The new forums will be named Coin Return (based on the most recent vote)! You can check on the status and timeline of the transition to the new forums here.
The Guiding Principles and New Rules document is now in effect.
Unsure on how to go about changing my life situation.
Raving64
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Hello everyone, sorry in advance if this is poorly written, I have a lot of stuff going through my head at the moment.
In about 12 hours, my father is coming to pick me up from college to drive me home. This is my second year at college, my first year I failed out by not attending classes at all. After that, I lived at home with my parents, working a part-time job and attending a community college (Fall 2007). I returned to back to college (Spring 2008) feeling like I was halfway committed to try somewhat getting a 4 year degree. During the first 2 weeks, I attended classes, handed in assignments, etc. But the whole time I felt like I did during my first year: I didn't want to go classes, had no motivation in succeeding academically - I wanted to relax and play video games. After the 2 weeks, I stopped attending school entirely, stayed at the apartment and played WoW. I continued to lie to my parents about my classes, how well I was doing, etc. Now its the end of the semester, and it looks like the cycle is going to repeat itself.
To give some background on my life: I am a 19 year old male that just can not get into academics. My whole experience with education has been: exert little or no effort into schoolwork/classes, parents get hella angry, force me to "try" again, repeat. I like taking it easy, having some whatever job and coming back to my place to chill and play some games, listen to music seems like heaven to me. Its clear to me that school is not the place for me, wasted time and money.
Now, some information on my father: he grew up poor and unable to get past a middle school level education, although he pushed hard for it. He joined the army, met my mother, and moved to America (My family is Korean born, I moved to the US when I was 2). When I think about my father, I remember feelings of fear and apprehension. He hit me quite frequently, related to my academic shortcomings, and seemingly random crap he just got super angry about (he has a very short temper and little tolerance for things he doesn't agree with. When he gets angry, he screams and yells to the point where you want him to hit you, so you finally can get it over with. He has threatened me verbally and physically (promising to hit me, kill me, making threatening gestures with half kicks, picking up furniture.) On one particular incident, he stomped downstairs, brought a drill, plugged it in and told me he would drill it through me).
I grew up in these kinds of situations, thinking that my friends and peers had similar problems. From 16-19 years old, I've always contemplated what would happen to my family and I, if I were to report him to the police, although I never did.
I know I am in the wrong here, I lied and most likely broke my family's heart, putting them through this again. My father is not open to discussion about leaving school and getting a job. He has stated he would kill himself and then me, rather than to see his son without a college education, struggling with a "street job."
At this point, I feel like leaving them forever, and starting my own life without my family in it. This is probably unrealistic, as I have no car, no driver's license, no cash, few friends I'd feel comfortable telling them about this. My mother is disgusted with me, and wants nothing to do with me. She knows of my situation, but did not tell my dad. She knows his rage and the way he would react, and this would negatively affect my little sister, who is in her sophomore year of high school.
I have gotten myself into the worst situation possible, I am basically fearing for my physical and mental well being, when my dad finds out. I'd like any advice or opinions on my situation, I've talked to no one about this stuff my entire life, so I have no outside perspective on this at all.
Sorry for the wall of text, I am a bit overwhelmed after letting that all out.
Edit: Something I should mention, I have a social anxiety problem ( not diagnosed, never talked to a doctor). I can not sit in the front or middle of classrooms, I get really nervous, starting sweating, I think everyone is watching my every move, every social mistake. I can not sit comfortably, I remain rigid in one position, I feel everyone behind me staring, which is terrifying. This snowballs a lot. It has gotten pretyy bad to the point where I don't feel comfortable outside my house or without some friends I am hanging out with. This applies to any place where there are people around me (except large crowds, where I feel like I melt in and hide). I have a very hard time with eye contact, talking, talking gestures, listening to people (I feel so god damn awkward looking into their eyes). This problem has gotten worse which is probably why I don't have a large group of friends. I think, this has some connection with my mental and physical abuse.
