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Edit: solved/old, please delete
vegeta_666
CanadaRegistered User regular
CanadaRegistered User regular
Edit: deleted because this was years ago and dumb high school drama and it all turned out fine in the end
Steam: abunchofdaftpunk | PSN: noautomobilesgo | Lastfm: sjchszeppelin | Backloggery: colincummings | 3DS FC: 1392-6019-0219 |
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Now there could be two reasons as to why she'd be saying she doesn't remember.. Either she really doesn't remember (doubtful) or just got horny and wants to pretend it didn't happen. I don't think either of those really go in your favour though.
My advice would be to just let this one be for now. You can't change how people feel in the short term, and getting in the middle of a relationship is just trouble. The friend-zone isn't so bad, because you at least still get the insider info, and who knows - once (if) her relationship ends and feelings get reevaluated, you still stand a chance - But do you really want to wait that long? It's up to you. Personally, I think you'd be better off trying to move on.
Either way, I don't believe she had enough whiskey and pepsi to make her do something like that (you know the "I was sooooooo wasted last night, what did I do?!"" excuse) and she be out of control of the situation. It's possible for people to talk, kick, scream (these three I do) in their sleep, but it's also very possible for people to be sexual in their sleep. I once had a friend have sex with her boyfriend in her sleep and wake up not remembering a thing. He thought she was awake the entire time.
If that is not the reason, then she's looking to start drama. Pretend it didn't happen and don't put yourself in that kind of situation again. If you share a bed, turn your back to her and sleep on your side keeping your hands in front of you. She has a boyfriend, remember this most and foremost. She needs to end things with him before starting up with you. If she's doing these things in a relationship with him, she could do them to you. She might not even leave him and she might just like the tension. Keep it friendly, despite your feelings. When she is single again, then you can try again but for now play it safe.
Now I kinda wish I could take the letter back... damn. And I knew I was gonna get the move on one. And well, it is very hard to. She is very much involved with many aspects of my life and... I also don't want to move on. Heh. Well, the letter cannot be taken back now but, I don't think it'll be as bad as it could be...
And, it was just so nice that I'd want it to happen again. Hmmm, I am very confused here.
I am 100% sure that she did. The second time, not so much. She did move my hand close, but I brought most of the way there unlike the time before.
Also, I am very sure she is not starting drama. She's not one of the girls. She's very liberal and open and talks about sex and such very easily. She's not loose though.
Steam: abunchofdaftpunk | PSN: noautomobilesgo | Lastfm: sjchszeppelin | Backloggery: colincummings | 3DS FC: 1392-6019-0219 |
You felt up a drunk chick. Who had a boyfriend. While you were sober.
You probably don't want to be that kind of guy. You probably don't want to be with that kind of girl.
Don't be her friend. You're into her and fawning over her and playing lapdog to her isn't going to do anything other than make you feel worse and her feel better.
No, I don't want to be that guy.
But, I can't cut her loose. Before this she was literally one of my best friends and as I said, involved with many aspects of my life.
She made the suggestion that we should just forget it happened and be friends. But, then I ranted on about how I felt. I guess, I really do want to be with her but I know I should just... forget it and be friends.
Edit: I dunno, I would say she different from most girls and... I've never connected with anyone like this. Alot of this advice makes sense, but, she isn't like most teenage girls. Hmm, I guess, I'll let her know how I feel and that is she ever needs me, I'll be here. Besides that, we'll be best friends again.
Steam: abunchofdaftpunk | PSN: noautomobilesgo | Lastfm: sjchszeppelin | Backloggery: colincummings | 3DS FC: 1392-6019-0219 |
It's your choice, but you are already ruining the friendship there is by trying to force your desire for her and making it awkward.
Now, I'm not saying it's malicious... but it could be. And either way, she's not worth your time. She's with someone else.
I know how hard it is to move on from someone... but you have to try, for your own sanity. How close are you to graduating? If you're graduating soon, College will be a great place to forget about her and find a new fantastic woman: hopefully one that actually *is* fantastic.
