I really don't know what I'm doing with my life

starlancerii

Hey.

I'm actually somewhat new to H/A, but I've looked at about a month's worth of old threads and didn't see any threads relevant to my situation, so I was hoping to get some advice. Its kinda a doozy, but any advice would be really appreciated.

So to introduce myself, I'm 22 years old and will be graduating from a highly-rated university in a month or so. After that I've got a decent job lined up in NYC. And I've got no idea what I'm doing in life.

I've always been introverted, as well as socially awkward (I never know what to talk about), so I've only got a couple really good friends. Which isn't a problem, except that I barely know anybody outside of my small circle, and I don't know how to meet anybody else, since I'm really shy / introverted, and I'm even moving away from everyone to NYC (far away).

Now that I think about it, ever since high school, I've never been truly interested in anything, really. I mean, I'm somehow *really good* at most of my subjects, but I've never been truly interested (hence, sleeping through lots of classes), and so my major (and by extension, my job) is more of, what I am least un-interested in. I mean, there's stuff I *like doing*, like playing video games and reading manga, but that seems more of a distraction than a true interest.

So really, I don't know what I'm doing in life. Yes, I am in kind of a depression right now (oddly enough, brought on by finishing reading a manga with a depressing ending), but it seems to be that it occurs somewhat regularly, whenever I'm not distracted by work/play, and start contemplating the meaning of it all. Or, since I seem to be surrounded by couples (everyone around me is in some sort of damn relationship), it hits me (again) that I've never had a girlfriend, or even gone on a date.

Maybe it's a quarter-life crisis.

I was wondering if any of you had any life advice, or any advice in general? Thanks.

firewaterword

For what it's worth, I felt the same way out of college. It took me a good while to find a real job, and I felt similar to the way you outline above.

Once I started working, however, my outlook improved drastically. Being challenged at work, meeting interesting people, and above all, having purpose significantly changed the way I felt about life.

I don't know you well enough (or, you know, at all) to really say much, but you may also want to consider some counseling through your school. Yeah, there's a stigma to it, but it's utter bullshit. While the internet is goddamn aces, it can really help to talk to another person about this kind of thing. If you've got friends you feel comfortable do so with, by all means do it. The cool thing about talk therapy is that the person on the other side is more or less, for lack of a better word, nonpartisan. Furthermore, most schools will provide this for free - once you're in the "real world" it costs about $200 an hour. If it's there, I would take advantage of it.

lifeincognito

I'm going to chime in with firewaterword about giving thought to therapy.

It is nice to be able to talk to someone and have them validate your feelings so you gain a sense of self. Or at least that is what therapy did for me and I'm rather similar to your 'smart introverted' nature that you described.

In the end I'd say just trying new things can be cool, even if only for brief periods of time. By 'new things' I mean just change up your routine of daily life a bit here and there. Maybe go for a run/walk in the afternoon or read in a library/student center instead of your room/house/whatever. Bum around free events at campus (read: guest speakers, sporting events, etc) while you can to get exposed to different aspects of life. While you really won't benefit a lot from this directly it will at least help pass the time until you are out of college. In fact you might even find that being in different locations, doing different activities allows your mind to wander freely. People tend to associate familiar places with familiar thoughts and maybe a change of pace will bring you new/better/refresh/different thoughts/ideas/feelings. Well, it did for me and it still does, but your mileage will probably vary.

davidbarry

Hey, might as well chime in as well. I'm 22, and have largely felt the same you describe for most of my life. My problem has certainly been neglecting to talk to other people about it, quite frankly. I've made tons of false-starts and missteps throughout my highschool/post-highschool life, culminating in me leaving university, packing up and moving out to Toronto without any real reason or purpose. The first 3 months here was spent in a terrible, depressive rut.

Well fuck, I'm still not out of said rut - I was pretty reticent to even type stuff on this message board, informal as it may be - but I will say that if you start talking to be people about your problems, you just might start to feel better, or at least gain a little bit of perspective.

Rotam

Yes, I feel the same way.

I'm 22 also, I've kinda spent four years (holy crap, I'm embarassed) doing a basic job which I don't even like. At the start of last year, I decided I'm gonna start making small positive steps towards making things better for myself. I met last year's goal, this year I'm hoping to find a better job.

Although I haven't had much luck at all with this endeavor, I can still say I tried. It makes me feel slightly better. I think you need to talk to people about this. I don't know about the counselling in your campus, but when I went to see one all those years ago, It didn't really help at all. In fact, it put me off being a student. I really regret having that attitude. I wish I'd stayed with it but its so hard getting back now (bills to pay and I like having money etc.)

I'm a bit shy about even talking about this here as I don't really talk about it much in everyday life, but if it helps someone else then I'm fine. I think the first step is to find people who feel the same as you, which, all things considered, you've already done. Now make some positive baby steps to get out of the rut.

Staxeon

I've been where you guys are. I'm 30 now, and the town I grew up in is "economically depressed". After leaving college I logically went back to my old town, where nothing was going on, and muddled around with over a dozen jobs through my 20's. It was all just getting by, and I didn't feel at all like I had any direction.

I mean, I had long term goals, like someday buying a house instead of shitting money into just rent. Stuff like that. But I didn't know how to get there.

I think the thing that really turned it around was finally deciding that I wanted a career and not just a job. I had to stop settling for less. Even while I was holding a job I was still job hunting for that open door toward a career. It was very hard work, and to this day I feel like part of it was just dumb luck, I mean how much control do you have really over opportunity? But I didn't give up looking, and if my eyes were opened at the time I might have missed it.

Once I got the job, things started slowly falling into place. Establishing credit, getting a really reliable car, replacing my crappy stuff slowly with nice stuff, squirreling away money for big things like house/vacation/emergency.

oldsak

It's pretty common to feel lost and without a sense of direction when college graduation rolls around, especially if you're in a new city without anyone you know. In order to make friends in New York, you're really going to have to put yourself out there and take initiative when it comes to meeting and getting to know people. I know it's probably outside your comfort level to do so, but it'll be good for you in the end. In fact, I recommend doing as many things outside your comfort level as you can find. The more new ways you challenge yourself, the easier it becomes to face new challenges. Who knows, maybe you'll even find something you really are interested in.

shutz

All I can add is, look back in your past, and try to find moments where you remember feeling passion about something. Try to figure out what that thing was, and see if you still have some interest in it.

The suggestion that others have made to try new things is another great idea. At the very least, at your new job, try and force yourself to be sociable and make new friends. Try to participate in any activities that take place outside work, or at lunch, etc.

urahonky

NYC is a great place to start getting more socially active. I think you'll be fine. Since you'll be getting a job, presumably, that is related to something you're interested in, I'm sure you'll find plenty of people you'll like there.