In about 12 hours, my father is coming to pick me up from college to drive me home. This is my second year at college, my first year I failed out by not attending classes at all. After that, I lived at home with my parents, working a part-time job and attending a community college (Fall 2007). I returned to back to college (Spring 2008) feeling like I was halfway committed to try somewhat getting a 4 year degree. During the first 2 weeks, I attended classes, handed in assignments, etc. But the whole time I felt like I did during my first year: I didn't want to go classes, had no motivation in succeeding academically - I wanted to relax and play video games. After the 2 weeks, I stopped attending school entirely, stayed at the apartment and played WoW. I continued to lie to my parents about my classes, how well I was doing, etc. Now its the end of the semester, and it looks like the cycle is going to repeat itself.
To give some background on my life: I am a 19 year old male that just can not get into academics. My whole experience with education has been: exert little or no effort into schoolwork/classes, parents get hella angry, force me to "try" again, repeat. I like taking it easy, having some whatever job and coming back to my place to chill and play some games, listen to music seems like heaven to me. Its clear to me that school is not the place for me, wasted time and money.
Now, some information on my father: he grew up poor and unable to get past a middle school level education, although he pushed hard for it. He joined the army, met my mother, and moved to America (My family is Korean born, I moved to the US when I was 2). When I think about my father, I remember feelings of fear and apprehension. He hit me quite frequently, related to my academic shortcomings, and seemingly random crap he just got super angry about (he has a very short temper and little tolerance for things he doesn't agree with. When he gets angry, he screams and yells to the point where you want him to hit you, so you finally can get it over with. He has threatened me verbally and physically (promising to hit me, kill me, making threatening gestures with half kicks, picking up furniture.) On one particular incident, he stomped downstairs, brought a drill, plugged it in and told me he would drill it through me).
I grew up in these kinds of situations, thinking that my friends and peers had similar problems. From 16-19 years old, I've always contemplated what would happen to my family and I, if I were to report him to the police, although I never did.
I know I am in the wrong here, I lied and most likely broke my family's heart, putting them through this again. My father is not open to discussion about leaving school and getting a job. He has stated he would kill himself and then me, rather than to see his son without a college education, struggling with a "street job."
At this point, I feel like leaving them forever, and starting my own life without my family in it. This is probably unrealistic, as I have no car, no driver's license, no cash, few friends I'd feel comfortable telling them about this. My mother is disgusted with me, and wants nothing to do with me. She knows of my situation, but did not tell my dad. She knows his rage and the way he would react, and this would negatively affect my little sister, who is in her sophomore year of high school.
I have gotten myself into the worst situation possible, I am basically fearing for my physical and mental well being, when my dad finds out. I'd like any advice or opinions on my situation, I've talked to no one about this stuff my entire life, so I have no outside perspective on this at all.
Sorry for the wall of text, I am a bit overwhelmed after letting that all out.
Edit: Something I should mention, I have a social anxiety problem ( not diagnosed, never talked to a doctor). I can not sit in the front or middle of classrooms, I get really nervous, starting sweating, I think everyone is watching my every move, every social mistake. I can not sit comfortably, I remain rigid in one position, I feel everyone behind me staring, which is terrifying. This snowballs a lot. It has gotten pretyy bad to the point where I don't feel comfortable outside my house or without some friends I am hanging out with. This applies to any place where there are people around me (except large crowds, where I feel like I melt in and hide). I have a very hard time with eye contact, talking, talking gestures, listening to people (I feel so god damn awkward looking into their eyes). This problem has gotten worse which is probably why I don't have a large group of friends. I think, this has some connection with my mental and physical abuse.
Raving64 on
0
Posts
You stated it many times, you don't want to go to school.
At 19, you should be doing what you want to do in life, not living out your fathers wishes. You may not know exactly what you want to do in life yet, but I would echo Shamuuu's sentiments. Get a regular job. You can work up from there and figure out what it is you want to do while you are earning money and living away from home.
*Thanks Thanatos!
"Awesome, my first high-speed internet connection! Now I can play Counter-Strike after class!"
"... man, class is boring."
"... hey, none of my profs bother taking attendance, and my parents are two hours away..."
"Awesome, now I can play Counter-Strike all the time!"
