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Identity Theft, Credit Score, Parents, Physical Damages

MC MysteryMC Mystery Registered User regular
edited April 2008 in Help / Advice Forum
I'm 18, and still live at home. In the past year or so my mother's boyfriend has just started stealing from her all the time, and she's always giving him handouts, and our family has kind of been in an eternal state of financial turmoil.

I should preface that my mother's income comes from an unconventional means in which I can't get into details about on the forum, but she's in buyings and sellings, retail if you will. She tried to get a legitimate job in addition to this, but couldn't deal with answering to anyone.

I should also mention that my mother and her boyfriend's relationship is disgusting. He "owns" her. It's a heavily Fetish oriented relationship, and the dom/sub attitudes very much so leave the bedroom, which sucks because when my mother doesn't want to be fulfilling that roll in their lives, she takes out her dominance over my sibling and I via her parent role, and terrorizes us.

She got really into upgrading to HD a few years back and started renting to own two Big Screen DLP HD tvs around that time. We have HD Cable and all that noise.

I start noticing bills coming to the house IN MY NAME, my mother has notoriously bad credit and all the bills coming are screaming LATE NOTICE LATE NOTICE. I mention these to her, and she becomes very very VERY angry with me and just starts going ape shit, breaking things of mine hitting me, ect, saying I have no right to be angry.

To date I have discovered the water bill, the gas bill, the cable/phone/internet bill, and the electric bill are in my name, and I have accrued a large debt with all of these companies. My mom when confronted again has the same reaction.

Recently I've been begging my mom to take me out to buy some concert tickets (I'm talking asking every day for the last two months) and the show isn't for another month, but it just sold out, I mention this to her in a calm manner. She starts threatening and attacking ect ect, and I pushed back. Not threw a punch or anything, but pushed her off of me. She then took my Bass (Fender) and smashed it off of my concrete floor, shattering the finish on the body, the pickguard, and dislocating the things that keep the strings at the correct height. Then she tosses it aside and grabs my shitty generic acoustic guitar and smashes it into the bigger of the two DLPHDTV's screen. The TV survived the ordeal with just a large guitar body shaped scar in it's screen, the guitar exploded in wood everywhere and then she proceeded to hit me with the remains till all was left was a neck with strings dangling from it.

So on top of that, the people who she rents the TVs from, have been to the house almost every day looking for her, and the money she owes them for the last 3 months. Late bill notices in MY name from other companies keep coming up,

and my mom's boyfriend has just robbed her of 1200 worth of income.

I want to get out of the house. I have a friend I can stay with and all that, but if I'm not staying here I really want to do something about all those bills in my name I never approved. The issue here being that with my mom's income coming via completely illegal means anyways, turning her in for multiple identity theft scenario's if she was investigated might lead to her getting arrested for several things at once.

I have a 7 year old sister in all of this. Who still lives with my mom also, my mom also hits and goes apeshit on her, but to a much more reasonable "spanking" sort of situation with her, rather than the all out beatings, but regardless it sometimes feels to me that my little sister doesn't need to be in a household where one woman's fights with her boyfriend lead her to degrade her small child rather than deal with the issue. But I certainly don't want to see my sister end up in Foster Care, cause honestly her home life isn't that bad.

What do I do here, and how do I do it? I feel like I have taken all I can take of this.

Your sig is too tall. -Thanatos
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MC Mystery on
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Posts

  • DeathwingDeathwing Registered User regular
    edited April 2008
    I want to get out of the house. I have a friend I can stay with and all that, but if I'm not staying here I really want to do something about all those bills in my name I never approved. The issue here being that with my mom's income coming via completely illegal means anyways, turning her in for multiple identity theft scenario's if she was investigated might lead to her getting arrested for several things at once.

    Well, I was going to write out a few separate answers, but I think it's going to be the same for everything - you need to get the authorities involved NOW. Especially before she manages to trash your credit score any further, and before she does something worse than hitting you with a broken guitar.

