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Identity Theft, Credit Score, Parents, Physical Damages
MC Mystery
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
I'm 18, and still live at home. In the past year or so my mother's boyfriend has just started stealing from her all the time, and she's always giving him handouts, and our family has kind of been in an eternal state of financial turmoil.
I should preface that my mother's income comes from an unconventional means in which I can't get into details about on the forum, but she's in buyings and sellings, retail if you will. She tried to get a legitimate job in addition to this, but couldn't deal with answering to anyone.
I should also mention that my mother and her boyfriend's relationship is disgusting. He "owns" her. It's a heavily Fetish oriented relationship, and the dom/sub attitudes very much so leave the bedroom, which sucks because when my mother doesn't want to be fulfilling that roll in their lives, she takes out her dominance over my sibling and I via her parent role, and terrorizes us.
She got really into upgrading to HD a few years back and started renting to own two Big Screen DLP HD tvs around that time. We have HD Cable and all that noise.
I start noticing bills coming to the house IN MY NAME, my mother has notoriously bad credit and all the bills coming are screaming LATE NOTICE LATE NOTICE. I mention these to her, and she becomes very very VERY angry with me and just starts going ape shit, breaking things of mine hitting me, ect, saying I have no right to be angry.
To date I have discovered the water bill, the gas bill, the cable/phone/internet bill, and the electric bill are in my name, and I have accrued a large debt with all of these companies. My mom when confronted again has the same reaction.
Recently I've been begging my mom to take me out to buy some concert tickets (I'm talking asking every day for the last two months) and the show isn't for another month, but it just sold out, I mention this to her in a calm manner. She starts threatening and attacking ect ect, and I pushed back. Not threw a punch or anything, but pushed her off of me. She then took my Bass (Fender) and smashed it off of my concrete floor, shattering the finish on the body, the pickguard, and dislocating the things that keep the strings at the correct height. Then she tosses it aside and grabs my shitty generic acoustic guitar and smashes it into the bigger of the two DLPHDTV's screen. The TV survived the ordeal with just a large guitar body shaped scar in it's screen, the guitar exploded in wood everywhere and then she proceeded to hit me with the remains till all was left was a neck with strings dangling from it.
So on top of that, the people who she rents the TVs from, have been to the house almost every day looking for her, and the money she owes them for the last 3 months. Late bill notices in MY name from other companies keep coming up,
and my mom's boyfriend has just robbed her of 1200 worth of income.
I want to get out of the house. I have a friend I can stay with and all that, but if I'm not staying here I really want to do something about all those bills in my name I never approved. The issue here being that with my mom's income coming via completely illegal means anyways, turning her in for multiple identity theft scenario's if she was investigated might lead to her getting arrested for several things at once.
I have a 7 year old sister in all of this. Who still lives with my mom also, my mom also hits and goes apeshit on her, but to a much more reasonable "spanking" sort of situation with her, rather than the all out beatings, but regardless it sometimes feels to me that my little sister doesn't need to be in a household where one woman's fights with her boyfriend lead her to degrade her small child rather than deal with the issue. But I certainly don't want to see my sister end up in Foster Care, cause honestly her home life isn't that bad.
What do I do here, and how do I do it? I feel like I have taken all I can take of this.
I should preface that my mother's income comes from an unconventional means in which I can't get into details about on the forum, but she's in buyings and sellings, retail if you will. She tried to get a legitimate job in addition to this, but couldn't deal with answering to anyone.
I should also mention that my mother and her boyfriend's relationship is disgusting. He "owns" her. It's a heavily Fetish oriented relationship, and the dom/sub attitudes very much so leave the bedroom, which sucks because when my mother doesn't want to be fulfilling that roll in their lives, she takes out her dominance over my sibling and I via her parent role, and terrorizes us.
She got really into upgrading to HD a few years back and started renting to own two Big Screen DLP HD tvs around that time. We have HD Cable and all that noise.
I start noticing bills coming to the house IN MY NAME, my mother has notoriously bad credit and all the bills coming are screaming LATE NOTICE LATE NOTICE. I mention these to her, and she becomes very very VERY angry with me and just starts going ape shit, breaking things of mine hitting me, ect, saying I have no right to be angry.
To date I have discovered the water bill, the gas bill, the cable/phone/internet bill, and the electric bill are in my name, and I have accrued a large debt with all of these companies. My mom when confronted again has the same reaction.