I failed. So hard. Didn't attend class at all after the first couple of weeks. I spent the year lying to my parents, assuring them that things were going just fine. In April, when they got my report card, they were furious, but they forgave me, and next September I went off to school again - community college, this time.
Where I proceeded to make the same mistakes all over again. Except this time, it wasn't just Counter-Strike that hooked me, it was EverQuest. Same dropout, same lying, same bullshit, then when I came home in April again, same fury from my parents. Except this time, instead of just getting mad, they disowned me, and told me to get out of their house.
So, I did. I packed that night and stayed with a friends' parents for a couple of days. I got a job working at Tim Hortons, a Canadian donut and coffee chain, and I got a tiny little one-room place in someone's basement. And honestly, for a year or so, it was wonderful: working five days a week made me enough to pay my minimal bills, and I was free to spend the rest of my time playing EQ. I was the main tank of a major raiding guild on Vazaelle for months, and God, it was neat after years of gaming under the threat of constant interruptions from my parents.
Here's the thing, though. That lifestyle was indeed enough for me, for a fairly long time, but eventually I did get tired of it. I made my peace with my parents, went back to school, and now I'm just a couple of thesis edits away from graduating with an honours BA in English and sociology. The difference was, this time around, university was something I chose for myself, so I was able to stick with it.
Take a break from your parents. Move out as soon as you can, get a job, and enjoy some time to yourself. Maybe you'll find something good enough to spend your life doing... but in a few months or a year, listen for that faint little voice in the back of your head that says "You could have more than this," and be prepared to act on it.
To me it just sounds like you're lazy. You just wanna hang out and play WoW all day. There's an amazing world out there and you're confining yourself to your damn computer.
Thats a shitty background to come from, man. Don't let it be an excuse though.
I think its fairly common to not want to go to college immidiately after highschool. Wait for the motivation. If you never get it, then you've probably lived a happy life regardless.
For some people, school sucks. They are smart, they have a good work ethic, but they just can't bring themselves to do well in school. The issue is related, if not direclty tied, to depression. Due to environment (social and/or physical), the person becomes depressed - with all the symptoms that go along with that - including lethargy (the appearance of laziness), and self-medication (often video gaming, as it activates your brain's reward center). Most people seem to be able to handle post-secondary eduction and won't understand what I'm talking about, but I think you will.
I'm a pretty smart guy. After high-school I got into a top university for engineering. On the drive to campus of the first year, I looked out the car window and saw some construction workers working on a new building, and I thought to myself "man, that'd be great - I can't wait to get to work". This was a bad sign - I should have realized what I was saying at the time, as it was pure and uninhibited truth: I wanted to start my life. I was sick of school, sick of doing stupid assignments. But teachers and parents put a lot of stress and expectations on overachieving teenagers, so we end up following a path that isn't right for us.
My university life was similar to how yours sounds, although I had a job on the side. Interestingly, I skipped a lot of classes, but I NEVER missed work, and I excelled at my job. I wasn't quite as fraught with failure as you seem to be (maybe because my field was actually what I was interested in), so I made it to the 3rd year before I realized, "This is stupid - I'm sick of wasting my own time & money on school that I hardly attend and hate". So, I lined up a higher paying full-time job, and decided that if and when I was to return to school it'd be paid with out-of-pocket cash and not student loans (I was paying everything that way at the time).
It's now 4 years later, and I make 80k/year working in my field. I now work with the engineers that actually completed the school, and I easily out-perform them. I've learned far more in the real world than university could teach me, and I simply can't bring myself to go back for the piece of paper.
One of my university housemates went through the same thing I did. After failing engineering, however, he worked some menial (street) jobs to pay off loans, built up money, and went back... for Accounting.. and he's doing fantastic. 2 of my other housemates worked street jobs for a long time, figured out what they wanted to do, then got low-level college certificates for it and followed it. What I'm trying to say is that things will work out, but you have to have the courage to say "enough is enough", and intelligence to realize what it is that will truly make you happy.