I agree. I was in the exact same position a few years back (minus the feeling up a drunk chick part, that's just weird) and nothing came of it except me being miserable. You think she's the most wonderful person in the world, right? You think she's "different from other girls"? You might be right, but that she isn't perfect nor the only great girl out there, and the only way you can ever be happy is to put her out of your mind and the easiest way to do that is to put her out of your life. Despite how close you two are you can't make her feel anything towards you that she doesn't want to, just let it go. You probably don't want to hear any of this, you were probably expecting us to give you advice to "win her back" (much like I did once upon a time) but you won't find that here.
Anyways, dude just get over it. You might love this girl, but she doesn't reciprocate. She knows how you feel, and if she did the whole groping thing while conscious, then she's a bitch for just playing with your emotions. Cut your losses and stop being her friend.
True, RocketSauce is right... especially if she was drunk. But just be glad that it didn't go further than that in this case, and do try your best to make some distance/do whatever you have to in order to shake the affection you have that she seems to not have for you.
Just for curiosities sake, how old are you?
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Also, we're both 17. And I don't think she was drunk, she was tipsy a few hours before we went to bed but when we did I think she was fine.
It is also hard to move on because we live in a small community and well, there is nothing within a large radius to move onto. I'll see what she does over the next couple days but, I think she'll just want everything to go back to the way it was.
Edit: I guess I'm trying to cling on to the chance that everything will work out... she has complained about her boyfriend to me before. Recently too, saying he is boring and such and basically the opposite of what I am, open and outgoing.
I am also running for Student Council Executive for next year so I guess I'll try to distract myself with it and the election.
Steam: abunchofdaftpunk | PSN: noautomobilesgo | Lastfm: sjchszeppelin | Backloggery: colincummings | 3DS FC: 1392-6019-0219 |
I wouldn't expect a relationship to blossom, considering she has a boyfriend. Even if she complains about him, that's normal for people in a relationship to do. I do it, but that doesn't mean I want to break up with my boyfriend at all.
Even if they do break up, they've been together for over a year, and there's no doubt a lot of attachment between them. It would take a while before she even considers another relationship, I'm sure.
I hate to be the bringer of bad news, but don't get your hopes up.
Just keep yourself distracted with student council, and school, and a buttload of activities.
I also wouldn't recommend sleeping over her house any more....
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I'd Lime the whole thing, but the result might be blinding. Listen to the wise man.
Either way, try to get some space from her if you can't bear to leave her alone entirely. No more sleepovers, change the subject when she complains about her boyfriend, make some new friends. This girl isn't a bad person and neither are you, but immaturity and boredom are both drama-magnets of the highest degree.
Mr. OP, your post sums up bits and pieces of about an 8-year chunk of my life, none of which I ever hope to repeat. Unrequited love, friend-zoning, being felt up in my fucking sleep... Yeah.
With that, I feel I can say this: You can kinda pretend like you're going to get over her in a timely fashion. You may or may not, but chances are it'll be tough. You'll pine for a bit, but eventually you'll find something better to do.
And when you do, do that instead. You don't need to go through a boatload of rebounds. Just let time distance you from it. You don't have to pretend like nothing ever happened, but you don't have to talk about it either. Let it go to the best of your ability. Don't sleep over her house again, or any house with her in it. It doesn't matter what she was or wasn't trying to do with your hand in bed, because she's saying she doesn't remember. If I were you, I would let it go at that, and not bring it up to her again. TRUST ME ON THAT ONE. You're going to graduate soon.. if nothing else can mark the end for you, let that do it.
Just walk away. Awesome people start shit too, and they don't even mean to at the time. You've been turned down, so let it go now. Also, Trowizilla said don't let her complain about her boyfriend to you, and that's very good advice. She probably doesn't pay you enough to be her emotional dumping ground, and increased self-respect is not a common side effect of allowing it.