    Unfortunately, as you say, it sounds (going by what you have said), that she is committing fraud, assault/abuse, and whatever her shady work involves, among other things....You probably don't have a choice as far as making her face the consequences in the process of stabilizing your life.
    But I certainly don't want to see my sister end up in Foster Care, cause honestly her home life isn't that bad.

    Compared to what your mom is doing to you, yes, it could be a lot worse. Compared to a "normal" child's home life, this situation is awful, and I don't think it could exactly be called healthy by any stretch. I don't know if there would be other options besides foster care, but again, this is something you really need outside help to deal with.
    What do I do here, and how do I do it? I feel like I have taken all I can take of this.

    Again, please, please, please get outside people with legal authority involved right away - hopefully someone with a bit more local knowledge can chime in with exactly who to call, my first instinct would be the nearest police department or your city/state's social services people. If not for your sake, then for your sister's, as things will undoubtedly only get worse for her as she gets older.

    EDIT: This list may have some helpful links - http://pittsburgh.about.com/cs/socialservices/

    Deathwing on
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  • ThanatosThanatos Registered User regular
    edited April 2008
    You need to get out of that situation. When you get out of that situation, your mother and her boyfriend are going to shift everything they normally take out on you to your sister, so her home life is going to get way, way worse. And you're going to have to call the police in order to get your credit back in line, which you need to do. Family or not, your mother is stealing from you, and assaulting you. Have you graduated from high school? Where is your father?

    The foster care system sucks ass, but with you keeping an eye on her, would most likely be a substantial improvement over your sister's current situation. Do you have family in the area willing to take in you and your sister? That would be the best way to handle things.

    Thanatos on
  • CauldCauld Registered User regular
    edited April 2008
    I'm not cettain of anything, but if you're 18 maybe you could adopt your sister?

    Cauld on
  • ThanatosThanatos Registered User regular
    edited April 2008
    Cauld wrote: »
    I'm not cettain of anything, but if you're 18 maybe you could adopt your sister?
    Legally speaking, possible, but not likely unless you can show you've got a financially/socially stable life that you can maintain and afford with her there.

    Thanatos on
  • HerschelHerschel Registered User regular
    edited April 2008
    Yes, you absolutely need to get the fuck out. The police *need* to be involved at this point. If it weren't for your little sister, I'd say leave right this moment and find a friend to crash with. But your little sister is stuck in there, too, and that makes it even worse. If you have any sane family, seek them out ASAP.

    As far as your credit goes, grab your credit reports and take a look at them to start. You can put a fraud alert on them.

    Herschel on
  • DaedalusDaedalus Registered User regular
    edited April 2008
    Your mother's self-destructive bullshit is going to take you down with her if you don't get the fuck out now.

    Daedalus on
  • mastmanmastman Registered User regular
    edited April 2008
    I think the only people who can clear your name are people of authority and things will get very dicey for your mother. This is not at all a good environment for your sister. You need to contact social services first of all. They will have a lawyer on hand who can flesh out what's best for you and your sister.

    mastman on
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  • ThanatosThanatos Registered User regular
    edited April 2008
    mastman wrote: »
    I think the only people who can clear your name are people of authority and things will get very dicey for your mother. This is not at all a good environment for your sister. You need to contact social services first of all. They will have a lawyer on hand who can flesh out what's best for you and your sister.
    I would normally say contact social services first too, but you're going to have to get in touch with the cops eventually, anyhow, to clear up the identity theft bullshit, because various agencies are going to press charges against her.

    Thanatos on
  • LewieP's MummyLewieP's Mummy Registered User regular
    edited April 2008
    Leave.

    Now.