As for your father, it sounds like you're going to have to stand up to him AND get your own life, because the 2 things will be tied together. My father sounds similar to yours, except he's a 250lb Irish construction worker. I had already stood up to him (physically) before university (at 16), though, and it actually turned out ok. Some fathers seem to get a "bully" mentality: despite my inferior physical stature, when he grabbed my shirt collar, and I grabbed his back (after 16 years of being passive to abuse), it seemed to throw him for a loop and he backed off. This was no gamble, nor was it calculated... I had had enough, and I was going to take action to try to end the abuse, even if it resulted in me getting my ass kicked.
I certainly don't condone violence, and since you're 19, I'd recommend you just remove your life from your father's if he isn't able to be rational. As Kate says, its very easy to get your own life - a few hundred dollars a month for a basement appartment can be paid for with a 'street job' easily. After a couple years of that you'll know what you really want to do, and you'll be on a track better suited to you.
Despite Penguin_Otaku being a Sooner, I have to agree with the tough love sentiment. You seem to not like school so much as you love not working. Everyone has friends who did the same thing in school. Do you have any passions or interest? People skip out on college all the time (to find themselves, to pursue their artistic dream, to start a company), but to do so because you'd rather "hang out" is not a positive life decision.
If you have social anxiety, you need to not talk about it on an anonymous message board and instead go to the school clinic. Yes, I'm aware your school is out, but you should go see a doctor as soon as you can in your hometown, if possible. Given your folks that might not be realistic, but if you go back to school in the Fall or next Spring, then go see a doctor immediately. Not treating a problem that you are aware of is akin to using it as a crutch.
The situation with your father seems serious, but it shouldn't be your main motivation at this point.
Figure out what you want to do with your life (yes, moving out, getting a small apartment and an "unqualified" job might help you get some perspective, but only if you take the time to examine your life, your choices, your wants and your needs. If you just do it so you'll have peace when you're playing WoW, you're going to go nowhere, fast.)
I'm actually pretty lazy myself. From high school to university, I mostly just "coasted" without putting in too much effort, since the academic stuff came to me pretty easily (there were some tough assignments, tests and courses, but they were far-between.) So I never had to learn self-discipline. I'd do homework whenever (sometimes not at all) and I'd rarely study, since I could usually go by with what I'd retained from listening in class and completing assignments.
One difference I have with you is, my parents would have understood if I'd wanted to go in a different direction. They would have been disappointed (since I was a pretty bright kid -- still am, I hope) but they would have stayed behind me. Especially since I paid my own tuition (although it's nowhere as bad here as it is in the US.)
Another difference is, there's a bunch of things I hope to accomplish at some point, which is what motivated me through college and university, and through my first few jobs. I couldn't afford the lifestyle I now have without a reasonably-paying job.
About two years ago, I got fired from a pretty nice job. I decided I would try to go freelance, doing some writing and game design; I even started a blog on game design -- look at my sig. Money-wise, I'd be OK for months due to Canada's generous Employment Insurance and my low rent.
The problem was, I quickly got into a routine that had me getting up between 2 and 5 pm, and going to bed right before dawn. Most of my time was spent playing video games and surfing the web; I couldn't force myself to write more than I used to write when I "didn't have enough time" due to work. It doesn't help that I'm alone in my apartment. I'd see my parents every two weeks or so, which was a nice change of pace, but not having anyone with me every day, kicking my butt into a more disciplined shape, making me work when all I wanted to do was waste my time, I eventually realized that I was going nowhere.
After about 8 months, employment insurance ran out, so I got a phone tech support job to pay the bills, and left that after 6 weeks (I thoroughly hated it, even though I wasn't so bad at it) when I got the job I'm at now, which is way more fulfilling.
I found out that I need external motivation to get me to do stuff, because left to my own devices, I'm not disciplined enough. So now, when I interview for jobs, I make it clear to them that, as long as my managers regularly check on my status, I'll remain productive.
Anyway, back to you: find yourself some goals. They don't have to be huge, like "becoming a rock star" or "writing a bestseller" or "making it big on Wall Street". Keep it simple, like "learning to play guitar", "getting a story published", that sort of thing. Apart from playing WoW, what else do you like? Do you read? Do you like movies? Music? Can you play a musical instrument? Do you like to travel? Do you like to know how things work / do you like taking things apart to figure out how they're made? Do you like solving riddles and logic problems? Were there any subjects in high school that you were particularly good at, when you applied yourself? Any courses you actually looked forward to?