Recently I've been begging my mom to take me out to buy some concert tickets (I'm talking asking every day for the last two months) and the show isn't for another month, but it just sold out, I mention this to her in a calm manner. She starts threatening and attacking ect ect, and I pushed back. Not threw a punch or anything, but pushed her off of me. She then took my Bass (Fender) and smashed it off of my concrete floor, shattering the finish on the body, the pickguard, and dislocating the things that keep the strings at the correct height. Then she tosses it aside and grabs my shitty generic acoustic guitar and smashes it into the bigger of the two DLPHDTV's screen. The TV survived the ordeal with just a large guitar body shaped scar in it's screen, the guitar exploded in wood everywhere and then she proceeded to hit me with the remains till all was left was a neck with strings dangling from it.
So on top of that, the people who she rents the TVs from, have been to the house almost every day looking for her, and the money she owes them for the last 3 months. Late bill notices in MY name from other companies keep coming up,
and my mom's boyfriend has just robbed her of 1200 worth of income.
I want to get out of the house. I have a friend I can stay with and all that, but if I'm not staying here I really want to do something about all those bills in my name I never approved. The issue here being that with my mom's income coming via completely illegal means anyways, turning her in for multiple identity theft scenario's if she was investigated might lead to her getting arrested for several things at once.
I have a 7 year old sister in all of this. Who still lives with my mom also, my mom also hits and goes apeshit on her, but to a much more reasonable "spanking" sort of situation with her, rather than the all out beatings, but regardless it sometimes feels to me that my little sister doesn't need to be in a household where one woman's fights with her boyfriend lead her to degrade her small child rather than deal with the issue. But I certainly don't want to see my sister end up in Foster Care, cause honestly her home life isn't that bad.
What do I do here, and how do I do it? I feel like I have taken all I can take of this.
Your sig is too tall. -Thanatos
MC Mystery on
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Well, I was going to write out a few separate answers, but I think it's going to be the same for everything - you need to get the authorities involved NOW. Especially before she manages to trash your credit score any further, and before she does something worse than hitting you with a broken guitar.
Unfortunately, as you say, it sounds (going by what you have said), that she is committing fraud, assault/abuse, and whatever her shady work involves, among other things....You probably don't have a choice as far as making her face the consequences in the process of stabilizing your life.
Compared to what your mom is doing to you, yes, it could be a lot worse. Compared to a "normal" child's home life, this situation is awful, and I don't think it could exactly be called healthy by any stretch. I don't know if there would be other options besides foster care, but again, this is something you really need outside help to deal with.
Again, please, please, please get outside people with legal authority involved right away - hopefully someone with a bit more local knowledge can chime in with exactly who to call, my first instinct would be the nearest police department or your city/state's social services people. If not for your sake, then for your sister's, as things will undoubtedly only get worse for her as she gets older.
EDIT: This list may have some helpful links - http://pittsburgh.about.com/cs/socialservices/
The foster care system sucks ass, but with you keeping an eye on her, would most likely be a substantial improvement over your sister's current situation. Do you have family in the area willing to take in you and your sister? That would be the best way to handle things.
As far as your credit goes, grab your credit reports and take a look at them to start. You can put a fraud alert on them.
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Now.
Take your sister, before she is too seriously damaged. Emotional abuse can be much worse than physical abuse, the damage takes longer to heal, and sometimes never does. I'm a foster carer, have fostered 13 children in the last 10 years, its always the emotionally damaged children that are the hardest to reach. I don't know what foster care is like in the USA, but it has to be better than your home situation, which sounds terrible, even if you exclude the debt stuff. you owe it to yourself to be safe, you don't deserve to be abused. I know she's your mum, but she's abusing you dreadfully, you deserve better. If you lived in the UK, I'd pm you my address. Please get out of that house. Even if your sister ends up in foster care, you will be able to see her, to make sure she is ok, then when things are stable for you, she will be able to visit/stay with you.
For paintings in progress, check out canvas and paints
"The power of the weirdness compels me."
And like Tube says, even though she's your mother, you need to call the cops.
Yeah, unfortunately I think you have to press charges against someone in order to get it taken off your card, otherwise the company just believes that you let them do it or are just trying to get out of money.
And Mystery, you shouldn't feel bad about calling the cops on your mom. First of all, she's done a lot of shit to fuck you over. Second, you're not bringhing about the trouble she's going to be in; you're just hastening the inevitable. Eventually, she'll run your credit into the ground, run into the same problem, and either get caught, or be forced to steal someone else's identity, which will inevitably lead to her getting caught; doing it now will just be far, far better for you, your sister, and your mother, since she'll only have charges pressed for the shit she's done up until now.
and never, ever go back into that house.
