Not working but why!

zahidur59zahidur59 Registered User
edited April 2008 in Artist's Corner
This strip dosen't seems to be working out for readers. Can't pin point the reasons. Help me to figure out where it fails. Go rough ... i don't care.

spaceMonkey2.gif

zahidur59 on

Posts

  • Stupid Mr Whoopsie NameStupid Mr Whoopsie Name Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited April 2008
    Well, for starters, the somewhat arbitrary usage of "Fuck" seems really out of place.

    Stupid Mr Whoopsie Name on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • see317see317 Registered User regular
    edited April 2008
    The character designs are also pretty bland. Background is really bland. Font, bland. Speech bubbles, bland.
    The arms bug me the most though, half the time they appear to have elbows, half the time they just go whichever way.

    I suppose there might be some background between the characters to explain the competition or who and what they are, but really this comic just hits way too close to CAD. Smart guy, stupid guy, random obscenity for no appearent reason followed by a fourth panel punchline that's not really needed. On the plus side, you've got more then one facial expression.

    Shading and shadows don't seem to match up either. On the one hand, you've got shading that implies the light source is pointing from the right side of the panel, shadows however imply that it is in fact high noon, or they are standing under a very bright streetlight.

    You may need a proofreader as well, unless it's the speech pattern of purple to never use "I" if he can help it. (IE: "What the fuck is this? I thought the contest..." or "No, but I think I just found...")

    see317 on
    Ringo wrote: »
    Well except what see317 said. That guy's always wrong.
  • Asamof the HorribleAsamof the Horrible Registered User regular
    edited April 2008
    Yup, I'm having trouble following the dialogue.

    Asamof the Horrible on
  • beavotronbeavotron Registered User regular
    edited April 2008
    well the joke could be slightly funnier if you worded it all a little better
    neither of them show any indication of knowing that the monkey is called a "monkey" in the first 2 panels, then suddenly the purple guy knows what it's called in panel 3, it makes the viewer have to sort of stop, go back and read them all again because it really messes with the flow
    artwise, people have already pointed out that you need some work, i would also lay out where the speech bubbles are a little better so the transitioning is a little smoother. Due to the colors you've chosen and positioning of those text blocks, much of the flow is lost.

    i also agree with mars that the unnecessary use of the word "fuck" has to go.

    beavotron on
  • TubeTube Administrator, ClubPA admin
    edited April 2008
    So if I CAD the joke it's this

    Alien 1: I find it hard to believe that this animal (a monkey is pictured) is the smartest creature on it's planet as it is pictured doing things that would indicate that it is relatively underintelligent
    Alien 2: This was the first type of animal to break into deep space and as such I have assumed that it was sent into space on it's own accord and by it's own relative merits as a species by other members of it's species
    Alien 1: Buffoon! You have misunderstood this! I imply that the monkey of our planet is YOU
    Alien 2: I have misunderstood your barb and believe that you are indicating that there is a monkey like animal native to our world is in close proximity!
    Alien 1: I am putting my face against my palm as a gesture of frustration

    So you see, it's not actually a terribly good joke. Also, monkeys weren't the first animals in deep space. No one has been in deep space. The problem with the comic is that it has a completely redundant fourth panel and that the joke isn't super good to start with.

    Tube on
    Hobnail wrote: »
    This forum has taken everything from me
    This hurts but I deserve it

  • beavotronbeavotron Registered User regular
    edited April 2008
    So if I CAD the joke it's this

    Alien 1: I find it hard to believe that this animal (a monkey is pictured) is the smartest creature on it's planet as it is pictured doing things that would indicate that it is relatively underintelligent
    Alien 2: This was the first type of animal to break into deep space and as such I have assumed that it was sent into space on it's own accord and by it's own relative merits as a species by other members of it's species
    Alien 1: Buffoon! You have misunderstood this! I imply that the monkey of our planet is YOU
    Alien 2: I have misunderstood your barb and believe that you are indicating that there is a monkey like animal native to our world is in close proximity!
    Alien 1: I am putting my face against my palm as a gesture of frustration

    So you see, it's not actually a terribly good joke. Also, monkeys weren't the first animals in deep space. No one has been in deep space. The problem with the comic is that it has a completely redundant fourth panel and that the joke isn't super good to start with.

    holy fuck, tube's comic sounds amazing
    tube can you please start up a thread where you take bad webcomics that get posted here and do these awesome interpretations? except actually make them into comics.
    it'd be fucking hilarious.

    beavotron on
  • TubeTube Administrator, ClubPA admin
    edited April 2008
    that sounds like a lot of work

    Tube on
    Hobnail wrote: »
    This forum has taken everything from me
    This hurts but I deserve it

  • beavotronbeavotron Registered User regular
    edited April 2008
    man i hate all you lazy ass mods.
    ruining my good time

    beavotron on
  • ManonvonSuperockManonvonSuperock Registered User regular
    edited April 2008
    spacemonkey2.gif

    Here you go.

    ManonvonSuperock on
  • bombardierbombardier Moderator mod
    edited April 2008
    :^:

    bombardier on
  • NeoRedXIIINeoRedXIII Registered User
    edited April 2008
    So if I CAD the joke it's this

    Alien 1: I find it hard to believe that this animal (a monkey is pictured) is the smartest creature on it's planet as it is pictured doing things that would indicate that it is relatively underintelligent
    Alien 2: This was the first type of animal to break into deep space and as such I have assumed that it was sent into space on it's own accord and by it's own relative merits as a species by other members of it's species
    Alien 1: Buffoon! You have misunderstood this! I imply that the monkey of our planet is YOU
    Alien 2: I have misunderstood your barb and believe that you are indicating that there is a monkey like animal native to our world is in close proximity!
    Alien 1: I am putting my face against my palm as a gesture of frustration

    So you see, it's not actually a terribly good joke. Also, monkeys weren't the first animals in deep space. No one has been in deep space. The problem with the comic is that it has a completely redundant fourth panel and that the joke isn't super good to start with.

    I didn't get it until I had read this. Thanks Tube.

    NeoRedXIII on
  • beavotronbeavotron Registered User regular
    edited April 2008
    manovan: awesome.

    beavotron on
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