You didn't take advantage, it's in the past. You want her so much that you want to force it (that is, to persuade her) and that just won't work. She says no, it wouldn't have happened had she known what she was doing and you should take her at her word. I think it's done. While that hurts and your pining and kicking yourself for making the mistakes you did in the past, there's nothing you can do but learn from them. Really. If you find yourself thinking about it, tell yourself that. It's in the past now, and there's lots of nice girls out there just waiting for you to stick your hand up their shirts, and these girls are just as nice as her, despite what you tell yourself. You're probably a big thinker (like I admit, I am) and you think yourself in these circles where she's this amazing goddess and can do no wrong. Well she did. She's not dating you, and she stuck your hand in her shirt. She probably even poops on occasion.
This stuff is like water. You can't grab it. You can't bend it to your will. You can manipulate people but that's probably not who you want to be. In the end all you can do is assume a posture that will make you happy whether you're in a relationship or not, with that person or not. That's like cupping your hands. It'll just flow in from there with her or with anyone else.
I'm really not trying to sound condescending but you're only young. And this is coming from me and i'm only 21. I've been where you are (fell in love with my best female friend), though it actually ended up in us going out. My story is long and too much like an episode of Dawsons Creek to go into but lets just say it did not end well. Trust me (and everyone else who said it) that you're better off getting some space from her for your own sake.
Don't play the "she's part of my circle of friends" excuse. Its crap, i should know i tried it. Even if it means you're own social life takes a nose dive for awhile its for the best.
B: I think she then regretted it and decided to deny it outright and make you feel like shit to make up for it.
Either way the letter is a bad idea. Move on.
Day before I left, her cute but weird friend tells me SHE (the friend) would've said "yes" if I'd asked HER out instad of chasing the cheerleader for a year and a half. You've got tunnel vision and are letting your wang lead you on a matter best left to your head. Maybe there's someone else that's interested in you.
I can has cheezburger, yes?
Then, we had Math class and I sit beside her. I kind of tried to ignore her but, I had to borrow a pencil. I turned around to get one from her and she already was reaching to hand it to me. I was sort of shocked but okay. We then talked a bit through the class and it appeared things were going back to the way they were. I decided to talk to her after class and I asked her what she thought of the letter, she said "I dunno..." and then I said that I meant every word but I was sorry if I was backing her into a corner. We then had to part ways.
But, we have been talking online for a bit now and are having a fine, friendly almost back to the way it was conversation. I guess, she just wants to ignore what happened and just be friends. Which, I think I am okay with for now. I am now trying to hang out with my other friends more though. I think it might just work out and we can go back to the way it was with sometime, and, she'll always know that I'll be here for her and my thoughts about her. I guess it sort of worked out.
Steam: abunchofdaftpunk | PSN: noautomobilesgo | Lastfm: sjchszeppelin | Backloggery: colincummings | 3DS FC: 1392-6019-0219 |
No no no. Don't think like that. First off be glad shes still willing to talk to you after you've continually made the effort and her shot down, everyone has a breaking point. Act normal. Be friendly and act like nothing happened. Stop thinking about this girl in a romantic interest. I know it'll be hard but it'll make your life easier.
yeah, there really is no "for now." It really needs to be "forever." Is there a chance something may happen? Yeah, but it's about the same chance as you developing the power of flight. The best thing you can do for YOURSELF is to thank yourself that you have a cool friend, and start looking elsewhere for companionship. Once the blinders come off, you'll be able to see your relationship for what it really is.
I told her that no matter what, we should forget and be friends. She tells me she told her boyfriend what I did so now he hates me and pretty much wants to beat my face in.
Fuck this.
Also, I tell her I'm angry and that I still value her friendship and how does she reply? By going offline.
:x
Yeah, fuck that bitch I'm done.
