Wow, I am scared out of my mind...

Hokutosei

Ok, so I just got the news today. I was utterly dumbfounded... you know the kind. The moments where you stare blankly into space with your mouth just gaping open like a idiot :shock:? Ya, I just had that, I am still feeling that way, but the mouth has successfully been closed.

I have seen a good bit in my life, most of it I cannot tell you, not because I don't want to, but because I can't, legally can't tell you. I have been in some really scary situations in my life. I was in the SEALS man, I was one of those guys jumping out of planes and diving from boats; doing stuff nobody is allowed to know about for our national defense.

And despite all that... I am terrified of this new occurence. I am happy too, don't get me wrong, but it's also crazy scary as well. Oh wow, you know what, it just dawned on me that I haven't even said what "it" is yet... :oops:.

Ok well, this occurence I have been referring to is... Ima be a dad. Yep, a dad... and it scares me... The kind of scared where you are also anxious and nervous.

She knows I'm kind of a wreck but she's taking it all in stride. I am usually good in situations like these, due to training, but I find myself falling apart.


Anybody got any advice to help kind of, you know, calm the nerves? I want to and need to calm down because I think if I am like this for too long I won't be much help to my wife and I really want to be.

Please, any advice regarding calming my nerves would be greatly appreciated.


(and in case you are wondering, yes it is a planned/welcome situation, it's just this is killing my nerves.)

mts

well as long as she is taking it in stride, finding out you are going to be a parent is probably an exceptable reason to freak out/be scared. its probably one of the few proper responses after happy (assuming it was planned, which in this case it was)

congrats

Sarcastro

It's easier than you think. Mostly, you just have to show up.

Also, there will be squirting poo. No one ever tells you about the squirting poo. There will be times when you are suddenly covered in the most vile substances imaginable. There will be bits of things you recognize in these fluids, bring home the horror of it all. After that, its pretty much a downhill battle.

Not to mention you can take everything else in stride. Guy suffering from a sucking chest wound? Pssh. Some kids write in their own poop. Clean up enough messes and nothing will phaze you anymore, ever.

Congrats by the way, thats awesome!

Szechuanosaurus

More fucked up worthless losers than you have managed to have children and keep from killing them long enough for them to grow up and leave home.

This is what I've been telling myself for the past year. Carry around some pictures of crack addicts with children if you need a visual aid.

PS. Does your SEALs training include any tips on how to function with 3 hours sleep a night, because I could use some info on that.

Creepy

This has happened literally billions of times before & in most cases everything turned out ok.

You'll be fine. The fact that you're worried about it just goes to show how fine you'll be.

Seriously.

And congratulations.

Hokutosei

Thanks for the calm effect guys, as well as the bit of advice. My nerves have indeed started to calm a little from the initial shock of it all.

I know you probably meant well Szech, but the way it is worded sure sounds a little odd. "More fucked up worthless than you..." Made me chuckled at least a little bit. =P

Also, yes we are trained to go without sleep. 3 hours of sleep a night? Ha, that is cake compared to training or being in the field. I can't tell you exact techniques for doing so because that, like just about everything else involving SEALS operations, is confidential and security level locked. I can tell you a few simple things that might help you, due to the fact that it has helped me and a couple of friends.

1.) caffiene (sp?) is your friend. Don't go for the quick dose of sugar unless you have to, go with coffee as black as you can stand it, and maybe that caffiene gum they have as well.

2.) Keep your mind occupied. As soon as you get your mind into a certain mind set and started in a routine it gets boring, and boredom can easily lead to sleep. So keep your mind sharp. Think of things, anything (but not sleep). Think of something you would like to do and go over details about it in your mind. If your mind is awake you'll be surpirsed how long you can force your body to move and stay awake. It's along the lines of mind of matter, if you have the prowess, you can force your body to work and stay awake far longer than it should.

Endomatic

Once you see that baby, you'll know what to do. It's nature. You'll fall in love with him/her instantly, and you'll be fine from then. Anxiousness and Nervousness is natural and will pass. Choose a good name.

Toxic Toys

Don't think about dropping the baby or holding it wrong and breaking a bone.

That was my worse fear when my girl was born, and I got over it quickly. I never dropped her or broke anything on her. So relax and enjoy your baby while you can. They grow up fast.

