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Real stories that really happened to you. Really.
Chomplin
Not 100% a dickRegistered User regular
Not 100% a dickRegistered User regular
So I just went bear-hunting , I didn’t bring any weapons because I am badass and thought I could take one of those fuckers with my fists and my amazing kung-fu bullshit.
I’m walking through the forest, just chilling and being zen when guess what appears.
A motherfucking huge bear.
So I punch the furry bastard in the jaw. Motherfucker doesn’t even flinch.
So I go for the body, but it feels like he has a goddamn armor, I look up and I see he’s just starring at me, I go fucking crazy on him and start hitting him in the gut again and again, but it’s useless, I keep hitting him, then I stop. I look at my hand and it’s a fucking mess, knuckles broken, bruised and bleeding. Suddenly the fucker grabs me by the throat, I’m panicking, freaking the fuck out ‘cause the fucker’s about to cut me in half, but I remember something, and I try to reach my pocket.
The bear salivates at the thought of eating me, and just as he’s about to cut me in half I reach the knife I always carry with me. No fucking around, I go for the heart.
But wait.
The knife bends as it hits the bear's motherfucking body armor. It bent. I’m fucked.
But then, remembering my training with El Mistico (Mexican wrestler, more on this later) I perform the motherfucking awesome move he taught me: La Mistica.
Video of El Mistico performing La Mistica to give you an idea of what I did to that fucker. (Sorry, there’s no sound)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zQ6Rgq1Zkzk
The bear was real strong, but there’s just nothing that can take that and still stand.
Post your stories.
I’m walking through the forest, just chilling and being zen when guess what appears.
A motherfucking huge bear.
So I punch the furry bastard in the jaw. Motherfucker doesn’t even flinch.
So I go for the body, but it feels like he has a goddamn armor, I look up and I see he’s just starring at me, I go fucking crazy on him and start hitting him in the gut again and again, but it’s useless, I keep hitting him, then I stop. I look at my hand and it’s a fucking mess, knuckles broken, bruised and bleeding. Suddenly the fucker grabs me by the throat, I’m panicking, freaking the fuck out ‘cause the fucker’s about to cut me in half, but I remember something, and I try to reach my pocket.
The bear salivates at the thought of eating me, and just as he’s about to cut me in half I reach the knife I always carry with me. No fucking around, I go for the heart.
But wait.
The knife bends as it hits the bear's motherfucking body armor. It bent. I’m fucked.
But then, remembering my training with El Mistico (Mexican wrestler, more on this later) I perform the motherfucking awesome move he taught me: La Mistica.
Video of El Mistico performing La Mistica to give you an idea of what I did to that fucker. (Sorry, there’s no sound)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zQ6Rgq1Zkzk
The bear was real strong, but there’s just nothing that can take that and still stand.
Post your stories.
Chomplin on
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Posts
Chomp, take this as a sign to go home and never come back.
As we entered the first part of our ascent Ms. Emily Friedrickson felt a presence, I felt it as well but had made no mention of it. Had Mr. Bouleguard found us? We had no time to waste, it was dusk and we had yet to find a suitable place to set up camp for the night. Right before everything became encompassed by darkness we found a small cave. Well, overhang might be a better word for it. Little did we know it was another one of Mr. Bouleguard's illusions, and we were already trapped inside his dungeon of bdsm, which closely resembled the room that me and Ms. Emily Friedrickson kept locked when we had visitors.
When we awoke in the morning we had finally come to the conclusion that we were now in the clutches of Mr. Bouleguard and his evil doctors Swanson, Jameson and Phong. Ms. Emily Friedrickson was tied to what appeared to be a bowflex, but doubting Mr. Bouleguard wanted us to reach our peak physical condition I determined it must be a new torture machine Mr. Bouleguard had gotten on the black market. Me and Ms. Emily Friedrickson always tried to stay up on the new contraptions involved with our little hobby, but Mr. Bouleguard seemed to always be a couple steps a head of us. They had me laying on my back on a wooden table my arms tied behind the table by way of 2 arm holes. Mr. Bouleguard entered after some time. He was wearing a top hat with a red ribbon encircling it and a pin stripe vest. Nothing more. He gleefully informed me that if I wish for Ms. Emily Friedrickson to continue living I must have homosexual sex with him and his shape shifting companion Jenkins. Jenkins will be in the form of a hamster while we have intercourse he told me with a glint in his eye and a slight smirk. I agreed, Ms. Emily Friedrickson meant the world to me and I was willing to do anything in order to be with her again.
(this part censored)
When I finally came to I was laying on the cold concrete. Bruises, cuts, scratches and pressure marks covered my body, but I was no longer tied to anything. I got up and searched for my clothes. Everyone had left and I had begun to worry if Mr. Bouleguard planned on keeping his word. Then I saw it. Laying on the floor almost directly beside where I had been laying but was too careless to look was the severed head of Ms. Emily Friedrickson. A pool of blood was still growing, as if they had done it as recently as I had awoken. I ran over to her, held her head up and gave her one last kiss. As I pulled away a string of spit mixed with blood grabbed my lip and hers. When it finally split I realized I had to find Mr. Bouleguard and his henchmen for this horrible act, but that my friends, is another story.
I learned many things that day, but the most important thing was never trust a man named Mr. Bouleguard to keep his promises when it comes to the life of your loved ones.
welcome to erf
your = belonging to you
their = belonging to them
there = not here
they're = they are
and i live right next to a very busy street
it's annoying
seem to be in a real scatological frame of mind today kusu
you constipated or somethin
pee pee poo poo ca ca doo doo
Let's call it strike one, I wanted to try making a thread.
Oh, right, and fuck you.
is that a taiwanese knockoff or something
brought to you by Sorny
And it really happened!
didn't you technically get stuck in a roof?
One time fuck all of you
in a roof is way worse than on a roof
also that waitress was awesome kusu
that was why i tipped her 50%
Oh, bugger. Not again.
"DAMNIT SAM Don't be a dick stop writing on the napkin goddamn!"
hahahhahaha oh my god i still have that napkin
and why it is verboten
I've always wanted to know
just send it around so different forumers can write on it