    Take your sister, before she is too seriously damaged. Emotional abuse can be much worse than physical abuse, the damage takes longer to heal, and sometimes never does. I'm a foster carer, have fostered 13 children in the last 10 years, its always the emotionally damaged children that are the hardest to reach. I don't know what foster care is like in the USA, but it has to be better than your home situation, which sounds terrible, even if you exclude the debt stuff. you owe it to yourself to be safe, you don't deserve to be abused. I know she's your mum, but she's abusing you dreadfully, you deserve better. If you lived in the UK, I'd pm you my address. Please get out of that house. Even if your sister ends up in foster care, you will be able to see her, to make sure she is ok, then when things are stable for you, she will be able to visit/stay with you.

    LewieP's Mummy on
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  • TubeTube Registered User admin
    edited April 2008
    Call the police. Don't worry about your mother getting in trouble for doing a shitload of illegal things. She fucking deserves it.

    Tube on
  • ThanatosThanatos Registered User regular
    edited April 2008
    Leave.

    Now.

    Take your sister, before she is too seriously damaged. Emotional abuse can be much worse than physical abuse, the damage takes longer to heal, and sometimes never does. I'm a foster carer, have fostered 13 children in the last 10 years, its always the emotionally damaged children that are the hardest to reach. I don't know what foster care is like in the USA, but it has to be better than your home situation, which sounds terrible, even if you exclude the debt stuff. you owe it to yourself to be safe, you don't deserve to be abused. I know she's your mum, but she's abusing you dreadfully, you deserve better. If you lived in the UK, I'd pm you my address. Please get out of that house. Even if your sister ends up in foster care, you will be able to see her, to make sure she is ok, then when things are stable for you, she will be able to visit/stay with you.
    The foster care system in the U.S. sucks, an awful lot. However, with an older brother keeping an eye on her, the OP's sister's situation will almost certainly improve by getting the fuck out of there.

    And like Tube says, even though she's your mother, you need to call the cops.

    Thanatos on
  • honkymcgoohonkymcgoo Registered User regular
    edited April 2008
    I dont know how close you are with the family of the friend who you say you could stay with, but Ive seen a few cases here locally similar to yours where the court allowed the older sibling to take custody of the younger on the condition that the people they were staying with would support and help take care of the child until the older sibling was able to do it on their own. Do you have any relatives? A grandmother or uncles aunts etc? Also your mom will probably be better off getting in trouble now before she makes things worse. At the rate shes racking up charges now I can only see more things getting thrown into the mix, and if youre worried about making it worse for her you can always not press assault charges, and if you make a statement that your sister was never beaten just spanked, they will probably drop the child abuse charges down to child neglect or hostile environment or something not quite as bad. Also, if your mother gets arrested now many many states have defferment programs for identity theft and money related crimes. Your mother would have to do a rehab sort of thing, possibly get work release from prison( she has to sleep there but can leave to go to work) and will have a decent probation period. Normally if all the conditions are met, then the persons record is sealed or expunged and theyre given a second chance at life now that theyve gotten some help. It would also be good for your mom to get away from this boyfriend it sounds.

    honkymcgoo on
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  • Iceman.USAFIceman.USAF Major East CoastRegistered User regular
    edited April 2008
    Being that you're 18, I assume those bills were in your name when you were 17, or right when you turned 18. You need to A) Call the police, explain things (or better yet, take your sister and go down there) and B) Contact all those companies which are billing "you" and cancel everything immediately. Get a credit report and close down everything you find. You may need to press fraud charges against your mother.

    Iceman.USAF on
  • honkymcgoohonkymcgoo Registered User regular
    edited April 2008
    Being that you're 18, I assume those bills were in your name when you were 17, or right when you turned 18. You need to A) Call the police, explain things (or better yet, take your sister and go down there) and B) Contact all those companies which are billing "you" and cancel everything immediately. Get a credit report and close down everything you find. You may need to press fraud charges against your mother.

