Not working but why!

zahidur59

This strip dosen't seems to be working out for readers. Can't pin point the reasons. Help me to figure out where it fails. Go rough ... i don't care.

Stupid Mr Whoopsie Name

Well, for starters, the somewhat arbitrary usage of "Fuck" seems really out of place.

see317

The character designs are also pretty bland. Background is really bland. Font, bland. Speech bubbles, bland.
The arms bug me the most though, half the time they appear to have elbows, half the time they just go whichever way.

I suppose there might be some background between the characters to explain the competition or who and what they are, but really this comic just hits way too close to CAD. Smart guy, stupid guy, random obscenity for no appearent reason followed by a fourth panel punchline that's not really needed. On the plus side, you've got more then one facial expression.

Shading and shadows don't seem to match up either. On the one hand, you've got shading that implies the light source is pointing from the right side of the panel, shadows however imply that it is in fact high noon, or they are standing under a very bright streetlight.

You may need a proofreader as well, unless it's the speech pattern of purple to never use "I" if he can help it. (IE: "What the fuck is this? I thought the contest..." or "No, but I think I just found...")

Asamof the Horrible

Yup, I'm having trouble following the dialogue.

beavotron

well the joke could be slightly funnier if you worded it all a little better
neither of them show any indication of knowing that the monkey is called a "monkey" in the first 2 panels, then suddenly the purple guy knows what it's called in panel 3, it makes the viewer have to sort of stop, go back and read them all again because it really messes with the flow
artwise, people have already pointed out that you need some work, i would also lay out where the speech bubbles are a little better so the transitioning is a little smoother. Due to the colors you've chosen and positioning of those text blocks, much of the flow is lost.

i also agree with mars that the unnecessary use of the word "fuck" has to go.

Tube

So if I CAD the joke it's this

Alien 1: I find it hard to believe that this animal (a monkey is pictured) is the smartest creature on it's planet as it is pictured doing things that would indicate that it is relatively underintelligent
Alien 2: This was the first type of animal to break into deep space and as such I have assumed that it was sent into space on it's own accord and by it's own relative merits as a species by other members of it's species
Alien 1: Buffoon! You have misunderstood this! I imply that the monkey of our planet is YOU
Alien 2: I have misunderstood your barb and believe that you are indicating that there is a monkey like animal native to our world is in close proximity!
Alien 1: I am putting my face against my palm as a gesture of frustration

So you see, it's not actually a terribly good joke. Also, monkeys weren't the first animals in deep space. No one has been in deep space. The problem with the comic is that it has a completely redundant fourth panel and that the joke isn't super good to start with.

beavotron

Cardboard Tube wrote: »

So if I CAD the joke it's this

Alien 1: I find it hard to believe that this animal (a monkey is pictured) is the smartest creature on it's planet as it is pictured doing things that would indicate that it is relatively underintelligent
Alien 2: This was the first type of animal to break into deep space and as such I have assumed that it was sent into space on it's own accord and by it's own relative merits as a species by other members of it's species
Alien 1: Buffoon! You have misunderstood this! I imply that the monkey of our planet is YOU
Alien 2: I have misunderstood your barb and believe that you are indicating that there is a monkey like animal native to our world is in close proximity!
Alien 1: I am putting my face against my palm as a gesture of frustration

So you see, it's not actually a terribly good joke. Also, monkeys weren't the first animals in deep space. No one has been in deep space. The problem with the comic is that it has a completely redundant fourth panel and that the joke isn't super good to start with.

holy fuck, tube's comic sounds amazing
tube can you please start up a thread where you take bad webcomics that get posted here and do these awesome interpretations? except actually make them into comics.
it'd be fucking hilarious.

Tube

that sounds like a lot of work

beavotron

man i hate all you lazy ass mods.
ruining my good time

ManonvonSuperock

Here you go.

bombardier

:^:

NeoRedXIII

Cardboard Tube wrote: »

So if I CAD the joke it's this

Alien 1: I find it hard to believe that this animal (a monkey is pictured) is the smartest creature on it's planet as it is pictured doing things that would indicate that it is relatively underintelligent
Alien 2: This was the first type of animal to break into deep space and as such I have assumed that it was sent into space on it's own accord and by it's own relative merits as a species by other members of it's species
Alien 1: Buffoon! You have misunderstood this! I imply that the monkey of our planet is YOU
Alien 2: I have misunderstood your barb and believe that you are indicating that there is a monkey like animal native to our world is in close proximity!
Alien 1: I am putting my face against my palm as a gesture of frustration

So you see, it's not actually a terribly good joke. Also, monkeys weren't the first animals in deep space. No one has been in deep space. The problem with the comic is that it has a completely redundant fourth panel and that the joke isn't super good to start with.

I didn't get it until I had read this. Thanks Tube.

beavotron

manovan: awesome.