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I like one of my best friends
Sevorak
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Looks like there's been a lack of girl threads recently. I suppose it's up to me to change that. I met this girl during my sophomore year of college, her freshman year. Now I'm graduated after part of my fifth year, and she's in her fourth, so I've known her for about three and a half years. I met her through my roommates, so when I hung out with her it was usually with a bunch of mutual friends. We didn't hang out that much until recently, maybe twice a month or so, but I got to know her a bit back then and always thought of her as a good friend.
That is, until a couple weeks ago. For the past few months, she's been hanging out with us a lot more, usually between four and seven days a week, and she usually calls me to set things up. I'm guessing that it started because her two roommates are never around anymore because they have boyfriends and are busy with obligations. A couple weeks ago, I found myself developing feelings for her. I figured it was just a passing thing that arose from spending so much time with her and didn't do much about it, since there's no way that she'd develop feelings for me too at the same time after 3+ years, is there?
So cue last Thursday. I had gone to dinner with a few friends, including her. We had a couple beers and one or two more at my house between dinner and going out to the bars. On the drive over, it was her and me in the back seat. I went to put my seatbelt on, but the buckle was under the seat. We had already started driving when I make mention of this fact, and she lay down across the seat and put her head on and arm across my lap, with the excuse of protecting me. She's not generally the touchy feely type, so I was kinda o_O, since it took me totally be surprise, then 8-) since I had a hot girl who I like laying across me, and I put my hand on her shoulder and rubbed her arm, and we stayed like that for most of the rest of the ride. The rest of the night passed without much incident. She bought a round for the two of us, I returned the favor, and we were generally a bit closer than usual, but nothing like the ride over.
So now I'm pretty damn sure there's something there, but I'm not sure what to do about it. Obviously I should talk to her about how I feel about her, but I'm not sure how to bring it up or what to say. The next time I'm going to see her is tonight if she decides to come over for cinco de mayo, or Tuesday night for the weekly trivia night at the local pizza place otherwise. Neither of these events are good for talking, so I'm thinking of seeing if she wants to get lunch or dessert sometime this week. As for what to say, I'm thinking something along the lines of that I've really enjoyed spending so much time with her lately, and that I really value our friendship and am totally cool with staying friends, but if she thought we could be something more and going from there depending on what she says.
This seems to be the standard advice for these types of threads, but if anyone has any suggestions I'd be happy to hear them. And any confidence boosting encouragement wouldn't hurt, since last time I told a friend I liked her it was followed by three years of mindfuckery followed by me realizing that she was a crazy bitch and cutting off contact, so I'm a little wary of the situtation.
That is, until a couple weeks ago. For the past few months, she's been hanging out with us a lot more, usually between four and seven days a week, and she usually calls me to set things up. I'm guessing that it started because her two roommates are never around anymore because they have boyfriends and are busy with obligations. A couple weeks ago, I found myself developing feelings for her. I figured it was just a passing thing that arose from spending so much time with her and didn't do much about it, since there's no way that she'd develop feelings for me too at the same time after 3+ years, is there?
So cue last Thursday. I had gone to dinner with a few friends, including her. We had a couple beers and one or two more at my house between dinner and going out to the bars. On the drive over, it was her and me in the back seat. I went to put my seatbelt on, but the buckle was under the seat. We had already started driving when I make mention of this fact, and she lay down across the seat and put her head on and arm across my lap, with the excuse of protecting me. She's not generally the touchy feely type, so I was kinda o_O, since it took me totally be surprise, then 8-) since I had a hot girl who I like laying across me, and I put my hand on her shoulder and rubbed her arm, and we stayed like that for most of the rest of the ride. The rest of the night passed without much incident. She bought a round for the two of us, I returned the favor, and we were generally a bit closer than usual, but nothing like the ride over.
So now I'm pretty damn sure there's something there, but I'm not sure what to do about it. Obviously I should talk to her about how I feel about her, but I'm not sure how to bring it up or what to say. The next time I'm going to see her is tonight if she decides to come over for cinco de mayo, or Tuesday night for the weekly trivia night at the local pizza place otherwise. Neither of these events are good for talking, so I'm thinking of seeing if she wants to get lunch or dessert sometime this week. As for what to say, I'm thinking something along the lines of that I've really enjoyed spending so much time with her lately, and that I really value our friendship and am totally cool with staying friends, but if she thought we could be something more and going from there depending on what she says.
This seems to be the standard advice for these types of threads, but if anyone has any suggestions I'd be happy to hear them. And any confidence boosting encouragement wouldn't hurt, since last time I told a friend I liked her it was followed by three years of mindfuckery followed by me realizing that she was a crazy bitch and cutting off contact, so I'm a little wary of the situtation.
3DS: 0748-2282-4229Sevorak on
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Doesn't sound like you have much to go with past that.
"Talking to her how I feel about her" is the cliche that happens in movies. If you really do approach it like some really heavy thing, it's going to go to shit real quick if she doesn't feel the same way.
Just ask her on a date. Call it a date, not "go and grab a coffee". Then if she says no, you both feel a bit sheepish for a day and no harm done.
Now, anyway, I agree with Lewisham. Ask her out. If you find this difficult, then I will disagree with Lewisham and say that you should contrive a situation where the two of you are alone (i.e. "want to come over to see a movie?" without any mention of the fact that there just won't happen to be anyone else around for the movie). If the topic comes up (almost certainly it will when she gets there and maybe before if she is inquisitive/quick on the pickup), ask either if she wants you to get others or if she wouldn't mind a more "intimate" night... or just ask her out straight up - depends on you and her really.
I was in a similar situation with my now wife (don't read too far into this) and ever got around to asking her out until it the situation proved such a question to be a formality (which was only a month or so after we meet at college via mutual friends). Good luck!
Murphy's Paradox: The more you plan, the more that can go wrong. The less you plan, the less likely your plan will succeed.
Go with it from there and skip the friends/dating/feelings talk until you've actually been on some dates.