    Yeah, unfortunately I think you have to press charges against someone in order to get it taken off your card, otherwise the company just believes that you let them do it or are just trying to get out of money.

    honkymcgoo on
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  • ThanatosThanatos Registered User regular
    edited April 2008
    honkymcgoo wrote: »
    Being that you're 18, I assume those bills were in your name when you were 17, or right when you turned 18. You need to A) Call the police, explain things (or better yet, take your sister and go down there) and B) Contact all those companies which are billing "you" and cancel everything immediately. Get a credit report and close down everything you find. You may need to press fraud charges against your mother.
    Yeah, unfortunately I think you have to press charges against someone in order to get it taken off your card, otherwise the company just believes that you let them do it or are just trying to get out of money.
    Yup.

    And Mystery, you shouldn't feel bad about calling the cops on your mom. First of all, she's done a lot of shit to fuck you over. Second, you're not bringhing about the trouble she's going to be in; you're just hastening the inevitable. Eventually, she'll run your credit into the ground, run into the same problem, and either get caught, or be forced to steal someone else's identity, which will inevitably lead to her getting caught; doing it now will just be far, far better for you, your sister, and your mother, since she'll only have charges pressed for the shit she's done up until now.

    Thanatos on
  • Nova_CNova_C I have the need The need for speedRegistered User regular
    edited April 2008
    Not to mention that it can take years...years to recover from bad credit. The simple truth is, if you don't get the authorities involved, you won't be able to get a car loan, or mortgage, or probably even a credit card or credit line. What your mom has done is sacrifice your financial future for no good reason. I can understand not wanting to get your mom in trouble, but she's put you in an incredibly dangerous position.

    Nova_C on
  • wunderbarwunderbar What Have I Done? Registered User regular
    edited April 2008
    pack a bag, go to the police station, tell them everything.

    and never, ever go back into that house.

    Your mother is committing fraud, identity theft, and is basically trying to ruin your life.

    Leave, and never go back. The next time you should see her is when you are testifying against her. At this point she is your mother by blood only. If she really was a mother, this would not have happened.

    wunderbar on
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  • honkymcgoohonkymcgoo Registered User regular
    edited April 2008
    What state do you live in? And again, its hard to do things that negatively impact family, but it really will be good for her in the long run. She has to learn that you cant just go through life breaking the law and fucking people over, and like I said earlier odds are she can get some decent rehab and counseling.

    honkymcgoo on
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  • Farout FoolioFarout Foolio Registered User regular
    edited April 2008
    Mystery, I know what an immensely difficult decision you're facing. Despite what she's done, she's your mother. But this has to stop.
    Thanatos is right. Your mother is quickly spiraling down towards a very inevitable outcome. And at this rate she is going to take you and your sister with you. If you intervene now you have the very best chance to get them both the help they need. Your mother needs consequence, and your sister needs stability.
    I have a 7 year old sister in all of this. Who still lives with my mom also, my mom also hits and goes apeshit on her, but to a much more reasonable "spanking" sort of situation with her, rather than the all out beatings, but regardless it sometimes feels to me that my little sister doesn't need to be in a household where one woman's fights with her boyfriend lead her to degrade her small child rather than deal with the issue. But I certainly don't want to see my sister end up in Foster Care, cause honestly her home life isn't that bad.

    No. That *IS* that bad. That is absolutely unacceptable. I'm not going to pretend I know exactly what you've been through, but I believe I've been in a similar situation and I know how easy it can be to rationalize what's going on. But you cannot any longer. What's happening cannot, at all, under any circumstances continue. It's not okay and you need to do something NOW. You, your sister, and your mother will ultimately benefit.

    Farout Foolio on
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  • KyanilisKyanilis Bellevue, WARegistered User regular
    edited April 2008
    The advice in this thread is sound. She's ruining YOUR life. Yes she is your mother and I understand that that brings in some moral issues, but she has extreme anger issues (I don't care who you are, you shouldn't go around beating anyone). And the identity theft thing, credit is something that will affect you forever, don't take it lightly at all. Get -everything- taken care of. Yes, your mother is in for some even harder times, but don't go down with her. Go to the police, and never go back. If she really cared about you in the slightest she wouldn't be pulling any of this. You've gotta start accepting that mentality as it's going to be a long road and you're really gonna have to be against her in order to get your life in order.

