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Kidney Stones and Spanking the Monkey

Black IceBlack Ice Charlotte, NCRegistered User regular
edited April 2008 in Help / Advice Forum
So I have two kidney stones, and the urologist gave me a filter to piss through for the next two weeks. I pray to God that there is a stone in there sometime, because if not, that means I would have to go the surgical procedure (if another CAT scan shows the kidney stone is still there). Let's just say the surgery involves... (spoilered for weak-hearted)
basically lubing up a rod and shoving it up my dick to get the stone..
and I don't want to go through that.

But, I am still a guy, my hormones are still working, and I want to choke the chicken from time to time. Is it possible I could pass the stone this way? I can't imagine finding it or trying to examine my own jizz for the kidney stone. So.. does anyone know if I could pass it by milking the cow?

(P.S. - I named the kidney stone Rob, for anyone else seeking humor in this situation to relieve disgust)

Black Ice on

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    OctoparrotOctoparrot Registered User regular
    edited April 2008
    I don't think that will work, those are two different tubes.

    Octoparrot on
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    SeptusSeptus Registered User regular
    edited April 2008
    Hmm, seems to me that you'll have a lot more pain passing it naturally than surgery, where surely you'd get a local anesthetic.

    Septus on
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    Dark MoonDark Moon Registered User regular
    edited April 2008
    During ejaculation you clean out and then lock down your urethra so nothing but sperm and ejaculatory fluids can enter it. Unless the stone is currently lodged in your urethra, somewhere past your ejaculatory duct (it isn't if you're not currently experiencing searing pain), it isn't going anywhere while you're ejaculating.

    Septus, while probably true for the actual passing, the healing will take a great deal longer and unnecessary surgery is always bad.

    Dark Moon on
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    Namel3ssNamel3ss Registered User regular
    edited April 2008
    I really hope I never experience kidney stones.

    Namel3ss on
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    Black IceBlack Ice Charlotte, NCRegistered User regular
    edited April 2008
    I'm on some medicine to make my urethra larger. The kidney stone is about 2mm in diameter. My father had the same problem just a couple of months ago (that's why I have it - hereditary stuff apparently) and said it didn't hurt that badly when he passed the little ones like this. He also went through the "giving birth" pain and the surgery.. like, twice. He almost died from a blood clot the day before he was supposed to go get surgery for it. Anyways, what I'm trying to get at is that things are stacking in my favor and that since Rob is on the move, I don't stand the chance of feeling like I'm giving birth.

    So they're different tubes and I don't run the risk of passing it via jacking off? Like every other part of the human body, I've wanted to figure out how the plumbing downstairs works, but I get way too squeamish to continue reading.

    Also, a piece of advice for anyone reading this - drinking lemonade can apparently help prevent stones from forming. I wish I had known that when I found out my family has a history of kidney problems.

    Black Ice on
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    EggyToastEggyToast Jersey CityRegistered User regular
    edited April 2008
    Eh, they don't really know what causes them, and some people are genetically prone to get 'em.

    Anyway, yes, ejaculate comes from your prostate (semen) and testicles (sperm), essentially. Urine comes from your kidneys, and is waste, and is stored in your bladder. Just like how it's difficult to urinate when you have an erection, you don't accidentally ejaculate when you go to pee. It's all separated.

    Now, you might still feel some discomfort since your urethra might be tender, but yeah, don't worry.

    EggyToast on
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    DaenrisDaenris Registered User regular
    edited April 2008
    Did your doctor discuss ultrasonic treatment at all? I know that in some cases they can use ultrasonic sound waves to break up kidney stones into much smaller pieces that pass much easier and don't require surgery.

    Daenris on
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    Black IceBlack Ice Charlotte, NCRegistered User regular
    edited April 2008
    Daenris wrote: »
    Did your doctor discuss ultrasonic treatment at all? I know that in some cases they can use ultrasonic sound waves to break up kidney stones into much smaller pieces that pass much easier and don't require surgery.

    Oh wait! That might actually be the second surgical route. I can't remember. I think that ultra sound treatment is to break up ones that are in the kidney.. this one is between my urethra and something else, I can't remember what.