It seems to me you need someone to inspire you, or something like that.
Try writing down a list of all the things you think you're good at (could be anything, including "I kick ass at Starcraft") and a list of all the things you like to do (can include things such as "I like to try all sorts of different foods" or "I like taking night walks when things are more quiet than during the day")
From those lists, see if you notice a pattern: are there things you like to do which you're also good at? Is there a job somewhere that comes close to this? Don't be afraid of looking into a new career path that might require you to go back to school. If you pick something you're good at and like to do, chances are, your courses will also be fun for you (but it will still be work!)
If you have trouble finding stuff to put into these lists, maybe you should see some kind of counselor, as there might be issues that go deeper than that which are preventing you from accomplishing your full potential.
Life is a terrible thing to waste.
Check out my new blog: http://50wordstories.ca
Also check out my old game design blog: http://stealmygamedesigns.blogspot.com
Get a job, a full time job. Start with something shitty, like temp work while you search for something you want to do. Working changed my attitude to education pretty significantly, I thought "holy shit, if i put even half of this effort into collage I'd pass with flying colours."
Try and get your family to understand that just because you aren't getting an education now, doesn't mean you aren't going to ever get one.
18 months later and I'm getting my shit together to head back to education.
People are saying that you just want to be lazy, that you need to wake the fuck up and make something of yourself. And you know what? They're right, on both counts. But the backhanded lovetap of motivation can't be conjured forth from nothing, and trying to turn your life around before you're ready to is just going to make you miserable and resentful.
Here's another example. I was addicted to EverQuest. Like, I had it *bad*. I played it for years, I loved it, I couldn't get enough of it, my parents probably thought I was going to spend my life hunched in front of a computer. People told me to get the fuck away from it, I listened and nodded and even agreed with them, but that didn't stop me from playing every chance I got.
Then I moved to Milwaukee to live with a couple of lesbians I met through EQ. They were a fair bit older than me - I was a punk kid fresh out of (dropping out of) college, they both had jobs. But they were living exactly the same lifestyle I had been. They worked, they came home, they logged on until they got too tired to sit upright at the keyboard, they fell into bed for a few hours, they woke up, they worked again. They lived on pizza and bad Chinese food, and their house was a fucking disaster.
It disgusted me. I was confronted with a very clear image of the end result of my lifestyle, and I shaped right the fuck up. I quit EQ cold turkey, and I haven't been back since. I still have a few fond memories of that time, and I still miss those halcyon days of running across the Karanas just to see an amazing virtual world, but I don't want to play it again.
If I had been dragged kicking and screaming out of the game, I absolutely would have fallen back into it by now. I would have missed it too much, I would have felt like it had been unfairly taken from me, I would have convinced myself that I had a *right* to play as much goddamned EQ as I wanted, and I would have gotten hooked all over again as soon as whoever dragged me away turned their back.
See the difference? If you make a decision for your *own* reasons, you're infinitely more likely to stick with it than a similar decision made based on the pressure of parents or peers or even strangers on the internet telling you to shape the fuck up. Honestly, OP, you are in fact being a lazy WoW-addicted sandbag who just wants to play games. But you know what? The rest of the world can tell you that until you're blue in the face, but nothing will change until you recognize it for yourself.
Move out of your parents' place. Get yourself a shitty menial job somewhere. And, like I said... wait for that voice to start whispering its dirge of discontent. Wait for the realization that you're just not happy where you are. Then take action to improve your situation. Until that happens, though, no amount of nagging from others will suddenly make you decide to stop playing games and start living.
what about trades? Or a 1 year program at a business school? My bf's sister is finishing up a 1 year admin assistant program, and there are about a billion ads online for admin asst.s in our area (ok, not a billion, but more than a couple dozen)
I may be splitting hairs a bit here, but I don't think its a matter of laziness. If the OP said "I don't like school AND I don't like work", then it's definately laziness, but that's not what he said.