    Kyanilis on
  • MC MysteryMC Mystery Registered User regular
    edited April 2008
    Basically all the responses in this thread are pretty golden, but I feel like I made the situation with mother/sister sound way too serious. 99% of the time my mom is generic super awesome mom with my sister (and to lesser percentage, me as well) but when things are really bad, what would normally be something my sister did that would result in getting yelled at, would turn into getting spanked, but not like a beating, the sort of one light hit or whatever, which rarely gets the point across cause my sister doesn't even react to most of the time.

    I'm going to get a credit report before I contact any authorities, and if the damage isn't -too- severe and she's willing to cancel the accounts (and actually pay them to cancel them) then I'm not going to contact any authorities as I move out.

    Also it's been implied by a poster that my mom's boyfriend is also abusive towards us, and that's not the case, we rarely have to interact with him, and when we do, he's very very nice to us. It's just my mom, and her retarded way of handling her emotions, and her finances.

    Still though, I'm not sure how to get a credit report, or who to contact, cause obviously if I do press charges I wouldn't call the emergency line, does anyone know what I should google?

    MC Mystery on
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  • wunderbarwunderbar What Have I Done? Registered User regular
    edited April 2008
    NO

    Your mother committed fraud by using your name, even worse that you were probably a minor at the time she did it. she stole your identity, and she used it to get accounts that she has no intention of paying. If she did have the intention of paying she would have put them in her own name because there wouldn't have been a problem. She is using you.

    Also, I can promise you that your credit score will be severely damaged by all this, especially if it's multiple bills all not being paid for months at the same time.

    you NEED to go to the authorities. What you mother did is hugely illegal.

    wunderbar on
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  • HerschelHerschel Registered User regular
    edited April 2008
    Someone with better knowledge of credit stuffs could tell you more, but you can grab your credit reports free at http://www.annualcreditreport.com.

    Also, your OP makes it sound VERY serious. Any one of the incidents alone is ridiculous. I mean, seriously -- Using your son's credit to get stuff? "Unconventional, illegal" income? Boyfriend "robbing" her of money? Smashing your guitars against the TV she can't even pay for, and then hitting her son with the remaining shrapnel? Over concert tickets!? This isn't remotely a good parental figure, nor a good environment.

    You can try to rationalize that she treats your sister better, but that doesn't change the fact that your sister is being exposed to this fucked up situation. Your sister sees your mom when she's hitting you with your own goddamn guitar.

    I still say you need to get the police involved. At the very, VERY least, if you get out and leave your sister behind, keep in constant contact with her. But as others pointed out, I wouldn't be surprised if her aggression turns toward your sister, and emotional abuse is often worse than physical.

    Also, if you get the police involved, even just for the credit stuff, it's likely to snowball into her getting busted for all of her other "illegal" activities. I would say this is a Good Thing, but you should be aware of it.

    Herschel on
  • ihmmyihmmy Registered User regular
    edited April 2008
    contact child services
    see if you can move in with the friend. see if you can take your sister, even if only on weekends, get her out as much as you can
    you working? p/t job can help keep you out of the house if you aren't up to moving out, and if you do move out it'll help you pay for groceries etc. for the friends house you'd be staying at
    but seriously, contact child services

    ihmmy on
  • Bliss 101Bliss 101 Registered User regular
    edited April 2008
    I agree with everyone else here. You're the one with the power to stop this. Do it, not only for your sake, but for your sister and your mum. She just might end up thanking you some day. She doesn't sound like a happy woman.

    Bliss 101 on
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  • CrashtardCrashtard Registered User regular
    edited April 2008
    One thing to remember is that if she stole your identity, even if you get it cleared up without the authorities, she will probably do it to your sister too.

