The new forums will be named Coin Return (based on the most recent vote)! You can check on the status and timeline of the transition to the new forums here.
The Guiding Principles and New Rules document is now in effect.
Cutting Ties (Girl)
Penguin_Otaku
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
So I want to quit talking to a girl that has effectively drug me through the mud for the past few months. She's a great girl and everything (well, debatable I guess) but I've come to realize that she isn't someone I really want to be in a close relationship or friendship with. She turned out to be ridiculously shallow and hateful.
Anyhow, every attempt I make at stopping communication with her she keeps texting me and telling me to not do this and I'm being mean. I disagree because I know its her who is being a real bitch about all of this and I'm just tired of her drama.
Do I delete her number? (I don't like this option. Even if the other person disagrees, I always want to be there for them in some capacity.)
Go off on her on the phone? (I want to so bad. As much as she's hurt me, I want to get a few cheap jabs in. But, just because she was a cunt to me.. I still don't feel entitled to hurting her as she did to me.)
She won't listen to reason, simply put. I think this goes for most girls (sorry for the three that actually read the PA forums.) I ask her to leave me alone and she just whines and whines.
What really keeps me from stopping is when I do stop for a few hours, she'll say something about, "I want to talk to you." or something that says she wants to talk or she's having trouble. I simply cannot turn someone down because they've screwed me over, I still want to help them. So I start asking her what's wrong and get sucked in again. I really don't think I could live with the unlikely situation that she really needs help and I'm not there for her.
Thanks guys.
Anyhow, every attempt I make at stopping communication with her she keeps texting me and telling me to not do this and I'm being mean. I disagree because I know its her who is being a real bitch about all of this and I'm just tired of her drama.
Do I delete her number? (I don't like this option. Even if the other person disagrees, I always want to be there for them in some capacity.)
Go off on her on the phone? (I want to so bad. As much as she's hurt me, I want to get a few cheap jabs in. But, just because she was a cunt to me.. I still don't feel entitled to hurting her as she did to me.)
She won't listen to reason, simply put. I think this goes for most girls (sorry for the three that actually read the PA forums.) I ask her to leave me alone and she just whines and whines.
What really keeps me from stopping is when I do stop for a few hours, she'll say something about, "I want to talk to you." or something that says she wants to talk or she's having trouble. I simply cannot turn someone down because they've screwed me over, I still want to help them. So I start asking her what's wrong and get sucked in again. I really don't think I could live with the unlikely situation that she really needs help and I'm not there for her.
Thanks guys.
Penguin_Otaku on
0
Posts
Calmly explain to her, the next time that she calls, that you do not want to talk to her in any capacity, and that you will be deleting her number at the end of the conversation. Tell her that if her calls persist, you will change your number. Do so.
And not that you really need us to say this, but stop "being there" for her, you twit. If you don't want to talk to her, don't talk to her. She's probably just using the "I need help" line because she knows its an emotional crutch that will get you talking. Stop letting her; if she really needs help that badly, she can find other friends.
Good luck.
So if the option to calling her/her calling me doesn't present itself, do I leave her a voicemail or explain this in a text message?
If she doesn't call/text you again, hooray, you win! Don't go out of your way to explain the situation to her, especially if you don't have to.
Either way, keep your priorities straight. This isn't about getting your two cents in or making her feel the way she's made you feel or airing dirty laundry. It's about you getting out of a relationship that you no longer feel is a good thing for you, and hopefully not hurting her too much in the process. But if you are no longer a willing partner in this thing, it's best for everyone involved for you to just get out now, and get out cleanly.
Good catch on the emotional support thing, too. A lot of people don't seem to realize that a major part of emotionally connecting with someone is trusting them with your problems/feelings/desires, and having someone trust you with theirs. If necessary, you may need to cut her off from that sort of communication so that she doesn't "suck you back in".
If you already told her in no uncertain terms that you are done with the relationship and she still tries to suck you in, then you need to just cut her off completely, or at least to the point where you two are only communicating on superficial terms. At that point you've done the right thing in the right way, and you are perfectly justified in trying to move on with your life.
One big thing, though, is that I simply cannot trust her.
I don't think I can get the point across to her without devastating her. I really think she feels that I'm just messing around and joking about this right now. I mean, her fault for being naive and not paying attention to whats going on.
I remember I had this same uneasy feeling when I broke up with my last girlfriend... but I knew I had to do it. Only thing is, I was able to do that in person with my last girlfriend. This girl? I don't even know what the hell she is or what I am to her.
If you really want to cut contact, then just do so. Delete her number and don't answer her calls.
t Nibble: Plans can't be made without two people deciding on them. As soon as she tells me she can't go to something, she wants to do something else with me. I just think she's afraid of being in a relationship and I'm just tired of waiting for it to happen.
She's not worth your time.
1. Tell her (in person or via an actual conversation) that you don't want to talk to her anymore.
2. Delete her number.
3. Ignore the spamming of calls/text messages you're going to get.
4. ???
5. Profit.
Seriously, this girl sounds like a total bitch. If you don't want to be a spiteful bastard about it (and honestly I couldn't blame you if you were) then just cut off contact like everybody else has said.
Tough cookies. Maybe around the third or fourth time she stood you up she should have realized things were probably not going to end well for her in this particular situation. Tell this girl to gargle some cocks and move on, geez.
The sooner you start looking for the girl that will make you happy, the sooner you'll find her. That doesn't just fall into your lap.
no trust + no stability + feeling as if your feelings are not being reciprocated = bad, bad relationship
Then devestate her. It sounds like she's going through the typical teenage girl center of the universe phase (guys go through this too), and she's never going to grow the hell up and act like an adult until somebody calls her on her bullshit.
Ok read what you just wrote.
Sounds like you're being a sucker for falling for it all the time and are too afraid to let go and shes being a jerk by having you for some sort of ego boost from all the attention .
All you have to do is stop contacting her, delete number/msn/email etc. dont make plans with her (say youre busy) and go spend time with other people. It may be tough for like a week but just tough it out and after a month or 2 youll forget being all gaga about her.
Dont bother telling her off, just avoid the bullshit drama. Instead just Ignore her - will probably piss her off and confuse her and get you 2 away from each other.
Thanks, guys.