Saying "You're being lazy, stop it" could be telling him to "buck up and focus on school", which is totally wrong.
People that get addicted to video games in lieu of school work are actually the opposite of lazy. The reason they play the game is because it gives them a steady and continuous feeling of accomplishment, whereas school does not. Yes, the feeling is artificial, but the brain doesn't percieve it that way. School leaves some people thinking "omg this is boring and pointless and I'd rather be doing ANYTHING than this". They don't think this conciously, possibly due to denial. They just migrate away from doing school stuff and start doing other things.
Your life is not going to wait for you to grow up. You are 19 and have the chance to get higher education. And you would rather piss off and be a bum?
Finish school. Give yourself the option to do something that will earn you more money than a "street" job. And after you have your BA. Then you can decide if you still want to be a bum.
My advice? Get rid of your videogames and limit yourself on PC time. Obviously you aren't mature enough to handle responsibility when you have the option of slacking off. So don't give yourself the option of doing something fun while slacking off.
It's a lot harder to be lazy when you have to stare at a wall instead of mash afflicion and immolate on wild boars.
Do you think that working at a full time job would be better than college? That's to say, would you actually put effort into it, or would you just fall into the habits that you fell in college.
Have you thought of technical schools? They differ from regular academia, and maybe you would find a niche or something you truly enjoyed.
But above all, you need to grow up and begin taking responsibility for yourself. If you knew you were flunking out, you should have seeked help from proffesors, counselors or the like. At least let your parents know, so it wouldn't have gotten so bad.
This. I let video games destroy me in the last two years of college and still need another year and a half of classes to get any sort of degree. Now, I might not ever NEED this degree, but thats not the point. I was in the exact same position (Father came up from nothing, wanted to do right by his kids even if we didn't realize it) and I blew it. He damn near disowned me, because he knows I'm smart as all get the fuck out, and it was obvious that I stopped applying myself to school because I got bored with it. So get your shit together, count your lucky fucking stars that your parents are so kind, stop taking games and crap with you to college,( Yes, even stupid flash games on the internet... fucking block that shit and get your parents to lock down your computer to only run word if you have to), and most importantly don't let yourself fall into that rut of not going again. There are people at the colleges who's entire job is to help people like you, but only if you TELL them you need help.
Edit: Fuck, I was even diagnosed with ADD bad enough to qualify for Disability and I can see what I did wrong, and what I will not do wrong when I pursue my degree in foreign language once I save enough to get a home.
College education is ONLY important when you want it. Anyone can go to MIT's website, download lectures, and then ignore them. This is exactly what going to school and not going to class is. College teaches people who want to learn and you'll find it infinitely more interesting when you are self motivated by a desire to improve yourself instead of making your parents happy.
Your father. Ok, number one fact: His actions are his. Never let him guilt trip you into doing something because he threatens you. If he attacks you, either attack him back or simply walk away. Now, since he is Korean, he's most likely also a follower of the "I am your father; I am your god" mentality I've seen in other Korean fathers (my best friend is Korean and his father acts exactly the same - was prone to throwing laserjets at his kids). In this case, do not expect him to simply accept you as great no matter what. The probability is extremely high that you will need to simply cut all ties with him if you want to get anywhere in your life.
Social Anxiety - This most likely comes from a lack of interaction with people (in most cases, it goes from mild to major on its own, naturally feeding off of itself). Remember - you are not special. No one in a crowd has any reason to stare at you more-so than anyone else in the crowd. They aren't judging you like your parents would, they aren't expecting anything from you, they are just like you.
Murphy's Paradox: The more you plan, the more that can go wrong. The less you plan, the less likely your plan will succeed.
Making excuses. Its sheer fucking laziness. You make a choice to go to school or play video games. You make a choice in your head, despite that you are paying out the ass for school, and instead of utilizing the resources available, you sit in a room and play video games.
I'm with CTS, grow the fuck up. If you don't like school, then quit. Work a shit job and sit around all day. There you go.
While I agree there are better ways to go about getting a point across, if I didn't get hit the one time I did when I was a kid, I would be a completely different, worse, human being. Sometimes you just need a smack across the head.