    Crashtard on
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  • AzioAzio Registered User regular
    edited April 2008
    Your mom is breaking about a dozen laws, fraud, child abuse, identity theft, something else you haven't mentioned (I'm guessing it's either petty theft or drugs). You should probably call the cops and get her into a situation where she is forced to submit to consequences, then she may learn and decide to fix her fucked up life. Otherwise, she will just keep doing the same illegal things and justifying them to herself, all the while becoming more delusional and crazy, until one day it all catches up with her and she ends up even more fucking screwed than she will be if you just turn her over right now.

    I know it sounds like an awful course of action but unfortunately this is the only way you can hope to get out of this without your (and your sister's) life being utterly ruined.

    Also, I'm not sure who you have to call in the states to report an identity theft but you should have done that the minute you realized she was racking up bills in your name. Gather up every bill with your name on it and contact the relevant parties as soon as possible.

    Azio on
  • honkymcgoohonkymcgoo Registered User regular
    edited April 2008
    I know youre reluctant to turn your mom in, but the sooner the better. Especially if she will admit to things when questioned. The best thing to do in any situation is turn yourself in and just own up to it all, then they at least think you have a chance of being rehabilitated. Also if you can convince your mom to turn herself in for the fraud and whatever shes doing for income( I doubt you can) then her chances of getting off light go way way up, and she may even be able to completely avoid the child charges. The biggest issue is that if she lets it keep going theyll throw a bunch of federal tax evasion type charges in there, all kinds of really nasty stuff. My point is, the sooner you get this over with the better, and ideally you would get your mom to turn herself in.

    honkymcgoo on
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  • ShadowfireShadowfire Vermont, in the middle of nowhereRegistered User regular
    edited April 2008
    MC Mystery wrote: »
    I'm going to get a credit report before I contact any authorities, and if the damage isn't -too- severe and she's willing to cancel the accounts (and actually pay them to cancel them) then I'm not going to contact any authorities as I move out.

    It is a bitch and a half to fix identity theft (credit agencies and creditors do not want to work with you), but its even harder without the police involved. You have to do this, or you're going to fuck yourself over big time.

    Shadowfire on
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  • Blake TBlake T Do you have enemies then? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.Registered User regular
    edited April 2008
    Regardless even if she pays everything off right now. (And if she does have enough money to do so, why hasn't she) You will still be stuck with shitty credit.

    You're going to have to go to the police man and have words.

    Blake T on
  • MC MysteryMC Mystery Registered User regular
    edited April 2008
    Its not that she's NOT paying the bills, it's that she's not paying the bills on time. Also my sister wasn't home during her most recent rampage.

    I don't currently have a job, but I'm planning on getting one, I've been trying to for a while. I plan on getting one, and paying off and subsequently canceling the internet/phone/cable. As I actually use that, and I'll just have the account transfered when I move. In June I'll be getting a pretty sizeable check from my grandmother's will (She was the woman who raised me till I was 14, at which time she died and I was transferred to my mother) and she left me a sizeable chunk of change for college. I'm going to use it for college, and to get a car for myself, by that time I should have my own apartment. I've decided for now I'm going to avoid fucking up my mom's interests, but once I'm on my own, if I find anything building up in my name, her ass is going to jail, but only if I'm in a financial situation where I'd be allowed to take custody of my sister.

    Her and my mother have a VERY different relationship than my mother and I do. My mom is very traditional mother towards my sister, whereas with me, she kind of treats like I was dumped on her, which I kind of am, but I don't hold that against my sister at all, whom I love very much, and refuse to endanger her safety, so it all comes down to if I can guarantee she'll end up somewhere safe, then I'll do it.

    The big issue for me is my family WILL NOT take my sister. I am white, my sister is black (technically half white and half black obviously) and my family are the types of people who consider themselves not racist, but wouldn't take a black kid into their home. Friends of my mothers would DEFINITELY take my sister, the problem is, is that they'd definitely be in support of my decision to take legal action against my mother, if she was any other person, but obviously they're her friends, so a big worry to me would be that I wouldn't be allowed to see my sister, even though she'd be safe and taken care of.