Improvolone

I knew right away what this was going to be by how you were acting. I remember looking out windows and at fences going, "Hmm, I could just run outside, jump that, and keep on going...", I didn't do this. My son was born part way into my 21st year on earth. My girlfriend (22) and I are still freaking out, despite the fact that he's 3 months old. Pregnancy treats women differently. The impotant thing for you guys to figure out now, for her sake, is a diet and exercise plan. Mine gained 50+ lbs. She was small to begin with, but it didn't help her self image.
It's amazing being a father. It's the coolest fucking thing on Earth to have a little you that you help guide.
Do you have a stable income?
Do you know anyone with younger children? Borrowed stuff can help alot in finances. We're using my girlfriends old crib (it's up to modern day safety standards), a dresser we got on craigslist that doubles as the changing station, and we just gave up on the bassonet from her neice. We've also got a ton of stuffed animals and clothes from family and friends, some old some new. Everyone loves babies, and you're going to get alot of shit you won't need. This always pissed me off. My girlfriend swore up and down that she would need a Boppy. Well, we never did. We use it now to prop him up, but a pillow would have worked just as well as this $40 thing. Burp cloths are stupid, you need receiving blankets. If the baby spits up, it'll overshoot the tiny burp cloth. If it's a boy, you don't need Wee Blocks.
Set up a baby registry at Babies R Us, they give away good coupons too. But if you set up a baby registry at Target, you can sneak into the electronic section and try to convince people that your kid needs a big TV. Try to have two baby showers, one for family and one for friends. You'll get more stuff.
If it's a girl, you need to learn how to wipe poop out of a vagina. If you have a friend with an infant, get some hands on time. After a couple weeks they stop feeling so fragile and everything will probably click. Learn how to swaddle a baby.
Go to every class that your hospital or birth center has. You usually pay some small fee (75$ or something) and you get access to every class they hold.
You learn how to be a father at the same time they're learning how to be a kid. You've no reason to feel like you're in over your head.
It's amazing. Worse people have done it, and well sometimes.
Get What to Get When You're Expecting. Buy it for her infact, she'll love it.

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Babies are freaking awesome. I'll probably come back here time and time again to put up some helpful bits.

Karp has been very successful in convincing many parents and some clinicians that there is a condition which he refers to as the "fourth trimester." According to Karp, babies are "evicted" from wombs three months too early.

He makes the point that while babies are exposed to white noise while in the womb, after they are born, society tries to keep a baby's environment as quiet as possible.

Karp says that lack of white noise is wrong.

He feels that babies who fall asleep at noisy parties and sports events, for example, prove his point that babies do not need deathly silence to fall asleep.

The pediatrician has coined the term "The 5 S Calming Reflex," which works 95 per cent of the time.

In fact, he has videos showing himself doing house calls and calming babies down in a few minutes -- and these were babies who were red in the face from bawling for hours on end.

The first step involves swaddling the infant -- the cornerstone of calming.

The infants have their arms placed at their sides and are then snugly wrapped in a blanket, taking care to avoid overheating them.

The next step is to place the baby on his or her side in the so-called reverse breastfeeding position -- with the baby looking away from the caregiver.

After that, Karp employs the shushing method where he creates a noise close to the infant's ears equal to that of a vacuum cleaner, about 60 to 80 decibels.

Next, the infant is subjected to a gentle, repetitive swinging motion -- jiggling and not shaking.

The final S of the five is using a soother -- but only after the baby has been breastfed for at least one to two weeks so as to avoid nipple confusion.

Some babies respond well after only one or two of the five steps.

That's a need to know.

Start cleaning the house now if you feel the need to keep it cleaner (you will). Get into those good habbits. Take the time in the next 9 months to go out on nice dates, see some movies, and spend time together. While you may have a good baby and be able to get out of the house after a few weeks and they'll sleep while outside and not wake up (it's possible!) it will never be the same.

Look, you might as well get used to the idea now, and start getting excited about it. You can't postpone this anymore. it's going to happen. Time spent worrying and not doing things to plan is some serious time wasted.


Congrats!

Belketre

Was pretty much the same with my first kid, many years ago.

Amazing to think the words "I'm pregnant" instill more fear for a brief period than phrases like "You will encounter heavy resistance" (AKA we are dropping you off in some shithole where you'll be shot at) or "Contact front. Taking fire". At least I'd trained for both those eventualities.

In the end, it's not really all that hard. Common sense mostly. My 3 are all adults now and have turned out pretty damn well.

Nohbody8

Sarcastro wrote: »

Also, there will be squirting poo. No one ever tells you about the squirting poo. There will be times when you are suddenly covered in the most vile substances imaginable.

Truer words were never spoken. As a matter of fact, I learned the meaning of unconditional love today when my son's diaper leaked all over the front of my shirt while he was suffering from diarrhea. Unconditional love means not getting mad at someone when they poop on you.

Improvolone wrote: »

It's the coolest fucking thing on Earth to have a little you that you help guide.

I like to think of it as the ultimate video game simulation.

Improvolone wrote: »

Go to every class that your hospital or birth center has.

