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Hitting on a restaurant hostess
Gihgehls
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
There's a cute girl that works as a hostess at a restaurant near my office. I have no problem chatting up random chicks normally, except when they are employees serving me. I mean, I walk in there and she will immediately ask me how many in my party, booth or table, etc. Naturally, I worry a bit about whether or not such advances would be welcome while she's at her place of employment, there to do her job.
One idea I had was to meet a friend there for lunch, then go in a little earlier to buy me some time to chit chat. Another idea was to bring her a flyer for my friend's dance party next week. Any other thoughts/advice?
One idea I had was to meet a friend there for lunch, then go in a little earlier to buy me some time to chit chat. Another idea was to bring her a flyer for my friend's dance party next week. Any other thoughts/advice?
Gihgehls on
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Man up and ask her for her number, straight up. Catch her when she is not busy. Especially don't ask her infront of other employees as she probably doesn't want to hear ridicule or some form of other jabber.
The best advice I can give, though, is to be prepared for (a) rejection and (b) her getting annoyed. First, you can be certain that she gets hit on at the restaurant a lot, especially if she is a hostess and especially if she is attractive, as you say, and probably by creepy guys. She may not want to be approached at all at work and she may put up an immediate front or become agitated. Not necessarily, but it is possible. Also, hostesses are essentially customer service representatives and they are paid to be nice. Don't mistake professional pleasantry for either flirtatiousness or interest.
Basically, the cards are stacked against you in a situation like this. It's not impossible to pick up a hostess, waitress, bartender, stripper, or whatever, but even if you are Mr. Hot Stuff many girls just want to do their job and that's it. Just keep that in mind if you try to chat her up.
Or just ask her her number. It's all good.
Best advice you can get in this situation IMO. Say "Fuck it" and just go.
She's not into you.
spoken like somebody with a lack of confidence.
in lieu of being "very, very good looking", have the confidence of somebody who is "very, very good looking."
most of all, most of all
someone said true love was dead
but i'm bound to fall
bound to fall for you
oh what can i do
Do not ask a person out when they are at work. It's incredibly creepy and awkward to the person, also disrespectful. There's a possibility that she may be interested, but there's no way to know without crossing that line with her when she is in the workplace, and that's not fair to her.
He said "Restaurant Hostess" not "My Financial Manager"
His situation isn't that unusual and it's not uncommon for these things to work out.
This is why I had the idea of giving her a flyer for my bud's dance party. That way she doesn't have to decide anything on the spot. I can just say "Hi, I'm passing out fliers for my buddy. I've noticed you here the last few times I've been in and thought you might be interested. My number's on the back if you want to chat about it." That way she can either toss it in to the trash can right behind the podium, or she can put it in her purse and consider it. Either way, it's no skin off either of our backs. My problem with this is that its an excessively neutral and passive way to express interest.
I can't count the times I've heard hostess' complain to me about customers standing around, chatting them up and inevitably trying to get their number / ask them out. Many gentlemen mistake their friendliness as interest when it as actually their job to appear attractive, approachable and make you feel welcome. I'd strongly suggest you don't ask her out, atleast not at her hostess stand.
However; if you can't be dissuaded and you truely believe there is a chance she is interested in you...well, I need to ask a few questions first: How old is she? How old are you? How well do you know her? Do you know her name? How long have you known/seen her?
The first two I ask simply because...well, there's an obscene amount of older men (anything above 30) hitting on younger (18-22) hostess'. It's unnerving for the girls, and if you're much older (unless she's into that sort of thing) you'll likely makes things awkward and uncomfortable. The other questions are important also - if she knows you on a personal level it's much more likely she'll return interest or atleast let you down easy with a simple explanation (Not looking for a relationship/Boyfriend,etc).
As for your flier idea - that's not bad actually; it may work. But, it may just fly straight over her head or into the trash. Probably the latter, as people like to solicit restaurants for free advertisement which your flier may be mistaken for.
I personally don't think much good will come of this. With all likelyhood it'll turn into another one of those gossipy tales I and every other waiter/waitress have been subjected to - "OMIGAWD so and so customer won't go away! He even asked me out, blah blah blah".
But, all the same - best wishes and good luck!
Not really, just a joke.
The flyer is probably your best bet.
So in all of your years in the industry you haven't ever seen this work out ever? Not even once? I worked at a Chili's for like 8 months and from my limited experience I knew our hostesses would bang anyone wouldn't have any problem giving a nice guy that walked through the door their number.
The flyer idea is a terrible idea and should be discarded. This isn't fucking Omaha Beach, it's a matter of 1) estimating if she gives a shit about you and 2) saying "Cool, what are you up to this evening?"
There's no universal law - if she's into you, she won't care where you're at when you ask her out. Nobody's going to be engaged in a conversation, thinking, "Wow, this person is really interesting," and then when that person actually proposes getting coffee or lunch suddenly think, "How dare he ask me out while I'm at work!" unless that person has issues.