    Black Ice on
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    precisionkprecisionk Registered User regular
    edited April 2008
    After watching Deadwood and their method of removing kidney stones, I feel for you and your issue Black Ice. I hope it passes unpainfully for you.

    precisionk on
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    SeptusSeptus Registered User regular
    edited April 2008
    Dark Moon wrote: »
    During ejaculation you clean out and then lock down your urethra so nothing but sperm and ejaculatory fluids can enter it. Unless the stone is currently lodged in your urethra, somewhere past your ejaculatory duct (it isn't if you're not currently experiencing searing pain), it isn't going anywhere while you're ejaculating.

    Septus, while probably true for the actual passing, the healing will take a great deal longer and unnecessary surgery is always bad.

    Maybe I don't have a proper idea of the surgery. I seem to remember, as a very young kid, having some urethral issue and as I recall, basically having a new "artificial" tube being jammed in there(this may be wrong) and the recovery was very quick.

    Septus on
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    ZeonZeon Registered User regular
    edited April 2008
    Septus wrote: »
    Dark Moon wrote: »
    During ejaculation you clean out and then lock down your urethra so nothing but sperm and ejaculatory fluids can enter it. Unless the stone is currently lodged in your urethra, somewhere past your ejaculatory duct (it isn't if you're not currently experiencing searing pain), it isn't going anywhere while you're ejaculating.

    Septus, while probably true for the actual passing, the healing will take a great deal longer and unnecessary surgery is always bad.

    Maybe I don't have a proper idea of the surgery. I seem to remember, as a very young kid, having some urethral issue and as I recall, basically having a new "artificial" tube being jammed in there(this may be wrong) and the recovery was very quick.

    Ive had to get this surgery once. Basically they put one of those flexible cameras up your dick, and then find the kidney stone, and shoot lasers at it to break it up.

    And i can tell you this. My dick bled for a week, and was sore for a month. Its not a pleasant experience at all.

    Zeon on
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    TheCapnTheCapn Registered User regular
    edited April 2008
    I just had a kidney stone about 6 weeks ago. . .with the in the "giving birth" pain constant for about 36 hours until I passed it. It was also about 2mm in size.

    Generally, for a stone that small, they'll give you 4-6 weeks to pass it before they'll consider any surgical alternative. Lithotripsy is the procedure where they break it up with ultrasound . .they don't do that as much anymore as they used to in the 90's.

    Anyhow, my best advice is to drink *alot* of water and keep some percocet handy in case it gets stuck. I have a permanent supply, myself, because I have another kidney stone(2mm) in my left kidney just hanging out.

    Good luck.

    TheCapn on
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    supabeastsupabeast Registered User regular
    edited April 2008
    FWIW, having a rod shoved up one’s urethra isn’t so bad. Lots of people do it on purpose.

    supabeast on
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    Black IceBlack Ice Charlotte, NCRegistered User regular
    edited April 2008
    No supabeast, that is wrong! I am the giver, not the taker. I am a male. A straight male without kinky fetishes..

    So should I just like.. start carrying Percocet or some other pain killer around? How does Percocet compare to Loritab? Two days ago I was on Hydrocodone and Loritab. I felt really great (duh) but, lowered my productivity (i.e. - I got sleepy). I've been on some lower-end stuff today but it's just total discomfort below my belly button. It's so hard to describe.. and carrying this tubed filter around in my pocket (at least it's collapsible) is a pain in the ass. I can't wash it every time I use it, so I have to keep it in a little plastic bag.

    Sorry this has kind of gotten off of the original topic, but I need some consoling on this issue. Lots of it. :( I have no idea what to expect, I'm afraid I'll miss the kidney stone if I ever pass it, I'm afraid I'm going to get the surgery.. it's really, really fucking my mind up.