It's also a good idea not to schedule the newborn class too close to the due date in case he/she comes early. Ours was two weeks early so I guess we got the crash course version. I also recommend at least thinking about not finding out the gender.

ihmmy

the fact that you both sound responsible and like you want this to happen does enormously good things for your prospects. You want to be involved, therefore you will find ways to be

warning, pregnant women apparently get uber moody. Especially in the last few months. Have chocolate or other calming agents on hand

VThornheart

Dat be a good ting, frien'.

Congrats, and as others have said don't worry too much. No one can possibly be a perfect parent, and no matter what anyone does kids will come out of it with some kind of baggage... there's just too much to predict. If you don't abuse or utterly neglect the kid, you're doing a better job than many, many parents these days. You'll do just fine.

wenchkilla

Hokutosei wrote: »

Also, yes we are trained to go without sleep. 3 hours of sleep a night? Ha, that is cake compared to training or being in the field. I can't tell you exact techniques for doing so because that, like just about everything else involving SEALS operations, is confidential and security level locked. I can tell you a few simple things that might help you, due to the fact that it has helped me and a couple of friends.

Just in case anyone is actually buying this guy's bullshit, he is not a Navy SEAL. This is pretty obvious in the op, and if that's not enough, no SEAL training is in any way confidential knowledge.

Buddy, if you're asking a question, don't bullshit us.

desperaterobots

Perhaps he was referring to an attraction at Seaworld.

Wulf

desperaterobots wrote: »

Perhaps he was referring to an attraction at Seaworld.

Don't question the will of the Whale Biologist!

Improvolone

Go to Lamaz. She didn't exactly learn how to relax (she's a bit high strung), but we learned so much more about everything. Alot of the classes that I recomended you attend might be very bad. It's worth it for the good ones however.

FafnerMorell

It is scary, but you'll back and wonder what the fuss was, especially after you've changed your 1000th diaper. We had twins, and even that becomes routine after awhile.

- As mentioned earlier, white or light music noise is good. And as the child gets used to it, you don't have to worry about the "Quiet, you'll wake the baby" bit.
- With twins, we found having a regular schedule for feeding / nap / sleeping / etc to be sanity saving. It's handy even with singletons. The child knows what to expect, and it makes it easy to divide up the labor since you'll both know and agree what to be doing when.
- Learn infant CPR. The hospital will offer a class.

You'll probably start with a three hour feeding schedule. Then 4 hour. Once the baby starts sleeping through the night, life gets easy again.

I think there's always the lingering "If my child grows up to be an ax-murder or deadbeat, is it all my fault because I didn't do X. Or I did do X and shouldn't have. Did having South Park on in the background while they slept warp their fragile little mind?" concern. I think that's just part of being a concerned parent.

Nohbody8

FafnerMorell wrote: »

With twins, we found having a regular schedule for feeding / nap / sleeping / etc to be sanity saving. It's handy even with singletons. The child knows what to expect, and it makes it easy to divide up the labor since you'll both know and agree what to be doing when.

I cannot agree with this more. Establish a bed time routine as soon as possible and stick with it religiously. Anytime our son takes a bath now, he thinks it's bed time and he gets really sleepy. Thanks Dr. Pavlov!

Djeet

If you're looking into natural childbirth like Lamaze, you might also want to look into Bradley and Hypnobirthing. And you'll want to do it further into the pregnancy (perhaps late into the 2nd trimester) so you haven't forgotten anything when birthing occurs. We're completeing our Hypnobirthing classes and it's a really interesting approach; part of the class includes video of various hypnobirths, and it's nothing like what you see on tv/movies.

Don't have much practical advice on child care yet, but as to pregnancy:
help out your woman more, chores and whatnot; start adjusting to her schedule (she'll likely start getting tired earlier), I still go to the pub with the guys I just go home earlier; give her the sleeping position closest to the door cause she's going to be getting up to pee a lot, her mornings might be harder because she's getting lest restful sleep; when she's hungry and wants something, act now and take her out or get her that food cause appetite/tastes can change rapidly, she may want to eat stuff she's never been interested in before; make sure she gets enough folic acid (get cereal fortified with folic acid), also get some prenatal vitamins, and something with DHA; as she gets big, massage the swollen areas (cocoa butter is good) it will help with stretch marks and it will make her feel attractive cause she's going to feel like she's not as attractive cause she's big; do the baby shower thing and put things like breast pumps, cribs, bassinets, strollers, carseat, snugglies or other baby backpack like things, bottle warmers (bigger ticket necessary things) everyone's gonna want to buy you clothes cause it's cute, but you can get that stuff real cheap at consignment/goodwill and they'll grow so quick there's no point buying anything too nice; get baby hats; if you're environmentally-inclined, consider a diaper service or cloth diapers (if you do this, you'll want disposeables on hand for convenience/travel)

Congratulations. Is there something in particular that's giving you anxiety?