Your mother is committing fraud, identity theft, and is basically trying to ruin your life.
Leave, and never go back. The next time you should see her is when you are testifying against her. At this point she is your mother by blood only. If she really was a mother, this would not have happened.
Thanatos is right. Your mother is quickly spiraling down towards a very inevitable outcome. And at this rate she is going to take you and your sister with you. If you intervene now you have the very best chance to get them both the help they need. Your mother needs consequence, and your sister needs stability.
No. That *IS* that bad. That is absolutely unacceptable. I'm not going to pretend I know exactly what you've been through, but I believe I've been in a similar situation and I know how easy it can be to rationalize what's going on. But you cannot any longer. What's happening cannot, at all, under any circumstances continue. It's not okay and you need to do something NOW. You, your sister, and your mother will ultimately benefit.
I'm going to get a credit report before I contact any authorities, and if the damage isn't -too- severe and she's willing to cancel the accounts (and actually pay them to cancel them) then I'm not going to contact any authorities as I move out.
Also it's been implied by a poster that my mom's boyfriend is also abusive towards us, and that's not the case, we rarely have to interact with him, and when we do, he's very very nice to us. It's just my mom, and her retarded way of handling her emotions, and her finances.
Still though, I'm not sure how to get a credit report, or who to contact, cause obviously if I do press charges I wouldn't call the emergency line, does anyone know what I should google?
Your mother committed fraud by using your name, even worse that you were probably a minor at the time she did it. she stole your identity, and she used it to get accounts that she has no intention of paying. If she did have the intention of paying she would have put them in her own name because there wouldn't have been a problem. She is using you.
Also, I can promise you that your credit score will be severely damaged by all this, especially if it's multiple bills all not being paid for months at the same time.
you NEED to go to the authorities. What you mother did is hugely illegal.
Also, your OP makes it sound VERY serious. Any one of the incidents alone is ridiculous. I mean, seriously -- Using your son's credit to get stuff? "Unconventional, illegal" income? Boyfriend "robbing" her of money? Smashing your guitars against the TV she can't even pay for, and then hitting her son with the remaining shrapnel? Over concert tickets!? This isn't remotely a good parental figure, nor a good environment.
You can try to rationalize that she treats your sister better, but that doesn't change the fact that your sister is being exposed to this fucked up situation. Your sister sees your mom when she's hitting you with your own goddamn guitar.
I still say you need to get the police involved. At the very, VERY least, if you get out and leave your sister behind, keep in constant contact with her. But as others pointed out, I wouldn't be surprised if her aggression turns toward your sister, and emotional abuse is often worse than physical.
Also, if you get the police involved, even just for the credit stuff, it's likely to snowball into her getting busted for all of her other "illegal" activities. I would say this is a Good Thing, but you should be aware of it.
see if you can move in with the friend. see if you can take your sister, even if only on weekends, get her out as much as you can
you working? p/t job can help keep you out of the house if you aren't up to moving out, and if you do move out it'll help you pay for groceries etc. for the friends house you'd be staying at
but seriously, contact child services
I know it sounds like an awful course of action but unfortunately this is the only way you can hope to get out of this without your (and your sister's) life being utterly ruined.
Also, I'm not sure who you have to call in the states to report an identity theft but you should have done that the minute you realized she was racking up bills in your name. Gather up every bill with your name on it and contact the relevant parties as soon as possible.
It is a bitch and a half to fix identity theft (credit agencies and creditors do not want to work with you), but its even harder without the police involved. You have to do this, or you're going to fuck yourself over big time.
https://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561197970666737/
You're going to have to go to the police man and have words.
Satans..... hints.....
I don't currently have a job, but I'm planning on getting one, I've been trying to for a while. I plan on getting one, and paying off and subsequently canceling the internet/phone/cable. As I actually use that, and I'll just have the account transfered when I move. In June I'll be getting a pretty sizeable check from my grandmother's will (She was the woman who raised me till I was 14, at which time she died and I was transferred to my mother) and she left me a sizeable chunk of change for college. I'm going to use it for college, and to get a car for myself, by that time I should have my own apartment. I've decided for now I'm going to avoid fucking up my mom's interests, but once I'm on my own, if I find anything building up in my name, her ass is going to jail, but only if I'm in a financial situation where I'd be allowed to take custody of my sister.
Her and my mother have a VERY different relationship than my mother and I do. My mom is very traditional mother towards my sister, whereas with me, she kind of treats like I was dumped on her, which I kind of am, but I don't hold that against my sister at all, whom I love very much, and refuse to endanger her safety, so it all comes down to if I can guarantee she'll end up somewhere safe, then I'll do it.