    Black Ice on
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    pacbowlpacbowl Los AngelesRegistered User regular
    edited April 2008
    I've had 5 kidney stones over the past 8 years or so. The first one was sheer terror. Doubling over in pain, dry heaves, the works. Don't know what's causing mine as I've never caught one in the straining funnel they give you, but I only used it for 2 or 3 days afterwards. Could be excess sodium, or calcium. Last one I had 2 back to back, within about an 8 hour difference. (Doc came in and told me, "want the good news or bad news?". Good news was the first was about to drop into my bladder. Bad news was there was one coming right behind it).

    From what I understand most of the pain is from it moving down from the kidney to the bladder. For me it lasts from 4 to 8 hours. There may also be some residual pain from it tearing up your insides. Like someone punched you in the kidney area, tenderness but not the enduring pain from it moving. I also have some advice on dealing with this pain, electric back massagers work wonders. I like to lay on my back or sit on a chair with the massager jammed into the area of pain. Works better then any drug, unless you go to the hospital for it and they shoot you up with Morphine until it drops. (been there) Unless you find yourself unable to urinate due to blockage, I wouldn't stress. Personally I've never felt any pain or discomfort when actually passing them, unless they are still sitting in my bladder and I haven't yet or they were so small I didn't notice.

    I also asked the doctor about drinking lots of water to help it move, and he said that's a myth.

    pacbowl on
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    EchoEcho ski-bap ba-dapModerator mod
    edited April 2008
    Namel3ss wrote: »
    I really hope I never experience kidney stones.

    I've seen pictures of 10+mm kidney stones. They had goddamn horns.

    My balls instantly shriveled up and went into hiding.

    Echo on
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    The CatThe Cat Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited April 2008
    Echo wrote: »
    Namel3ss wrote: »
    I really hope I never experience kidney stones.

    I've seen pictures of 10+mm kidney stones. They had goddamn horns.

    My balls instantly shriveled up and went into hiding.

    Dad's were like that, though only about 5mm. He still had to have a stent shoved up there to stop it busting out and ripping up his urethra. The docs actually sent the lithotripsied remnants away for analysis because they couldn't figure out why it was so hard D:

    Primary cause is oxalate buildup, and you'll find oxalate in foods like broccoli IIRC. Drink more water, modify your diet. I wouldn't sweat if you miss the stone, the docs won't kill you. They just want to know what its made of, because that can indicate an underlying condition.

    Just think, if they're recurrent, you'll get another chance to catch one 8-)

    The Cat on
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    GoodOmensGoodOmens Registered User regular
    edited April 2008
    Black Ice, have you asked your doctor if wanking would release Rob into the world? It's probably best to get his/her advice about it so that your specific medical condition can be taken into account. My gut feeling is that it would be fine but that's a mistake that you really would not want to make.

    GoodOmens on
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    MusanMusan Registered User regular
    edited April 2008
    I had a kidney stone a year ago as well, 8 mm. The doctors actually didn't know it was a kidney stone for a while, since I was in an auto accident a month before. Either way, they had to do surgery twice: once to find it, once to get it. Yes, there was a lot of pain and bleeding. I think I got it because I was on an oolong tea drinking binge without any water. Since then, I saw some small stones, but dietary changes and exercise seems to have fixed it.

    Since your stone is small, looks like they put you on Flowmax and wait it out. My suggestion is drink a lot of water and stop drinking coffee, tea, and soda for the meantime. Also, most likely your stone is made out of calcium oxalate. From what I read, it actually helps to eat more calcium, since it prevents leeching of calcium from the bones.

    Musan on
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    CreepyCreepy Tucson, AzRegistered User regular
    edited April 2008
    I had a lithotripsy (sp?) and it really wasn't that bad. Compared to how much the kidney stone hurts the surgery really was nothing. (Although afterwards it will occur to you that certain passages really are meant to be one way streets, so to speak) They knocked me all the way out. Worst part for me was right afterwards I had to take a leak and wasn't warned about it although I should have figured.

    About the consistency of tomato juice and blood red. Didn't hurt (yet) as I was still affected by the painkillers.

    Later whizzes were normal at least with color and consistency but it did feel about how you'd imagine passing ground glass would feel. A day later it was a LOT better and any of that is preferable to the stone's attempts at passing.

    Creepy on
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