I had a friend in a similar situation. I told him the same thing - Join the armed services. You get a job, away form your family, and they teach you stuff you can use for when your tour is up. He joined the navy, and now he's happy, living in the philippines and getting married, and may become a lifer.
Also - fuck the haters. If you're happy living in a flop house working part time under the table, then do so and be happy. The college-job-marrige-2.5 kids rat race isn't for everyone.
Is there any way you could get to a therapist or counselor?
If your parents are paying for your education right now, they really do have some right to be upset... just understand that. You shouldn't have to stay in school, but if you don't maybe paying them back over time will help. If they aren't, then it's all you, and you can do what you like.
I normally don't like lying, but if your dad is abusive, whatever. They think you're going to class anyway, so? Sneak out and get a job. If you can type, you can make $10/hr temping. After a month or two you should have enough saved for a shitty apartment. They don't need to know till you have the money to move out, at which point you can say "Look, I work in an office building with air conditioning and everything, and I do my job at a computer, not on the street. I have my own money now, I'm leaving."
You might be able to coast through school if you're really good, but you'll still need to attend classes to do that, and it's generally not worth it.
You pissed away a years worth of university tutition (and knowledge) then you did it again.
Like Tube says, you're lazy, stop being fucking lazy.
The best way not to be lazy is to have the balls to put yourself in a situation where you can't arsefuck around all day.
If you are too lazy not to go to university then don't. Tell your father that you are ashamed of what you have done and you are going to make your way in the real world. Move out get a real job and force yourself to take some real goddam repsonsibility.
The one thing that suprised me about university here compared to how it is shown on american tv. Is that everyone has jobs, and very few people's parents pay for their education, and around 50% of students live away from their parents with no support from them. They do it all themselves. It's far easier to see what you are pissing away when it's your own money.
Go get a job, realise what the real world is like, maybe as someone said, join the army, they will teach you discipline and self confidence, both of which by the sound of it you need. Hell you can also get a degree out of them too.
Satans..... hints.....
Of course I'd rather play videogames with my roommates all day, but when I have to study I pack my bags and head to the library. It's not rocket science dude just buckle up and study.
Of course if you really believe that school isn't for you, then find a shitty job, and find a shitty place to live and start from there.
You're 19 bud, you can do whatever you feel.
I could not agree with this statement more. Fuck society, don't feel obligated to do something because that's what everyone else is doing and they expect the same from you. It's your life, you should be able to do whatever you want without having any regrets.
Well I guess someone has to scrape the chewing gum off the underside of cinema seats.
Seriously, I'd have more sympathy for this viewpoint if y'all were intending to give up stability and financial security to, like, build new houses in Burma, but the OP at least clearly has no intention of doing anything remotely like that. This fuck-tha-man idiocy will land a body nowhere more productive than a min-wage cleaning or clerical job, and its not because you really think that's a safe and happy place to be. Well, unless you're a moron. In most modern economies that's pretty much the most financially dangerous place you can be short of trying to swim the Rio Grande in search of a new life picking oranges. No, this sentiment disguises a lack of drive and an unnecessary fear of risk behind misplaced social rebellion against a middle-class ideal that barely even exists anymore anyway. The cute dude at my local pizza hut who's stuck there on account of being 19 and having three fingers between two hands would kick your asses to have half your options. Fucking take advantage.
And you get to do whatever you want by minimizing your options in life?
Or people who have actually gone through similar experiences and were able to overcome the bullshit laziness reasoning and man the fuck up.
I think it'd be awesome if The Cat turned out to be someone's dad.
I also think that all the "yes, please do continue being so fucking lazy" posts are by retarded people posting while retarded. I suggest people turn the retarded off before dispensing advice.
https://medium.com/@alascii
Your basing your statement on your values. Your statement screams that the OP is a fool and should want to maximize the options in his life. The OP's values are obviously very different. If he wants to live a simple life, who the fuck are you to say he is wrong? As The Cat pointed out, somebody needs to work those cleaning & clerical jobs, and if that's enough for him, so be it. Why can't it be him? Money doesn't buy happiness for everyone. It amazes me how most people consider money, power, and status as end all be alls. There is life without those things.