Steam: abunchofdaftpunk | PSN: noautomobilesgo | Lastfm: sjchszeppelin | Backloggery: colincummings | 3DS FC: 1392-6019-0219 |
What you are now experiencing though, is why pretty much everyone in the thread has been saying to forget being close friends and move on with your life. By hanging around and forcing things you made her choose, and she chose (predictably) her boyfriend. Theres a good chance you've lost her as a friend forever. But you've certainly lost her as a friend for the immediate future. Do yourself a favor, listen to the people here, and keep your distance for a good long while.
Oh and learn from this experience: If you have feelings for someone, and they turn you down, dont keep pining over them waiting for them to 'come around'. They arent interested, move on. If the feelings are strong and you still hang around them, consider that it might be best to restrict your contact with them.
In the upside, what's happened to me in this situation is that after putting distance and time between two people, they can be brought back together eventually. I'm not saying it will happen, and by God don't force it, but the friendship could be revived later on the line.
I asked some advice of some of my other friends and the consensus was basically what you guys said. I tried to avoid her, only said a couple words if she talked to me etc. I was feeling sort of better, slowly trying to turn my attention to other things. I talked to one of her Ex-Boyfriends who is a good friend of mine. He told me that she would accuse him of cheating every so often and then suddenly would just randomly forgive him and be happy. He thought that maybe she just liked the drama.
The aforementioned friend then phones her and tries to tell her my side of the story and make things sort of better. But, he told her that I completely blamed her for everything and I guess I sort of did come of like that to him. She tells me this and is pissed off, I say the blame is equal and that he was being dramatic. She says it is all my fault and that she was asleep. She then says that this isn't supposed to happen to someone twice in their life. (She told me a year or so ago that she was raped by her cousin when she was twelve.) Of course, since she said that I feel so bad now. She says she feels used and violated and especially creeped out by a couple of my comments (which, in hindsight I shouldn't have made but I made it very obvious they were jokes.) She then said that she didn't even know if she ever wanted to talk to me again. She also thought I was stalking her on the History Trip we went on. (I just happened to be hanging out with some of my other friends when we met up with another group and her.)
So now, I feel like absolute crap and don't know what to do. I've also lost my entire work ethic over this time and now have a massive amount of homework which I am behind on. These combined things made me stay home today and sleep in and play some games and try to relax. I really don't want to go to school again tomorrow or even work.
So... what do I do now? I can't even look on the bright side of things because I can't even find one.
Edit: I guess... time? Just... give her some time away from me and some time to think? Just, maybe try to talk to some of my friends who I kind of abandoned when I started chasing after her?
Steam: abunchofdaftpunk | PSN: noautomobilesgo | Lastfm: sjchszeppelin | Backloggery: colincummings | 3DS FC: 1392-6019-0219 |
Also, choose more carefully what you tell your friends. This friend of yours should never have told the girl anything at all. If it was at your urging, big mistake. These types of things arent competitions that you can win; theres no point trying to get your last word in to explain yourself.
All up it sounds like this will be an important life experience for you. Take it all in and learn from it, but above all stop trying to salvage the friendship, or clearing the air, or getting your side of the story in (to anyone, not just her). It is done, leave it behind. You're not giving her 'some' time away from you. You are cutting the tie completely and likely permanently. Yes it will take some time to get over, just keep trying. Getting in contact with old friends is a good idea. I guarantee you, you will someday look back on all this and laugh at yourself, at how small of a deal this actually is.
Cryo, you're a life saver. Your advice has been spot on and I thank you for it. Hell, if I could have you on speed-dial that would be super.
I don't know if I even want to be friends with her anymore, all I want right now is to move on and I don't want her angry with me anymore but that's it. Maybe acquaintances and maybe be able to have small chitchat with each other but I don't think it will ever be back to normal. And I don't think I want it to be back to the way it was with her.
Steam: abunchofdaftpunk | PSN: noautomobilesgo | Lastfm: sjchszeppelin | Backloggery: colincummings | 3DS FC: 1392-6019-0219 |