    MC Mystery on
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  • Blake TBlake T Do you have enemies then? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.Registered User regular
    edited April 2008
    Like I said, even if someone pays off those bills right now it wont make any difference. Not paying bills on time equates to building bad credit.

    This is why she commited identity fraud. She continually failed to pay bills on time and it fucked up her credit, so she nicked your identity and proceeded to shit all over it.

    Paying off the bills will not magically fix this, going to the police wont magically fix it, but it will eventually fix it.

    It's a really shitty situation yes. The really important thing to remember here is that it is not your fault and you have every right to a good credit rating.

    Also
    MC Mystery wrote: »
    The big issue for me is my family WILL NOT take my sister. I am white, my sister is black (technically half white and half black obviously) and my family are the types of people who consider themselves not racist, but wouldn't take a black kid into their home.

    You made a mistake I'm pretty sure you meant to say they don't consider themselves racist, but are.

    Blake T on
  • Dread Pirate ArbuthnotDread Pirate Arbuthnot OMG WRIGGLY T O X O P L A S M O S I SRegistered User regular
    edited April 2008
    If you move out, and your mom gets a last notice credit bill and has no one to take it out on, what do you think it is going to happen to your sister?

    Dread Pirate Arbuthnot on
  • LewieP's MummyLewieP's Mummy Registered User regular
    edited April 2008
    MC Mystery wrote: »
    Also my sister wasn't home during her most recent rampage.

    does that mean she has been for others? even if she wasn't in the room, she will still have heard what was happening, and that can be as scary as seeing what's happening.
    MC Mystery wrote: »
    In June I'll be getting a pretty sizeable check from my grandmother's will .

    seriously, do you think your mother will let you keep it?
    MC Mystery wrote: »
    Her and my mother have a VERY different relationship than my mother and I do. My mom is very traditional mother towards my sister, whom I love very much, and refuse to endanger her safety, so it all comes down to if I can guarantee she'll end up somewhere safe, then I'll do it.

    almost anywhere would be safer than where she is now. if only you leave, your mum will use your sister as a punchbag instead of you. please get social services involved, now, neither of you are safe.
    MC Mystery wrote: »
    Friends of my mothers would DEFINITELY take my sister, the problem is, is that they'd definitely be in support of my decision to take legal action against my mother, if she was any other person, but obviously they're her friends, so a big worry to me would be that I wouldn't be allowed to see my sister, even though she'd be safe and taken care of.

    if i found out this was how my friend was behaving towards her children, i would want to take both children, and never have anything to do with her again. mothers are supposed to look after, care for and protect their children, not abuse them the way your mother is abusing both of you. i've seen families who only abuse 1 child, when that child was removed, they started on the next child.

    please do something to protect you AND you sister, and do it now, don't wait til something worse happens.

    LewieP's Mummy on
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  • Aoi TsukiAoi Tsuki Registered User regular
    edited April 2008
    MC Mystery wrote:
    I've decided for now I'm going to avoid fucking up my mom's interests

    How so? Let her keep piling up debt on your tab? If the answer is yes, you're only letting herself fuck everything up further for everyone. If the answer is no, you're going to have to stop avoiding a financial showdown with her. As everyone's said, contact the police and maybe they can recommend a low-cost financial planner or a lawyer who'll be able to help you sort out all this shit.
    MC Mystery wrote:
    99% of the time my mom is generic super awesome mom with my sister (and to lesser percentage, me as well) but when things are really bad, what would normally be something my sister did that would result in getting yelled at, would turn into getting spanked, but not like a beating, the sort of one light hit or whatever, which rarely gets the point across cause my sister doesn't even react to most of the time.

    No. No no no. This is not okay. You cannot rationalize this part any more. A lack of reaction on your sister's part is actually pretty goddamn worrying--either she thinks you're the only punching bag in the house and so she's invincible, which is horribly unhealthy in ways I shouldn't have to explain, or - more likely, I think - she's being careful not to react and potentially set your mom off, because she's seen what she's done to you and is scared shitless it'll come down on her one of these days. Some parents do abuse only one child, beating or making him or her dig through trash for food while the other kids are openly loved and well cared for, and some are just waiting to expand their focus once the easiest target gets the hell out of the way.