Do you think all Agroculturial Farmers that work from dawn till sunset, pulling 12-16 hour days 6-7 days a week enjoy doing that? The hours suck, the pay is shit and also depends on weather and insect conditions, but you know what, it has to be done, it drives and feeds our society. This might not be the best analogy but it works. Not everyone gets to be astronaunts or government officials or what have you. If the world was filled with everyone doing high status jobs, who would work at fast food restraunts, who would clean offices?
Bottom line, I don't believe encouraging the OP to "stop being lazy" is the correct attitude. I liked the posts with similar stories of people who quit/droped out of school worked menial jobs for a couple years and then decided they wanted more, and maybe the OP will too, maybe not.
I hate you so much. Get a job. help someone. Its not about money, its not about ordering people about, its about using what you've got to not fuck things up worse - there are 6 billion of us, it is so easy to do that. You don't have to kill yourself over work, just push farther than grocery-bagger, because there's plenty of literally disabled people who can do that just fine, and you can do much better, because most of your opportunities are handed to you on a frickin' platter. Even if "all you do" is grow carrots really well, or weld two bits of metal together in an awesome fashion, or make sure that people who are looking for a particular bit of info or contact get where they need to be, that's ok. Just don't think that working 20 hours a week hiring out the latest instalment in 'Thai Anal Bandits' to Billy-Bob down the road makes you special.
I think the OP will be very, very unhappy in a few years if he doesn't take the opportunities available to him now, but it's not for me to decide.
Hey OP, if you're still reading: You don't have to finish school. Should you? YES. Will ninjas come and kill you in the night if you don't? Unlikely. But you do have to do something. Whether you want to work or learn, it's up to you, but you can't just sit around and play games because doing that will be the end of your mind and body.
I think fear is the real problem. I think you're scared of failing, or scared of success, and most definitely scared of change. Maybe going to your classes feels like looking over the edge of a precipice. Maybe it's really the degree that terrifies you. Maybe you don't want to set a precedent you can't match later. Maybe I'm projecting. That's all okay, but you need to make a decision. You need to decide if you're going to see this thing through and finish school and do your best, or if you're going to spend your days working and earning money and learning a job instead. And you have to do something about it now, because if you don't you'll never do anything, and that really will be sad. You cannot just sit around-you've already been doing that for too long.
I really do think you should go back to school. Arrive really early and sit in the ass-back of the room, where the professor will need opera glasses to see you. Who cares? But do it, and do it every day, and do your homework, and sit the quizzes and tests. In your first year's worth of classes, that's really all you need to do. You don't even need a declared major. At the very least it buys you time with your dad, and at best you get to make a more educated decision on what you want to do with your life.
And either way, put away the games until you figure things out. They aren't helping. Also, if you decide you want to go back, go to your school's Wellness Center and explain what's going on with you. Get an appointment to be looked at for social anxiety or depression. It's all well and good to cite these things as reasons why you're not doing anything with your life, but really, really lame if you're not doing anything about them. One of the advantages to being in college is free help for stuff like this, and your counselor can help you work through anxiety, figure out what you really want to do, and even get some of your bad grades withdrawn, if things are really bad.
tl;dr If you want to work, work. If you want to go to school, do that. If anxiety is the problem, GET HELP. But you still have to fucking do something that isn't WoW.
I partially agree with this, mostly because I'm where he is. Very controlling family background, not a lot of opportunity to pursue my hobbies (mainly gaming) growing up, and definitely enjoying my time away from that now that I've moved out.
Take some time for yourself. If you're wasting your money and time at school, give yourself, say two or three years to goof off and do the things you probably couldn't while living with your dad around, then buckle down and get done what needs done for school. It doesn't even have to be school. Get an entry level job and work your way up, or find an apprenticeship somewhere. Or find a school with huge classes so you can feel like you're just part of the crowd. Chances are, you don't want to spend the rest of your life working at a convenience store, but not all jobs require a college degree. There are other options.