Pick up the phone

Highfire

This isn't the frist time I've ever had this problem, but I really have to know what I should do. This morring as I head to the bus. I run in to a girl I went to high school with. It's been some year since we've talked to eachother, so it was nice to miss the bus and talk to her as we waited for the next one. Now for over five years I've had a thing for her. For year we would take the same bus home where, where we both got off at the same stop and walk to the same street. In a nutshell, she's the girl next door( only not next door).

Well today, right before I get off the bus, I got her number from her cell. And now I don't know if I really should give her a call. I mean I'd love to find out if there's a chance that we could date. But deep down I don't want to find out that I'm not her type.

It's not that this is the first time, I get a girl's number and I don't call them. But it gets to me everytime, then I find myself chuging down a bottle of booze just to fell better.

I know I'm the one that helps out my friends when it come to problems, but in the end. I don't what to do for myself right now. Is it better to know the Truth, or have a dream that never becomes real?

RocketSauce

Highfire wrote: »

This isn't the frist time I've ever had this problem, but I really have to know what I should do. This morring as I head to the bus. I run in to a girl I went to high school with. It's been some year since we've talked to eachother, so it was nice to miss the bus and talk to her as we waited for the next one. Now for over five years I've had a thing for her. For year we would take the same bus home where, where we both got off at the same stop and walk to the same street. In a nutshell, she's the girl next door( only not next door).

Well today, right before I get off the bus, I got her number from her cell. And now I don't know if I really should give her a call. I mean I'd love to find out if there's a chance that we could date. But deep down I don't want to find out that I'm not her type.

It's not that this is the first time, I get a girl's number and I don't call them. But it gets to me everytime, then I find myself chuging down a bottle of booze just to fell better.

I know I'm the one that helps out my friends when it come to problems, but in the end. I don't what to do for myself right now. Is it better to know the Truth, or have a dream that never becomes real?

I'd say it's always better to live in the real world and know where you stand, than to hold on to some fantasy. So what if you're not her type.

I had a girl I liked a lot in high school. Asked her out, said she was busy, and it felt like one of those made up excuses. So I left it. I always kinda wondered, so imagine my delight when 5 years later I see her on my college campus and ask her to hang out outside of one of my classes that she passed every day. We set up a time to meet, and sure enough when the time comes, she doesn't show. I got my answer. Did it suck? Kinda. I'm an adult, I can handle it, I can move on. I'm glad I know that it wasn't meant to be, rather than think "gee, what if..." or some bullshit like that.

Kate of Lokys

You haven't talked to her in ages. You met her by chance, you struck up a nice conversation, and she gave you her cell number when you left.

Call her. How much more of an invitation do you need? This girl had already drifted out of your life, by the sound of things, so what on earth do you have to lose even if she does say no? Think of this as a second chance.

And for God's sake, be direct. Don't call her and mutter some bashful faint praise about how it was "really nice to see you again, it's been a long time, uh... maybeweshouldgoforcoffeesometimemaybeplease oh hey I need to run bye!"

Call her and say this:

"Hey, [charname], how are you doing?"
[response]
"I'm a little nervous, so I'm just going to cut to the chase here: running into you yesterday made me realize how much I enjoy your company, and how much I miss the old high school days of spending time with you. I know it's been a while, but... could I take you out for a date this Friday? Nothing fancy, [I just know this great little neighbourhood bar, it's quiet enough for us to talk over a couple of drinks / just a couple of hours of chatting over coffee, there's a new indepedent coffeehouse on Main Street that I've been meaning to try / I was thinking we could just grab a couple of ice cream comes from that old place on the corner, and walk down to the park / (insert whatever you think she might like to do here)."
[response, hopefully affirmative]
"Great! Why don't we plan to meet there at 5pm?"

Some general rules:

• Be as specific as possible, especially with the date. Never, ever say "Want to go out sometime?" That puts the responsibility of taking things to the next level on her, and she might be shy, or uncertain, or maybe just in need of a little convincing. In our society, guys asking girls out is still the norm, not the other way around. It sucks, because guys can be just as shy and uncertain, but them's the breaks.
• Have an activity in mind, with a couple of backups just in case. Few things kill the mood more quickly than playing the game of "I don't know... what do you want to do?" Don't go to a movie, either, two hours of sitting next to someone in the dark isn't nearly as romantic as it sounds. Coffee is always good, dinner is OK, something a bit whimsical can be even better.
• Call it a date. That's what it is. Don't say you want to hang out, don't say you should get together. Ask her if you can take her out on a date. That is the simplest possible way to tell her that you're interested in more than just a single afternoon "So, how have you been since high school?" mini-reunion with an old buddy.
• Don't be afraid to ask. This is the biggest thing, really. Some people do have other people in their lives who they just would not ever consider dating. It's not friend zone bullshit, it's just a fundamental lack of attraction on some necessary level. (I have a friend from way back in grade school: great guy, funny, shares my interests, but I just could not imagine ever wanting to have sex with him). If she's really not interested in you that way, she'll tell you... but odds are, she's at least open to the idea. She doesn't have anything to lose by accepting your invitation, aside from a few hours out of her day. And if things work out, well, you both win.

Good luck!

MagicPrime

Call her.

NateVader

Knowing if she'll say yes or no is 5 million times better than sitting around wondering. A no may suck donkey balls, but it will let you begin to move on to bigger and better things. And a yes would be fucking awesome. Every attempt, no matter how minor, at dating is a step forward and worthwhile experience.

Highfire

You guy are right, I should call. Right now I'm just being a pussy. Kate of Lokys has my number. I'm just a bit shy. When it comes to dating, it's always ends up the girl asking me out. Or the girl's friends telling me to ask her. Thanks for all the help. I'm going to call her.

OremLK

Kate of Lokys wrote: »

You haven't talked to her in ages. You met her by chance, you struck up a nice conversation, and she gave you her cell number when you left.

Call her. How much more of an invitation do you need? This girl had already drifted out of your life, by the sound of things, so what on earth do you have to lose even if she does say no? Think of this as a second chance.

And for God's sake, be direct. Don't call her and mutter some bashful faint praise about how it was "really nice to see you again, it's been a long time, uh... maybeweshouldgoforcoffeesometimemaybeplease oh hey I need to run bye!"

Call her and say this:

"Hey, [charname], how are you doing?"
[response]
"I'm a little nervous, so I'm just going to cut to the chase here: running into you yesterday made me realize how much I enjoy your company, and how much I miss the old high school days of spending time with you. I know it's been a while, but... could I take you out for a date this Friday? Nothing fancy, [I just know this great little neighbourhood bar, it's quiet enough for us to talk over a couple of drinks / just a couple of hours of chatting over coffee, there's a new indepedent coffeehouse on Main Street that I've been meaning to try / I was thinking we could just grab a couple of ice cream comes from that old place on the corner, and walk down to the park / (insert whatever you think she might like to do here)."
[response, hopefully affirmative]
"Great! Why don't we plan to meet there at 5pm?"

Some general rules:

• Be as specific as possible, especially with the date. Never, ever say "Want to go out sometime?" That puts the responsibility of taking things to the next level on her, and she might be shy, or uncertain, or maybe just in need of a little convincing. In our society, guys asking girls out is still the norm, not the other way around. It sucks, because guys can be just as shy and uncertain, but them's the breaks.
• Have an activity in mind, with a couple of backups just in case. Few things kill the mood more quickly than playing the game of "I don't know... what do you want to do?" Don't go to a movie, either, two hours of sitting next to someone in the dark isn't nearly as romantic as it sounds. Coffee is always good, dinner is OK, something a bit whimsical can be even better.
• Call it a date. That's what it is. Don't say you want to hang out, don't say you should get together. Ask her if you can take her out on a date. That is the simplest possible way to tell her that you're interested in more than just a single afternoon "So, how have you been since high school?" mini-reunion with an old buddy.
• Don't be afraid to ask. This is the biggest thing, really. Some people do have other people in their lives who they just would not ever consider dating. It's not friend zone bullshit, it's just a fundamental lack of attraction on some necessary level. (I have a friend from way back in grade school: great guy, funny, shares my interests, but I just could not imagine ever wanting to have sex with him). If she's really not interested in you that way, she'll tell you... but odds are, she's at least open to the idea. She doesn't have anything to lose by accepting your invitation, aside from a few hours out of her day. And if things work out, well, you both win.

Good luck!

I agree with all of this except the "I'm a little nervous" opener. Even if you are, there are times when it pays to hide it, and asking a girl out for the first date is one of them. Confidence, confidence, confidence. It's a rare girl who likes a shy, nervous, or indecisive guy, and even rarer for one to dislike a confident guy. So improve your chances and be confident.

FirstComradeStalin

MagicPrime wrote: »

Call her.

Also, tell us how it goes.