    Also,
    MC Mystery wrote:
    my family are the types of people who consider themselves not racist, but wouldn't take a black kid into their home. Friends of my mothers would DEFINITELY take my sister, the problem is, is that they'd definitely be in support of my decision to take legal action against my mother, if she was any other person, but obviously they're her friends, so a big worry to me would be that I wouldn't be allowed to see my sister

    My opinion here: Neither of these are acceptable options unless you believe your sister to be in immediate danger. Yes, foster care in this country blows donkey balls, but do you want to beg and scrape to get her into an environment where her melanin content precludes her basic rights, or where friendship clouds someone's judgment to the point of blaming you for finally taking action?

    Again, all my two cents. I can't even imagine what this is like for you. :/ Best of a billion lucks.

    Aoi Tsuki on
  • VThornheartVThornheart Registered User regular
    edited April 2008
    Aye... I'm very sorry to say this, because I know it's heartbreaking... but your mother deserves to spend time in jail. Many, many people have gone to jail for less... it sounds like she's physically and mentally abusive, committing fraud, selling illicit goods and ruining the financial lives of her own children to pay for her habits.

    These are all very bad things. And not just bad to her: they're destroying you, whether you realize it at the moment or not. You need to clear your good name, and getting the authorities involved will be the only way to do so. I'm very sad that it's come to that, and I can't begin to imagine how hard such a thing would be... but look at everything you posted here. She doesn't care if she destroys you with her behavior... and if you let it continue, she will.

    VThornheart on
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  • saltinesssaltiness Registered User regular
    edited April 2008
    I would highly recommend getting all of this debt stuff that your mother has racked up on your name taken care of by whatever means possible before you receive this inheritance otherwise you can be sure these debtors will find out about it and come knocking at your door for their piece of the pie.

    saltiness on
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  • DeusfauxDeusfaux Registered User regular
    edited April 2008
    Regarding credit:

    There are three credit reporting agencies in the US - and each offers one free redit report a year that they'll mail you. Usually you have to order that one by phone, mail, or in person. You can get an immediate free one online, but you'll have to pay a small fee for that.

    Basically you look all the items over, and anything that's not true or you disagree with, you dispute with the agency that gave you that particular report. You do this for every item.

    You can also put file a fraud alert with each, which you should do.

    When you dispute the item successfully, it gets removed from the report and your "score" would be adjusted accordingly.

    If for some reason, they weren't willing to take something off, you'd sue them to do it.


    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Credit_report --> has links to all 3 credit bureaus and lots of other good information

    Deusfaux on
  • DevoutlyApatheticDevoutlyApathetic Registered User regular
    edited April 2008
    MC Mystery wrote: »
    I plan on getting one, and paying off and subsequently canceling the internet/phone/cable.

    No. No no no no no no no.

    Do not take any responsibility for these things at all. Once you take responsibility for even a single account your mother opened without your consent you're going to be fucked very hard for a very long time. If you cloud the issue that these things were done without your consent it will not end well for you.

    DevoutlyApathetic on
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  • VThornheartVThornheart Registered User regular
    edited April 2008
    MC Mystery wrote: »
    I plan on getting one, and paying off and subsequently canceling the internet/phone/cable.

    No. No no no no no no no.

    Do not take any responsibility for these things at all. Once you take responsibility for even a single account your mother opened without your consent you're going to be fucked very hard for a very long time. If you cloud the issue that these things were done without your consent it will not end well for you.

    Jesus CHRIST don't TOUCH those accounts your Mom made. Turn her in, don't accept responsibility for her horrible actions. Listen to DevoutlyApathetic, his advice is true. DO NOT ATTEMPT to resolve those accounts or have any association with them yourself. DO NOT.

    VThornheart on
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