them at a library computer instead of worrying about mailing addresses.
Be respectful of your friends house and his mom. Follow her rules and clean up after yourself. It wouldn't hurt to clean some of the house every so often. This is another way that shows you care. People can become very resentful very fast if they feel like they are being taken advantage of.
There will be big financial problems that will arise. They will be random and unexpected. I have dealt with a lot of them. My advice on this is just to always wait a day before signing over any large sum of money. And make sure to stay come and not freak.
Get a calendar or personal planner to write bill due dates and whatever else on there. I use a planner to keep me organized with school, work, and random tasks.
There really isn't much to living on your own. You just have to be responsible for yourself. It's pretty easy, a bit lonely at first, and gratifying. Good luck!
Hey, I have a quick question. I have been trying to get grants and stuff off my FASFA, but I can't cause my parents make too much money. They count them as your helper untill your 24. If I get emancipated would I be eligible for the grants n stuff?
Do you have a relative who would want to help you out? An older sibling?
Check with Sallie Mae. I used them in college. They offer a great alternate loan. It's essentially student loans, but they're just not federal. The interest is usually a percent or two higher, if that, and you CAN still write off the interest as I found out this past year.
You probably qualify for loans, just not Federal ones.
So I tried talking with my parents.
Tried. My mom went apeshit and such, so yeah.
Gonna be going. Soon.
Thanks for all your advice and support.
(I might eventually move in with my father a few states over, he's offered me a job and a place to stay, so sweet deal there.)
That was a great read with fantastic advice.
Do this.
But make sure you finish high school as well.
That sounds like the best possible choice right now; keeping in mind that I'm just some random internet person that knows nothing about you.
One thing just came to mind about school. It would be very helpful if you went to the office of your high school and requested a copy of your transcripts. It will be very convenient to have those around if you end up going to another school.
Sorry to hear "the talk" didn't work out...I respect you for trying.
I'm actually getting loans right now, but I want grants. The kind I don't have to pay back. Anyway around the parents thing?
Not unless you're a minority, artist, or have a genius IQ.
If you wait long enough and keep up a good GPA in college, you may start seeing more grants come your way. That's what happened to me, at least.