That said, any given attractive waitress/hostess gets several men (if not several dozen) men hitting on them per week - and, as others have said, it's their job to act friendly to you, which it's easy to misconstrue as flirtation.
So you might win or you might lose. But you will lose if you don't play. So give it a shot.
Edit: By the way, if you're gonna give her a flyer, you might as well write "I was too much of a pussy to actually ask you out to your face" on a napkin and slip it in her jacket pocket.
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
There isn't enough lime for this
Well it's not their job to be nice to you when you're already seated, and apparently she's been eyeing him at such times.
But honestly, I think all that matters is you think that the person might be interested(even if you're way off), and you ask them out in a respectful manner. It's not wrong by any remote stretch of the word.
/agree
And the only way to know is to ask.
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
My advice is to just straight up ask her out. If she actually is creeped out, that's her problem, and it leaves no question of intent like a flyer might.
There is nothing to figure out. There are no plans to concoct with your friends. Go right now!
As much fun as it is can be to bounce guys for harassing the hostess, it really is a situation that everyone would rather avoid.
Not trying to scare you or anything, just sayin'. Depends on what you're looking for.
On the other hand, I also agree with the others in that it is their job to be nice to the point of being flirtatious.
So, in conclusion, it's a tough call. Good luck.
xbl - HowYouGetAnts
steam - WeAreAllGeth
Don't use nails.
Second, since it's been established that waitresses get hit on by tons of people for the hell of it or for laughs, they're used to it and some will answer by somewhat flirting without being serious about it. So, what you need to do is ask her out in a convincing and serious manner. You need to be direct and show her that you're not making some joke here, but are interested in her and would like to take her out.
She'll do either two things: Take on the offer or turn you down.
It's that simple, really. If she takes on the offer, good, come back and tell us about it for the obligatory high fives. If she turns you down, well, bummer. Life goes on.
pleasepaypreacher.net
Next person to fuck around in here gets a serious.
Asking girls out at their workplace is tricky. You need very good radar, and if you think they are being unusually nice to you then there is a chance they may be interested. If she goes straight to business, even in a friendly way, then don't even bother. If you're unsure, then give her the benefit of the doubt and don't approach that day. There was a time I walked away from a store wondering if the cashier was being nice because she was slightly interested or just doing her job - I wasn't sure on it so I let it slide until the next time I went back a few months later when she recognized me. Chatted her up and got her number, things work out nicely if you give yourself space to be sure of it.
Two things to add though. First of all, if she gives you her number don't take it as a 100% she's into you sort of thing. There's still a possibility she did that just as an easy way of letting you down. Secondly, the reverse of this situation, just in case anyone wants to know, is never okay. (That is, you as the employee and them as the customer). The situation as is is already dicey. Handle with care.
Good luck!
The problem with this thread is the small number of people like you who are trying to make it into a big deal that needs some sort of expert planning. Asking people out on a date shouldn't be like that. You just do it. To hell with the "consequences". She says no. So what? What can possibly come of it?
Girls are perfectly capable of writing down fake numbers to people to get rid of them. And if an employee of anywhere wants to ask me out on a date, they are free to do so. What am I going to do? Be so flattered that someone is taking an interest in me that I never go back there again?
Thankfully, most people before you have properly elucidated that you just ask her out and see what happens.
You don't put her in the akward position of having to reject a customer, you make it clear you're not advertising, you're asking her out, and you leave the next move up to her.
I say forget the flier and just make a casual date approach.
Also, this is coming from a 25 year old who recently ended a long relationship and has spent way too much time chatting up all the cute 20somethings he can find, with varied results. So, ya know, YMMV and all that. Either way, gotta let us know how it works out!
Telling the OP not to bother if he's not getting any indications from her (other than that she's cute and happened to wander into his field of vision) is hardly indicative of "expert planning". It's common sense that he seemed to forget when he mentioned how she treats him like a normal customer. Nothing wrong if a little forethought can spare him or her some bad mojo.
Second of all, while fake numbers are an option, I don't know a single instance of that ever happening with anyone I know, whereas girls just not calling back or just kind of fading away after a phone call or two happens often enough.
Thirdly, except for some special cases, hitting on someone while you're the employee is a quick way to lose a job. Despite how flattering it may be, it's good general advice to not be the one initiating things if you're the one working.
I think PirateJon might have hit this on the head. Sorry man, but because she does her job as soon as you walk in the door doesn't mean she's interested. Is there any more evidence than that? Because if that's the case, I've been propositioned by every female - and male - hostess I've ever come across. No offense intended, but if her asking you how many are in your party is the only evidence... well...
But you can always give it a shot anyways. She might be into you, but the evidence you gave isn't much evidence of it at all. Not saying that she isn't, necessarily, but that you're pretty much neutral at the moment. You have no evidence that the odds are against you... but none really that they're for you either. Which basically means go ahead and ask, it won't harm anything.