The big issue for me is my family WILL NOT take my sister. I am white, my sister is black (technically half white and half black obviously) and my family are the types of people who consider themselves not racist, but wouldn't take a black kid into their home. Friends of my mothers would DEFINITELY take my sister, the problem is, is that they'd definitely be in support of my decision to take legal action against my mother, if she was any other person, but obviously they're her friends, so a big worry to me would be that I wouldn't be allowed to see my sister, even though she'd be safe and taken care of.
This is why she commited identity fraud. She continually failed to pay bills on time and it fucked up her credit, so she nicked your identity and proceeded to shit all over it.
Paying off the bills will not magically fix this, going to the police wont magically fix it, but it will eventually fix it.
It's a really shitty situation yes. The really important thing to remember here is that it is not your fault and you have every right to a good credit rating.
Also
You made a mistake I'm pretty sure you meant to say they don't consider themselves racist, but are.
Satans..... hints.....
does that mean she has been for others? even if she wasn't in the room, she will still have heard what was happening, and that can be as scary as seeing what's happening.
seriously, do you think your mother will let you keep it?
almost anywhere would be safer than where she is now. if only you leave, your mum will use your sister as a punchbag instead of you. please get social services involved, now, neither of you are safe.
if i found out this was how my friend was behaving towards her children, i would want to take both children, and never have anything to do with her again. mothers are supposed to look after, care for and protect their children, not abuse them the way your mother is abusing both of you. i've seen families who only abuse 1 child, when that child was removed, they started on the next child.
please do something to protect you AND you sister, and do it now, don't wait til something worse happens.
For paintings in progress, check out canvas and paints
"The power of the weirdness compels me."
How so? Let her keep piling up debt on your tab? If the answer is yes, you're only letting herself fuck everything up further for everyone. If the answer is no, you're going to have to stop avoiding a financial showdown with her. As everyone's said, contact the police and maybe they can recommend a low-cost financial planner or a lawyer who'll be able to help you sort out all this shit.
No. No no no. This is not okay. You cannot rationalize this part any more. A lack of reaction on your sister's part is actually pretty goddamn worrying--either she thinks you're the only punching bag in the house and so she's invincible, which is horribly unhealthy in ways I shouldn't have to explain, or - more likely, I think - she's being careful not to react and potentially set your mom off, because she's seen what she's done to you and is scared shitless it'll come down on her one of these days. Some parents do abuse only one child, beating or making him or her dig through trash for food while the other kids are openly loved and well cared for, and some are just waiting to expand their focus once the easiest target gets the hell out of the way.
Also,
My opinion here: Neither of these are acceptable options unless you believe your sister to be in immediate danger. Yes, foster care in this country blows donkey balls, but do you want to beg and scrape to get her into an environment where her melanin content precludes her basic rights, or where friendship clouds someone's judgment to the point of blaming you for finally taking action?
Again, all my two cents. I can't even imagine what this is like for you.
These are all very bad things. And not just bad to her: they're destroying you, whether you realize it at the moment or not. You need to clear your good name, and getting the authorities involved will be the only way to do so. I'm very sad that it's come to that, and I can't begin to imagine how hard such a thing would be... but look at everything you posted here. She doesn't care if she destroys you with her behavior... and if you let it continue, she will.
There are three credit reporting agencies in the US - and each offers one free redit report a year that they'll mail you. Usually you have to order that one by phone, mail, or in person. You can get an immediate free one online, but you'll have to pay a small fee for that.
Basically you look all the items over, and anything that's not true or you disagree with, you dispute with the agency that gave you that particular report. You do this for every item.
You can also put file a fraud alert with each, which you should do.
When you dispute the item successfully, it gets removed from the report and your "score" would be adjusted accordingly.
If for some reason, they weren't willing to take something off, you'd sue them to do it.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Credit_report --> has links to all 3 credit bureaus and lots of other good information
No. No no no no no no no.
Do not take any responsibility for these things at all. Once you take responsibility for even a single account your mother opened without your consent you're going to be fucked very hard for a very long time. If you cloud the issue that these things were done without your consent it will not end well for you.
Jesus CHRIST don't TOUCH those accounts your Mom made. Turn her in, don't accept responsibility for her horrible actions. Listen to DevoutlyApathetic, his advice is true. DO NOT ATTEMPT to resolve those accounts or have any association with them yourself. DO NOT.